How to address invitations for "ladies only" bridal shower?

SP29 · June 2017

OP- Don't assume anyone will inherently understand your invitation, invite who you want by name, which includes the names of any children being invited. You never state who isn't invited, so no "Ladies Only".
"Ms. Sally Smith
Lucy and Katie Smith"

I'm all for attending showers because of the food. Invite me to a well hosted party that I'm not being lied to about, and I'm there.

I attended a couples wedding shower once that was pretty good. Everyone sat together, great food. Everyone partook in the games, and the guys were quite competitive about it, even the more traditional "girly" games.

LadyCatherineDB · June 2017

I apologize for getting off topic, but I feel the need to share this every time I see a topic related to gender stereotypes in children.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/02/how-to-tell-if-a-toy-is-for-boys-or-girls_n_4372629.html

redoryx · June 2017

Showers are the worst.

Signed, a woman who hates showers with nephews who LOVE showers.

[Deleted User] · June 2017

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2017

wakeamy1995 said:

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

You are throwing your own shower, aren't you?

Image: https://media2.giphy.com/media/DBnHc9WtDSAyk/giphy.gif

thisismynickname2 · June 2017

DrillSergeantCat said:

wakeamy1995 said:

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

You are throwing your own shower, aren't you?

Curious. A previous post indicated OP's bridesmaids are paying for the food.

So let's get technical here- if the BMs are hosting, then one of them is addressing the invitations using the advice/rules presented in the first few responses and collecting the RSVPs, not the bride. Edit to add- the bride provides the hostess(es) with her ideal list including names and addresses which meets budget parameters set by the hostess(es).

If the invites come directly from the bride, OP, rest assured everyone will think you're gift grabby.

DrillSergeantCat · June 2017

thisismynickname said:

Curious. A previous post indicated OP's bridesmaids are paying for the food.

So let's get technical here- if the BMs are hosting, then one of them is addressing the invitations using the advice/rules presented in the first few responses and collecting the RSVPs, not the bride. Edit to add- the bride provides the hostess(es) with her ideal list including names and addresses which meets budget parameters set by the hostess(es).

If the invites come directly from the bride, OP, rest assured everyone will think you're gift grabby.

Good point. I took the "I know my friends better than you" as throwing her own shower.

LondonLisa · June 2017

Yeah, what a shitty friend that 6 year old girl is for not falling over herself to see you unwrap a toaster.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2017

DrillSergeantCat said:

wakeamy1995 said:

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

You are throwing your own shower, aren't you?

Are we playing Jump to Conclusions?

OP said her BMs are paying for the food. . . sounds like they are likely hosting.

It's pretty standard for the Bride to provide the names and addresses of the guests to the shower hosts, though. How else would they have that info?

DrillSergeantCat · June 2017

PrettyGirlLost said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

wakeamy1995 said:

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

You are throwing your own shower, aren't you?

Are we playing Jump to Conclusions?

OP said her BMs are paying for the food. . . sounds like they are likely hosting.

It's pretty standard for the Bride to provide the names and addresses of the guests to the shower hosts, though. How else would they have that info?

Please see my response to thisismynickname. I've already stated I misspoke.

flantastic · June 2017

geebee908 said:

Too bad it's against etiquette to give the guests a heads-up about the type of shower to expect. I'd be all about going to one with no games and plenty of good food and drink.

This is why if my sister gets married (she's 19), I'm going to volunteer to throw the shower. That way, if there is a shower, I and everyone else who would feel obligated to go will at least have a good, no pressure, delicious time.

southernbelle0915 · June 2017

wakeamy1995 said:

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2017

southernbelle0915 said:

wakeamy1995 said:

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

I don't think she missed the point- It doesn't sound like she wants to invite all children, just the girls. Which I think is fine for a shower if they are traditionally ladies' events in her social circles.

OP, I'm assuming the children you are inviting to your shower are also invited to your wedding?

southernbelle0915 · June 2017

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915 said:

wakeamy1995 said:

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

I don't think she missed the point- It doesn't sound like she wants to invite all children, just the girls. Which I think is fine for a shower if they are traditionally ladies' events in her social circles.

OP, I'm assuming the children you are inviting to your shower are also invited to your wedding?

I think she did. The point was not "don't invite children because they'll be bored" (to which her response would have made sense). The point was "why draw the line at gender at all?" (to which her response does not make sense).

PrettyGirlLost · June 2017

southernbelle0915 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915 said:

wakeamy1995 said:

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

I don't think she missed the point- It doesn't sound like she wants to invite all children, just the girls. Which I think is fine for a shower if they are traditionally ladies' events in her social circles.

OP, I'm assuming the children you are inviting to your shower are also invited to your wedding?

I think she did. The point was not "don't invite children because they'll be bored" (to which her response would have made sense). The point was "why draw the line at gender at all?" (to which her response does not make sense).

Because she doesn't want a coed shower.

Based on her responses that's what I'm getting from it all.

flantastic · June 2017

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915 said:

wakeamy1995 said:

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

I don't think she missed the point- It doesn't sound like she wants to invite all children, just the girls. Which I think is fine for a shower if they are traditionally ladies' events in her social circles.

OP, I'm assuming the children you are inviting to your shower are also invited to your wedding?

I think she did. The point was not "don't invite children because they'll be bored" (to which her response would have made sense). The point was "why draw the line at gender at all?" (to which her response does not make sense).

Because she doesn't want a coed shower.

Based on her responses that's what I'm getting from it all.

Sure, but does "coed" really matter when they're 2?

ETA - I get the argument that you have a specific number you can host, and cutting out male children gets you to that number, but it's still a totally arbitrary decision unless she's really close to her friends' female children and not their male children.

STARMOON44 · June 2017

flantastic said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915 said:

wakeamy1995 said:

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

I don't think she missed the point- It doesn't sound like she wants to invite all children, just the girls. Which I think is fine for a shower if they are traditionally ladies' events in her social circles.

OP, I'm assuming the children you are inviting to your shower are also invited to your wedding?

I think she did. The point was not "don't invite children because they'll be bored" (to which her response would have made sense). The point was "why draw the line at gender at all?" (to which her response does not make sense).

Because she doesn't want a coed shower.

Based on her responses that's what I'm getting from it all.

Sure, but does "coed" really matter when they're 2?

ETA - I get the argument that you have a specific number you can host, and cutting out male children gets you to that number, but it's still a totally arbitrary decision unless she's really close to her friends' female children and not their male children.

So? I don't get this discussion at all. Who cares if it's arbitrary? It's a decision she gets to make.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2017

flantastic said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915 said:

I think she did. The point was not "don't invite children because they'll be bored" (to which her response would have made sense). The point was "why draw the line at gender at all?" (to which her response does not make sense).

Because she doesn't want a coed shower.

Based on her responses that's what I'm getting from it all.

Sure, but does "coed" really matter when they're 2?

ETA - I get the argument that you have a specific number you can host, and cutting out male children gets you to that number, but it's still a totally arbitrary decision unless she's really close to her friends' female children and not their male children.

No more arbitrary than just inviting her adult female friends and relatives.

flantastic · June 2017

PrettyGirlLost said:

flantastic said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915 said:

I think she did. The point was not "don't invite children because they'll be bored" (to which her response would have made sense). The point was "why draw the line at gender at all?" (to which her response does not make sense).

Because she doesn't want a coed shower.

Based on her responses that's what I'm getting from it all.

Sure, but does "coed" really matter when they're 2?

ETA - I get the argument that you have a specific number you can host, and cutting out male children gets you to that number, but it's still a totally arbitrary decision unless she's really close to her friends' female children and not their male children.

No more arbitrary than just inviting her adult female friends and relatives.

Yeah. Another reason I don't get showers.

I see this as counseling people to invite kids to their wedding that they're close to. Sure, there's a reason for inviting in circles, and "female" is a circle, but yes, an arbitrary one.

ei34 · June 2017

STARMOON44 said:

flantastic said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915 said:

wakeamy1995 said:

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

I don't think she missed the point- It doesn't sound like she wants to invite all children, just the girls. Which I think is fine for a shower if they are traditionally ladies' events in her social circles.

OP, I'm assuming the children you are inviting to your shower are also invited to your wedding?

I think she did. The point was not "don't invite children because they'll be bored" (to which her response would have made sense). The point was "why draw the line at gender at all?" (to which her response does not make sense).

Because she doesn't want a coed shower.

Based on her responses that's what I'm getting from it all.

Sure, but does "coed" really matter when they're 2?

ETA - I get the argument that you have a specific number you can host, and cutting out male children gets you to that number, but it's still a totally arbitrary decision unless she's really close to her friends' female children and not their male children.

So? I don't get this discussion at all. Who cares if it's arbitrary? It's a decision she gets to make.

This. I didn't realize what a big deal it was that in some circles (mine included) showers are for females. Since joining TK I've become aware of plenty of wedding-related things that aren't what I'm used to (regionally, culturally, etc.). It's fun to learn new things. As far as showers, as long as a) the bride isn't hosting b) there's not a Honeyfund or anything else cash grabby and c) all shower guests are invited to the wedding I'm good. IMO PP that had to bring children's genitals into it, and all the PP that "loved" that, were off in their judgement.

flantastic · June 2017

eileenrob said:

STARMOON44 said:

flantastic said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915 said:

wakeamy1995 said:

If people don't want to come to the shower then they don't have to come to the shower. No skin off my nose. If their daughters are going to be bored to tears at the shower, then they don't have to bring them. I think I probably know my friends better than you all do, thanks.

I don't think she missed the point- It doesn't sound like she wants to invite all children, just the girls. Which I think is fine for a shower if they are traditionally ladies' events in her social circles.

OP, I'm assuming the children you are inviting to your shower are also invited to your wedding?

I think she did. The point was not "don't invite children because they'll be bored" (to which her response would have made sense). The point was "why draw the line at gender at all?" (to which her response does not make sense).

Because she doesn't want a coed shower.

Based on her responses that's what I'm getting from it all.

Sure, but does "coed" really matter when they're 2?

ETA - I get the argument that you have a specific number you can host, and cutting out male children gets you to that number, but it's still a totally arbitrary decision unless she's really close to her friends' female children and not their male children.

So? I don't get this discussion at all. Who cares if it's arbitrary? It's a decision she gets to make.

This. I didn't realize what a big deal it was that in some circles (mine included) showers are for females. Since joining TK I've become aware of plenty of wedding-related things that aren't what I'm used to (regionally, culturally, etc.). It's fun to learn new things. As far as showers, as long as a) the bride isn't hosting b) there's not a Honeyfund or anything else cash grabby and c) all shower guests are invited to the wedding I'm good. IMO PP that had to bring children's genitals into it, and all the PP that "loved" that, were off in their judgement.

I think it's just another instance where people are asking "Why? Why do we do this thing? Why is it a tradition? Does it actually makes sense?"

Of course people aren't really going to be surprised at a shower being only for females, and it's not necessarily an etiquette issue, but I think there's no problem with questioning it, especially when the question is over people who are too young to identify with a particular gender yet, and too young to give a crap about a shower.

ei34 · June 2017

I understand the questioning to an extent (although when I hear something new about weddings in the South or Midwest or abroad, etc. I'm personally more "oh okay!" than "why? Why do you do that?!"). I'll admit that it may have just been me that found the use of the word "genitals" weird...making people that are used to female-only showers crass on some level, or twisting our norm into something inherently bad.

MandyMost · June 2017

short+sassy said:

I went to a couples wedding shower. Talk about serious gender segregation, lol. All the ladies were in the living room, oohing and aahing while the bride opened the presents. All the guys were outside drinking beers, BBQing up lunch, and socializing. Once the presents were done, only then did everyone grab grub and mingle together.
No negative reflection on the wedding couple! It was a fun and well hosted shower. But I couldn't help but inwardly laugh at how the stereotypical gender roles just naturally played out with people.
As an aside, I hung out with the guys. Not for bucking gender role reasons, but I was new in town and didn't really know anybody. Plus, one of the BM's was my b/f's most recent ex. So I was not going to be sitting in a room where the only person I knew was the bride and some of the other ladies would be throwing daggers at me, lol!

Societal expectations are not "stereotypical gender roles naturally playing out". I likely would be sitting with all the women oohing and ahhing because it is EXPECTED of me, and I would be judged if I ignored it and went outside with the guys. And guys who wanted to be inside oohing and ahhing would experience the same thing.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2017

MandyMost said:

short+sassy said:

I went to a couples wedding shower. Talk about serious gender segregation, lol. All the ladies were in the living room, oohing and aahing while the bride opened the presents. All the guys were outside drinking beers, BBQing up lunch, and socializing. Once the presents were done, only then did everyone grab grub and mingle together.
No negative reflection on the wedding couple! It was a fun and well hosted shower. But I couldn't help but inwardly laugh at how the stereotypical gender roles just naturally played out with people.
As an aside, I hung out with the guys. Not for bucking gender role reasons, but I was new in town and didn't really know anybody. Plus, one of the BM's was my b/f's most recent ex. So I was not going to be sitting in a room where the only person I knew was the bride and some of the other ladies would be throwing daggers at me, lol!

Societal expectations are not "stereotypical gender roles naturally playing out". I likely would be sitting with all the women oohing and ahhing because it is EXPECTED of me, and I would be judged if I ignored it and went outside with the guys. And guys who wanted to be inside oohing and ahhing would experience the same thing.

Of course they are if you are playing into them.

And stereotypes have a basis in their genesis, or else it wouldn't make any sense for them to be stereotypes. But they can be perpetuated by just going with the societal expectations.

I'm guilty of it to an extent; I don't really care for showers, but in my circles there is always a ton of food and booze, and I enjoy socializing with people I often don't get to see much, so I go. And I was fine with having a shower- spread the pain around! :-P

southernbelle0915 · June 2017

MandyMost said:

short+sassy said:

I went to a couples wedding shower. Talk about serious gender segregation, lol. All the ladies were in the living room, oohing and aahing while the bride opened the presents. All the guys were outside drinking beers, BBQing up lunch, and socializing. Once the presents were done, only then did everyone grab grub and mingle together.
No negative reflection on the wedding couple! It was a fun and well hosted shower. But I couldn't help but inwardly laugh at how the stereotypical gender roles just naturally played out with people.
As an aside, I hung out with the guys. Not for bucking gender role reasons, but I was new in town and didn't really know anybody. Plus, one of the BM's was my b/f's most recent ex. So I was not going to be sitting in a room where the only person I knew was the bride and some of the other ladies would be throwing daggers at me, lol!

Societal expectations are not "stereotypical gender roles naturally playing out". I likely would be sitting with all the women oohing and ahhing because it is EXPECTED of me, and I would be judged if I ignored it and went outside with the guys. And guys who wanted to be inside oohing and ahhing would experience the same thing.

This is an interesting point. If I were a guest at a co-ed shower and hanging with "the guys" while gift opening was going on somewhere else, I could see women side-eyeing my absence. Even though male guests would be excluded from judgement "because the guys would be bored".

But at co-ed showers, the groom is still opening gifts with the bride, right? I would be pretty annoyed if I went to a co-ed shower, gave a gift to the couple, and then half of the couple decided to go drink beer with his buddies instead of open gifts, like household items are "not his thing". Bish, you sleep in sheets and eat off plates, too. Sit down.

CMGragain · June 2017

Could someone please explain to me why a traditional ladies' shower isn't politically correct, but a non-traditional ladies' bachelorette party IS?

PrettyGirlLost · June 2017

southernbelle0915 said:

MandyMost said:

short+sassy said:

I went to a couples wedding shower. Talk about serious gender segregation, lol. All the ladies were in the living room, oohing and aahing while the bride opened the presents. All the guys were outside drinking beers, BBQing up lunch, and socializing. Once the presents were done, only then did everyone grab grub and mingle together.
No negative reflection on the wedding couple! It was a fun and well hosted shower. But I couldn't help but inwardly laugh at how the stereotypical gender roles just naturally played out with people.
As an aside, I hung out with the guys. Not for bucking gender role reasons, but I was new in town and didn't really know anybody. Plus, one of the BM's was my b/f's most recent ex. So I was not going to be sitting in a room where the only person I knew was the bride and some of the other ladies would be throwing daggers at me, lol!

Societal expectations are not "stereotypical gender roles naturally playing out". I likely would be sitting with all the women oohing and ahhing because it is EXPECTED of me, and I would be judged if I ignored it and went outside with the guys. And guys who wanted to be inside oohing and ahhing would experience the same thing.

This is an interesting point. If I were a guest at a co-ed shower and hanging with "the guys" while gift opening was going on somewhere else, I could see women side-eyeing my absence. Even though male guests would be excluded from judgement "because the guys would be bored".

But at co-ed showers, the groom is still opening gifts with the bride, right? I would be pretty annoyed if I went to a co-ed shower, gave a gift to the couple, and then half of the couple decided to go drink beer with his buddies instead of open gifts, like household items are "not his thing". Bish, you sleep in sheets and eat off plates, too. Sit down.

The only coed shower I have ever been to was a baby shower- seems appropriate since sperm is required to make a baby.

It was pretty much segregated by choice- guys in the bar watching a sports game, girls hanging out with the mom to be since most women love babies, right?

I was hanging out with the ladies because the mom to be was my friend; if I had been friends with her husband and not her I'd mostly likely have been in the bar because I'm childfree and I really hate baby showers.

When it came time to play the games the shower host went and fetched the guys who begrudgingly joined in, and they stuck around as we started to open gifts but after a while they all slipped off, even the dad to be.

Amazingly they all showed up on their own for dessert, though.

LondonLisa · June 2017

We are just force gendered so early with domestic toys, pink, etc just because 'it is what's done' rather than thinking through why we are actually doing it. My point was that by saying it's ladies tea with only female children, you are defining people by their genitalia rather than inviting the people you are closest with and who you think will enjoy it. If your closest friends are honestly all women, so be it. But when you start to arbitrarily cut off at sex, especially with children, rather than people you want their company, yes, you are defining by society's expectations gender- so it's important to call that out. To say 'girls will enjoy toasters and kitchenaid mixers but boys will be bored to tears' is just perpetuating this forced gendering.

And to answer CMG's question- just because it was traditionally done a certain doesn't mean it's a good reason to keep doing it. I know plenty of people that had good guy friends on their hen dos. Why does it matter?

If it's a numbers thing, just invite your closest friends (regardless of their sex) and leave kids out of it.

ETA: For pre-pubescent kids, when there's so little difference, calling out defining then by genitalia is the same thing as defining them by sex. It is purposefully shocking because it calls out what we as a society are doing. Why do we care if a strangers baby is a boy or a girl? Why do we say that girls are beautiful and boys are smart/strong so much more than vice versa? There is a tweet I found funny that says: 'I dress my infant daughter in pink so strangers can know what genitalia she has.' It's purposefully shocking, but thought provoking. Why do we colour code our children by what's going on in their pants, and why so we force these learned behaviours on them?

Sex is what is between your legs, gender is what is between your ears. And gender is a spectrum. Some people of all sexes enjoy homewares and tea. So enjoy parties with the PEOPLE you think will enjoy having tea and watching you open homewares, regardless of what is going on in between their legs- because that's not your business.

thisismynickname2 · June 2017

CMGragain said:

Could someone please explain to me why a traditional ladies' shower isn't politically correct, but a non-traditional ladies' bachelorette party IS?

I'll take a stab at this. Showers just for women, to me, reinforce the outdated notion that taking care of home and baby is exclusively a woman's job. It's just not expected anymore. Yes, many women and couples choose that life, but also many women and couples choose to split household, money-earning, and child-rearing duties.

For me and DH, we split household duties. He cares more about our dishes than I do and is a better cook than I am. He had a big say in the items we registered for for our wedding (but I refused to have a shower). Now, we're having a baby, and he'll be doing that child's laundry and cleaning up her barf and transporting her places, etc. He had a say in the registry items, and he was at the baby shower. However, he didn't want to be there and he didn't want a couples shower either even though I suggested it. But he had a hand in making this baby and he's going to be involved in raising her, so a party just for me makes no sense. Our guests were there to support him too.

At the end of the day, a shower can get really big and it can be cost-prohibitive for guests, so I'm still fine with ladies- only showers as a nod to tradition; but I expect the groom or father-to-be to at least be present or make an appearance. Takes two to tango.

short+sassy · June 2017

southernbelle0915 said:

MandyMost said:

short+sassy said:

I went to a couples wedding shower. Talk about serious gender segregation, lol. All the ladies were in the living room, oohing and aahing while the bride opened the presents. All the guys were outside drinking beers, BBQing up lunch, and socializing. Once the presents were done, only then did everyone grab grub and mingle together.
No negative reflection on the wedding couple! It was a fun and well hosted shower. But I couldn't help but inwardly laugh at how the stereotypical gender roles just naturally played out with people.
As an aside, I hung out with the guys. Not for bucking gender role reasons, but I was new in town and didn't really know anybody. Plus, one of the BM's was my b/f's most recent ex. So I was not going to be sitting in a room where the only person I knew was the bride and some of the other ladies would be throwing daggers at me, lol!

Societal expectations are not "stereotypical gender roles naturally playing out". I likely would be sitting with all the women oohing and ahhing because it is EXPECTED of me, and I would be judged if I ignored it and went outside with the guys. And guys who wanted to be inside oohing and ahhing would experience the same thing.

This is an interesting point. If I were a guest at a co-ed shower and hanging with "the guys" while gift opening was going on somewhere else, I could see women side-eyeing my absence. Even though male guests would be excluded from judgement "because the guys would be bored".

But at co-ed showers, the groom is still opening gifts with the bride, right? I would be pretty annoyed if I went to a co-ed shower, gave a gift to the couple, and then half of the couple decided to go drink beer with his buddies instead of open gifts, like household items are "not his thing". Bish, you sleep in sheets and eat off plates, too. Sit down.

I hope I didn't come across that I was side-eyeing anyone at the shower for doing what they were doing. Perhaps "natural" was a bad word choice. But whether it was preference or expectation, the end result was all the guys in one spot and all the gals in another. At least for opening the presents. I just found the segregation striking and even a little surprising from a sociological perspective.

This was the only co-ed shower I've been to, so I can't speak for the "norm", but the groom was mainly outside with the guys. Though I think he popped into the living room a few times while presents were being opened. There weren't any shower games played.

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