I want to tell my maid of honor she's no longer my maid of honor. Help?

Re: I want to tell my maid of honor she's no longer my maid of honor. Help?

• MobKaz member

  

  December 2016

  Knottie1470954238 said:

  My soon to be sister in law asked me three months after she announced her bridal party. She ordered my dress before she even asked me. You still have time. Bride brains are a little scattered at times.
  i wouldn't stress about it if she does not ask either. Take it as this- you have someone going through the same planning as you. She may be a better MOH just because of that. 
  

  She what....?
  
  This sounds to me as if she had a BM back out on her.  She announced her wedding party and then three MONTHS after the fact "remembered" to ask you?  There have been many a thoughtless bride on these boards, not asking their WP for input on style of dress and budget.  A bride that not only does not inquire about your budget, but has a dress purchased prior to asking the BM is not "scattered". 
  

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• lovesclimbing member

  

  December 2016

  MobKaz said:

  Knottie1470954238 said:

  My soon to be sister in law asked me three months after she announced her bridal party. She ordered my dress before she even asked me. You still have time. Bride brains are a little scattered at times.
  i wouldn't stress about it if she does not ask either. Take it as this- you have someone going through the same planning as you. She may be a better MOH just because of that. 
  

  She what....?
  
  This sounds to me as if she had a BM back out on her.  She announced her wedding party and then three MONTHS after the fact "remembered" to ask you?  There have been many a thoughtless bride on these boards, not asking their WP for input on style of dress and budget.  A bride that not only does not inquire about your budget, but has a dress purchased prior to asking the BM is not "scattered". 
  

  Eh, assuming she ordered it and is paying for it, I can see how something like this slips people's mind. 
  
  My sister didn't ask me to be her MOH for the longest time. I expected she would. We've been close for a long time and she was my MOH so I kind of assumed I would be.
  
  A few weeks after her engagement, she was discussing BM dresses and started talking about my BM dress. And I was like, "My bridesmaid dress, I assume that means I'm in your wedding?" And she was like "of course."
  
  At some point, my mom began talking about a shower and me being involved. I demurred and said I was either going to wait until her best friend either reached out to me, or I was going to reach out to her and ask if she was doing anything or whether I should just start since she was MOH. My mom was like, "umm, I think you're MOH" and I was like "well, she never asked me but then, she kind of never really asked me be in the WP either. I kind of thought I would be, but she certainly doesn't have to pick me just because I picked her."
  
  I get a call the next day from my sister who asks me to be MOH because my mom called her and told her I didn't think I was MOH. 
  
  Anyway, the dresses were in the works before I even knew I was in the WP. They were made by our mom, so the fabric was being discussed and ordered already. (She paid for the materials.)
  
  I think it definitely is a bit odd, but I can see it happening in situations with some of those people in your life where asking is sort of a formality because of course they're going to be in the WP. 

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• LondonLisa member

  

  December 2016 edited December 2016

  The whole tit for tat thing is really dumb, however, I feel like it's a different dynamic when it's a FSIL being in her brother's wedding vs The reverse (a woman shouldn't be another's bridesmaid just because she is married to her brother). 
  
  Yes, everyone should pick their own BP, and Yes, sis can be on the grooms side. However, that being said, I understand pressures from traditional families to make them a BM. Ive had friends who were a bit railroaded into it but it didn't really bother them so they allowed it. 
  
  Most siblings approach being in a wedding as supporting their sibling. Yes, I'm sure they'll want to get to know the bride better, and they may even be really close, but dynamics between FSIL as a BM in her brother's wedding are a bit different. 
  
  But I cannot believe the OP is throwing her toys out of the pram over 'not wanting to have an awkward wedding'. Girl, you are about to have an awkward EVERYTHING for the next 30 years. Christenings, Easter, Christmases, family dinners, weddings. You are forever going to be that shrew. 
  
  ETA: I know OP is long gone but JIC- you have 2 choices here:
  1.) have a woman next to you (who has done nothing wrong) for your 20 min ceremony whilst you'll be busy with other things.
  or
  2.) have every single member of his family staring daggers into the back of your head for the entire wedding and the next 30 years. 
  ***Actual wedding photo of groom's side**
  
  
  Love, if you do this, it will be the only thing that EVERYONE will be talking about at your wedding. Just really think about the fall out. Think about how hard it was to explain the situation to outside people, because it's ridiculous. 

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