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Wedding Etiquette Forum
ashleymay44
member
Cake-only reception, followed by non-included dinner??
Hi all,
I realize this may have a world of negative pushback, but I'm just looking for advice here. My fiance and I are from California, but recently moved to Florida. We plan to have the wedding in Vegas. Our parents are not footing the bill- it's all us. We're 22 and 23- just starting in the workforce without a huge budget. The package we're looking at is at the MGM Grand and is all inclusive with a cake-only reception, and it's perfect for our budget. Guest list is about 45 people and consists only of close family and 3 friends. However, we don't see these friends/family often because we live so far away, so we'd love to keep the celebration going after the reception and head to a restaurant of some sort after the wedding- but there's no way we could afford to feed that many people, so if they decided to join us, it would be on them. Any recommendations on how to word something like this on the invitation? We couldn't really only invite a few people because then the rest of the close-knit family will become offended.
ALSO: It is a package-deal. It's not something we can "cut" as far as budgeting, because it's a single price for everything (ceremony, cake, photography, etc). It's just a take-it-or-leave-it package.
I realize this may have a world of negative pushback, but I'm just looking for advice here. My fiance and I are from California, but recently moved to Florida. We plan to have the wedding in Vegas. Our parents are not footing the bill- it's all us. We're 22 and 23- just starting in the workforce without a huge budget. The package we're looking at is at the MGM Grand and is all inclusive with a cake-only reception, and it's perfect for our budget. Guest list is about 45 people and consists only of close family and 3 friends. However, we don't see these friends/family often because we live so far away, so we'd love to keep the celebration going after the reception and head to a restaurant of some sort after the wedding- but there's no way we could afford to feed that many people, so if they decided to join us, it would be on them. Any recommendations on how to word something like this on the invitation? We couldn't really only invite a few people because then the rest of the close-knit family will become offended.
ALSO: It is a package-deal. It's not something we can "cut" as far as budgeting, because it's a single price for everything (ceremony, cake, photography, etc). It's just a take-it-or-leave-it package.
Re: Cake-only reception, followed by non-included dinner??
I totally understand being on a super tight budget and hosting your own party, but it's no excuse to be a poor host. If I were you, I'd do one of three things:
1) Elope (go to Vegas just the two of you) and then host a small celebration in California when you're home for the holidays or whatever. Since you wouldn't be asking people to travel, this could be cake and punch (as long as it's not at meal time).
2) Have a longer engagement and give yourselves time to save for a well-hosted Vegas wedding.
3) Since you're traveling anyway, why Vegas? Why not California? If all you can afford to host is cake and punch (which is totally a-ok as long as it's not meal time), then do it in California so you aren't asking 45 people to spend thousands of dollars for a piece of cake and a drink. Then honeymoon in Vegas. (Or honeymoon later, whatever you can afford.)
Personally, I would choose option 3.
My brother recently got married in Vegas (though his wife and him were living there at the time). It cost my fiance and I around 2k to pay for flights and hotels, and we weren't going super high end on those fronts.
They got married in a chapel off the strip and we went to a chain Italian restaurant after, where they hosted dinner and dessert. We went back to the strip and had some drinks with the newlyweds as an afterparty, which we all paid for ourselves, which didn't bother me at all. On the other hand, I can imagine being very bothered by having to pay for my own dinner after getting a piece of cake hosted by the couple.
There are two schools of thought on invitations:
1) You don't tell people about the kind of hospitality you're offering.
2) Tell people what you're serving so they're aware and can understand what kind of plans to make.
I personally fall into group two. I want to know whether or not I'm getting a meal and how much I need to eat beforehand. I'd make sure your reception cards note that the reception is a cake and punch reception that immediately follows.
I'd list that you intend to go out after the wedding and those interested in seeing you after are welcome to go to X place for dinner and you would plan to see them later. I would make the wording quite clear that they aren't joining you.
Allllll of that said, I think you should postpone your wedding for a year or find a way to host your guests for a full meal at a destination wedding. See if there are places that allow you to get catered trays of pasta and garlic bread plus beer and wine or even treat everyone to sandwiches. IMO, you're asking all of your guests to incur travel expenses including a hotel that would be needed for what, at least two nights? No, you don't *have* to feed them a full meal but I personally wouldn't do that. And I would think twice about attending a destination wedding when I will be needing to fund nearly all of the expenses and meals myself. It's just plain budgeting. By doing what you're doing, you plan to ask 45 people to plan a long weekend (or two nights) in Vegas on their own and in the middle of that they'll see you get married. I think that's a lot to ask of people.
If you and your FI are from California are you from the same area? Are your guests? Is there a reason you can't get married back in California and have a short honeymoon in Vegas? Are there other parts of the budget you can scale back so you can host more?
If you can swing Norway you can feed 45 people a meal at a destination wedding. And IMO, if you can't do both, you postpone Norway or you don't invite 45 people to Vegas. There needs to be some give and take in the budgeting process.
Especially if you're immediately jetting off for a European honeymoon. No way.
Sorry, but something's got to give here.
It doesn't matter if they don't have to fly to Vegas. They need to drive and they need hotel accommodations. Most likely it means two nights in a hotel for all of them and you intend to feed them cake.
The issue here is the attitude that you're holding. If you don't want to be traditional there are plenty of things you can do. But you're not being 'nontraditional' here. You're being cheap. Let's be quite frank that you're prioritizing you and your FI and your European honeymoon over 45 people that are allegedly so close to you that you HAVE to invite them or they'll be offended.
Why are you feeling like you need to invite so many people so they won't be offended at the lack of invitation but you're not prioritizing feeding them so they won't be offended at your lack of hospitality?? The logic isn't computing.
Family and friends are FAR more understanding of a lack of invitation because you eloped vs. finding out that you just didn't care to feed them because Norway mattered more.
If you are still stuck on these dates and Norway, I'd invite your parents and siblings only. You can still see all those others after the wedding. And you can do it in a way that doesn't have them spending a ton in order to get to see you for just a few moments.
Seriously. Based on the way you're phrasing things, I'd call this a "nonvitation".
How do you know your family will be upset? I seriously doubt that you have 42 close family members who you rarely see who are going to just be like, "ZOMG! I have to go to Vegas to see this wedding or I'm gonna be pissed!!!!"
It doesn't matter if you're having the event in Siberia or NYC or in the same town as most of your guests--you don't have to host a specific type of event just because of the location you're having it in. If your guests decide it's not worth the effort (time, money, whatever) to attend your well-hosted non-meal-time event, then that's fine. As we all know, an invitation is not a summons!
As to the original question, however, your invitation should only invite them to the event that you are hosting. That's the ceremony and cake (and beverages) immediately following the ceremony. I'd put the ceremony information on the invite and then a line that says something about a cake reception immediately following.
You are free to do absolutely anything you want after the event ends, as are they. If you all choose to go to the same place, great. But this is totally separate from you wedding and shouldn't be listed on the invite. Spread it by word of mouth "Hey, we're likely going to X restaurant after the wedding is over. Feel free to join us, or after that we're likely going to X bar and you could join us there, too. Or the next morning we'll probably have brunch at the hotel.".
Just don't include this part in the invitation. That implies becomes part of the invitation that you all are hosting dinner at the restaurant.
This needs to be done more as a "word of mouth" mention. I'm sure it will be a topic of conversation during the reception of "what is everybody doing tonight". Perfect opportunity to chime in with, "FI and I are going to ABC Restaurant at 7:00. Hey! Anyone who wants to join us is welcome to come."
Also, even though yes, you're on a budget, serving only cake to your guests does come off as "cheap." And if you don't care about how your guests feel, why are you even inviting them?
1) Did you post on an Etiquette forum to shout from a mountain top that you're being rude? You got answers on the guest situation. It's rude. And there's no polite way to do a rude thing. Even if you say "we're giving you cake and nothing else" on your invitations, it doesn't change the fact that that's all you're doing while they're spending hundreds/thousands to see you walk through the motions on something you don't give a shit about... I mean I guess telling people you're going to be rude in advance is better than just doing it? IDK what you expected here?
2) If the only reason you aren't eloping is because your folks want to witness the wedding, then why aren't you just having a simple ceremony and cake/punch in Cali? Why does it HAVE to be in Vegas? You say you're young and poor but then you're spending $4.4K on something that would cost you like $150 in Cali. You would literally have $4,250 that you could save and spend on a badass honeymoon or put toward something else. It honestly makes no sense at all.
Honestly, that price sounds exorbitant for what you're getting. You could do a lot better for the price and be a better host
This isn't passing the smell test. $4,250 for a cake to feed 45 is over charging you by at least $3,750.
As I said, this isn't looking like you get a pass because you're young and nontraditional. It looks like the plans are selfish and poorly budgeted.
Your plan is rude and your priorities are wrong.
Seriously, you could throw a 45 person casual wedding in San Diego <$2k. For a venue you could use a park or restaurant/brewery with a food/bev minimum. Then all you need is an officiant (have a friend or family member do it if you don't want to hire a pro), the license, a sheet cake from costco and a photog.
You feel obligated to invite people so they don't get offended? Well, if you invite them to travel to your wedding (also, I have driven to Vegas from San Diego once and never again! It's 5 hours and has taken me up to 8 on the way back with traffic) and don't host them they will also be offended. Somehow, offending people that way is a lesser problem to you?