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Wedding Etiquette Forum
k&n62517
member
Day After Brunch
I hope this is the right place to ask this. I checked around and it seemed like it fit best here. I want to know if a day-after-wedding brunch for out of town guests/family/wedding party or whoever it is for (I'm actually not sure), is something you are supposed to do or expected to do. I had never heard of that until I was here on the knot and saw it on the checklist tool. Is it rude or bad etiquette to have out of town guests come to town and not have this brunch?
Is there an alternative to this? I had not really thought about doing a brunch and I don't know that I have the funds to host a brunch for 20 out of town guests and my wedding party. Should I have budgeted for that and made a mistake here?
Is there an alternative to this? I had not really thought about doing a brunch and I don't know that I have the funds to host a brunch for 20 out of town guests and my wedding party. Should I have budgeted for that and made a mistake here?
Re: Day After Brunch
All you're obligated to do is to host your guests after your ceremony with food and drinks appropriate for the time of day. Anything beyond that is optional and above and beyond what etiquette requires you to do to treat your guests well.
For some brides that happen to stay at the same hotel as many wedding guests, they may say something casual, such as, "Husband and I plan on being in the hotel restaurant for breakfast around 10:00 AM. It would be fun to see you in the morning." You would not be obligated to host (and pay for) breakfast because you are merely indicating at what time you and your husband will be down for breakfast. At the hotel my daughter and her husband stayed, breakfast was complimentary. They let guests know what time they would be in the lobby for breakfast and said they would love to see everyone one more time before everyone went their separate ways.
The Knot will often put unnecessary things on their website because their goal is to promote spending for all wedding related vendors, including restaurants and hotels. Please feel under NO obligation to host anything.
The post-wedding brunch is one of those nice extras that wedding companies like The Knot have convinced a lot of brides is an essential. Take what these companies say with a grain of salt; a lot of what they say you need to do, you really don't.
Long story short: it's nice but not necessary!
ETA: Seconding or thirding deleting things off that checklist that are unnecessary. That was one of the first things I did!
We staying in a hotel that offered a free breakfast. We spread via word of mouth (and on our website) that we would be down to eat between 9AM and 11AM if anyone wanted to see us before they left. We were OOT for most people so it worked well for us.
You don't have to host this event so I would skip it if your budget doesn't allow.
FWIW, I deleted many items off the knot checklist/budget sheets including videographer, planner/coordinator (venue came with a DOC, no need for more), and Day After Brunch all went straight away. I think there were a few others too but I can't remember what else we cut.
If such a brunch is truly that important to her, FMIL can put HER money where her mouth is and host it herself. You and your husband, of course, would be under no obligation to attend.
I just read your post above that your wedding is on a Sunday. I'm not even sure what she would be complaining about. Unless a bunch of OOT guests are turning this into a vacation, I doubt there would be many people to attend a brunch on Monday morning anyway.
Like the other PPs have said, there is no obligation for the couple to host a brunch. If your FMIL pushes it, than she is welcome to host and throw whatever wedding related event she would like to. But her "mouth" does not get to spend your "money".
And kudos to you for double checking on the brunch and making sure that is not something your guests would be expecting. A hostess who is worried about the comfort and expectations of her guests is invariably going to have a great party!