Day After Brunch

k&n62517 · December 2016

I hope this is the right place to ask this. I checked around and it seemed like it fit best here. I want to know if a day-after-wedding brunch for out of town guests/family/wedding party or whoever it is for (I'm actually not sure), is something you are supposed to do or expected to do. I had never heard of that until I was here on the knot and saw it on the checklist tool. Is it rude or bad etiquette to have out of town guests come to town and not have this brunch?

Is there an alternative to this? I had not really thought about doing a brunch and I don't know that I have the funds to host a brunch for 20 out of town guests and my wedding party. Should I have budgeted for that and made a mistake here?

charlotte989875 · December 2016

k&n62517 said:

I hope this is the right place to ask this. I checked around and it seemed like it fit best here. I want to know if a day-after-wedding brunch for out of town guests/family/wedding party or whoever it is for (I'm actually not sure), is something you are supposed to do or expected to do. I had never heard of that until I was here on the knot and saw it on the checklist tool. Is it rude or bad etiquette to have out of town guests come to town and not have this brunch?

Is there an alternative to this? I had not really thought about doing a brunch and I don't know that I have the funds to host a brunch for 20 out of town guests and my wedding party. Should I have budgeted for that and made a mistake here?

This is not at all something expected or that you are supposed to do, and you definitely didn't make a mistake by not budgeting or planning for it.

All you're obligated to do is to host your guests after your ceremony with food and drinks appropriate for the time of day. Anything beyond that is optional and above and beyond what etiquette requires you to do to treat your guests well.

MobKaz · December 2016

It is absolutely NOT an expected event.

For some brides that happen to stay at the same hotel as many wedding guests, they may say something casual, such as, "Husband and I plan on being in the hotel restaurant for breakfast around 10:00 AM. It would be fun to see you in the morning." You would not be obligated to host (and pay for) breakfast because you are merely indicating at what time you and your husband will be down for breakfast. At the hotel my daughter and her husband stayed, breakfast was complimentary. They let guests know what time they would be in the lobby for breakfast and said they would love to see everyone one more time before everyone went their separate ways.

The Knot will often put unnecessary things on their website because their goal is to promote spending for all wedding related vendors, including restaurants and hotels. Please feel under NO obligation to host anything.

k&n62517 · December 2016

Phew! Thank goodness. Thanks for the clarification.

downtondiva · December 2016

Once you've properly hosted your guests at the wedding itself, your job is done. There is certainly nothing wrong with hosting an after-party or a day after brunch, but they are absolutely not required, and also may not even make sense depending on when your wedding is (i.e. it doesn't make much sense to host something after a Sunday wedding, since most guests will have to go home/back to work by the next morning anyway).

The post-wedding brunch is one of those nice extras that wedding companies like The Knot have convinced a lot of brides is an essential. Take what these companies say with a grain of salt; a lot of what they say you need to do, you really don't.

k&n62517 · December 2016

I didn't even think about that. I am actually having a Sunday wedding, so that makes total sense. It isn't even practical for me to host one. Thank you!

OliveOilsMom · December 2016

Go ahead and remove all of the unnecessary things from the checklist and the budgetor tool. It will help later on! I removed many unnecessary things from the budgetor tool and then reallocated my budget to make it more realistic.

ahoywedding · December 2016

We're doing one, but only because we recently bought a house and all of our OOT family wants to see it. AND because my mom volunteered to make some food (she is a wonderful cook and loves cooking for groups). We're including a small insert in the invites for OOT family & friends letting them know they are welcome to come to an open house between whatever hours the day after, and it will be pretty casual. However, if my mom hadn't suggested it and offered to basically do it all (and she'll be in town the month before the wedding), I probably would have skipped it.

Long story short: it's nice but not necessary!

ETA: Seconding or thirding deleting things off that checklist that are unnecessary. That was one of the first things I did!

cowgirl8238 · December 2016

We staying in a hotel that offered a free breakfast. We spread via word of mouth (and on our website) that we would be down to eat between 9AM and 11AM if anyone wanted to see us before they left. We were OOT for most people so it worked well for us.

You don't have to host this event so I would skip it if your budget doesn't allow.

FWIW, I deleted many items off the knot checklist/budget sheets including videographer, planner/coordinator (venue came with a DOC, no need for more), and Day After Brunch all went straight away. I think there were a few others too but I can't remember what else we cut.

k&n62517 · December 2016

@cowgirl8238 yeah, I've deleted a lot of stuff too, I just wasn't sure about some things. I didn't want to cut something that people would be expecting. I suspect my FMIL will not be pleased to hear I'm cutting this, but she can host it if she wants to make a fuss about it.

MobKaz · December 2016

k&n62517 said:

@cowgirl8238 yeah, I've deleted a lot of stuff too, I just wasn't sure about some things. I didn't want to cut something that people would be expecting. I suspect my FMIL will not be pleased to hear I'm cutting this, but she can host it if she wants to make a fuss about it.

Your only obligation is to properly host your guests at the reception. You are not "cutting" anything since you are under NO obligation to host a brunch. There is actually no reason to even discuss it with your FMIL. If for some reason the subject is brought up by her, you simply say that hosting anything beyond your reception is unnecessary and not in your budget.

If such a brunch is truly that important to her, FMIL can put HER money where her mouth is and host it herself. You and your husband, of course, would be under no obligation to attend.

short+sassy · December 2016

k&n62517 said:

@cowgirl8238 yeah, I've deleted a lot of stuff too, I just wasn't sure about some things. I didn't want to cut something that people would be expecting. I suspect my FMIL will not be pleased to hear I'm cutting this, but she can host it if she wants to make a fuss about it.

I just read your post above that your wedding is on a Sunday. I'm not even sure what she would be complaining about. Unless a bunch of OOT guests are turning this into a vacation, I doubt there would be many people to attend a brunch on Monday morning anyway.

Like the other PPs have said, there is no obligation for the couple to host a brunch. If your FMIL pushes it, than she is welcome to host and throw whatever wedding related event she would like to. But her "mouth" does not get to spend your "money".

And kudos to you for double checking on the brunch and making sure that is not something your guests would be expecting. A hostess who is worried about the comfort and expectations of her guests is invariably going to have a great party!

charlotte989875 · December 2016

k&n62517 said:

@cowgirl8238 yeah, I've deleted a lot of stuff too, I just wasn't sure about some things. I didn't want to cut something that people would be expecting. I suspect my FMIL will not be pleased to hear I'm cutting this, but she can host it if she wants to make a fuss about it.

Exactly. If she wants to host it she can plan and pay for it. You don't have to.

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