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Registry and Gift Forum
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[Deleted User]
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Elopement Gift?
My boyfriend (fiance?) are eloping in a couple of months, followed by a destination wedding and open house for our family and friends. Our immediate families will be at the elopement and my grandparents want to get us a traditional wedding gift for the occasion. We're not a traditional couple (as you can tell by our non-traditional wedding plans), so we're not really interested in fine China or silver. We're really not sure what to ask for. Cash is off the table, my grandparents want to give us something to have for the duration of our marriage. Any suggestions?
EDIT: Clarification: we are not registering for any of these events. My grandparents are insisting on buying us a gift and I was looking for suggestions. We own a home and have all the furniture and kitchen appliances we could ever need, and china is just not something we're interested in. To those confused about the structure of our wedding, our aim was not to fish for more gifts (again, we're not even registering) or to have "3 weddings". It's about including the most people while a, not spending tens of thousands of dollars, and b, having the wedding we want.
EDIT: Clarification: we are not registering for any of these events. My grandparents are insisting on buying us a gift and I was looking for suggestions. We own a home and have all the furniture and kitchen appliances we could ever need, and china is just not something we're interested in. To those confused about the structure of our wedding, our aim was not to fish for more gifts (again, we're not even registering) or to have "3 weddings". It's about including the most people while a, not spending tens of thousands of dollars, and b, having the wedding we want.
Re: Elopement Gift?
But, to answer your actual question you can register for anything you want; upgrades of appliances, utensils, pots/pans that you have; sheets, towels, homegoods. I would avoid anything that is clearly only for one of you, but you can register for anything you want.
As for the gifts you shouldn't really be asking for something, especially considering they're not invited to the real thing. Maybe have your parents mention a kitchen aid? gift card for a decent piece of furniture?
BUT, since you posted about your wedding plans here, that does also make them part of the discussion. Your destination "wedding" will not be an actual wedding if you elope before then. If your guests know you're eloping and choose to witness your pretend ceremony, that's their decision. Please do not lie to your guests and let them believe they are witnessing the real event. An open house is fine, if the purpose is "hey family and friends, meet my new spouse!"
But for the rest of it, you mentioned it on the internet, people are going to comment on it all, and to a few of us it looks like you're potentially going to have some major etiquette issues that can potentially damage your relationships with your friends and family.
I never imagined such harsh judgment would come from a non-traditional wedding set up.
Your grandparents are being very generous by offering a gift for a wedding they will not witness. Ask them if they have a budget or a set amount they were wanting to spend, then think of what you may want or need that fits that amount. Pick something a little more extravagant than you'd buy yourself. But again, no one here knows what you already have, what you use on a regular basis, or what you like.
Camping equipment, clothes steamer, deep fryer, sewing machine, meat slicer, hammock, juicer, patio furniture, car cover, dog house, tools, bad mitten set, board games, beach towels.
1. You posted about your plans so they are fair game in this discussion. I know that you said you don't plan on lying but I just don't understand why you want to risk hurting relationships with the people in your life. Why not skip the courthouse and have the ceremony at the destination? Then you can have everyone you want to invite there and cut out the consolation prize feeling you are creating. I guess you could still do an open house later for the friends that couldn't make it (without the wedding stuff) because everyone likes a party, but to come on here and throw a fit isn't very nice. We are only here to help you avoid alienating yourself from the people you love and care about.
2. I have no idea what you like or need...I would just give yourself a little time to think and discuss this with your FI. I never know what I want right away but give me some time and I will come up with something.
PPs have covered the 3 weddings.
Interesting gifts if grandparents are insisting on a boxed gift: a wonderful bottle of red to cellar and then open in 10-15 years, a painting, decoration for a holiday that will get used year after year, upgraded household items ...
Even the title is confusing. They're having an intimate wedding, not an elopement, and the grandparents are attending it. So it's a completely regular normal "wedding gift". None of this was "for clarity" - special snowflakes need even their forum threads to be special.
All she had to say was, "What gift could my grandparents possibly get us for our wedding? They want to get us something of an heirloom piece and we have no idea!".
When people have face to face conversations, they don't usually bring up all these extra facts unless they wish to talk about them, so why is an internet forum any different? And it's more obvious because the written words never go away, they can be read and re-read.
If anyone else is lurking for ideas.... I think good quality cookware/bakeware is a great investment. I'm thinking something like a Le Creust french oven. Expensive, but it should last forever. Or wall art. Or a piece of furniture. Depending on budget of course, but if someone really wants to get you something that will last "forever" (my friend now has her DH's great Aunt's couch and accent chairs and her DH's grandmother's dinning table and chairs).
Of course the fact that they're "eloping" (getting married in an intimate ceremony) beforehand means they're not really having the wedding they want and are spending extra money to do so. Nothing makes sense.
If you're still lurking Knottie#s, ask for a big fat check. May as well go all-in on the rudeness.