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Wedding Etiquette Forum
justsie
member
Just venting
Got a text invite for a wedding of a friends coming up. I love this friend. I tried steering said friend here. Friend did not come here. Friend has 5 hour gap and is inviting more people to the reception than the ceremony. *headdesk*
That being said I'm driving in from out of town now (before moving the wedding would have been right up the road) so now I don't know what to do for 5 hours. Any suggestions other than going to a bar and enjoying happy hour with others in the wedding?
That being said I'm driving in from out of town now (before moving the wedding would have been right up the road) so now I don't know what to do for 5 hours. Any suggestions other than going to a bar and enjoying happy hour with others in the wedding?
Re: Just venting
Once we just chilled out at someone's house and watched a babeball game.
Once hubby and I walked around downtown and went shopping.
Another option is to bring a book
It's probably not the most polite option, but I adamantly refuse to sit around for 5 hours to wait for someone to get around to hosting me. If someone cares so little as to waste that much of my time, my presence at their ceremony must not matter that much.
I had one bride actually text me to ask why I was declining her wedding. She was shocked that someone would take a pass on her "high, high end" reception. I told her honestly that her 4 hour gap left us unable to attend. She suggested we just come to the reception. I told her there was no way I would skip what I considered the most important part of her day and attend just the party. She finally said she had the gap because "that is what her sister did for her wedding".
ETA.....depending on the wedding, I don't know how some of these gap suggestions are feasible. I don't see how anyone can golf or bowl in cocktail attire. Even schlepping around in heels for several hours seems ridiculous. I'm not putting down the ideas or the posters suggesting them, just pointing out the impracticality and thoughtlessness of these gaps.
Which is also why I am going, we live in Texas and I know that at this time a lot of close friends/family are not supportive and I'm not hopeful with the current political leadership that their feelings will change. I know it doesn't have anything to do with/excuse etiquette, but I am going to support my friend in this aspect because I know they may not have a lot of support.
To other PPs, thank you for the suggestions! Strip club sounds fun, but I might fill up on the buffet and ruin my appetite for the dinner! I don't know why I didn't think of a museum- I've been dying to go to some for a while now and that sounds like the perfect excuse to drag H along....
A movie is another great idea- they have some nicer theaters in Houston that would lend to us not being entirely overdressed and the wedding is in the summer when some good stuff might be out.... I'll run that one by H for sure!
If so, I guess you already know what's around
The biggest trouble with a gap is you're all dressed up and don't want to re-do everything before the reception, so what do you do? I wouldn't want to go bowling or doing something outside active where I would start sweating and thus ruin my hair and make up- not to mention my feet would start to hurt in heels.
The one time I did attend with a gap we were local and ended up going home and watching TV. Annoying because there were other things I could have done, but I didn't want to dress again.
Depending on time, I would go for a nice relaxed lunch somewhere, have a few drinks. With 5 hours you shouldn't be too full for the reception meal. Are there other guests you can meet up with? A museum would be good- climate controlled, you can take as much or as little time as you like. Are there any historic venues or gardens that offer tours? Small towns nearby where you can take your time in the downtown eating, drinking and shopping?
If I'd ask, I'd have to phrase it like, "So, what are your suggestions for things to do for 5 hours while dressed up? Most weddings I've been to have gone straight from ceremony to reception so the guests don't have to worry about filling a weird amount of time in their nice clothes."
In your scenario I'd either go back to the hotel room and relax or visit with friends/family in the area.
eta clarity - Most weddings that I and this circle attend also include this gap.
If I wasn't planning to stay in a hotel, I'd attend either the ceremony or the reception, not both. Most likely, I'd choose the reception and I wouldn't feel guilty about it at all.
I don't have the stamina for a 5 hour bar hop followed by a reception, though it's fun to think about it.
I have said it before and I will repeat it once again; there is NO such thing as a Catholic gap, but there is absolutely something called an inconsiderate host gap.
I didn't say "catholic gap" as a way to excuse it. A gap is annoying whether it's a catholic mass causing the gap, or if it's a "B&G want certain lighting for their photos so they're having a ceremony at 2 and reception at 7" gap or a "bride fell in love with this ceremony site but it's only available at noon and fell in love with a reception venue that's only available after 6" gap. I'm one of the women here who had a catholic mass and no gap. I wasn't excusing gaps.
The only time I ever enjoyed a gap, we went to the zoo...but I was 14, so I didn't know any better and thought it was cool look at tigers in my fancy clothes. Looking back, I can only assume this was the worst gap ever for my parents. The zoo in dress clothes with 5 kids for 4 hours.
I finally texted the friend and asked what suggestions they had for us, I was polite but I think subconsciously I was doing it to be passive aggressive. I'm no angel.
My answer was basically they hadn't thought about it at all but that they should. So then I asked why the gap and my answer was that they aren't inviting many people to the ceremony and didn't want to have to eat "early in the morning" (ceremony is at noon) so that is why they planned for dinner. Then tells me they don't care what I attend as long as I can make the dinner because its important to them. So I remind them that the ceremony is the part where they are actually getting married and is priority if I'm only able to attend one but I will talk to H about what we can come up with and keep me informed if they think of anything or plan to host anything. (*hint hint*).
Invitation should be coming in the male in the next few weeks, I'm interested in what that says.
Le sigh. H and I discussed it and he only wants to go to one so ceremony it is. I hope friend realizes that he put that on us to pick one or the other since he wanted H to speak at the reception.....
Sucks that they admittedly didn't think this through. Hopefully they're able to correct the timeline before official invitations go out! Glad you nudged him.
I'm on team "have wild sex," but I do hope your friend comes around.