Not sure what I’m looking for here because knowing my mom, I already know I’ll never be able to tell her how I feel about what she did, and I know she’ll never apologize, and I know I’ll never be able to get that moment back. I guess I’m just wondering if this has ever happened to anyone else. And I definitely need to vent.
With about a minute left to go in my dance with my dad, my dad and I felt our shoulders being tapped, and there was my mom saying “I have to cut in, my turn” or something like that. My first thought when I felt myself being tapped was that I must be on fire or my dress must have torn completely off, because why else would anyone possibly interrupt this brief moment that every little girl dreams of her whole life? She and my dad have been divorced for 12 years but she still hates his guts, and she couldn’t stand the sight of him with me any longer, and she made it known. My dad and I were both stunned. He kind of shuffled off, not wanting to make a scene. I took a few beats to process what was happening, before I exploded with “that was really f*&#ing rude,” to which she replied, “hahahahaha I know hahahahahaha but why should he get the whole song with you!” At that point, I couldn’t take it anymore and was going to cry, but I knew that everyone was watching this happen, so I just walked off the floor and thankfully the DJ noticed what was happening and knew to end the song early.
I did everything I possibly could to incorporate her in the wedding; I had her walk me down the aisle with him, my new husband and I presented her with a gold plated rose during the ceremony… When she demanded that she needed a front row seat at the ceremony, but that my father wasn’t allowed to be in the same row – he had to sit in the 2nd one – I said ok. I picked my battles with her. When she demanded that I put his table at the reception as far from hers as possible (“let me see the seating chart – where is he sitting – no that’s too close – put him in this corner by the serving station behind the giant pillar so he won’t be able to see anything all night) – fine. I know it’s hard for her to see him and be around him. I also know she’s the type to throw tantrums with me and make scenes, so I probably gave in to her whims more than I should have throughout the entire planning process, just to keep some semblance of peace. Maybe I should have been more firm let her know how important this day was to me, and maybe I should have asked her to put her differences aside for me just for one day so that I could enjoy being a daughter to both of my parents for one more time on the most important day of my life. I know I am partly to blame for what happened because I set the tone that enabled her to take command of that special moment with my father, made more special to me by the fact of our own strained relationship over the years. It kills me that I’ll never get that time with him back, that she couldn’t suck up her pride for 60 more seconds to let me have that. I want so badly to let go of these feelings and move on, because I know I’ll never make any progress talking to her about it. I’ve already heard through my brother that she thinks what she did was completely justified, and when he tried to argue, things got nasty as we both expected.
Anyway, if you’ve made it this far thanks for listening