WOW, thanks OP. I have been looking for robes since my BMs specifically noted how cute the ones we saw at DB were and how they would rather wear one of these than a flannel shirt to get ready in (I posed both options).
LOL. How nice of you to give them TWO options of a getting ready outfit!
Here's a crazy idea - why don't you just let people wear whatever the hell they want while they get ready??
Why does "getting ready together" even have to be a thing?
I don't get together with my friends specifically to get dressed and do makeup together in the same room before we all go out to dinner or before any other social party.
Time to let this photo op trend die, imo.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
WOW, thanks OP. I have been looking for robes since my BMs specifically noted how cute the ones we saw at DB were and how they would rather wear one of these than a flannel shirt to get ready in (I posed both options).
LOL. How nice of you to give them TWO options of a getting ready outfit!
Here's a crazy idea - why don't you just let people wear whatever the hell they want while they get ready??
Why does "getting ready together" even have to be a thing?
I don't get together with my friends specifically to get dressed and do makeup together in the same room before we all go out to dinner or before any other social party.
Time to let this photo op trend die, imo.
Yeah, the only reason for it is if people find it most convenient to use the same hairstylist/makeup artist. If none of my BMs wanted to do that, there was no reason they had to be around. Getting ready wasn't a "thing."
I'm not doing robes. It's not something I care to spend money on. But I fail to see what is So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay about robes. They are not underwear. Definitionally, since you don't wear anything over a robe.
Now, there are robes that I wouldn't want to wear or be photographed in. Something like this springs to mind: If a bride asked her bridesmaids to wear this while getting ready, that would be absurd. But that is not the sort of robe we are talking about here. Getting-ready robes tend to be something like this:
Not sexualized. Not scandalous. Just clothes. How is the above image So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay while the dress below is a perfectly valid choice for bridesmaids' attire?
Both have a tie closure and a belt. Both have a neckline that forms a V. Both hit a bit above the knee, although the robes are a bit longer than the dress. The robes actually leave the wearer considerably more covered up, between the slightly longer hemline and the presence of sleeves compared to the sleeveless dress.
I don't see the need for robes, but I can't quite understand the vitriol either.
I am the OP and I don't plan to respond to anything any longer or specifically but I'm not a vendor and I didn't make other accounts to support myself? That's a rather paranoid thought. It's so unbelievable that ANYONE would possibly find this post helpful?
I don't care if you are using robes. I posted this to help people who are using robes. I didn't mean to bother anyone with it at all; my SOLE intention was to be helpful. I'm sorry some of you don't find it helpful.
I don't understand why people selectively choose what to read from posts and almost always assume whatever wasn't written. As I said before, I'm not even giving them as their gift, it's just something extra that I do in fact know that they want. They discussed getting robes to get ready in and I simply decided to cover the cost of that. I don't plan to force anyone to wear anything. You don't know what kind of bride I am or what kinds of "choices" I give them. I wanted them to choose their own shoes and dresses, changed my date to suit individual needs, asked for their individual budgets (anonymous submission), and more. And because I want to buy them something so that they won't have to buy it themselves, I'm controlling them and playing dress up? That's absurd. I am so glad you all think of what your own friends would and wouldn't like. That is a great thing to do and I say that with no sarcasm. I am doing the same thing. My friends are clearly just different than yours.
Again, I just wanted to be helpful. If you can use this information, I'm so glad.
And also, my photographer won't even be there for us getting ready, I'm not getting robes for pictures. It's just something to get ready in. That's what I mean, about people reading what others write and then filling in the rest with their own imagination. Many of you assumed I intended to "play dress up" with my bridesmaids and have them do so for my pictures, and that isn't the case at all for me.
I'm not doing robes. It's not something I care to spend money on. But I fail to see what is So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay about robes. They are not underwear. Definitionally, since you don't wear anything over a robe.
Now, there are robes that I wouldn't want to wear or be photographed in. Something like this springs to mind: If a bride asked her bridesmaids to wear this while getting ready, that would be absurd. But that is not the sort of robe we are talking about here. Getting-ready robes tend to be something like this:
Not sexualized. Not scandalous. Just clothes. How is the above image So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay while the dress below is a perfectly valid choice for bridesmaids' attire?
Both have a tie closure and a belt. Both have a neckline that forms a V. Both hit a bit above the knee, although the robes are a bit longer than the dress. The robes actually leave the wearer considerably more covered up, between the slightly longer hemline and the presence of sleeves compared to the sleeveless dress.
I don't see the need for robes, but I can't quite understand the vitriol either.
I wouldn't call it vitriol, exactly. I haven't seen anyone say that the OP deserves to be jailed or anything. But people have listed reasons why they don't like them and don't think it's a good idea, so I'll post mine and contrast them with your dress example.
1. Robes fall off of me. Not a look I'm going for in a room full of women I know to varying degrees and a photographer I likely don't know at all. Versus, a bridesmaid dress normally stays put. Nip slips happen, but they're the exception.
2. If the main virtue of a robe is that it's cheap, then it's very unlikely that I'll hang onto it. So for brides who make the robe part or all of the bridesmaid gift, it's a crap "gift." You could make the same argument about the dress, I suppose, but many BMs are able to resell their dresses, or donate them to someplace like Prom Project.
3. Even if it's not a gift, just an extra thing for you to wear...it's an extra thing for you to wear. You can't just show up in whatever you feel like, now you have to wear this cheap robe and worry about flashing the photographer, the bride's FSIL, and her college roommate. You have to deal with sizes (am I a medium or a large? I don't know, I've never ordered from these people, and probably never will again), you have to change from your actual clothes, into the robe, into your dress. It's just a PITA to foist upon your bridesmaids. I mean, if one of them wants to wear a robe, then awesome--she can go nuts, pick something silk or terrycloth or fleece, floral or plaid or leopard print.
But it's like you already had to get this dress, which you may or may not like, and now you can't even wear what you like behind the scenes, because that's now public too, thanks to the photographer. And for what? To stage getting ready photos for the bride? (Because I'm sorry, but that photo above with the floral robes looks completely, totally staged.) Who will look at them once and then move on?
Bottom line: to me, it feels like a lot of unnecessary effort and inconvenience for little to no gain. I have nothing against bridesmaids wearing robes. But I'm not a fan of the bride dictating them so that she dress her WP up and pose them, for something that isn't even the actual ceremony.
I'm not doing robes. It's not something I care to spend money on. But I fail to see what is So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay about robes. They are not underwear. Definitionally, since you don't wear anything over a robe.
Now, there are robes that I wouldn't want to wear or be photographed in. Something like this springs to mind: If a bride asked her bridesmaids to wear this while getting ready, that would be absurd. But that is not the sort of robe we are talking about here. Getting-ready robes tend to be something like this:
Not sexualized. Not scandalous. Just clothes. How is the above image So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay while the dress below is a perfectly valid choice for bridesmaids' attire?
Both have a tie closure and a belt. Both have a neckline that forms a V. Both hit a bit above the knee, although the robes are a bit longer than the dress. The robes actually leave the wearer considerably more covered up, between the slightly longer hemline and the presence of sleeves compared to the sleeveless dress.
I don't see the need for robes, but I can't quite understand the vitriol either.
I wouldn't call it vitriol, exactly. I haven't seen anyone say that the OP deserves to be jailed or anything. But people have listed reasons why they don't like them and don't think it's a good idea, so I'll post mine and contrast them with your dress example.
1. Robes fall off of me. Not a look I'm going for in a room full of women I know to varying degrees and a photographer I likely don't know at all. Versus, a bridesmaid dress normally stays put. Nip slips happen, but they're the exception.
2. If the main virtue of a robe is that it's cheap, then it's very unlikely that I'll hang onto it. So for brides who make the robe part or all of the bridesmaid gift, it's a crap "gift." You could make the same argument about the dress, I suppose, but many BMs are able to resell their dresses, or donate them to someplace like Prom Project.
3. Even if it's not a gift, just an extra thing for you to wear...it's an extra thing for you to wear. You can't just show up in whatever you feel like, now you have to wear this cheap robe and worry about flashing the photographer, the bride's FSIL, and her college roommate. You have to deal with sizes (am I a medium or a large? I don't know, I've never ordered from these people, and probably never will again), you have to change from your actual clothes, into the robe, into your dress. It's just a PITA to foist upon your bridesmaids. I mean, if one of them wants to wear a robe, then awesome--she can go nuts, pick something silk or terrycloth or fleece, floral or plaid or leopard print.
But it's like you already had to get this dress, which you may or may not like, and now you can't even wear what you like behind the scenes, because that's now public too, thanks to the photographer. And for what? To stage getting ready photos for the bride? (Because I'm sorry, but that photo above with the floral robes looks completely, totally staged.) Who will look at them once and then move on?
Bottom line: to me, it feels like a lot of unnecessary effort and inconvenience for little to no gain. I have nothing against bridesmaids wearing robes. But I'm not a fan of the bride dictating them so that she dress her WP up and pose them, for something that isn't even the actual ceremony.
Everything @Heffalump said. Plus, note how in the photo (which looks like it was staged with models, IMO, not from a real wedding) NONE of the women are even slightly heavy, or short, or anything except tall, thin, and gorgeous (and also fully made up with their hair done, I might add). Plus there's no way those robes aren't pinned to stay closed well above the cleavage like that. That will never ever happen in real life, I can promise you.
I'm not doing robes. It's not something I care to spend money on. But I fail to see what is So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay about robes. They are not underwear. Definitionally, since you don't wear anything over a robe.
Now, there are robes that I wouldn't want to wear or be photographed in. Something like this springs to mind: If a bride asked her bridesmaids to wear this while getting ready, that would be absurd. But that is not the sort of robe we are talking about here. Getting-ready robes tend to be something like this:
Not sexualized. Not scandalous. Just clothes. How is the above image So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay while the dress below is a perfectly valid choice for bridesmaids' attire?
Both have a tie closure and a belt. Both have a neckline that forms a V. Both hit a bit above the knee, although the robes are a bit longer than the dress. The robes actually leave the wearer considerably more covered up, between the slightly longer hemline and the presence of sleeves compared to the sleeveless dress.
I don't see the need for robes, but I can't quite understand the vitriol either.
The problem I have with robes is that the bride expects me to pose in a state of undress, wearing something that at best just covers me up and at worst exposes me, with other people present, some of whom I may have just met only minutes ago, for a photo that is meant to forever capture a moment in which I feel awkward and undignified at best. In a situation like that, bonding with others, even my best friend, is the last thing I want to do. Nor am I likely to keep the robe if it has names or dates or the word "Bridesmaid" on it.
A real friend or loved one can arrange for a group photo without making the people she supposedly feels closest to feel awkward or undignified.
The only robe I wear is my fluffy soft warm TARDIS robe (which matches my TARDIS slippers), BF bought it for me because he wanted his big soft fluffy bathrobe back (I am always cold, so I steal his warm things). his robe was too big, this robe fits me perfectly. Any other robe would end up in the donation pile.
I'm not doing robes. It's not something I care to spend money on. But I fail to see what is So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay about robes. They are not underwear. Definitionally, since you don't wear anything over a robe.
Now, there are robes that I wouldn't want to wear or be photographed in. Something like this springs to mind: If a bride asked her bridesmaids to wear this while getting ready, that would be absurd. But that is not the sort of robe we are talking about here. Getting-ready robes tend to be something like this:
Not sexualized. Not scandalous. Just clothes. How is the above image So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay while the dress below is a perfectly valid choice for bridesmaids' attire?
Both have a tie closure and a belt. Both have a neckline that forms a V. Both hit a bit above the knee, although the robes are a bit longer than the dress. The robes actually leave the wearer considerably more covered up, between the slightly longer hemline and the presence of sleeves compared to the sleeveless dress.
I don't see the need for robes, but I can't quite understand the vitriol either.
I wouldn't be wearing either the robe or the dress. I don't wear above the knee dresses and I don't take pictures in my underwear, covered by just a robe.
The problem I have with robes is that the bride expects me to pose in a state of undress, wearing something that at best just covers me up and at worst exposes me, with other people present, some of whom I may have just met only minutes ago, for a photo that is meant to forever capture a moment in which I feel awkward and undignified at best. In a situation like that, bonding with others, even my best friend, is the last thing I want to do. Nor am I likely to keep the robe if it has names or dates or the word "Bridesmaid" on it.
A real friend or loved one can arrange for a group photo without making the people she supposedly feels closest to feel awkward or undignified.
It reminds me of the thread about staging exit photos. I mean, if the photographer captures a spontaneous moment of your MOH straightening your veil or something, then awesome. I have a really nice one of my MOH arranging my train (we're both kind of laughing like "What the hell?" because the thing had a mind of its own), and one of my mom buttoning the back of my dress, with my reflection in the mirror. They're nice moments, because they're genuine. Ditto for our actual departure, where one of my besties (who was also a BM, and is an event photographer) snapped DH and me in the back of the limo, looking giddy and exhausted and relieved and a little bewildered.
I love them because those moments really happened. They didn't require matching uniforms to capture what was important. Dressing people up in a way that they wouldn't normally dress, to do things they wouldn't normally do, is a lot like staging fake reception exit photos, to me. What's the point of looking at a photo of something that you faked for the camera? It's the tail wagging the dog.
This is actually one of my favorite pictures from my wedding. I do have it printed and hanging in my house and I honestly don't think it would be enhanced by having us all wearing the same thing. Everyone is happy, they're comfortable, having a good time. You don't need robes for great pictures with your closest friends and family.
This is actually one of my favorite pictures from my wedding. I do have it printed and hanging in my house and I honestly don't think it would be enhanced by having us all wearing the same thing. Everyone is happy, they're comfortable, having a good time. You don't need robes for great pictures with your closest friends and family.
I can just feel the excitement and joy in that photo!
Some of my most genuine photos came from the Suite we were in while we were getting ready. There were various states of people in button downs, tee shirts, and dresses, but everyone was comfortable so the faces were all fun and carefree. (I also had my BMs pick any dress in a color, to aid in their comfort on the wedding day.) My least favorite photos are the ones that we staged and posed a specific way. Sure they were the classics but they just don't pull me in like the ones where she said "now strike a pose and have some fun!" Those are the one's we have displayed in our home.
I'm not doing robes. It's not something I care to spend money on. But I fail to see what is So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay about robes. They are not underwear. Definitionally, since you don't wear anything over a robe.
Now, there are robes that I wouldn't want to wear or be photographed in. Something like this springs to mind: If a bride asked her bridesmaids to wear this while getting ready, that would be absurd. But that is not the sort of robe we are talking about here. Getting-ready robes tend to be something like this:
Not sexualized. Not scandalous. Just clothes. How is the above image So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay while the dress below is a perfectly valid choice for bridesmaids' attire?
Both have a tie closure and a belt. Both have a neckline that forms a V. Both hit a bit above the knee, although the robes are a bit longer than the dress. The robes actually leave the wearer considerably more covered up, between the slightly longer hemline and the presence of sleeves compared to the sleeveless dress.
I don't see the need for robes, but I can't quite understand the vitriol either.
I wouldn't call it vitriol, exactly. I haven't seen anyone say that the OP deserves to be jailed or anything. But people have listed reasons why they don't like them and don't think it's a good idea, so I'll post mine and contrast them with your dress example.
1. Robes fall off of me. Not a look I'm going for in a room full of women I know to varying degrees and a photographer I likely don't know at all. Versus, a bridesmaid dress normally stays put. Nip slips happen, but they're the exception.
2. If the main virtue of a robe is that it's cheap, then it's very unlikely that I'll hang onto it. So for brides who make the robe part or all of the bridesmaid gift, it's a crap "gift." You could make the same argument about the dress, I suppose, but many BMs are able to resell their dresses, or donate them to someplace like Prom Project.
3. Even if it's not a gift, just an extra thing for you to wear...it's an extra thing for you to wear. You can't just show up in whatever you feel like, now you have to wear this cheap robe and worry about flashing the photographer, the bride's FSIL, and her college roommate. You have to deal with sizes (am I a medium or a large? I don't know, I've never ordered from these people, and probably never will again), you have to change from your actual clothes, into the robe, into your dress. It's just a PITA to foist upon your bridesmaids. I mean, if one of them wants to wear a robe, then awesome--she can go nuts, pick something silk or terrycloth or fleece, floral or plaid or leopard print.
But it's like you already had to get this dress, which you may or may not like, and now you can't even wear what you like behind the scenes, because that's now public too, thanks to the photographer. And for what? To stage getting ready photos for the bride? (Because I'm sorry, but that photo above with the floral robes looks completely, totally staged.) Who will look at them once and then move on?
Bottom line: to me, it feels like a lot of unnecessary effort and inconvenience for little to no gain. I have nothing against bridesmaids wearing robes. But I'm not a fan of the bride dictating them so that she dress her WP up and pose them, for something that isn't even the actual ceremony.
Everything @Heffalump said. Plus, note how in the photo (which looks like it was staged with models, IMO, not from a real wedding) NONE of the women are even slightly heavy, or short, or anything except tall, thin, and gorgeous (and also fully made up with their hair done, I might add). Plus there's no way those robes aren't pinned to stay closed well above the cleavage like that. That will never ever happen in real life, I can promise you.
Preach. My fat ass and big boobs would mean that a robe that length would be showing off all my good bits, at least with a dress I can have it altered to accommodate my not-modelesque body. With a cheap robe like the one pictured it wouldn't even be worth the effort of considering getting it altered, let alone the cost of doing it would cost more than the robe itself. I'd hope you had a ton of safety pins to avoid seeing the top and you'd just have to deal with see my bottom sneaking out of the robe. I also don't wanna sit around with my underwear being the only thing between me and whatever I'm sitting on, which would happen when it inevitably rides up on me.
tl;dr the kind of cheap garbage robes people buy for their bridesmaids getting ready uniforms really don't work on most body types without a ton of extra effort.
This is actually one of my favorite pictures from my wedding. I do have it printed and hanging in my house and I honestly don't think it would be enhanced by having us all wearing the same thing. Everyone is happy, they're comfortable, having a good time. You don't need robes for great pictures with your closest friends and family.
The little girl with a wine glass of milk is too adorable!
On the rare occasion I'm in a robe and someone other than my H is around. Like I'm answering the door to get my UPS package. One hand is firmly clasped at the opening for my boobage section and the other is quickly twisting the bottom half of the robe so the opening is more in the "thigh" area. And I still make sure it is closed before answering. Then walk in a small shuffling motion to keep it that way.
With that said, if I was a BM and the bride wanted pics with us in matchy-matchy robes. I'd be fine with that as long as I could wear something under it. But I probably wouldn't keep it. My idea of a good robe is thick and fluffy. It seems like most BM robes are thin and with a sheen.
If the OP is still around, now that you have explained more, if your BMs expressed an interest in robes, great. If you don't mind spending the money and is an "extra" not a gift...and also don't mind if they choose not to wear the robes...that's fine also.
However, I think your misstep was linking to a site in one of your first posts. Until you came back and made another post, I had totally assumed you were a vendor. Which isn't allowed, but that doesn't mean vendor affiliates don't try to "sneak" them in. We see it all the time. So it wasn't crazy for PPs to jump to that conclusion.
I just read through the rest of these comments, and it really makes me want to find another bridal/wedding site for help. I've found so many rude people responding to comments. If you're not interested in robes, don't click on the post to leave a nasty comment trying to make someone feel bad. Wedding planning is already stressful enough without some rando over the internet talking bad about a gift someone is giving. It's alright to guide someone into a better option or direction, but the way it was/has been responded to is pretty distasteful. Also, I LOVE the robe idea. If you want your bridesmaids to wear matching robes for your wedding.. DO IT! I've had to do some things I wasn't over the moon for for other weddings I was in, but didn't mind. I was there to help make the brides day perfect.
@Knottie1470954238 I understand where you are coming from. I've definitely felt that way many times here! However, I have learned it's better just to ignore anything I perceive as negative or rude and just take the positives. I usually follow that advice, but sometimes it's hard!
Other websites are the same though. I tried that exact thing! It was not any more pleasant anywhere else. You can get good help here. My advice is that when someone is what you might consider rude, leave it, come back to it later and respond then with a clear head or not at all. You'll be able to pull out the good stuff from their comments that usually is helpful without feeling bothered by the way they said it. It's hard to do at first, but it gets easier! Plus you'll learn what information to include in your next post so that people won't jump down your throat with their assumptions right away.
I'm really glad you found this useful! Hope you are able to use it for your wedding.
I just read through the rest of these comments, and it really makes me want to find another bridal/wedding site for help. I've found so many rude people responding to comments. If you're not interested in robes, don't click on the post to leave a nasty comment trying to make someone feel bad. Wedding planning is already stressful enough without some rando over the internet talking bad about a gift someone is giving. It's alright to guide someone into a better option or direction, but the way it was/has been responded to is pretty distasteful. Also, I LOVE the robe idea. If you want your bridesmaids to wear matching robes for your wedding.. DO IT! I've had to do some things I wasn't over the moon for for other weddings I was in, but didn't mind. I was there to help make the brides day perfect.
Oh dear, you think people on the internet who are direct and blunt are rude. You should really get out more or grow a thicker skin.
FTR, I've been in tonnes of weddings and there has never been a photographer for "getting ready" shots. Mostly because we were all stuffing our faces in our PJs. Let grown-ass adults wear what they want and will feel comfortable in.
I just read through the rest of these comments, and it really makes me want to find another bridal/wedding site for help. I've found so many rude people responding to comments. If you're not interested in robes, don't click on the post to leave a nasty comment trying to make someone feel bad. Wedding planning is already stressful enough without some rando over the internet talking bad about a gift someone is giving. It's alright to guide someone into a better option or direction, but the way it was/has been responded to is pretty distasteful. Also, I LOVE the robe idea. If you want your bridesmaids to wear matching robes for your wedding.. DO IT! I've had to do some things I wasn't over the moon for for other weddings I was in, but didn't mind. I was there to help make the brides day perfect.
No one was nasty or trying to make anyone feel bad. People were pointing out actual issues with robes. From personal experience.
I think you're overly invested in this idea. It's your life, and no one is going to come through the computer and take your robes away. But it's curious that >90% of posters cited reasons why they would prefer not to wear robes to get ready, and you think they are the mean ones...not the brides who are choosing to make their closest friends uncomfortable for capital-P Pictures.
And that last sentence, in bold? Just...no. The wedding party is there to be honored as the bride and groom's closest friends and/or family, not as some sort of helper monkeys.
I just read through the rest of these comments, and it really makes me want to find another bridal/wedding site for help. I've found so many rude people responding to comments. If you're not interested in robes, don't click on the post to leave a nasty comment trying to make someone feel bad. Wedding planning is already stressful enough without some rando over the internet talking bad about a gift someone is giving. It's alright to guide someone into a better option or direction, but the way it was/has been responded to is pretty distasteful. Also, I LOVE the robe idea. If you want your bridesmaids to wear matching robes for your wedding.. DO IT! I've had to do some things I wasn't over the moon for for other weddings I was in, but didn't mind. I was there to help make the brides day perfect.
No one was nasty or trying to make anyone feel bad. People were pointing out actual issues with robes. From personal experience.
I think you're overly invested in this idea. It's your life, and no one is going to come through the computer and take your robes away. But it's curious that >90% of posters cited reasons why they would prefer not to wear robes to get ready, and you think they are the mean ones...not the brides who are choosing to make their closest friends uncomfortable for capital-P Pictures.
And that last sentence, in bold? Just...no. The wedding party is there to be honored as the bride and groom's closest friends and/or family, not as some sort of helper monkeys.
I was in a womans BP once where she treated us as just this...helper monkeys. She arranged dates to "hang out" only to have us cut out invitations and stuff envelopes. Then on the wedding day she proclaims to her sister (and MOH) that my other friend and I were "only there because [Groom] was supposed to ask his other two friends and didn't" It was said in front of us and then followed by a "haha j/k"...We are no longer friends.
It was that specific experience that brought me back to the boards to prevent others from doing the same thing! I miss that friend from time to time but I just couldn't get passed the fact that she thought I was a slave and a prop. (There were other incidents also, but this was the "nail in the coffin"). So if people on here are telling you something is a bad idea, it is very likely a bad idea!
I just read through the rest of these comments, and it really makes me want to find another bridal/wedding site for help. I've found so many rude people responding to comments. If you're not interested in robes, don't click on the post to leave a nasty comment trying to make someone feel bad. Wedding planning is already stressful enough without some rando over the internet talking bad about a gift someone is giving. It's alright to guide someone into a better option or direction, but the way it was/has been responded to is pretty distasteful. Also, I LOVE the robe idea. If you want your bridesmaids to wear matching robes for your wedding.. DO IT! I've had to do some things I wasn't over the moon for for other weddings I was in, but didn't mind. I was there to help make the brides day perfect.
No one was nasty or trying to make anyone feel bad. People were pointing out actual issues with robes. From personal experience.
I think you're overly invested in this idea. It's your life, and no one is going to come through the computer and take your robes away. But it's curious that >90% of posters cited reasons why they would prefer not to wear robes to get ready, and you think they are the mean ones...not the brides who are choosing to make their closest friends uncomfortable for capital-P Pictures.
And that last sentence, in bold? Just...no. The wedding party is there to be honored as the bride and groom's closest friends and/or family, not as some sort of helper monkeys.
I was in a womans BP once where she treated us as just this...helper monkeys. She arranged dates to "hang out" only to have us cut out invitations and stuff envelopes. Then on the wedding day she proclaims to her sister (and MOH) that my other friend and I were "only there because [Groom] was supposed to ask his other two friends and didn't" It was said in front of us and then followed by a "haha j/k"...We are no longer friends.
It was that specific experience that brought me back to the boards to prevent others from doing the same thing! I miss that friend from time to time but I just couldn't get passed the fact that she thought I was a slave and a prop. (There were other incidents also, but this was the "nail in the coffin"). So if people on here are telling you something is a bad idea, it is very likely a bad idea!
Good gawd some people .... My wedding party offered to come help with anything we needed/wanted to do {which is completely different} and there were some last minute things I asked if they could help with - things that I figured would be done before that time.
But I never once expected them to do it! I didn't even ask my mum or MIL to help with things.
I just read through the rest of these comments, and it really makes me want to find another bridal/wedding site for help. I've found so many rude people responding to comments. If you're not interested in robes, don't click on the post to leave a nasty comment trying to make someone feel bad. Wedding planning is already stressful enough without some rando over the internet talking bad about a gift someone is giving. It's alright to guide someone into a better option or direction, but the way it was/has been responded to is pretty distasteful. Also, I LOVE the robe idea. If you want your bridesmaids to wear matching robes for your wedding.. DO IT! I've had to do some things I wasn't over the moon for for other weddings I was in, but didn't mind. I was there to help make the brides day perfect.
Online forums may not be for you then (they aren't everyone's cup of tea)...if you can't handle people disagreeing or arguing their point, than TK isn't your site. People gave their honest opinions. It's nasty to be honest? (Are we "nasty women"?? ) Frankly, if I was on the fence about robes, and read a post in which 95% of PPs disliked them, I'd imagine that 95% of my BP (aka...my nearest and dearest) would dislike them too. I hate when loved ones tell me what I want to hear...TK is great for giving it to you (the general you) straight.
Online forums may not be for you then (they aren't everyone's cup of tea)...if you can't handle people disagreeing or arguing their point, than TK isn't your site. People gave their honest opinions. It's nasty to be honest? (Are we "nasty women"?? ) Frankly, if I was on the fence about robes, and read a post in which 95% of PPs disliked them, I'd imagine that 95% of my BP (aka...my nearest and dearest) would dislike them too. I hate when loved ones tell me what I want to hear...TK is great for giving it to you (the general you) straight.
Devil's advocate moment - let's pretend that the WP is cool with robes. Would you seriously think every.single.girl. has the same taste? If my girls were cool with robes, I still wouldn't get them the same BECAUSE THEY AREN'T THE SAME!
I was lucky all the girls ended up liking the dress WE ALL FOUND and they wore the same. But if I were to buy them robes, I still would try to find a way to make them more personal to their likes, styles, etc.
Devil's advocate moment - let's pretend that the WP is cool with robes. Would you seriously think every.single.girl. has the same taste? If my girls were cool with robes, I still wouldn't get them the same BECAUSE THEY AREN'T THE SAME!
I was lucky all the girls ended up liking the dress WE ALL FOUND and they wore the same. But if I were to buy them robes, I still would try to find a way to make them more personal to their likes, styles, etc.
And even if they all liked the same robe, do they all have the same body type? Same thing with dresses, not everything looks good on or fits everyone.
I just read through the rest of these comments, and it really makes me want to find another bridal/wedding site for help. I've found so many rude people responding to comments. If you're not interested in robes, don't click on the post to leave a nasty comment trying to make someone feel bad. Wedding planning is already stressful enough without some rando over the internet talking bad about a gift someone is giving. It's alright to guide someone into a better option or direction, but the way it was/has been responded to is pretty distasteful. Also, I LOVE the robe idea. If you want your bridesmaids to wear matching robes for your wedding.. DO IT! I've had to do some things I wasn't over the moon for for other weddings I was in, but didn't mind. I was there to help make the brides day perfect.
I think you might be doing it wrong...You are saying that you are stressed out by wedding planning and an internet stranger telling you matching robes are a bad idea stresses you out even more. Namaste, my friend. It's not that serious.
To the second bolded - the fact is that (I assume) none of your BMs have said, "You know what gift I would LOVE? The same flimsy robe as your sister and high school friend! And to pose for pictures in them!" So, this "gift" isn't thoughtful or specific to any of your friends and family (two of the signatures of a gift). Giving out the same item to each of your BMs because you want specific pictures is not a gift. It's the opposite of a gift.
Re: I Found an Inexpensive Robe Site
Why does "getting ready together" even have to be a thing?
I don't get together with my friends specifically to get dressed and do makeup together in the same room before we all go out to dinner or before any other social party.
Time to let this photo op trend die, imo.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I'm not doing robes. It's not something I care to spend money on. But I fail to see what is So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay about robes. They are not underwear. Definitionally, since you don't wear anything over a robe.
Now, there are robes that I wouldn't want to wear or be photographed in. Something like this springs to mind:
If a bride asked her bridesmaids to wear this while getting ready, that would be absurd. But that is not the sort of robe we are talking about here. Getting-ready robes tend to be something like this:
Not sexualized. Not scandalous. Just clothes. How is the above image So Super Duper Uniquely Awful and Not Okay while the dress below is a perfectly valid choice for bridesmaids' attire?
Both have a tie closure and a belt. Both have a neckline that forms a V. Both hit a bit above the knee, although the robes are a bit longer than the dress. The robes actually leave the wearer considerably more covered up, between the slightly longer hemline and the presence of sleeves compared to the sleeveless dress.
I don't see the need for robes, but I can't quite understand the vitriol either.
I don't care if you are using robes. I posted this to help people who are using robes. I didn't mean to bother anyone with it at all; my SOLE intention was to be helpful. I'm sorry some of you don't find it helpful.
I don't understand why people selectively choose what to read from posts and almost always assume whatever wasn't written. As I said before, I'm not even giving them as their gift, it's just something extra that I do in fact know that they want. They discussed getting robes to get ready in and I simply decided to cover the cost of that. I don't plan to force anyone to wear anything. You don't know what kind of bride I am or what kinds of "choices" I give them. I wanted them to choose their own shoes and dresses, changed my date to suit individual needs, asked for their individual budgets (anonymous submission), and more. And because I want to buy them something so that they won't have to buy it themselves, I'm controlling them and playing dress up? That's absurd. I am so glad you all think of what your own friends would and wouldn't like. That is a great thing to do and I say that with no sarcasm. I am doing the same thing. My friends are clearly just different than yours.
Again, I just wanted to be helpful. If you can use this information, I'm so glad.
I wouldn't call it vitriol, exactly. I haven't seen anyone say that the OP deserves to be jailed or anything. But people have listed reasons why they don't like them and don't think it's a good idea, so I'll post mine and contrast them with your dress example.
1. Robes fall off of me. Not a look I'm going for in a room full of women I know to varying degrees and a photographer I likely don't know at all. Versus, a bridesmaid dress normally stays put. Nip slips happen, but they're the exception.
2. If the main virtue of a robe is that it's cheap, then it's very unlikely that I'll hang onto it. So for brides who make the robe part or all of the bridesmaid gift, it's a crap "gift." You could make the same argument about the dress, I suppose, but many BMs are able to resell their dresses, or donate them to someplace like Prom Project.
3. Even if it's not a gift, just an extra thing for you to wear...it's an extra thing for you to wear. You can't just show up in whatever you feel like, now you have to wear this cheap robe and worry about flashing the photographer, the bride's FSIL, and her college roommate. You have to deal with sizes (am I a medium or a large? I don't know, I've never ordered from these people, and probably never will again), you have to change from your actual clothes, into the robe, into your dress. It's just a PITA to foist upon your bridesmaids. I mean, if one of them wants to wear a robe, then awesome--she can go nuts, pick something silk or terrycloth or fleece, floral or plaid or leopard print.
But it's like you already had to get this dress, which you may or may not like, and now you can't even wear what you like behind the scenes, because that's now public too, thanks to the photographer. And for what? To stage getting ready photos for the bride? (Because I'm sorry, but that photo above with the floral robes looks completely, totally staged.) Who will look at them once and then move on?
Bottom line: to me, it feels like a lot of unnecessary effort and inconvenience for little to no gain. I have nothing against bridesmaids wearing robes. But I'm not a fan of the bride dictating them so that she dress her WP up and pose them, for something that isn't even the actual ceremony.
A real friend or loved one can arrange for a group photo without making the people she supposedly feels closest to feel awkward or undignified.
It reminds me of the thread about staging exit photos. I mean, if the photographer captures a spontaneous moment of your MOH straightening your veil or something, then awesome. I have a really nice one of my MOH arranging my train (we're both kind of laughing like "What the hell?" because the thing had a mind of its own), and one of my mom buttoning the back of my dress, with my reflection in the mirror. They're nice moments, because they're genuine. Ditto for our actual departure, where one of my besties (who was also a BM, and is an event photographer) snapped DH and me in the back of the limo, looking giddy and exhausted and relieved and a little bewildered.
I love them because those moments really happened. They didn't require matching uniforms to capture what was important. Dressing people up in a way that they wouldn't normally dress, to do things they wouldn't normally do, is a lot like staging fake reception exit photos, to me. What's the point of looking at a photo of something that you faked for the camera? It's the tail wagging the dog.
I can just feel the excitement and joy in that photo!
Some of my most genuine photos came from the Suite we were in while we were getting ready. There were various states of people in button downs, tee shirts, and dresses, but everyone was comfortable so the faces were all fun and carefree. (I also had my BMs pick any dress in a color, to aid in their comfort on the wedding day.) My least favorite photos are the ones that we staged and posed a specific way. Sure they were the classics but they just don't pull me in like the ones where she said "now strike a pose and have some fun!" Those are the one's we have displayed in our home.
tl;dr the kind of cheap garbage robes people buy for their bridesmaids getting ready uniforms really don't work on most body types without a ton of extra effort.
On the rare occasion I'm in a robe and someone other than my H is around. Like I'm answering the door to get my UPS package. One hand is firmly clasped at the opening for my boobage section and the other is quickly twisting the bottom half of the robe so the opening is more in the "thigh" area. And I still make sure it is closed before answering. Then walk in a small shuffling motion to keep it that way.
With that said, if I was a BM and the bride wanted pics with us in matchy-matchy robes. I'd be fine with that as long as I could wear something under it. But I probably wouldn't keep it. My idea of a good robe is thick and fluffy. It seems like most BM robes are thin and with a sheen.
If the OP is still around, now that you have explained more, if your BMs expressed an interest in robes, great. If you don't mind spending the money and is an "extra" not a gift...and also don't mind if they choose not to wear the robes...that's fine also.
However, I think your misstep was linking to a site in one of your first posts. Until you came back and made another post, I had totally assumed you were a vendor. Which isn't allowed, but that doesn't mean vendor affiliates don't try to "sneak" them in. We see it all the time. So it wasn't crazy for PPs to jump to that conclusion.
Other websites are the same though. I tried that exact thing! It was not any more pleasant anywhere else. You can get good help here. My advice is that when someone is what you might consider rude, leave it, come back to it later and respond then with a clear head or not at all. You'll be able to pull out the good stuff from their comments that usually is helpful without feeling bothered by the way they said it. It's hard to do at first, but it gets easier! Plus you'll learn what information to include in your next post so that people won't jump down your throat with their assumptions right away.
I'm really glad you found this useful! Hope you are able to use it for your wedding.
FTR, I've been in tonnes of weddings and there has never been a photographer for "getting ready" shots. Mostly because we were all stuffing our faces in our PJs. Let grown-ass adults wear what they want and will feel comfortable in.
No one was nasty or trying to make anyone feel bad. People were pointing out actual issues with robes. From personal experience.
I think you're overly invested in this idea. It's your life, and no one is going to come through the computer and take your robes away. But it's curious that >90% of posters cited reasons why they would prefer not to wear robes to get ready, and you think they are the mean ones...not the brides who are choosing to make their closest friends uncomfortable for capital-P Pictures.
And that last sentence, in bold? Just...no. The wedding party is there to be honored as the bride and groom's closest friends and/or family, not as some sort of helper monkeys.
I was in a womans BP once where she treated us as just this...helper monkeys. She arranged dates to "hang out" only to have us cut out invitations and stuff envelopes. Then on the wedding day she proclaims to her sister (and MOH) that my other friend and I were "only there because [Groom] was supposed to ask his other two friends and didn't" It was said in front of us and then followed by a "haha j/k"...We are no longer friends.
It was that specific experience that brought me back to the boards to prevent others from doing the same thing! I miss that friend from time to time but I just couldn't get passed the fact that she thought I was a slave and a prop. (There were other incidents also, but this was the "nail in the coffin"). So if people on here are telling you something is a bad idea, it is very likely a bad idea!
My wedding party offered to come help with anything we needed/wanted to do {which is completely different} and there were some last minute things I asked if they could help with - things that I figured would be done before that time.
But I never once expected them to do it! I didn't even ask my mum or MIL to help with things.
Online forums may not be for you then (they aren't everyone's cup of tea)...if you can't handle people disagreeing or arguing their point, than TK isn't your site. People gave their honest opinions. It's nasty to be honest? (Are we "nasty women"??
I hate when loved ones tell me what I want to hear...TK is great for giving it to you (the general you) straight.
Would you seriously think every.single.girl. has the same taste? If my girls were cool with robes, I still wouldn't get them the same BECAUSE THEY AREN'T THE SAME!
I was lucky all the girls ended up liking the dress WE ALL FOUND and they wore the same.
But if I were to buy them robes, I still would try to find a way to make them more personal to their likes, styles, etc.
To the second bolded - the fact is that (I assume) none of your BMs have said, "You know what gift I would LOVE? The same flimsy robe as your sister and high school friend! And to pose for pictures in them!" So, this "gift" isn't thoughtful or specific to any of your friends and family (two of the signatures of a gift). Giving out the same item to each of your BMs because you want specific pictures is not a gift. It's the opposite of a gift.