Wedding Woes

Confessions

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Re: Confessions

  • Interesting topic about alcohol. I think much of it comes from perception and what we viewed growing up.

    At the end of the day, I think as long as it isn't interfering with safety, affecting relationships or work, then it isn't a problem.

    My mom has a not great relationship with alcohol. Her consumption is highly variable and seems to be related to her depression. My dad on the other hand has always been pretty reasonable with alcohol. He enjoys it but keeps it to a drink or two.

    DH's dad is functional alcoholic. He thinks alcohol is medicine. When he's thirsty he reaches for a beer, not water. Wine is always served with dinner. For him, it's everyday, 3-5 drinks per day. This drinking is spread out through the day, so he never appears drunk, but it still makes me really nervous because he thinks it's no different than drinking a glass of water and continues on with his day (which includes driving). I worry about our future children being left with grandpa (TBH, kids probably won't be left ALONE with grandpa). He's also been told by his doctor to decrease his intake because he's having some stomach issues and elevated liver enzymes. MIL is very modest with alcohol (she and FIL are not together).

    I definitely drink more now, at 29, than I ever did in university, but I haven't been drunk since my bachelorette party 3 years ago. I enjoy a beer or glass of wine with dinner occasionally, I'd say on average 2 times per week. Sometimes DH and I will split a bottle of wine if we are staying in while we eat dinner then watch TV/a movie. DH drinks frequently, I'd say most days of the week, 1-2 drinks depending on what we're doing. Either beer or scotch/whiskey (he is an aficionado of scotch). I have sometimes thought, "You've got a glass of scotch again? You had one yesterday!" and all I can think of is his Dad. But really, at the end of the day, he isn't drunk, he drinks to enjoy it, he doesn't drive after and it doesn't affect anything or anyone- so it's my perception and that fear.
    charlotte989875
  • I'm with others in the drinking. PRe-baby mine drinks way more than I'm comfortable with although he would get drunk (or at least buzzed). His idea of having " a drink" would be 4 pints on a random day after work. And weekends could be a lot more especially if we were at the neighbors pool. He just said I was nagging or didn't want him to have fun but it affected us a lot since it changed his behavior and he would then sometimes have drunken episodes and verbally lash out. With the baby here he hasn't been drinking bc he knows that there's too much stress going on already and if he were to drink He would get mad quicker. I constantly wonder when he will go back to it and I dread it but I know he won't avoid it forever

    Re pregnancy/baby stuff : he also didn't bond during pregnancy, every once in a while some excitement but no talking to baby or whatever. Now that baby Is here we had a bad first month and he hasn't been able to move past it even tho baby is a lot better to deal with now. So he is 7 weeks old and DH doesn't have a bond and is sort of forcing himself to try to like him. Not to mention he has had some anger issues from stress due to said fussy baby. Needless to say it is rough here I'm on eggshells talking to him and always waiting for the other shoe to drop. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2017
    kvruns said:
    I'm with others in the drinking. PRe-baby mine drinks way more than I'm comfortable with although he would get drunk (or at least buzzed). His idea of having " a drink" would be 4 pints on a random day after work. And weekends could be a lot more especially if we were at the neighbors pool. He just said I was nagging or didn't want him to have fun but it affected us a lot since it changed his behavior and he would then sometimes have drunken episodes and verbally lash out. With the baby here he hasn't been drinking bc he knows that there's too much stress going on already and if he were to drink He would get mad quicker. I constantly wonder when he will go back to it and I dread it but I know he won't avoid it forever

    Re pregnancy/baby stuff : he also didn't bond during pregnancy, every once in a while some excitement but no talking to baby or whatever. Now that baby Is here we had a bad first month and he hasn't been able to move past it even tho baby is a lot better to deal with now. So he is 7 weeks old and DH doesn't have a bond and is sort of forcing himself to try to like him. Not to mention he has had some anger issues from stress due to said fussy baby. Needless to say it is rough here I'm on eggshells talking to him and always waiting for the other shoe to drop. 
    I am so sorry.  You might investigate counseling or, possible, Al-Anon, which is for family members of alcoholics.  It will not change your husband's behavior, but it might help YOU understand how best to deal with him.  This is especially important, now that you have a child.
    Four pints is NOT a normal amount to drink in one day.
    My young nephew almost died after consuming this much.  He was hospitalized for weeks, and has some brain damage.  He was found, unconscious, on the high school grounds.
    He no longer drinks alcohol.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    GBCK
  • GBCK said:
    There is a moment when you're 9 months PG and headed toward a hospital when you're all "WTF, who decided I was a grown up and let me do this?  WTF WTF swear swear swear"

    It's always good to think ahrd.  But...I dunno, getting married was scary too
    My mum was in the hospital and looked at my dad, saying "I changed my mind, I don't wanna do this anymore"
    Which is funny because they planned on having me :p

    So I'm assuming it's normal ;)
    cowgirl8238
  • GBCK said:
    There is a moment when you're 9 months PG and headed toward a hospital when you're all "WTF, who decided I was a grown up and let me do this?  WTF WTF swear swear swear"

    It's always good to think ahrd.  But...I dunno, getting married was scary too
    I still get these thoughts sometimes and my kids are 15, 7 and 5.  I'll look around and think "It's so weird that I'm old enough for X to happen."

    short+sassyloufus
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm really sorry to the folks who are expressing concerns with alcohol. To my non-expert mind, if there has been a noticeable change/increase in consumption, and/or it's starting to affect your relationship, work/school, or other commitments, you should be concerned enough to at least seek out the Al-Anon resources (is that the family resource? I get the two confused) to evaluate what you should or should not do. 

    I do have a friend (not close) whose husband developed into an alcoholic. She realized it when she realized she didn't trust him to look after their new baby. Pre-baby, his drinking just really annoyed her. The baby was the tipping point. He went to rehab, and last I heard he experienced a relapse (not uncommon), and I haven't heard much since then.

    It's really tough, I'm sorry. 
    ________________________________


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