I'm really not understanding the "entitlement" argument- I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying I don't understand how that's what you're getting from this.
[...]
we do have our vision of our venue and honeymoon, and I'm not letting [consideration of my guests' time, money, and feelings] take that from me.
Does that help you understand?
Look, you asked for advice on how to avoid surprising your guests with the lack of meal. Folks offered additional advice on how to avoid offending your guests with the lack of meal.
You've since stated you now know how to avoid the surprise and you don't care about avoiding the offence, so what more is there to say?
Look, I appreciate the input, but I got the answer to my initial question, so thank you to those that helped. To others: I’m not looking for someone to tell me how rude it is or question why I don’t change this and that. We’ve made our plans, and they’re set- and I don’t regret it, nor do I need to explain anything further.I understand this is an etiquette forum, and my initial question was etiquette-related. So thank you to those who helped me solve my question!
Look, I appreciate the input, but I got the answer to my initial question, so thank you to those that helped. To others: I’m not looking for someone to tell me how rude it is or question why I don’t change this and that. We’ve made our plans, and they’re set- and I don’t regret it, nor do I need to explain anything further.I understand this is an etiquette forum, and my initial question was etiquette-related. So thank you to those who helped me solve my question!
This whole shitshow is etiquette-related. You have not found etiquette-appropriate wording. But go ahead and alienate your family with a whole bunch of plans that make no sense because you want what you want and fuck everyone else.
Hi all, I realize this may have a world of negative pushback, but I'm just looking for advice here. My fiance and I are from California, but recently moved to Florida. We plan to have the wedding in Vegas. Our parents are not footing the bill- it's all us. We're 22 and 23- just starting in the workforce without a huge budget. The package we're looking at is at the MGM Grand and is all inclusive with a cake-only reception, and it's perfect for our budget. Guest list is about 45 people and consists only of close family and 3 friends. However, we don't see these friends/family often because we live so far away, so we'd love to keep the celebration going after the reception and head to a restaurant of some sort after the wedding- but there's no way we could afford to feed that many people, so irecommendations on how to word something like this on the invitation? f they decided to join us, it would be on them. Any We couldn't really only invite a few people because then the rest of the close-knit family will become offended.
ALSO: It is a package-deal. It's not something we can "cut" as far as budgeting, because it's a single price for everything (ceremony, cake, photography, etc). It's just a take-it-or-leave-it package.
I believe that this was your original question. You asked how to word a wedding invitation to inform guests that you will not be paying for their dinner after your destination ceremony. Here is how I answered it:
I have been away for a couple of days, and I just saw this. @ashleymay44 , you are asking us to help you do something that is against etiquette and is inconsiderate of your guests. We cannot help you do this.
Please have a simple ceremony in California. Easy and no fuss. My niece was married like this a few weeks ago.
THERE IS NO POLITE WAY TO DO WHAT YOU ARE PROPOSING. Your plan is rude and socially unacceptable. No wiggle room. 1. You cannot expect your guests to pay for their own food at your reception. 2. Cake and punch receptions are not acceptable for destination weddings. The hotel offers them for LOCAL weddings.
Therefore, YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE A DESTINATION WEDDING! Oh, wait! You can afford it. You are planning a honeymoon to Norway, one of the most expensive countries in Europe.
Everyone here has tried to help you find a proper way to have your wedding, but you refuse any suggestions. We cannot help you. I used caps because you can't seem to hear us.
Look, I appreciate the input, but I got the answer to my initial question, so thank you to those that helped. To others: I’m not looking for someone to tell me how rude it is or question why I don’t change this and that. We’ve made our plans, and they’re set- and I don’t regret it, nor do I need to explain anything further.I understand this is an etiquette forum, and my initial question was etiquette-related. So thank you to those who helped me solve my question!
So put your fingers in your ears and sing la-la-la-la! I don't think you are mature enough to get married. You certainly show no consideration for your guest's feelings. There are rules about weddings. Your plans break every one of them. Remember our advice when half of your family is no longer speaking to you.
I wonder how it's decided who qualifies for financial aid for this wedding. What if one of your three, oh-so-lucky select friends needs help buying a dress? Is there an application process? Is FAFSA involved somehow?
MRDCle Nope, just the two family members. That's it. No one else needs (or deserves) it. The three friends (the bridesmaids) all agreed on a dress they can all afford.
MRDCle Nope, just the two family members. That's it. No one else needs(or deserves) it. The three friends (the bridesmaids) all agreed on a dress they can all afford.
Was there an essay writing portion to their application?
I love how many times OP has come back and changed the story. Please never stop updating this post, OP, the etiquette board has been lacking in juicy drama and this takes the cake!
I love how many times OP has come back and changed the story. Please never stop updating this post, OP, the etiquette board has been lacking in juicy drama and this takes the cake!
"Hey two family members - I know you are too poor to come to Vegas, so we are paying your travel, dresses, and meal. Hey, other 40 family members and 3 friends - you make decent money so you don't deserve any hospitality whatsoever. So, if you want to come with us to dinner, you best bring your wallet. Otherwise stay home. Actually, please stay home because we don't really want you here, which is why we didn't extend any hospitality in the first place. But you are our closest family and friends and we knew you would be pissed if you weren't invited to this super sweet event."
"Hey two family members - I know you are too poor to come to Vegas, so we are paying your travel, dresses, and meal. Hey, other 40 family members and 3 friends - you make decent money so you don't deserve any hospitality whatsoever. So, if you want to come with us to dinner, you best bring your wallet. Otherwise stay home. Actually, please stay home because we don't really want you here, which is why we didn't extend any hospitality in the first place. But you are our closest family and friends and we knew you would be pissed if you weren't invited to this super sweet event."
This reminds me of my asshole ex who didn't have the balls to break up with me himself so he kept doing shitty stuff in an effort to get ME to break up with HIM.
Our responses are clearly nothing more than crappy cake...not like a proper meal or anything.
Most baffling to me is that OP thinks little enough about her guests to conceive and execute this plan, and came here concerned about how to word it. That’s the least of your worries! Just be straight with them. That’s the part she was struggling with??!
I'm not sure if anyone has addressed this, but something I would have liked to realize at 22 or 23:
You're an adult. You're doing an adult thing by getting married. It's between you and your FI. Your parents may want something for you, but too bad. Did you choose a major based on what they wanted, or a career? Why should they choose the kind of wedding you have - something you'll (hopefully) only get to do once.
"No" is a complete sentence. You can say it to your parents. Unless they have strings to pull (paying for bills or whatever), all they can do is be upset, and then get over it. If they do have those strings, well, maybe getting married is the right time to cut them and start paying for those things on your own.
You're WAY better off telling your parents no, eloping (or having a small ceremony with just them, and then going out to a small dinner for 6 after) than spending thousands of dollars that could go to what YOU want it to go to. You'll literally save over $4k to travel with, and you'll be asserting your independence as young adults creating your own family.
southernbelle0915 Don't know what MUD is, anyone care to elaborate? Ro041 We couldn't care less about gifts, we've lived together for years and don't want/need anything at all. MairePoppy Harsh is good! It cuts out unnecessary niceties. I don't mind coming off as cheap- because I very much am. I do think the idea will be we spread word during the reception that we'll be going to "x" after, and if someone wants to join us, they can. Just not on us.
How can you be 23-24ish and not want or need anything and yet be too poor to properly host people? Did you spend all of your money on nice sets of china or glassware instead of saving it?
And "lived together for YEARS"?
I find it hard to believe that someone would go to the time, trouble, and expense to have the "honor" to see you marry KNOWING they get a slice of cake and a token hour of your time.
ILoveBeachMusic & southernbelle0915 Yes, we started college at 17- I'm a year older. I had to work full-time in school to support family. FI and I lived together through college. I graduated last year and got a job and moved to Florida. FI graduated this May and moved out here with me once he got hired. So we did a year apart, but yes, we have everything we need. We have cookware, furniture, etc. Anything we'd register for would be purely frivolous and clutter up the place. We don't need china or a mixer.
Well don't you just have life figured out already. I'm late to the party but ditto everything PPs have said. You sound like such a delight; your family is probably glad to have you across the country.
Re: Cake-only reception, followed by non-included dinner??
Look, you asked for advice on how to avoid surprising your guests with the lack of meal. Folks offered additional advice on how to avoid offending your guests with the lack of meal.
You've since stated you now know how to avoid the surprise and you don't care about avoiding the offence, so what more is there to say?
This whole shitshow is etiquette-related. You have not found etiquette-appropriate wording. But go ahead and alienate your family with a whole bunch of plans that make no sense because you want what you want and fuck everyone else.
THERE IS NO POLITE WAY TO DO WHAT YOU ARE PROPOSING. Your plan is rude and socially unacceptable. No wiggle room.
1. You cannot expect your guests to pay for their own food at your reception.
2. Cake and punch receptions are not acceptable for destination weddings. The hotel offers them for LOCAL weddings.
Therefore, YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HAVE A DESTINATION WEDDING! Oh, wait! You can afford it. You are planning a honeymoon to Norway, one of the most expensive countries in Europe.
Everyone here has tried to help you find a proper way to have your wedding, but you refuse any suggestions. We cannot help you. I used caps because you can't seem to hear us.
I summed it up for you.
*********************************************************************
OP is obviously a troll or a sociopath.
She needs to think of some new drama to throw in here soon or I'm going to become bored.
Most baffling to me is that OP thinks little enough about her guests to conceive and execute this plan, and came here concerned about how to word it. That’s the least of your worries! Just be straight with them. That’s the part she was struggling with??!
You're an adult. You're doing an adult thing by getting married. It's between you and your FI. Your parents may want something for you, but too bad. Did you choose a major based on what they wanted, or a career? Why should they choose the kind of wedding you have - something you'll (hopefully) only get to do once.
"No" is a complete sentence. You can say it to your parents. Unless they have strings to pull (paying for bills or whatever), all they can do is be upset, and then get over it. If they do have those strings, well, maybe getting married is the right time to cut them and start paying for those things on your own.
You're WAY better off telling your parents no, eloping (or having a small ceremony with just them, and then going out to a small dinner for 6 after) than spending thousands of dollars that could go to what YOU want it to go to. You'll literally save over $4k to travel with, and you'll be asserting your independence as young adults creating your own family.
I find it hard to believe that someone would go to the time, trouble, and expense to have the "honor" to see you marry KNOWING they get a slice of cake and a token hour of your time.
You are trying way too hard. BS.