I wish I had come here before I was engaged....If I had known more about the etiquette, I'd have told her to cut this out.
I was a BM once in a wedding for my best friend. She picked out dresses on the internet and told us to buy them. They were from David's and they were $200. I actually had tried to tell her I couldn't be a BM because the finances just weren't there when she asked. She threw a tantrum and wouldn't speak to me for two weeks. Finally, she came around, and said she would pay for the half of the dress. (She never did). It was also not a flattering fit or color on me. Whatever. Not my day. On her wedding day she complained that the dresses didn't look the same on me and another bridesmaid (I'm 6', size 12, her friend is about 5' and a size 0). She had a pair of shoes picked out on modcloth (not cheap) for us to buy. They didn't have my size or close. I told her this, and I asked if I could wear flats in the same colors(I have bad ankles, also the whole bridal party was under 5'5''....I felt I would look ridiculous in heels). She said no, and said that I had to buy a specific pair of gray heels.
At one point, I realized no one had thrown her a bachelorette party. So, I took the time, effort and money to make a small one happen for her. THAT DAY, she texts me and says she's not coming because her fiancée thinks I'm a bad influence? (I'm about as much of a rule follower as you can get. Not a Rachel, I'm a Monica...later I found out from her husband that he had no idea what she was talking about....) So I wasted all that time and money. I was irked to say the least. She also one day before the wedding (during prom season) told me she wanted us all to have French manicures. Cue the frustration of finding all the stuff and doing it yourself. Come wedding day, things are going pretty well I think. She did have hair and makeup set up for us and was going to pay, but cancelled it. No big deal, I'm pretty good with my own hair and makeup. That morning, she tells me that she also cancelled her own hair and makeup, and asks me to do her and her daughter's hair! I panicked a little because that's a pretty big responsibility. Of course I wanted to make it perfect, but I don't have any experience in doing other people's hair. But I think she was grateful and happy with the results.
There's no way she could have controlled this, but it was May in Ohio and about a million and five degrees. In a barn. Without fans or a/c. Not comfortable at all. In fact, after the ceremony, I had to duck out of the receiving line because I was going to pass out, and I didn't want to cause a scene. She also had the wedding party set up all her food. Which in that weather was extremely difficult. Also, (my bad), I ended up spilling a little bit of salad dressing on the tablecloth. Her mother immediately yelled at me and said I ruined the whole wedding.
Overall, I was glad to have my friend's most important day with her (her first husband was a d-bag and this guy has a heart of gold), and I had a good time until I was told I ruined the wedding, but holy crap. I wish I had known more about how things worked and I could have helped her. Because that was stressful. I'd probably still do it again for her though.
Fast forward, she freaked out because my mom made my wedding shower a day she couldn't attend, and our friendship went downhill from there. -sigh-