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Seating wedding party and their guests apart

ginnybinny17ginnybinny17 member
100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Just attended a wedding as a bridesmaid where all of the bridal party sat at the head table with the B&G, and the bridal party's SOs were seated at a table separately.

Is this considered rude?  It felt a little awkward and I felt really bad for my SO -- he didn't know anyone else there.  Luckily an old high school chum of mine saw him kind of all alone and came over and talked to him and they ended up having a great time, but I still felt so weird that he'd travelled all that way and couldn't even sit with me.  Plus, no one ended up staying at the head table -- we all ate kinda quickly and dispersed to where our SOs were sitting rather than chatting with the other members of the bridal party.

I've never been to a reception where this happened!  is it normal or what?

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Re: Seating wedding party and their guests apart

  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I think it's wrong.   I can't remember a wedding in the last 10 years that has done it that way.   Even at work I haven't seen WP members separated from their dates/SO/whatever.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • SaintPaulGalSaintPaulGal member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Every wedding I have ever been to has been like that, with the exception of one super-casual house party style AHR where there was neither wedding party nor assigned seats.  I'd say 90% or more of the weddings that take place at my work's venue are set up that way, too.  I'm genuinely surprised that anyone would be surprised by this.  Doesn't mean it's not hella rude and obnoxious, though.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Every wedding I have ever been to has been like that, with the exception of one super-casual house party style AHR where there was neither wedding party nor assigned seats.  I'd say 90% or more of the weddings that take place at my work's venue are set up that way, too.  I'm genuinely surprised that anyone would be surprised by this.  Doesn't mean it's not hella rude and obnoxious, though.
    I've seen them in the past, but as I've said it's been a while.  So I guess I would be surprised if I saw them now.   

    It a tradition I would love to see go away. Like you said, it's rude and obnoxious.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    It's wrong to split up wedding party members and their guests, regardless of whether they are SO's or not. It's awkward and unfair for all involved, especially if the SO/guest doesn't know anybody else at the wedding. 

    We considered a couple of different options for seating at our wedding, but I was always insistent that our MOH and BM (which was our whole wedding party) be able to sit with their dates. 
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is definitely something that has been common (when we got married, my dad said "But only the WP sits at the head table!"- our WP SO's sat with us too), but fortunately it is starting to change- even if slowly.

    Absolutely rude though. The biggest point that got me, is that the B&G get to sit together, and all the regular guests get to sit with their SOs, so why doesn't the WP get to? Almost like one is being punished for being in the WP.

    Ginny- I think your experience about how the WP left the head table as soon as they possibly could is a good example as to why not letting the WP sit with their SOs isn't cool. I bet if you all could have sat with your SOs, you would have taken your time and enjoyed dinner more with some conversation. Another good point, is as you said, your SO was by himself sitting alone, probably not enjoying himself. WP or not, that is not a good way for a host to treat a guest.
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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ugh.  Super rude.  I haven't even seen in myself, just something I've heard about on TK.  I would've done what you did OP, dined quickly.
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  • Keisha84Keisha84 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 10 Comments First Answer
    All the weddings I've been to have and a head table with just the WP. Honestly I didn't realize it was rude until I joined TK. It's one of those things that were just the norm for me and I didn't think anything of it. It is a better experience if the WP can sit with their guests. It stops the need for them to run around making sure their guest/SO is ok. 
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I attended one of these as a guest once when my now-H was in the WP, and TBH, it really sucked.  Fortunately, all the other weddings we've been invited to have had much more polite hosts.
    �
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I've attended a couple weddings like this.  One was when DH was a GM and I was at least seated with mutual friends.   Still, it wasn't fun.   

    Seating our WP with their SOs was a no-brainer for us.   And since that time, if either DH or I have been in a wedding, we have been seated together.
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  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Most of the weddings I have been to are like this (including one a few weeks ago).  In my area, I think it is the "traditional" seating arrangement.  But I think it is incredibly rude and awkward for the dates of the WP.  You have held your friends hostage all day, so for the love of God, let them be with their date after the "I Dos".

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  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    I haven't been to a wedding that did this in 15-20 years.  All of the current weddings, say the last 5 years or so, WP was seated with their guests, including my own.  Generally B&G had a sweetheart table and WP was scattered among the regular guests.  We did a small table with us, BM/SO and MOH/SO.

     

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  • marissaskissesmarissaskisses member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    At our wedding the wedding party sat at the head table WITH their significant others. The only person who did not get that ability was the Best man. His wife did not come to the wedding so he just "brought a friend" (who was a dude neither me or my hubby knew) who sat with the guests at the regular table....that alone ended up being a huge battle with the best man. He ended up deciding he didn't want to sit at the head table at all, was pretty much a tool all day because of it and the hubby quickly realized he made a huge mistake even asking him to be the best man...so pretty much let them all sit next to their "dates"...it will help avoid any drama!

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  • marissaskissesmarissaskisses member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Heffalump said:
    marissaskisses said:
    At our wedding the wedding party sat at the head table WITH their significant others. The only person who did not get that ability was the Best man. His wife did not come to the wedding so he just "brought a friend" (who was a dude neither me or my hubby knew) who sat with the guests at the regular table....that alone ended up being a huge battle with the best man. He ended up deciding he didn't want to sit at the head table at all, was pretty much a tool all day because of it and the hubby quickly realized he made a huge mistake even asking him to be the best man...so pretty much let them all sit next to their "dates"...it will help avoid any drama!

    That must have been awkward for the friend. 
    Not at all actually, the friend was a much nicer guy than the best man was and he immediately hit it off with everyone I sat him with. (I tried to sit him with a group of people that I know get along with everyone). The best man turned it into an issue and his own friend was uncomfortable around the best man more than around the other guests. One friend said she sensed tension anytime the best man came around when they were talking and when he wasn't there the guy was perfectly fine. 

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  • marissaskissesmarissaskisses member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    charlotte989875 said:
    marissaskisses said:
    At our wedding the wedding party sat at the head table WITH their significant others. The only person who did not get that ability was the Best man. His wife did not come to the wedding so he just "brought a friend" (who was a dude neither me or my hubby knew) who sat with the guests at the regular table....that alone ended up being a huge battle with the best man. He ended up deciding he didn't want to sit at the head table at all, was pretty much a tool all day because of it and the hubby quickly realized he made a huge mistake even asking him to be the best man...so pretty much let them all sit next to their "dates"...it will help avoid any drama!
    If he brought a guest, why wouldn't he want to sit with them, regardless of who they are? I just don't understand splitting up people from their guest, it shouldn't matter if they bring a partner or a friend. 
    WE had no idea who he was bringing until about 12 hours before the wedding. The entire time the best man kept saying "I'll let you know" and never did until seating arrangements had already been determined. As I knew a few people that he could potentially bring would be people I wouldn't want to associate with I wasn't taking my chances when I arranged the seating. Had he gotten me an answer in a timely manner it would have happened differently. The Best Man had apparently been in a pissy mood the entire 3 days before the wedding and mad at the world and taking it out on my hubby. I wasn't taking any chances that he wasn't going to bring someone that would have been a distraction on our day.

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  • marissaskissesmarissaskisses member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    charlotte989875 said:
    marissaskisses said:
    Heffalump said:
    marissaskisses said:
    At our wedding the wedding party sat at the head table WITH their significant others. The only person who did not get that ability was the Best man. His wife did not come to the wedding so he just "brought a friend" (who was a dude neither me or my hubby knew) who sat with the guests at the regular table....that alone ended up being a huge battle with the best man. He ended up deciding he didn't want to sit at the head table at all, was pretty much a tool all day because of it and the hubby quickly realized he made a huge mistake even asking him to be the best man...so pretty much let them all sit next to their "dates"...it will help avoid any drama!

    That must have been awkward for the friend. 
    Not at all actually, the friend was a much nicer guy than the best man was and he immediately hit it off with everyone I sat him with. (I tried to sit him with a group of people that I know get along with everyone). The best man turned it into an issue and his own friend was uncomfortable around the best man more than around the other guests. One friend said she sensed tension anytime the best man came around when they were talking and when he wasn't there the guy was perfectly fine. 
    I'd be pissed too if I invited someone to attend an event and then didn't get to hang out with them. Even if they had a good time with other people. 
    Charlotte, he was pissed days before he found out the friend wasn't sitting with him. That had zero to do with his original bad mood.

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  • missJeanLouisemissJeanLouise member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Twice, I have been the date of someone in the wedding party where I had to sit at a different table. It sucked. The first time I didn't know anyone and was sat with the other dates. The second was recently and most of my close friends were in the wedding party. It again became an awkward table of people waiting for the people, that they wanted to talk to, to finish eating.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I've heard of it, but it definitely makes things uncomfortable for both the wedding party members and the dates.

    Best reason to skip head tables and/or just let them sit together.
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  • LadyCatherineDBLadyCatherineDB member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I've posted before about the wedding in which my now-husband was a groomsman and had to do photos with the wedding party at 10 a.m. for an evening wedding. At that same wedding, I did not get to sit with him during dinner. So we ended up being separated from 10 a.m. until after dinner and the first dances, so probably 9 p.m. The only people I knew were in the wedding party. I sat at a table with three strangers. All of the tables sat eight, and ours was the only table that wasn't full, so it felt like the afterthought table.
    "Marriage is so disruptive to one's social circle." - Mr. Woodhouse
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  • Knottiec556aa3e5510e502Knottiec556aa3e5510e502 member
    First Comment
    i have same feelings before , now it's the time to plan my own wedding , i know how it's feelings . It's stressful as a bride to be , can't control everything.
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  • mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I find it interesting that some posters [i]used[/i] to see this all the time but haven't in a decade or so. Makes me think the head table separation is a super dated trend and my region is just way behind the times (as usual)!
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  • ellamberellamber member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    My friend did this.. it was terrible. She also chose our meals for us (I ended up with meat, I sometimes eat the vegetarian meal and would have in this case). I had been up since 5 to get my hair done at 6, ceremony at 11, then pictures, reception at 5, so basically I was separated from my date from 6 am to 5pm with the exception of a few minutes after the ceremony when I handed him my purse.
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  • justsiejustsie member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Knottiec556aa3e5510e502 said:
    i have same feelings before , now it's the time to plan my own wedding , i know how it's feelings . It's stressful as a bride to be , can't control everything.
    Ah but the seating arrangements are something you can control. 
    image
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