So, How's Married Life?

kwiksilver · July 2017

H and I lived together for 7.5 years before we finally got married. Since our wedding (only 2 weeks ago) several people have asked how it's going?

Ummm... the same? Honestly it doesn't feel different, for either of us. We just keep on keeping on. I realize it hasn't been that long, so I am just curious if any of you noticed any difference after you got married? Obviously if you didn't live together beforehand that would be a huge change.

Mostly I am procrastinating on packing, LOL, so I am posting all the things on TK instead of sorting out the contents of my basement (please don't make me go back down there

)

mrsconn23 · July 2017

"Married life is great. We used some of the wedding money to buy a sex swing!"

short+sassy · July 2017

I had a little bit the opposite experience. My H and I were together a LONG time before we got married. LONG. Together for 13 years and living together for 12 when we got married. I had actually made my peace with the fact that he might never be ready to get married.

At any rate, I didn't think much would be different. But I was wrong, in a good way. Our daily life certainly wasn't any different. However, it was like a "deeper feelings" switch had been turned on. We became even closer and started talking about the long term future. Before that, we might have talked about the future in terms of the "vacation we want to go on next summer". But it just never really went beyond 1-2 years out.

Maybe part of that was we always kept our finances separate. To an extent, we still do. But now we talk about our finances in terms of "ours". What are WE saving for. How do WE want to retire.

Heck, I saved for the down payment and bought my house before we got married. Though we'd been together over 10 years at that point. It is only me on the title and the mortgage. If he had up and skipped out, I could have paid the mortgage on my own. Though, I kid you not, I charged him rent. We'd split our rent before I bought the house and he wasn't getting a free ride, lol.

There! I've written a good bit to help you avoid the basement .

Subwayloves · July 2017

We have people ask us "How's married life?" all the time, and pretty much feel the same way! We'd been together 5 years when we got married, lived together for about 4.5 of those years, and bought a house together a few months before we got married. We combined our finances when we bought the house, so being homeowners and having our finances together did change things a bit, but we both had always been very open about our finances before this and had lived together long before this, so it wasn't a huge change. Getting married was great and I'm happy we are, but honestly the only things that have changed are my last name and I now call him my husband. Whenever people ask us this, our answer is always "the same as before we were married" haha.

missJeanLouise · July 2017

DH has baby fever now that we are married but other than that SSDD.

Eta: I agree about that deeper connection feeling. Not over whelmingly so but ever once in a while I just smile to myself and think how lucky I am. Idk if it is a deeper connection or if I just feel more secure since breaking up is harder now (yes, I have commitment and trust issues)

charlotte989875 · July 2017

missJeanLouise said:

DH has baby fever now that we are married but other than that SSDD.

Eta: I agree about that deeper connection feeling. Not over whelmingly so but ever once in a while I just smile to myself and think how lucky I am. Idk if it is a deeper connection or if I just feel more secure since breaking up is harder now (yes, I have commitment and trust issues)

We both have said we feel the same way. That there's a subtle, deeper connection. Hard to describe, but things felt slightly different after we were married. And still does. Even though we were committed to one another people the wedding, and lived together, we made more decisions separately, now it's like we're more considerate about choices and we're definitely a team/a family now.

climbingsingle · July 2017

My H and I got engaged after 5 months. I moved in with him shortly after that and we got married 1 year later. I didn't feel that our day to day lives changed at all, but I did feel a deeper connection with him after we got married. Sort of a "we're definitely in this together, and it's real, and we're working together for a great marriage and a happy life". I don't know how to better explain it. To me, it's such a deeper commitment than being dated or engaged and I felt that.

I didn't have a ton of people asking "how's married life?". I had more people ask when we're having kids (we're not). We're approaching our 3 year anniversary, and people still ask.

MissKittyDanger · July 2017

missJeanLouise said:

DH has baby fever now that we are married

I love when guy's get baby fever because it seems so rare lmao!

MissKittyDanger · July 2017

It's been almost 2yrs married, and we've been together 6.5 years - living together for basically 6 yrs - so yeah, same deal.

Best part? Finding new people to introduce "this is my husband/wife" to

CharmedPam · July 2017

I get asked all the time. It's the exact same. As I mentioned before, we're not very conventional because of his work being 3 hours away from mine, so he's not with me 100% of the time. He's looking for transfers to we can live together, and when that happens - then you can start asking me.

justsie · July 2017

Feel similar to others, not much seemed to change other than I (and H) feel like I have responsibility for another now. It could be described as a deeper connection as well. We have also not combined finances, and until his student loan is paid off I'm not sure we will. H also jokes more about having kids, but I wouldn't say its baby fever. I think he just knows more now than ever that he isn't going to have children in the future- not with me at least- and likes to poke fun.

apollymi · July 2017

I've always wondered about this. FI and I have been living together for 7 years, 8 by the time we're married. We already have shared bank accounts. Before he proposed he was always like "I don't know why you want to get engaged, we're practically married already". We're technically "common law", are on each other's benefits, file taxes together lol. But I always think that something will be different when we get married.. guess we'll find out lol

MissKittyDanger · July 2017

soontobemrs-2 said:

I've always wondered about this. FI and I have been living together for 7 years, 8 by the time we're married. We already have shared bank accounts. Before he proposed he was always like "I don't know why you want to get engaged, we're practically married already". We're technically "common law", are on each other's benefits, file taxes together lol. But I always think that something will be different when we get married.. guess we'll find out lol

M wasn't into marriage, but I personally wanted to get married.
I couldn't even tell you why .... maybe it's because my parents got married and had a good relationship? Part of me didn't want to be 'common law' forever though.

drid · July 2017

Its been about two months for me now, and I still get that question all of the time. Lol its exactly the same for me, although I will say H seems to think it feels different for him. We've been together 7 years, lived together 6. Married life just seems like any other day. H does seem to be getting more serious about paying off debt and saving money though, I don't know if thats his way of mentally preparing himself for starting a family or what... its a good thing but its driving me batty! Haha

CharmedPam · July 2017

climbingwife said:

My H and I got engaged after 5 months. I moved in with him shortly after that and we got married 1 year later. I didn't feel that our day to day lives changed at all, but I did feel a deeper connection with him after we got married. Sort of a "we're definitely in this together, and it's real, and we're working together for a great marriage and a happy life". I don't know how to better explain it. To me, it's such a deeper commitment than being dated or engaged and I felt that.

I didn't have a ton of people asking "how's married life?". I had more people ask when we're having kids (we're not). We're approaching our 3 year anniversary, and people still ask.

I'm sure you've seen this article, @climbingwife, but I LOVE it (we're not having kids either);

http://www.today.com/series/things-i-wish-i-knew/child-free-marriage-11-things-i-want-you-know-t112788?cid=sm_npd_td_fb_ma

MissKittyDanger · July 2017

CharmedPam said:

climbingwife said:

My H and I got engaged after 5 months. I moved in with him shortly after that and we got married 1 year later. I didn't feel that our day to day lives changed at all, but I did feel a deeper connection with him after we got married. Sort of a "we're definitely in this together, and it's real, and we're working together for a great marriage and a happy life". I don't know how to better explain it. To me, it's such a deeper commitment than being dated or engaged and I felt that.

I didn't have a ton of people asking "how's married life?". I had more people ask when we're having kids (we're not). We're approaching our 3 year anniversary, and people still ask.

I'm sure you've seen this article, @climbingwife, but I LOVE it (we're not having kids either);
http://www.today.com/series/things-i-wish-i-knew/child-free-marriage-11-things-i-want-you-know-t112788?cid=sm_npd_td_fb_ma

I'm not sure if my friend's opinion changed {likely not} but a friend of mine while with her ex was to not have kids.

When people ask her if she planned on having kids, she would tell them no she didn't plan on it and basically bean dipped it.

CharmedPam · July 2017

MissKittyDanger said:

CharmedPam said:

climbingwife said:

My H and I got engaged after 5 months. I moved in with him shortly after that and we got married 1 year later. I didn't feel that our day to day lives changed at all, but I did feel a deeper connection with him after we got married. Sort of a "we're definitely in this together, and it's real, and we're working together for a great marriage and a happy life". I don't know how to better explain it. To me, it's such a deeper commitment than being dated or engaged and I felt that.

I didn't have a ton of people asking "how's married life?". I had more people ask when we're having kids (we're not). We're approaching our 3 year anniversary, and people still ask.

I'm sure you've seen this article, @climbingwife, but I LOVE it (we're not having kids either);
http://www.today.com/series/things-i-wish-i-knew/child-free-marriage-11-things-i-want-you-know-t112788?cid=sm_npd_td_fb_ma

I'm not sure if my friend's opinion changed {likely not} but a friend of mine while with her ex was to not have kids.

When people ask her if she planned on having kids, she would tell them no she didn't plan on it and basically bean dipped it.

It's a sore subject for us, actually because DH wants them and I don't (we did go to a marriage counselor about it before getting married and DH said it wasn't a deal breaker). There's so many reasons for us to not have them that I won't go into, but I always get "you'll be a terrific mom! You should have them!"

Are you going to pay for them? and most importantly, watch them for me? No? Then STFU.

climbingsingle · July 2017

CharmedPam said:

MissKittyDanger said:

CharmedPam said:

climbingwife said:

My H and I got engaged after 5 months. I moved in with him shortly after that and we got married 1 year later. I didn't feel that our day to day lives changed at all, but I did feel a deeper connection with him after we got married. Sort of a "we're definitely in this together, and it's real, and we're working together for a great marriage and a happy life". I don't know how to better explain it. To me, it's such a deeper commitment than being dated or engaged and I felt that.

I didn't have a ton of people asking "how's married life?". I had more people ask when we're having kids (we're not). We're approaching our 3 year anniversary, and people still ask.

I'm sure you've seen this article, @climbingwife, but I LOVE it (we're not having kids either);
http://www.today.com/series/things-i-wish-i-knew/child-free-marriage-11-things-i-want-you-know-t112788?cid=sm_npd_td_fb_ma

I'm not sure if my friend's opinion changed {likely not} but a friend of mine while with her ex was to not have kids.

When people ask her if she planned on having kids, she would tell them no she didn't plan on it and basically bean dipped it.

It's a sore subject for us, actually because DH wants them and I don't (we did go to a marriage counselor about it before getting married and DH said it wasn't a deal breaker). There's so many reasons for us to not have them that I won't go into, but I always get "you'll be a terrific mom! You should have them!"

Are you going to pay for them? and most importantly, watch them for me? No? Then STFU.

Omg, this annoys me to no end. I've gotten this comment from people too. First, you don't know that. I don't know that. I don't think I would be a good mother, so I'm not having them. And if I would make a good mother, it still doesn't fucking matter! I don't want kids.

MissKittyDanger · July 2017

CharmedPam said:

MissKittyDanger said:

CharmedPam said:

climbingwife said:

My H and I got engaged after 5 months. I moved in with him shortly after that and we got married 1 year later. I didn't feel that our day to day lives changed at all, but I did feel a deeper connection with him after we got married. Sort of a "we're definitely in this together, and it's real, and we're working together for a great marriage and a happy life". I don't know how to better explain it. To me, it's such a deeper commitment than being dated or engaged and I felt that.

I didn't have a ton of people asking "how's married life?". I had more people ask when we're having kids (we're not). We're approaching our 3 year anniversary, and people still ask.

I'm sure you've seen this article, @climbingwife, but I LOVE it (we're not having kids either);
http://www.today.com/series/things-i-wish-i-knew/child-free-marriage-11-things-i-want-you-know-t112788?cid=sm_npd_td_fb_ma

I'm not sure if my friend's opinion changed {likely not} but a friend of mine while with her ex was to not have kids.

When people ask her if she planned on having kids, she would tell them no she didn't plan on it and basically bean dipped it.

It's a sore subject for us, actually because DH wants them and I don't (we did go to a marriage counselor about it before getting married and DH said it wasn't a deal breaker). There's so many reasons for us to not have them that I won't go into, but I always get "you'll be a terrific mom! You should have them!"

Are you going to pay for them? and most importantly, watch them for me? No? Then STFU.

I think I asked my friend once years ago, and haven't brought it up since.
I try to be sensitive to those who say they don't want to, sometimes it's just doesn't feel like my place to ask any further.
{note: this depends on my relationship with the person - my friend I asked her why she opted not to, but I've known her since I was 4 so I'm more comfortable asking things like that}

CharmedPam · July 2017

One of my friends cannot have children. She wants them. She tells people she "just doesn't want them" instead of going on about her medical conditions. She still gets the "when are you going to have kids" comment after 1 year of being married. I feel bad for her. It may be a tough subject for people who want them but medically cannot have biological children.

MissKittyDanger · July 2017

CharmedPam said:

One of my friends cannot have children. She wants them. She tells people she "just doesn't want them" instead of going on about her medical conditions. She still gets the "when are you going to have kids" comment after 1 year of being married. I feel bad for her. It may be a tough subject for people who want them but medically cannot have biological children.

Poor woman

Tbh she should say she can't. Get people off her back.
Between me and other issues, my parents couldn't have any other kids.
My mum worked with a woman who would get abortions like she was trying to fill up a card, I remember seeing my mum crying to my dad one day because she was so angry people would take advantage of a system meant to help people. I think that's when I realized how much of a sensitive issue it was in general ...

short+sassy · July 2017

CharmedPam said:

One of my friends cannot have children. She wants them. She tells people she "just doesn't want them" instead of going on about her medical conditions. She still gets the "when are you going to have kids" comment after 1 year of being married. I feel bad for her. It may be a tough subject for people who want them but medically cannot have biological children.

Thanks for that article link! I swear I could have written it, almost word for word, lol.

While it is annoying for those of us who don't want children to get those questions, I can only imagine it is heartbreaking for people like your friend who suffer from infertility. Attention World At Large: that is the BEST reason to just STFU with questions about the family planning of others.

I don't know if it is because I got married later in life (late 30's), but I haven't gotten too many of the "are you going to have kids" questions.

When I do, I laugh, smile, and reply, "No kids, by choice. I like my time and money too much." That's my funny answer but, really, I've just never had the desire. I sometimes wonder if I'm missing that piece of DNA that so many others seem to have, lol.

I previously had a coworker, who thankfully no longer works here, who used to ask me all the time if I had kids. I'd tell him I didn't and didn't want any. He'd say that was too bad because I'd be such a good mother. It was like the Twilight Zone. I swear I had the exact same conversation with him a dozen times. Then he finally started remembering I didn't have kids and would say stuff like "You still don't want kids?" "Nope." "That's too bad! You'd make such a good mother." I don't know if he was just trying to make conversation and had a limited repertoire, but it was just bizarre.

kwiksilver · July 2017

Thanks for all the awesome responses guys!

I do love referring to/calling H my husband, and being his wife.

We don't get the kids question for a couple of reasons I think. One, we are both almost 35, and I have 2 teenagers from my first marriage, so I think people assume we are "past that". Second, most of our more immediate family knows that I had a miscarriage in December and just avoid the subject entirely, or broach it with a very gentle "Do you think you will try again?" (We are now and it's scary for me)

I do get the deeper connection part. H and I have had fairly intertwined lives for years (financially, parenting, all that) so I didn't anticipate having anything change. However now that you've all mentioned it, I do have little moments where I feel a bit different about him, in a good way.

Everyones experience is so interesting, so I really have enjoyed reading them!

Edited because my phone likes to make up words

VarunaTT · July 2017

climbingwife said:

CharmedPam said:

MissKittyDanger said:

CharmedPam said:

climbingwife said:

My H and I got engaged after 5 months. I moved in with him shortly after that and we got married 1 year later. I didn't feel that our day to day lives changed at all, but I did feel a deeper connection with him after we got married. Sort of a "we're definitely in this together, and it's real, and we're working together for a great marriage and a happy life". I don't know how to better explain it. To me, it's such a deeper commitment than being dated or engaged and I felt that.

I didn't have a ton of people asking "how's married life?". I had more people ask when we're having kids (we're not). We're approaching our 3 year anniversary, and people still ask.

I'm sure you've seen this article, @climbingwife, but I LOVE it (we're not having kids either);
http://www.today.com/series/things-i-wish-i-knew/child-free-marriage-11-things-i-want-you-know-t112788?cid=sm_npd_td_fb_ma

I'm not sure if my friend's opinion changed {likely not} but a friend of mine while with her ex was to not have kids.

When people ask her if she planned on having kids, she would tell them no she didn't plan on it and basically bean dipped it.

It's a sore subject for us, actually because DH wants them and I don't (we did go to a marriage counselor about it before getting married and DH said it wasn't a deal breaker). There's so many reasons for us to not have them that I won't go into, but I always get "you'll be a terrific mom! You should have them!"

Are you going to pay for them? and most importantly, watch them for me? No? Then STFU.

Omg, this annoys me to no end. I've gotten this comment from people too. First, you don't know that. I don't know that. I don't think I would be a good mother, so I'm not having them. And if I would make a good mother, it still doesn't fucking matter! I don't want kids.

I like to tell people that I'd be an awesome bullfighter too, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do it for many different logical reasons, up to and including I don't want to...just like being a mom.

And I've kind of started to go in on people for doing this. After having so many friends who experienced so many problems getting pregnant, it's just really freaking inconsiderate for people to 1. think they have a right to this knowledge which is probably one of the most personally intimate decisions you'll make (if you are in family planning) or 2. might have a heartbreak behind it that they shouldn't be all up in reminding people. I just nicely say, "That's not really any of your business, at any time. Stop asking people, because you might be really hurting them." I try to stay nice about it if they argue (which it amazing me how many people do), but after having one BFF who had wanted children since we were teenagers, finding out it wasn't a possibility at all, and her journey in dealing with that (though she has since adopted), well, it just really rubs me the wrong way.

Alaska_RockGirl · July 2017

We'll be married three weeks tomorrow, so not much time to notice any changes. For me it doesn't feel any different, it's more I'll catch myself thinking "we're married?" But we just got our official marriage certificate in the mail so I guess we are!

We lived together for about a year and a half before marriage. I can't remember when he moved in, actually. So not much has changed. We haven't really had much time to think about it either, what with family here visiting for the wedding. And then a friend had a crisis which necessitated us helping out by watching her two year old all last weekend. I appreciated the discussion regarding alcoholics on another thread, I've never dealt with anything like this and I learned a lot from it.

We're child-free too! Mostly driven by my H as he very firmly does not want kids. I was on the fence, but decided I'd rather spend my life with a wonderful guy having adventures then go looking for a guy who wanted to have kids.

climbingsingle · July 2017

VarunaTT said:

climbingwife said:

CharmedPam said:

MissKittyDanger said:

CharmedPam said:

climbingwife said:

My H and I got engaged after 5 months. I moved in with him shortly after that and we got married 1 year later. I didn't feel that our day to day lives changed at all, but I did feel a deeper connection with him after we got married. Sort of a "we're definitely in this together, and it's real, and we're working together for a great marriage and a happy life". I don't know how to better explain it. To me, it's such a deeper commitment than being dated or engaged and I felt that.

I didn't have a ton of people asking "how's married life?". I had more people ask when we're having kids (we're not). We're approaching our 3 year anniversary, and people still ask.

I'm sure you've seen this article, @climbingwife, but I LOVE it (we're not having kids either);
http://www.today.com/series/things-i-wish-i-knew/child-free-marriage-11-things-i-want-you-know-t112788?cid=sm_npd_td_fb_ma

I'm not sure if my friend's opinion changed {likely not} but a friend of mine while with her ex was to not have kids.

When people ask her if she planned on having kids, she would tell them no she didn't plan on it and basically bean dipped it.

It's a sore subject for us, actually because DH wants them and I don't (we did go to a marriage counselor about it before getting married and DH said it wasn't a deal breaker). There's so many reasons for us to not have them that I won't go into, but I always get "you'll be a terrific mom! You should have them!"

Are you going to pay for them? and most importantly, watch them for me? No? Then STFU.

Omg, this annoys me to no end. I've gotten this comment from people too. First, you don't know that. I don't know that. I don't think I would be a good mother, so I'm not having them. And if I would make a good mother, it still doesn't fucking matter! I don't want kids.

I like to tell people that I'd be an awesome bullfighter too, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do it for many different logical reasons, up to and including I don't want to...just like being a mom.

And I've kind of started to go in on people for doing this. After having so many friends who experienced so many problems getting pregnant, it's just really freaking inconsiderate for people to 1. think they have a right to this knowledge which is probably one of the most personally intimate decisions you'll make (if you are in family planning) or 2. might have a heartbreak behind it that they shouldn't be all up in reminding people. I just nicely say, "That's not really any of your business, at any time. Stop asking people, because you might be really hurting them." I try to stay nice about it if they argue (which it amazing me how many people do), but after having one BFF who had wanted children since we were teenagers, finding out it wasn't a possibility at all, and her journey in dealing with that (though she has since adopted), well, it just really rubs me the wrong way.

I've had friends struggle with infertility too, and my heart breaks for them. And honestly, I told people we're not having kids because I can't. I'm hoping if I make them feel bad enough for asking, they'll stop.

kerbohl · July 2017

I did get the "how's married life" question a lot, but it was more "when are you having kids" right after the marriage. I don't want kids. I would not make a good mother. I don't think DH would be able to help out with kids as much as he would like and that would really upset him. Why people were asking me this within weeks of getting married (and we hadn't lived together before, so you would think they would get that maybe we just want to be together alone first without throwing a brood of kids into the mix) just boggled my mind. And I did have some people who avidly wanted me to have kids and kept doing the whole "you'll change your mind", "it's different when it's your own child", "but you'd make a great mom" etc ... I've been married 3 1/2 years now, and it's started to get quiet, but it might be the calm before the storm, like the people who did figure that we would want to be married without kids for a bit haven't spoken up but will start to now ...

Subwayloves · July 2017

We also get the kids question a lot. We do want kids, but are planning to wait at least 4-5 years (we're only 24 and 25!). MIL especially wants us to have kids ASAP, and while it's nice to know someone will be so excited when we do have children, it gets old sometimes. She just retired a few months ago, and at her retirement party she got drunk and told H we needed to have kids now so she could have "a purpose in life"

WinstonsGirl · July 2017

We lived together before we got married, and we both commented that nothing really felt different.

We we also don't really get the kids question, probably since I've been pretty vocal about not wanting them. DH is on the fence yes, but fine without them. We still have the conversation though on occasion. I sometimes think I'd want them, but it's more cos I think DH would love having kids and cos I don't want to regret not having them one day when it's too late. I've always been able to put it off as a deal with later thing, but now I'm pushing 40 and all of a sudden it seems like I need to make a final decision pretty soon. I don't want to regret not having kids, but also don't want to have them for the wrong reasons

MCmeow · July 2017

We get asked this all the time (as does every other recently married couple). It is pretty much the same. We lived together anyway. The only few differences is my new last name, I moved my maiden to be my middle name. People have gotten obsessive with asking about having kids, now whenever we have a surprise for someone they think we're announcing a pregnancy (We were just gifting them some whiskey!).
I also do feel more connected to him now, like more of a part of him than before, plus I was able to get his check up results by phone for just saying I'm his wife, which wouldn't have happened before, so I'm feeling the perks. ALSO I'm getting a bit baby crazy, which I hope goes away because we don't plan on having kids until at least 2019 lol. But the way we treat each other or act or our daily lives are pretty much the same haha.

CMGragain · July 2017

In the bad old days, "How's married life?" used to be a subtle way of
asking how you liked having sex for the first time. Yeah, for real.

So, How's Married Life?

Re: So, How's Married Life?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards