Private Elopement Etiquette Questions!

charlotte989875 · December 2016

I have no problem with cake. There should always be cake. More events need cake. I don't care what it looks like.

I think the spotlight dance as "first dance as husband and wife" is iffy. It's probably not the first dance they have as a married couple, but it really wouldn't bother me.

DrillSergeantCat · December 2016

charlotte989875 said:

I have no problem with cake. There should always be cake. More events need cake. I don't care what it looks like.

I think the spotlight dance as "first dance as husband and wife" is iffy. It's probably not the first dance they have as a married couple, but it really wouldn't bother me.

You know they did the Mattress Mambo in that week before the "celebration."

banana468 · December 2016

I don't have a problem with cake or dancing but I have a problem with turning the party into something it isn't.

Want a multi-tier cake? Knock yourself out. But I think it's a bit false to play songs and feed cake to your spouse in some ceremonial fashion. Have the cake. Eat the cake! But I don't get the desire to have a private wedding in one location and then have a party a week later that could have been the same day as the wedding.

bleve0821 · December 2016

charlotte989875 said:

I have no problem with cake. There should always be cake. More events need cake. I don't care what it looks like.

ei34 · December 2016

Max_G said:

@Jen4948 What's wrong with having a wedding cake? It's just cake! lol Parties have cake. The fact it may have white icing and flowers isn't a big deal. Same with the first dance. Who cares if she does another dance with her partner? It's not as if it affects the guests enjoyment.

I'm all for parties with cake, and parties with a great DJ/band and a dance floor are awesome. But a formal cake-cutting and feeding each other, and a first dance, are things a bride and groom do at their wedding reception. What the OP suggested isn't a wedding reception, and they'll be a husband and wife. If I was a guest at their party it would effect my enjoyment a bit, because I'm being held captive by having to watch traditions typical at a wedding reception. A first dance takes away from guests' being able to dance/chat with others/get another drink at that time. So does a big showy cake cutting. Is this as bad as a true wedding reception with a cash bar? Nope...but it does effect guests.

The only bride and groom thing that doesn't effect guest comfort is wearing the white dress and tux (unless the wife gets mad at another guest in a white dress).

CMGragain · December 2016

Cake? No problem.
Bride and groom figures on top of the cake? For their wedding day only.
Bride and groom feeding cake to each other? For their wedding day only.

"First dance" is for your wedding day.
"Special dance" is for after the wedding day.

Traditional wedding dress is for the wedding day only, and can be worn by the bride.
Tuxedos may be worn by men at any formal event that is after 6:00PM.
A formal gown would be the proper dress for a formal dinner/dance event that is not on your wedding day.

After the wedding day, the couple are "newlyweds". They are "bride and groom" only on their wedding day.

Clear?

[Deleted User] · December 2016

CMGragain said:

Cake? No problem.
Bride and groom figures on top of the cake? For their wedding day only. o
Bride and groom feeding cake to each other? For their wedding day only.

"First dance" is for your wedding day.
"Special dance" is for after the wedding day.

Traditional wedding dress is for the wedding day only, and can be worn by the bride.
Tuxedos may be worn by men at any formal event that is after 6:00PM.
A formal gown would be the proper dress for a formal dinner/dance event that is not on your wedding day.

After the wedding day, the couple are "newlyweds". They are "bride and groom" only on their wedding day.

Clear?

I think it depends on your point of view. I may find it odd if they redo wedding stuff. I think doing wedding activities after the day would make it less special. But if they really want to do that, I'm not sure if it really rude towards the guests. Figurines: Two plastic people on a cake have no impact on my enjoyment as a guest in any way shape or form. Wearing your wedding dress again or any 'wedding wear': I wouldn't care if she came dressed as a clown. It wouldn't affect my enjoyment. I would find it odd, but you might as well get some use out of the dress. The previous poster mentioned that it could hold people hostage if they watched a dance/saw the cake being eaten. I can understand that. But honestly, all the extra 'window dressing' (e.g. wearing a wedding dress) has no impact on the ability to host a good event. It may not be appropriate, but would anyone honestly care that much?

SP29 · January 2017

Max_G said:

CMGragain said:

Cake? No problem.
Bride and groom figures on top of the cake? For their wedding day only. o
Bride and groom feeding cake to each other? For their wedding day only.

"First dance" is for your wedding day.
"Special dance" is for after the wedding day.

Traditional wedding dress is for the wedding day only, and can be worn by the bride.
Tuxedos may be worn by men at any formal event that is after 6:00PM.
A formal gown would be the proper dress for a formal dinner/dance event that is not on your wedding day.

After the wedding day, the couple are "newlyweds". They are "bride and groom" only on their wedding day.

Clear?

I think it depends on your point of view. I may find it odd if they redo wedding stuff. I think doing wedding activities after the day would make it less special. But if they really want to do that, I'm not sure if it really rude towards the guests. Figurines: Two plastic people on a cake have no impact on my enjoyment as a guest in any way shape or form. Wearing your wedding dress again or any 'wedding wear': I wouldn't care if she came dressed as a clown. It wouldn't affect my enjoyment. I would find it odd, but you might as well get some use out of the dress. The previous poster mentioned that it could hold people hostage if they watched a dance/saw the cake being eaten. I can understand that. But honestly, all the extra 'window dressing' (e.g. wearing a wedding dress) has no impact on the ability to host a good event. It may not be appropriate, but would anyone honestly care that much?

There is some dissent among posters on these topics.

The thing about cake, is that cake is always appropriate. The host should cut the cake (unless they have staff of course

), but a host should always feed their guests first, not each other. Thus, it would be directly rude for the newlywed couple to cut and feed each other cake when it is not their wedding (which symbolizes the first meal as husband and wife).

I see your point about the figurines. I would think it totally weird and AWish (you put figurines of yourselves on a cake for a party that you are hosting? Okaaayyyy), but you are right that it does not directly impact guests. I feel the same way about a wedding dress. To me- it's a dress. Wear it to the grocery store if you really want to.

As for a spotlight dance, it would be appropriate for the hosts or guests of honour to open up the dance floor, but to have a couple command the room while they dance together as the only people on the floor is AWish and could be viewed as rude.

Jen4948 · January 2017

Max_G said:

@Jen4948 What's wrong with having a wedding cake? It's just cake! lol Parties have cake. The fact it may have white icing and flowers isn't a big deal. Same with the first dance. Who cares if she does another dance with her partner? It's not as if it affects the guests enjoyment.

They can have all the cake they want. But a formal cake-cutting is done at a wedding reception -- on the same day as the ceremony. That's something you give up if you're eloping.

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