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NWR: Funeral Etiquette

nicgetsknottednicgetsknotted member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Chit Chat
Sorry for the bummer post, but if anyone knows the etiquette in this situation it's definitely you guys…
My best friend's grandpa passed away on Friday, and his funeral is this week. In his obituary there is the standard 'in lieu of flowers, please donate on his behalf to such and such charity'.
I know donations are usually very personal and private, but in this case do you usually let the family know about it, where it was in honor of their loved one? Does it help them to know that people cared enough to donate in his honor, or is it tacky to say anything?
This is my first adult funeral. Thank you for the help.

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Re: NWR: Funeral Etiquette

  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    There may be cards available from the charity to have at the funeral home. I was just at a funeral where they had these on display from various family and friends. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Usually, the charity sends a list of donors to the bereaved, but not always. In my experience, it's comforting to know who made memorial donations and I like to send an acknowledgement. 

    If there are no charity cards at the funeral home, you could make out a check to the charity and enclose it in a sympathy note for to your friend. 
                       
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    When my dad passed, we asked for donations to the humane society. I'm not sure if all places are the same, but typically they accept 'in honor of' and then the family gets a list of who donated. Some places do how much, others do total donated.
    They may have that option at the funeral home to do it, but you can also contact the charity to see how to donate if you'd like.

    Sorry to hear about your friend's grandfather.
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  • ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    My uncle recently passed, and his widow asked for donations in lieu of anything else as well. I think a few people let her know they made a donation, and some charities give you a little form or certificate to give the family. She LOVED knowing that those donations were made, and that so many people cared enough about my uncle to make that effort. I think most of the people who donated included it as a line in their sympathy card. The organization might let the family know too, I would just double check with them or the funeral home. (She didn't have a formal funeral, there will be just an informal get together at their house, hence not having anywhere official to get cards, etc).
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  • nicgetsknottednicgetsknotted member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Thanks everyone! Her grandfather worked a lot with the homeless population, so we organized through a food bank to provide a winter coat and boots for a child this winter. Since there isn't a receipt I will probably put a small line in the card like @ahoywedding mentioned. I just didn't want to be an AW.
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    nicgetsknotted said:
    Thanks everyone! Her grandfather worked a lot with the homeless population, so we organized through a food bank to provide a winter coat and boots for a child this winter. Since there isn't a receipt I will probably put a small line in the card like @ahoywedding mentioned. I just didn't want to be an AW.


    I agree with the other PPs.  I don't think it is AW at all, if you want to include a line in your sympathy card about the donation.

    My father passed away unexpectedly at a relatively young age (49).  My mom asked that donations be made, in lieu of flowers, to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.  I'm pretty sure we received some kind of information from the JDRF on who had donated on our behalf.  But it was even nicer to read in the sympathy card that the person had donated.  It was heartwarming for people to think of us and the charity that is the most dear to my father and our family. 

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