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Moms and Maids
Knottie6c004c7e49243e76
member
Mother of the bride responsibilities
So...I really need advice on my mom..we have always been very close.. best friend close..and I am the only child which probably makes a difference.. but lately I want nothing to do with her..
She is the MOB of course and I have included her in everything I can from this point.
My fiance and I got engaged in December and since Christmas... this whole wedding thing has been a complete nightmare for me.
It started with the bridal extravaganza... and me inviting the MOG. My mom got super upset and jealous that it wasn't OUR day as mother and daughter. Since then though.. we have booked a venue which is all included so it includes Dj, centerpieces, linens, plate ware, catering and bar. Which my mom and I looked at together and booked together. We have also picked my dress which I didn't even want to do yet but wasn't an option for me. I have forwarded her emails to and from photographers and gotten her input and I booked a photogapher. It been pretty stress free overall besides the fact of my mom putting added pressure.
Any suggestions I or.my fiance have are "terrible" ideas. She outs us down and picks fights.
We are getting married in march and I am dreading the next few months..
What exactly more should I do to make her feel involved but understand this isn't her wedding and her telling us what we are going to do is not ok.. I have tried different methods of.communication and nothing works..
Any suggestions would be appreciated
Thanks ♡
She is the MOB of course and I have included her in everything I can from this point.
My fiance and I got engaged in December and since Christmas... this whole wedding thing has been a complete nightmare for me.
It started with the bridal extravaganza... and me inviting the MOG. My mom got super upset and jealous that it wasn't OUR day as mother and daughter. Since then though.. we have booked a venue which is all included so it includes Dj, centerpieces, linens, plate ware, catering and bar. Which my mom and I looked at together and booked together. We have also picked my dress which I didn't even want to do yet but wasn't an option for me. I have forwarded her emails to and from photographers and gotten her input and I booked a photogapher. It been pretty stress free overall besides the fact of my mom putting added pressure.
Any suggestions I or.my fiance have are "terrible" ideas. She outs us down and picks fights.
We are getting married in march and I am dreading the next few months..
What exactly more should I do to make her feel involved but understand this isn't her wedding and her telling us what we are going to do is not ok.. I have tried different methods of.communication and nothing works..
Any suggestions would be appreciated
Thanks ♡
Re: Mother of the bride responsibilities
If that means having a wedding you don't like, you either need to decline and return her money or keep the money and make your peace with the decisions.
If your mom isn't contributing money, then you have more options. You can stop talking about the wedding with her and when you asks about specific decisions or ideas, you can give non-committal, no-detail responses. You can ask her opinion on only those things were you are not invested in the outcome so that you can incorporate her ideas or opinions without getting upset. Similarly, you can ask her to make the decisions on something(s) you don't mind ceding to another party. For example, do you not have a centerpiece preference? Let your mom work with the venue on that choice.
Additionally, if you feel like any of the things your mom wants to do are not etiquette approved or are becoming outdated traditions), if you post here about the issue (for example, having a wedding party only head table or a post-ceremony gap), posters here can help you come up with the language and examples to explain why something isn't done anymore.
Unless your Mom is paying for your wedding, stop talking about it with her. Your Mom does not need to be "involved" with your wedding. Order her a nice corsage, and have her seated as the MOB just before the ceremony. That is all you need to do. Your Mom will not magically change into a different person just because it is your wedding.
Lots of brides have families that are difficult. I shopped for my dress alone and planned my entire wedding without my mother's input. It was fine.
CMcGragain, usually I would agree with your bolded, but this knottie#s is telling us that she and her mom are 'best friend close.' Cutting mom out will hurt the bride, as well.
Knottie#s, I think you need to have a serious talk with your mom. Just you and her. Let her know that she is your best friend and when she criticizes your ideas, it really hurts. Tell her you want her support and you don't want your relationship ruined over a party. I hope she listens.
I agree with pps, if mom is paying for the wedding, you'll have to defer to her on budget related issues.
If you do not feel you can have that conversation, or if you have that conversation and it is unproductive... I would consider the following: If your mom is not paying, you can discontinue talking to her about wedding details. If your mom is paying, you need to include her on anything she's paying for. If she's giving you a lump sum but it's not covering the total cost of the wedding, then let her know you're using her contribution toward XYZ (e.g. photographer, venue, dress). Then THOSE are the things she can be involved in and you are not obligated to discuss other things (e.g. cake, centerpieces, flowers, favors) with her. That will at least decrease the burden of having her involved in every little detail.
I think one of those bridal expos, usually held in a large hotel or convention center that brings in all different area vendors, often has giveaways or discounts if you book from that event.
Edit Oh I forgot, apparently the MOH and BM in "certain families/cultures" aren't positions of honor, they turn into marriage counselors and have to host events or have getaways and be available to give the newlyweds tips on being married because reasons. My brain hurts and it's making me sad now.
Also, our officiant was my H's sister. Who is nearly 20 years younger than either of my parents, and about 30 years younger than H's (and her) parents.