invite wording?

rhondalyn70 · November 2009

On the wedding invites, do you let guest know that its cash bar?

CapeCodBride28 · November 2009

I am not sure if this is a real question, but I will answer anyways. You never put something like that on an invitation. That being said, it is in bad taste to have a cash bar. At the very least you should try to provide beer, wine, and maybe a signature cocktail. Is it possible for you to trim your budget in other areas?

AmeliaMarie · November 2009

I agree with Cape Cod. If you must have a cash bar, don't put it on your invitations.

hope1009 · November 2009

Definately don't put it in the invite. The last 4 weddings i went to were cash bar....the reason? a couple dozen firemen and police officers were attending, so we are not talking about light weights that have one or two beers with a pinky in the air. I am absolutely doing a cash bar. My close friend had her father pay for just beer wine and a signature drink, so 12,000.00 later.... if anything do cocktail hour open bar and the cash after that....this is still a possiblity for me. But you don't have to mention it on your invites, it's your day, you do what you want and splurge on things you want to, not to make the guests happy but to make you happy, because in the end, your the one who is going to remember your wedding the most.....and no worries as long as an ATM machine is close by!

rhondalyn70 · November 2009

Here in Canada and nowadays, you do cash bars. There are not too many weddings anymore that provide alcohol for the reception (only wine for dinner)
But as far as putting it in the invites, maybe I won't..................

Thanks everyone............

tlv204 · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invite-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:ee459497-e289-428f-b1e2-0fecbca0f6e8Post:f70a5e14-f8ab-4368-adfd-d488331a3dda">Re: invite wording?</a>:
[QUOTE]Definately don't put it in the invite. The last 4 weddings i went to were cash bar....the reason? a couple dozen firemen and police officers were attending, so we are not talking about light weights that have one or two beers with a pinky in the air. I am absolutely doing a cash bar. My close friend had her father pay for just beer wine and a signature drink, so 12,000.00 later.... if anything do cocktail hour open bar and the cash after that....this is still a possiblity for me. But you don't have to mention it on your invites, it's your day, you do what you want and splurge on things you want to, not to make the guests happy but to make you happy, because in the end, your the one who is going to remember your wedding the most.....and no worries as long as an ATM machine is close by!
Posted by hope1009[/QUOTE]

That's the worst advice I've ever read. If you must have a cash bar that's your prerogative, but seriously, your reception absolutely IS about your guests. THATS THE POINT OF A RECEPTION. To RECEIVE your guests.

Anyway I generally don't like cash bars but if you need to have one, don't put that on the invites.

jenn.daniel · November 2009

Reception to follow at ......
is all that is required.

squirrly · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invite-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:ee459497-e289-428f-b1e2-0fecbca0f6e8Post:f70a5e14-f8ab-4368-adfd-d488331a3dda">Re: invite wording?</a>:
[QUOTE]Definately don't put it in the invite. The last 4 weddings i went to were cash bar....the reason? a couple dozen firemen and police officers were attending, so we are not talking about light weights that have one or two beers with a pinky in the air. I am absolutely doing a cash bar. My close friend had her father pay for just beer wine and a signature drink, so 12,000.00 later.... if anything do cocktail hour open bar and the cash after that....this is still a possiblity for me. But you don't have to mention it on your invites, it's your day, you do what you want and splurge on things you want to, not to make the guests happy but to make you happy, because in the end, your the one who is going to remember your wedding the most.....and no worries as long as an ATM machine is close by!
Posted by hope1009[/QUOTE]

There are so many things wrong with this that I'm not sure where to begin.

1 - your friend should have planned better. If she couldn't afford that bar bill, she should have made a different plan with her venue.

2 - many venues will offer a per hour per person charge for an open bar.

3 - A $12,000 bar bill for beer, wine, & a signature cocktail seems suspicious to me. Yep - I don't really believe you on that one. There's got to be more information that you're not sharing (they didn't care about the bill, they only served premium beer, the wine was $100/bottle, they had 700 guests, etc.)

To the OP - your invitation serves to invite the guests to the wedding, and reception. It's not there to tell them what food or beverages you will be serving at the reception.

Also, the reception is a party to thank your guests for witnessing your wedding, loving and supporting you, and for supporting your new marriage. You should plan it in the same way you would a dinner party at home - select a menu (both food and beverage) that your guests will enjoy and that you can afford. Asking your guests to pay is rude. Find a way to treat for something.

You can pick inexpensive domestic beer in kegs which should be very inexpensive, and an inexpensive wine or two. Serving anything is more than nothing, and your venue is out to make money. Work with them. Now, I'm not entirely opposed to allowing your guests to pay cash for drinks you're not able to host so long as you are offering something. (You have "well" liqour but they want premium, for example.) It's certainly not my favorite, but you can put up a sign at the bar that says "Domestic beer, XXX Wine, and well liquor is offered compliments of the bride and groom." and make that clear without being distasteful.

Ultimately, though, your wedding isn't just YOUR DAY. It's also your FI's day. And, it's a day in the life of each of your guests' lives that they're choosing to spend with you, in the location of your choice, eating the food of your choice, and drinking the beverages of your choice, to celebrate your choice of groom & your choice to spend your life together. It would be appropriate of you to CHOOSE to consider your guests wants, needs, and creature comforts with each of your choices. Not just your own.

goheels05 · November 2009

Jesus tapdancing Christ. This is when those newbie badges really come in handy--you can go ahead and disregard everything Hope said.

Your reception IS about your guests; it's to thank them for coming to your wedding. If you can't fit booze into your budget, it's best to just have a dry reception, but regardless of your solution, don't put anything about the bar on your invitations.

georgia_bride09 · November 2009

If you can't afford to serve your guests a full bar, then go with a beer & wine bar, and YOU PAY FOR IT.

anna.oskar · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invite-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:ee459497-e289-428f-b1e2-0fecbca0f6e8Post:c3f4087e-f5da-41a2-914d-a7bfd4645e2c">invite wording?</a>:
[QUOTE]On the wedding invites, do you let guest know that its cash bar?
Posted by rhondalyn70[/QUOTE]

Please do not do this.

If cash bars are common in your area, guests will know to bring drinking money just in case. If cash bars are not common in your area, be prepared to hear about how terribly tacky it is to expect guests to open their wallets for a drink after all the money they spent for a gift, travel, and other expenses. To put this on the invitation is just pointing out that although they are supposed to be "guests" you expect them to pay their own way.

lpstl · November 2009

#1. Cash bars are tacky. Period. If I invited you to a dinner party and asked you for a five after I pored your glass of wine, what would you think? Pretty much the same thing.

#2. You never mention cash anything on your invitations.

#3. I married an Irish Catholic and several of my cousins are firefighters. I bought kegs of Harp for $175 a piece and we had beer leftover. You CAN do alcohol for a reasonable price.

lyndausvi · November 2009

Since you are asking I'm assuming that caah bars are not the norm there.

I would not put the information on the invite, but spreading the information VIA word of mouth would not be a bad idea. I personally have only been to one cash bar and that was a long time ago. I do not carry cash with me to weddings and would appreciate the heads up.

If cash bars are the norm, then your guests will expect the cash bar, so the do not need the reminder.

that all said, I'm anti-cash bars, they are just not done in my world.

mocha beans · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invite-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:ee459497-e289-428f-b1e2-0fecbca0f6e8Post:f70a5e14-f8ab-4368-adfd-d488331a3dda">Re: invite wording?</a>:
[QUOTE]Definately don't put it in the invite. The last 4 weddings i went to were cash bar....the reason? a couple dozen firemen and police officers were attending, so we are not talking about light weights that have one or two beers with a pinky in the air. I am absolutely doing a cash bar. My close friend had her father pay for just beer wine and a signature drink, so 12,000.00 later.... if anything do cocktail hour open bar and the cash after that....this is still a possiblity for me. But you don't have to mention it on your invites, it's your day, you do what you want and splurge on things you want to, not to make the guests happy but to make you happy, because in the end, your the one who is going to remember your wedding the most.....and no worries as long as an ATM machine is close by!
Posted by hope1009[/QUOTE]

Wow, is this what the Bridezilla's show has done to us? You get to splurge on whatever you want, eff the guests? Unhappy guests are going to make for a pretty unhappy reception, and therefore an unhappy couple.

Sure, splurge on things you want, provided the guests are well taken care of. I'd be pretty pissed to have to pay for drinks when I find out the bride spent $5k on a dress or flowers.

And the ATM comment, what if the guests don't want to shell out $5 extra in ATM and bank charges?

ExpatPumpkin · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invite-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:ee459497-e289-428f-b1e2-0fecbca0f6e8Post:f70a5e14-f8ab-4368-adfd-d488331a3dda">Re: invite wording?</a>:
[QUOTE]Definately don't put it in the invite. The last 4 weddings i went to were cash bar....the reason? a couple dozen firemen and police officers were attending, so we are not talking about light weights that have one or two beers with a pinky in the air. I am absolutely doing a cash bar. My close friend had her father pay for just beer wine and a signature drink, so 12,000.00 later.... if anything do cocktail hour open bar and the cash after that....this is still a possiblity for me. But you don't have to mention it on your invites, it's your day, you do what you want and splurge on things you want to, not to make the guests happy but to make you happy, because in the end, your the one who is going to remember your wedding the most.....and no worries as long as an ATM machine is close by!
Posted by hope1009[/QUOTE]

This is bad advice :( The reception is about the guests - it's your thank you to them for coming to witness your union and for probably buying you a gift.

I'm also anti-cash bar - they're just not done in my circle and I've never been to a wedding that didn't have a full, open bar. I'd try to find a way to fit at least some alcohol into the budget

But in any event, if you do choose to do a cash bar, let the news spread by word of mouth.

Oh, and about the 12K "surprise" bar bill that Hope mentioned, that was just horrible planning... It's not that hard to calculate how high the bill could get.

Jazzy_belle · November 2009

No!

tmm140 · November 2009

Like PP said, NEVER put cash bar on any piece of paper related to the wedding. And like PP also said if it's common in your area, guests will know to bring cash. It may be your day, but you want your guests to enjoy themselves and not think it is the lamest wedding ever.

wadingmoose · November 2009

It's actually common around here to put "toonie bar" or "cash bar" on the invitations. At the very least your guests are prepared and have cash with them to pay for the drinks.

I've always seen it on the bottom left of the invitation.

Flame away.

wadingmoose · November 2009

Further, you really should be aware of what's done in your circle already. For example, it'd be considered rude, in my circle, to NOT indicate a cash bar on the invitation, but the cash bar itself would be normal and accepted.

However, for the most part, cash bars are considered rude, so if that's the norm for your family and friends, you probably want to reconsider.

mocha beans · November 2009

In my group of friends, it's generally understood that it's a cash bar, so I've never seen it on an invitation.

wadingmoose · November 2009

I've never not seen it on an invite.

I know. There's much pearl grasping at that.

lyndausvi · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invite-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:ee459497-e289-428f-b1e2-0fecbca0f6e8Post:55975f70-e4ca-4bbe-adfc-32d80022c39a">Re: invite wording?</a>:
[QUOTE]Further, you really should be aware of what's done in your circle already. For example, it'd be considered rude, in my circle, to NOT indicate a cash bar on the invitation, but the cash bar itself would be normal and accepted. However, for the most part, cash bars are considered rude, so if that's the norm for your family and friends, you probably want to reconsider.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

You make a very good point Moose.

A lot of times, it really does fall along social circles and what you are use to.

goheels05 · November 2009

Oh, my pearls have already burst and are all over the floor. Thanks Moose.

wadingmoose · November 2009

I know. I go and get married and go all rogue on y'all.

FWIW, I did not have a cash bar

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

Hope - who is this friend who's throwing around how much things cost at her wedding? I would not be inclined to believe a $12k bar tab, unless she had 600 guests. You can also find reception locations who will charge you a flat rate per guest for drinks for a specific amount of time, rather than a per drink charge. (This was a concern my mom brought to me, even though FI and I are paying for it, because we also know a lot of heavy drinkers.)

That said, you would not make your guests pay for their own meal (I hope) and you should not have them pay for their drinks, though it is fine to limit their choice of beverage, just like you limit their choice or entree. Just because something is common does not mean it isn't tacky or poor etiquette. I can also assure you that you will have oot guests who are not familiar with the fact that your area does cash bars.

Slash your guest list and give the people you DO invite some free drinks.

Kati0105 · November 2009

I would not be inclined to believe a $12k bar tab, unless she had 600 guests.

Depends on where in the country it was and the type of venue. Our venue will not let us bring outside alcohol, and based on their prices we will be spending about $6K for 150 people. Our friends are big drinkers so we are going for the price per person package - cash bars are not ok in our circle.

lyndausvi · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invite-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:ee459497-e289-428f-b1e2-0fecbca0f6e8Post:6cab5bdc-d648-4ed2-8e52-2722b4a0927f">Re: invite wording?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would not be inclined to believe a $12k bar tab, unless she had 600 guests. Depends on where in the country it was and the type of venue. Our venue will not let us bring outside alcohol, and based on their prices we will be spending about $6K for 150 people. Our friends are big drinkers so we are going for the price per person package - cash bars are not ok in our circle.
Posted by Kati0105[/QUOTE]

Ditto.. I think OOT said M's wedding bar tab ended up being $8k. They had to pay on comsumption. The tab was twice what they had projected.

stina93446 · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_invite-wording?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:ee459497-e289-428f-b1e2-0fecbca0f6e8Post:a13cc1de-77f2-4e8c-a36a-11412489181e">Re: invite wording?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to invite wording? : Please do not do this. If cash bars are common in your area, guests will know to bring drinking money just in case. If cash bars are not common in your area, be prepared to hear about how terribly tacky it is to expect guests to open their wallets for a drink after all the money they spent for a gift, travel, and other expenses. To put this on the invitation is just pointing out that although they are supposed to be "guests" you expect them to pay their own way.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

This.

And ignore the newb that doesn't know anything about these issues.

wadingmoose · November 2009

Pffft. I'm not a newb. Just 'cause I got rid of the beaver...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

Er, okay, maybe if she had 300 people 12k would not be out of line. I know mine breaks down to something like $2800 for 75 people. It's certainly less than the food tab. But then again, it's a set rate per person. So no surprises. (ETA - that's beer, wine and well drinks.)

AND that is a reason I'm only inviting about 75 people. Just sayin'.

notquiteblushing · November 2009

I'm glad I live near several ATMs because when I invite my friends over for dinner I always include a note saying "BYOB Bitches." Miller Lite is not cheap kwim?! In fact, why are you even sending invitations. E-vites baby!

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