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Invite with no save the date?

augustgirl21augustgirl21 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

Hello,

So I know it's not proper/rude to send a save the date and then not send a invite but what if I don't send them a save the date but send an invite?


There's a couple people that currently I don't want to invite to my wedding but feel like when the invites need to go out I might have a change of heart

So do you knotties think I can not send them a save the date but send them an invite later?

Thanks!

 

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Re: Invite with no save the date?

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited August 2017
    Save the Dates are a very new idea.  They are not required at all.  Mostly, they are a courtesy for OOT guests so that they can make travel plans.
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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Definitely! That's a good move for someone you're on the fence about inviting. Just make sure you send their invite when you send the rest of them, and don't wait until you get "enough declines" or something like that, because that's considered rude. (They'll likely know they were b-listed, since they'd get their invite closer to the RSVP date than others)
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  • augustgirl21augustgirl21 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment

    Thanks!! I will be sending all the invites out at once for sure.
    I'm hoping we will be on better terms in a few months but currently as the Dixie Chicks put it years ago...

    Image result for im not ready to make nice gif

     

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Of course. Lots of people send STDs just to their VIPs and then invites to everyone else. Common practice.
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Everyone who receives a save-the-date must receive an invite. Not everyone who receives an invite must receive a save-the-date first. 

    For what it's worth, we didn't send them at all. 
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  • ScottishSarahScottishSarah member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I only sent STDs to wedding party, close family and people that were out of town.
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  • mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2017
    There's nothing wrong with sending Save The Dates to some guests and not others, as mentioned above.

    I do think there is potential for hurt feelings if you send STDs to everyone else on your guest list, including those who are friends with the "Maybe" people, as the Maybes may find out and take it as a sign you don't plan to invite them. But obviously you know the situation best and can make that call.

    A simple way to avoid any issues like that is to not bother with STDs or to only send them to a limited number of guests. E.g., those who'd need to make travel arrangements or VIPs you can't imagine having your wedding without. (For the latter it's best to tell them the dates you're considering before you book anything so they can let you know if they have any existing conflicts). Bonus: less time & money spent by you!
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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    @mollybarker11 that's a good point. We had a "maybe" couple and did send STDs to our local friends so I'm sure that couple saw it on someone's fridge. No one said anything, but the first time I saw it at someone's house I was like oh crap.
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  • augustgirl21augustgirl21 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment

    @mollyBarker11 not to sound mean but at this point I don't care if I hurt her feelings. She's wronged me I have told her such multiple times (and not just in anger) and she has not apologized. That's really all I need from her is an apology. So maybe not inviting her will fully make her understand I'm mad.

     

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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2017
    augustgirl21 said:

    @mollyBarker11 not to sound mean but at this point I don't care if I hurt her feelings. She's wronged me I have told her such multiple times (and not just in anger) and she has not apologized. That's really all I need from her is an apology. So maybe not inviting her will fully make her understand I'm mad.

    So...can I ask why you're even thinking of inviting this person? If she's wronged you so many times, she doesn't seem like someone who needs to be invited. I could see if maybe she's in the same group as most of your friends and would cause a problem if not invited, but outside of that...I wouldn't even worry about it. It kind of seems like you're trying to force an apology by withholding a STD, which is pretty childish.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    augustgirl21 said:

    @mollyBarker11 not to sound mean but at this point I don't care if I hurt her feelings. She's wronged me I have told her such multiple times (and not just in anger) and she has not apologized. That's really all I need from her is an apology. So maybe not inviting her will fully make her understand I'm mad.

    Indirect means of trying to force an apology from someone who's not inclined to give one are very rarely successful, and the passive-aggressiveness involved is part of the reason why.

    If you really need to invite this person to stay on good terms with your common friends, I would do so and then end the friendship after the wedding.
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