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Wedding Reception Forum
Tdanley0906
member
People getting mad over nothing
My fiancé and I are planning a surprise free drink/shot song (shots by lmfao) during the reception and when it's played all of our guests will get either a shot or drink of their choice on us. We're already having wine and beer included with the reception plus a cash bar for those who prefer something other than wine or beer for the rest of the night. My question is what is a good way to make sure only one drink per person is served during that song? I was thinking drink tickets of some sort but I want it to be a surprise to the guests as well. The dj would of course announce what the tickets are for once the song comes on and get everyone pumped up lol
Re: People getting mad over nothing
I would recommend scrapping this whole plan and only hosting beer and wine.
It is perfectly fine to only offer beer and wine. It's perfectly fine to have a dry wedding. If an open bar with liquor is out of your budget it is absolutely fine to not offer those. But it's not okay to tell your guests to pay for those drinks.
You do not have to have a premium open bar with top shelf liquor. You don't even have to serve liquor. Or alcohol. You do have to serve the same thing to your guests throughout the night at no charge to them. Whether that is soft drinks, beer, wine, or liquor. You should host (i.e. pay for) whatever is in your budget. You should not pass these costs on to your guests.
The reception is where you receive your guests and thank them for coming to your ceremony. If they are gracious enough to give you a gift then you send them a thank you note. While there is lots of celebrating and partying associated with some types of receptions it still does not mean you can charge people.
It's the same thing with alcohol. If you can't offer it without charging for it, don't offer it. It's tacky. There's absolutely nothing wrong with beer and wine. Nothing at all. I've been to a million weddings with only beer and wine and never thought it was tacky. I HAVE been to partial cash bar weddings, ordered a vodka soda and been totally embarrassed when the bartender said "$7" and I had no money, holding up the line. Wtf? Don't serve me if you're just going to charge me. Ugh.
So I can't answer your question without telling you the idea isn't a great one. Either comp the shots or don't offer them.
There is no way to make drink tickets look appealing. Beer and wine only is absolutely acceptable. If you want to be able to accommodate a few people who would like something different, cut something extra from your budget and you will be able to have an open bar. Put bottles of red and white on the table and very few people will actually take you up on anything else. We put bottles of red and white on tables, had beer available through roaming servers, AND had an open bar but only two people took advantage of something other than beer and wine.
So you think that people with money are "stuck up"? Who taught you this? It makes you sound like a snob.
Alcohol is not necessary at a wedding reception. Politeness to your guests IS. After your guests take the time and effort to attend your ceremony, you then "receive" them at a reception, where you thank then for coming to your wedding, and offer them food and drink. The reception is not a party for YOU.
You have obviously never read an etiquette book in your entire life. I suggest that you check one out from your local public library, and learn a few things.
You could also search this board for other people who think that cash bars are acceptable at a wedding reception. We have given them all the same good advice that we gave you.
Shots are not usually served at weddings. Many people do not/cannot drink them. Wine and beer is a much better option, IMHO.
You are going to write "Cash bar" on your wedding invitations? OMG, don't get me started! That is one of the tackiest things I have ever heard of doing. "Bring money to pay for your drinks because I just HAD to serve drinks, but I can't pay for them!" Why not just charge tickets to come to your wedding? UGH!
Many brides have a simple afternoon ceremony followed by cake and punch in the church basement. There is nothing rude about that, as long as they don't charge money for the pieces of cake.
If I sound angry, well, I am. Your ignorance of common courtesy is appalling. Please go read that etiquette book while you still have a few friends left in this world. Oh, and just because some people told you to your face that your idea is fine doesn't mean that they won't talk about it later to others in a negative way. They care about your feelings, and they don't want to upset you. It is simply rude, rude, rude. Here on the Knot, we have no reason to tell you anything but the TRUTH.
The reception is a thank-you to your guests for witnessing your ceremony. Yes, there may be "first dances" and cake cutting, but there is also food and drink and (often) an open dance floor, which are there to thank your guests. And there is either a receiving line after the ceremony, or table visits at the reception, to thank each guest personally for being there. You say a reception is just for you and your FI, but you are feeding your guests and providing drinks, so it shows that you do care about your guests' comfort. People are just trying to help you maximize your guests' comfort by assisting you in being a good hostess. I know you think you are being a good hostess by letting people pay for drinks, but it really is as odd as saying "You can have the chicken or the fish, but I can't afford the steak so that'll be $20 if you want steak." Just host what you can afford. No one will judge you for hosting "only" beer and wine.
I do not see that anyone here got "mad over nothing." Everyone here is trying to help you be a good hostess and have the best wedding possible for all involved. If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question.
The hosts' obligation is to offer food and drink appropriate to the time of day. There is no qualification about what that is. Beer and wine only are just fine.
It is exactly comparable to hosting a dinner at your home. You wouldn't charge your guests to liquor at your home- you either have it in your home, or you don't.
You mention a 100+ person wedding. If you can't afford to host 100 guests, then don't invite 100 people. Have a smaller guest list and be able to offer more, if that's what you want.
But even if you ignore all of this advice.... there is no real good way to make your plan happen. Sure, you can have the DJ say, "During the next song, the B&G are offering a free drink to every guest". But what if a guest is in the bathroom or outside and they don't hear the announcement? They miss the free drink and have now been treated unfairly. Instead of guests dancing, you now have this long line up at the bar of guests waiting for their free drink. There is no way to control guests getting only one drink each- how will you get one ticket to every guest prior? And what if one guest doesn't want a shot so they give their drink ticket to someone else so they now have two? Are you going to say no? What if one person wants to get a shot for them and their date? Are you going to say no, both people need to be in attendance to get the drink? This makes your line longer. What if not every guest gets through the line before the song is over? Does the bartender say "Sorry, too bad?"- you have again treated your guests unfairly. What if 2 mins before the song started one of your guests went up and paid for a shot/hard liquor drink and NOW hears you are giving one out for free?
There is no good way to do this.
It is 100% fine to only offer beer and wine. Whatever you do offer should be offered to all guests equally and throughout the night (thus if you are going to offer a free drink- you should offer this to every guest throughout the night!). If having shots and hard liquor are important to you, then re-jig your budget elsewhere to accommodate this. Flowers and other decor are not required. Favours are not required. Ceremony programs are not required.
It never fails to astonish me how a bride can decided that her personal opinions win over established rules and etiquette.
Your wedding wouldn't happen to be Ash Wednesday, would it? Then you can smudge their forehead to mark them to really make sure no one cheats and gets in line a second time. Otherwise, I'm sure your local skeevy nightclub has a handstamp you can borrow to get the job done.
I mean you're obviously going to do it anyway, so let me give you the tacky, validating advice you're looking for....oh girl, you do whatEVER you want. It's your super special day! Lol! Put drink tickets at each chair with a cute poem! Poems always make rude things seem ok. Here's some wording for your website and invitations "Make sure you bring cash to our wedding because drinkin' ain't free! If you don't like it, don't come!! We didn't want to waste money on your plate anyway!!" Lolololol!!
I know it's embarrassing to realize how rude and selfish you were being, and that can cause you to lash out at the people who point it out. But if you actually want to be a decent host, take a step back and then give it some thought. The posters here are helping you avoid embarrassing yourself in front of your friends and family. Sure, your guests may be too polite to complain about how rude a cash bar is, but you're delusional if you think they wouldn't notice.
You invite people to your wedding because you care about them and want to share this time with them. Not because you want to make an ass of yourself and alienate them.