Which city do we choose???

Re: Which city do we choose???

• MobKaz member

  

  October 2017

  TammyLynn84 said:

  We just got engaged 2 weeks ago and my fiance and I are filled with excitement! We want to get married within a year and our first decision is maybe going to be the most stressful - which city to we get married in??? 
  
  I was born and raised in Pittsburgh, PA and my fiance in Indianapolis, IN. Our families still live in these cities and we're currently in Indy as well. 
  
  How do we choose the city? We don't want to look outside of these two areas, but I can't easily make a decision. I have always wanted to get married in my home church, but this isn't just about me. 
  
  Anyone run into this?? How did you decide?? 
  
  XOXO

  Congratulations!
  
  Actually, your first decisions should focus on your guest list and budget.  Those two factors will drive everything else.
  
  In terms of affordability, a local wedding typically makes the most sense.  You and your FI don't have to add transportation and lodging costs to your budget. You will have an easier time making ceremony, reception, and all other wedding related decisions if done locally.   It will be frustrating that one family will need to travel for the wedding, but sometimes such an issue cannot be helped.
  
  You also need to consider time.  How much time will you and your FI have to go back and forth if you choose PA as the wedding location?  Now you need to factor in things such as transporting a wedding gown, and other wedding related items you may purchase in IN.
  
  Both choices will require some sacrifice.  Knowing your budget will help with some of these decisions.  I would personally prioritize my home church, but then I would know that I have family that would be happy to volunteer to help with wedding planning.  If you are more of a "hands on/take control" person, it might be too stressful to plan a long distance wedding.
  

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• ernursej member

  

  October 2017

  I would also add that it might be worth gathering thoughts from VIPs. If you find out that all from one family would be able to travel but not the other way around, you might prioritize going with the location that is convenient for the non travelers. 

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  October 2017

  Congratulations on your engagement!!
  
  We also ran into this; H and I met in Buffalo where we went to grad school (H went to high school & college there too) and where my parents and his brothers family lived. But he grew up in Pittsburgh so most of his family was there. We were living in Western North Carolina at the time. We chose to get married in Buffalo; all my family was there, most of our friends were there, and we knew the area really well. It did mean his family had to travel and we had to plan remotely, but it worked for more of our guests. 
  
  Id say talk to your VIPs, figure out your budget, and really think about what is most important to you. Maybe it is getting married in your home church, that’s okay! Or maybe if you’re planning for within a year (we did, and it’s defin possible even remotely) it’s easiest to do it where you are now. Some people will have to travel, so make it as easy for them as possible, but know this is pretty common with weddings now; people don’t stay in their hometowns as much as they used to, so people know they may have to travel, vendors work remotely. 
  
  Good luck!

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• ahoywedding member

  

  October 2017

  We live in the city H grew up in. At first, I wanted to get married in my hometown, but it's kind of a smallish town and expensive to fly to. Then I thought about the park we camped in growing up (state park, so they have all the essentials for a wedding), but that's another 2 hour drive from my small hometown which would add ANOTHER layer of headache for our guests.
  
  We decided to plan our wedding where we live now, because it seemed easier to plan locally, we had bought a house and kind of settled in this area. The weather is nicer here that it is in my home state (we got married in the spring, it snowed in WI the days before people were heading down!), so most of our guests who traveled looked forward to getting out of the crap weather. My one sister in grad school is closer to where we live now, and the other one has a very good, flexible job with plenty of vacation time so her traveling wasn't an issue. My parents also had the flexibility to travel and get into town a little bit before the wedding to help finish all the planning stuff.
  
  All that being said, I did feel a little...sad...we weren't getting married in my "home," and H & I talked about it extensively. I had a couple friends who were pregnant and couldn't travel, and a couple family members who couldn't afford it. We made plans to see them when we went back up there a few months after. In the end, this city feels like where we started our life together, and that was important to us.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  October 2017

  Congrats!!!
  
  It will be MUCH easier to plan the wedding where you live. We planned a wedding on the other side of our state and it was fine/doable, but it's always easier to plan locally.
  
  If you're religious (which it sounds like you are), it might be nice to become members of a local church and get married there. It's sentimental to think about getting married in the church where you grew up, but it's nice to think about starting new traditions where you are with your new family.
  
  As a general guide, following this order of operations will make things easier in the long run:
  
  1) Set a budget. Do not ask anyone for money. Do not ask "if they're planning to contribute" - it's just a passive aggressive way of asking for money. If people want to contribute, they will offer. And if you accept, they get a say in your wedding. If someone offers money, it's wise to put it toward something specific (like flowers, cake, transportation, etc.). That way, they only get a say in that specific thing. If you accept money in general, the giver may want a say in everything. Also, son't plan/budget based on promises, though. If the money isn't in your bank account, pretend it doesn't exist. There are wayyyy too many couples who come here freaking out when bills are due and promises didn't fully pan out, if at all. Plan on 10% contingency.
  2) Set a guest list. If y'all are the only ones paying, you get full authority. If anyone is contributing a significant amount or depending on what they're paying for (i.e. the whole reception) they get a say in the guest list. 
  3) Find a venue you can afford taking into account tipping. In other words, per person fees of $75 for bar and $75 for food isn't $150...it's $180 with tip. 
  4) Plan everything else. 

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• CMGragain member

  

  November 2017 edited November 2017

  I don't know what kind of budget you are dealing with, but daytime church weddings followed by brunch receptions at the church can be very budget friendly.  Alcohol and dancing are not required.  I love church weddings!
  
  I agree that having a wedding in Indianapolis would be much less stressful for you.  Think about joining a church now.  If you are Catholic, you should talk to a priest ASAP.
  

  

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• TammyLynn84 member

  

  November 2017

  Thank you all for your feedback! We've made a decision, woohoo Since we're not so worried about budgeting and my parents are anxious to help we're heading back to the Burgh! 

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• cindylover711 member

  

  November 2017

  TammyLynn84 said:

  Thank you all for your feedback! We've made a decision, woohoo Since we're not so worried about budgeting and my parents are anxious to help we're heading back to the Burgh! 

  Congrats! Have a fantastic wedding party in the near future!   
  

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• ellamber member

  

  November 2017

  Glad your family is so supportive! FI and I decided to have a wedding where we live, the majority of guests have to travel, which has been a point of contention with his family. 

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