So I know there have been debates on here about donating to charity as a wedding favor, so I thought I'd chime in: I found a website (tisbest.org) where I could buy charity gift cards that allow the recipient to pick the charity (from a list of more than 300). I had charity cards made up with me and my now-husband's photo on them and gave them as favors. I get emails whenever they're redeemed -- the emails tell me which charity they picked. These were really well-received and it's been fun to learn about the charities that the people around me care about. And then they have a little photo of me and my husband if they want to keep it.
Okay, just thought I'd mention this website as it's a good charity option I think. I wanted to do something charitable, but I didn't want to choose the charity FOR someone else (since everyone has different ideas about that). This was a fun alternative I think.
Re: charity favors
Your wedding is neither an awareness raiser nor a fundraiser, and it's not appropriate of you to use it as such.
Your relatives and friends are there to see you get married. You don't have to give favors-they are not required at all! But if you give donations to charity (more power to you if you do), it is not appropriate or gracious to indicate that they are "in lieu of favors" to your guests.
And I just posted that so others who were interested in doing a charity option would know about that website. Favors aren't required anyway. I don't go to a wedding expecting one. And if someone donated to a charity on my behalf, I'd be glad of it, even if I didn't get to pick the charity (which my attendees did).
And "everyone loved it" is not an excuse for inappropriate behavior-let alone promoting future instances of it.
Sorry, but around here, we don't promote "charity options." We have a lot of threads where we make that plain.
Actually it's whatever I want it to be. And I have no regrets about asking people to help spread joy in the world by choosing a charity that they believe in for me to contribute to on their behalf. That wasn't "in lieu of" a favor -- that was a favor. And certainly more memorable than some little whatnot that they'd likely throw away anyway.
Maybe nobody wanted to donate to any of those charities. Whether to donate to charity is a personal decision for everyone to make for themselves-not for a bride who wants to appear "generous" or "spread joy in the world." Donating to charity was not your decision to make for other people.
And I'd be willing to be that not "everybody" there "loved it." They may have let you believe that to spare your feelings, but silence does not imply consent or agreement.
If you give away some little whatnot, there's a good chance that folks will hate it and throw it away. If they hated the charity card, they could do the same. So what difference does it make? In my case, it resulted in a lot of emails where people told me which charities they'd chosen and why. I really enjoyed learning about that and I do feel joyful about it.
My original post is not for you -- it's for the folks out there who would like to do a charity option. I don't care whether you think that's good manners or not. Fortunately, not all of us are bound by silly rules.
JIC
To the bolded: charitable giving is something that is deeply personal. A charity that Person A may like, Person B may find has practices that conflict with their values. If Person A donated to that particular charity in Person B's name, Person B would definitely not "be glad."
Also, this website you are touting - while it does have 300 charities, there are many that are missing that people could not donate to with their gift card. Close friends of mine lost their child to a congenital disorder which has it's own charitable foundation to provide necessary research for this particular disorder. If they had attended your wedding, this would be the charity they would have wanted to donate to. But they wouldn't be able to. And they would probably be pretty hurt about it.
My whole point, OP, is while your heart may have been in the right place, you still overstepped your bounds by incorporating something so personal as charitable giving into your wedding.
Great attitude about your guests, who traveled, bought gifts, and took time out of their day to attend your wedding.
No idea why that makes some people so angry. I've read all the bolded comments, and I don't agree with the opinions expressed therein. Handing out knickknacks may fit your worldview better, but it doesn't mine or many others. And my original post was NOT for the charity naysayers -- only for those who like the idea. I wish those of you who are so opposed hadn't hijacked my thread for your own personal ranting. THAT was rude.
levioosa said:
I don't see the issue here either....I didn't give favors to my guests, some of whom travelled overseas for our wedding. That's etiquette approved...especially since we were sure to host them well for the evening.
And agreed it's not necessary to give favors. We gave a nice dinner, music, etc. after all. I think people remember that part more.
A gift is something you give to another person. You made a gift to the charity, but not your guests.
No one deserves a favor, but it's the attitude of "well if that don't like it, then poo poo for them." It's just feels more than entitled than "we have chocolate cookies available at the end of the night for favors, but Aunt Mary didn't take one." The OPs attitude has been kind of shitty in general though.
I also feel that it's a little sketchy that you are charged for either the set up fee (if you go the $1 or $5 card amount) or, if you purchase the online cards, that the charity doesn't receive all of the money you think you are donating. According to the website there are fees and/or deductions (FAQ #12). A $10 donation appears to be only worth $5.05 and $8.63 depending on how they process the associated listed fees.
And the website is actually the one collecting the money and then making quarterly donations to the organizations based on what the website receives. It could be 3 months before my donation (which I thought was going right to the charity) is actually received (FAQ #12 again).
Even with this, I still think the better route is to forgo favors and make a private donation in honor of your wedding.
Personally I hope someone gives me a gift like that. Not sure why everyone wants to preach against the idea, but it seems to inspire venomous hatred in some. I don't know people who have zero causes that interest them and my favors were well-received. My post was for people similar to me whose family and friends would like the charity favor.
But as someone who works in and with nonprofits and with fundraising, I firmly believe that even with all the aggregation and crowd-sourcing in the world, I'd rather have a donation that goes directly to my organization than one that is split with a 3rd party or a credit card processing site.
Go ahead and give to charity. No one is telling you not to. Better still, contribute of your own cash (not the guest's and not "in lieu" of anything) or your sweat and make a relevant difference for the better. But keep it to yourself. Any truly charitable intentions you have dissipate with the need to make announcements about it, let alone that you did it instead of spending money on something else.
Why did you have to announce it? Why couldn't you just skip favours and privately donate? It's because you wanted the validation
Also, I've said it a million times on here: if you pay for something (3% fees) that you would otherwise get for free (just privately donating), you are terrible with money.
Also, if the donations are in your names (you & FI), there are definitely some charities I would absolutely NOT want to be associated with, and I know there are some family members who support those groups. There may be organizations your guests feel strongly about that are not listed on that website, and maybe are lesser-known, therefore needing more funding than bigger charities. I think that's part of what PPs were getting at. @JaxInBlue also makes some good points that make this website seem very similar to a honeyfund and thus...kind of sketchy.
As far as the fear that you're trying to make yourself look good (something others have mentioned on here): If you put on a fancy wedding dress, chances are people are going to think you're trying to look good. If you buy a nice catered meal or hire a good band or a hoppin' DJ, people are going to think you're trying to look good. If you do you your hair and makeup (horrors!), people are going to think you're trying to look good. And if you use a charitable donation as a favor, people are going to think you're trying to look good. Heck, if you do nice chocolates as a wedding favor, people are going to think you're trying to look good. And to that I say who cares? It's your wedding. Look good if you want to.
I have been really surprised by the level of anger on this board at the thought of a charity card rather than a traditional favor. I'm certainly not trying to force the idea on you, just relating my experience with it. I knew my audience, and hopefully you knew yours. If you want to give away a candle or a coaster or a CD or some other whatnot, I certainly have no problem with it. I might argue that your recipient might not like it or might throw it away -- but I won't argue that because it doesn't matter. You can't please everyone. No matter what food you serve at your wedding, someone might not like it. No matter how great the music is, someone might not like it.
It's fine that you don't like charity cards as a gift. By all means, avoid it if it doesn't work for you. My post was for those out there who feel like I do and might like hearing about the option I used. I really wasn't posting it for those of you with an axe to grind.
You'll see that many, many of us actually say don't do favors unless their edible.
As far as edible favors, lots of folks have allergies and/or don't like certain foods. Goes into can't-please-everyone again. I did think about edible favors also at one point and decided I'd do better with charity in my group.