Vow critique

CMGragain · March 2017

What does PDA mean?

If a wedding is about expressing "love", then mine was invalid 40 years ago. I was not "in love" when I married my husband. I trusted him and liked him, and I made him promises that I have easily kept through the years. I have been in love with him for many, many years, now.

I, Bride, take you, Groom, to be my husband,
to have and to hold
from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.

I'm not saying that you can't talk about love at a wedding ceremony, but it is not part of your vows. I think @MCmeow was asking about vows?

southernbelle0915 · March 2017

WHAT'S NEXT?!?! Kissing turning into having sex in front of guests? LOL!

That is insane logic right there.

Y'all... if you are offended or think it's improper in some way that a woman takes 20 seconds OUT OF HER OWN WEDDING CEREMONY to tell her husband how she loves him... I just can't. Really.

If you're ok with readings, why wouldn't this be ok? Because it's the bride speaking instead of a guest? Because it's her words instead of a poet's? Because she reads it before her vows instead of somewhere else in the ceremony? The ceremony is legal, has serious vows, and is less than 20 minutes. Seriously. Who cares if she wants to say these words before her vows?

southernbelle0915 · March 2017

CMGragain said:

What does PDA mean?

If a wedding is about expressing "love", then mine was invalid 40 years ago. I was not "in love" when I married my husband. I trusted him and liked him, and I made him promises that I have easily kept through the years. I have been in love with him for many, many years, now.

I, Bride, take you, Groom, to be my husband,
to have and to hold
from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.

I'm not saying that you can't talk about love at a wedding ceremony, but it is not part of your vows. I think @MCmeow was asking about vows?

Look, you not being in love with your husband has exactly zero to do with MCMeow's wedding ceremony, scripting or vows. Like zero. Zilch. Nothing.

Please give me one good reason that a bride and groom can't make love part of their wedding vows. I'll wait.

greeninspring · March 2017

OP should check with the groom and make sure they are following somewhat the same format on the vows. If he wants to do a "leading in" paragraph about his love for her or their relationship, then that's fine. But if he's just going straight to the vows/promises, then I think she should too.

Either way would be fine with me if I was a guest. If I was the one writing my own vows, I do think it's a little more powerful to just go straight to the vows/promises.

OurWildKingdom · March 2017

greeninspring said:

OP should check with the groom and make sure they are following somewhat the same format on the vows. If he wants to do a "leading in" paragraph about his love for her or their relationship, then that's fine. But if he's just going straight to the vows/promises, then I think she should too.

Either way would be fine with me if I was a guest. If I was the one writing my own vows, I do think it's a little more powerful to just go straight to the vows/promises.

This is a really good idea.

@MCmeow, I really like what you wrote. Apart from the couple of suggestions that people have made on wording, you're golden.

MCmeow · March 2017

This thread really escalated ._.

But yup I told him my structure and word count in case he wants to do something similar.

CMGragain · March 2017

southernbelle0915
Look, you not being in love with your husband has exactly zero to do with MCMeow's wedding ceremony, scripting or vows. Like zero. Zilch. Nothing.

Please give me one good reason that a bride and groom can't make love part of their wedding vows. I'll wait.

Vows are the promises you make as you are united in marriage.
Declarations of love are just that. They are not vows.

I didn't say that MCMeow couldn't add a declaration of love to her ceremony if that is what she wants to do. What I said was that the declaration of love that she posted (the first paragraph) is not a vow. It contains no promises. If she wants to add something to her ceremony, then that is fine. She asked about VOWS.

I do tend to be a bit cynical about love declarations at weddings. There have been far too many divorces in my family. I am the only member of my family who has not been divorced. I mean no disrespect to MCMeow, whom I like and respect. I am simply giving my best advice about the question she asked. Vows.

CMGragain · March 2017

southernbelle0915 said:

WHAT'S NEXT?!?! Kissing turning into having sex in front of guests? LOL! That is insane logic right there.

Y'all... if you are offended or think it's improper in some way that a woman takes 20 seconds OUT OF HER OWN WEDDING CEREMONY to tell her husband how she loves him... I just can't. Really.

If you're ok with readings, why wouldn't this be ok? Because it's the bride speaking instead of a guest? Because it's her words instead of a poet's? Because she reads it before her vows instead of somewhere else in the ceremony? The ceremony is legal, has serious vows, and is less than 20 minutes. Seriously. Who cares if she wants to say these words before her vows?

Nobody said anything like this. I think you need a margarita.

Glasshalfempty · March 2017

CMGragain said:

southernbelle0915 said:

WHAT'S NEXT?!?! Kissing turning into having sex in front of guests? LOL! That is insane logic right there.

Y'all... if you are offended or think it's improper in some way that a woman takes 20 seconds OUT OF HER OWN WEDDING CEREMONY to tell her husband how she loves him... I just can't. Really.

If you're ok with readings, why wouldn't this be ok? Because it's the bride speaking instead of a guest? Because it's her words instead of a poet's? Because she reads it before her vows instead of somewhere else in the ceremony? The ceremony is legal, has serious vows, and is less than 20 minutes. Seriously. Who cares if she wants to say these words before her vows?

Nobody said anything like this. I think you need a margarita.

Actually I think plenty of people said it. Someone said write it in a letter. I think you said say it at the reception. Someone else said it comes across as verbal PDA.

It's perfectly fine to have a declaration of love as part of a wedding ceremony; not just the reception. Saying she should move those words elsewhere annoyed me.

flantastic · March 2017

Glasshalfempty said:

CMGragain said:

southernbelle0915 said:

WHAT'S NEXT?!?! Kissing turning into having sex in front of guests? LOL! That is insane logic right there.

Y'all... if you are offended or think it's improper in some way that a woman takes 20 seconds OUT OF HER OWN WEDDING CEREMONY to tell her husband how she loves him... I just can't. Really.

If you're ok with readings, why wouldn't this be ok? Because it's the bride speaking instead of a guest? Because it's her words instead of a poet's? Because she reads it before her vows instead of somewhere else in the ceremony? The ceremony is legal, has serious vows, and is less than 20 minutes. Seriously. Who cares if she wants to say these words before her vows?

Nobody said anything like this. I think you need a margarita.

Actually I think plenty of people said it. Someone said write it in a letter. I think you said say it at the reception. Someone else said it comes across as verbal PDA.

It's perfectly fine to have a declaration of love as part of a wedding ceremony; not just the reception. Saying she should move those words elsewhere annoyed me.

Nah. I offered the letter as a suggestion. The leap was made to the offense/impropriety. No one said they'd be offended. (Jen might have said it was improper.) Everyone else just said they weren't vows, and it may or may not be better to put the profession of love somewhere else. But I think it's okay where it is. It's cute writing. It makes a good prelude to the actual vows. It's just not vows, and as such could instead be put in a letter, or a toast. OP isn't going to take those suggestions, and that's fine.

Australian_girl_in_Paris · March 2017

CMGragain PDA - Public displays of affection

firestar-2 · April 2017

MCmeow said:
*FH NAME*, you know I love you, not only because I tell you that every morning and every night before we go to bed but because when we're together you change me. You turn me into a person who is so obviously in love and is loved. Into a person who isn't afraid of the future and is instead excited and hopeful. Out of the billions of people in the world, I found someone who makes me happiest, ***who sees me at my worst, and always makes it better, who is my rock (or stability or whatever)***.

As we keep growing and learning and aging, ***through time (remove this)*** I promise to always love you, but I also promise to support you when life challenges you, to celebrate your wins and mourn your losses as if they were my own. I promise to learn from you and share everything with you. No matter where our story goes, I promise to try and lead us to a path that makes us happiest. When we grow old and wrinkly, I will promise to hold your frail hand and still give you reasons to laugh or smile. Until the end of our days, I promise to show you how beautiful our world can be.

I realise it may be late cause this was posted a lil while ago now, and I haven't read through all the comments, so I apologise if I missed something.

i do think you should leave the first paragraph in, because it's a beautiful lead in, and beautifully ties up WHY you're making these vows. (Obviously because you're in love, but yeah).

I love the -wrinkly- bit. It's funny without being jokey or cutesy.

Eta: forgot to say I made a couple changes in ***, which you are of course at will to ignore.

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