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Wedding Reception Forum
Becca&Shannon
member
How do I pull off elopement announcements & invites for a casual cocktail/apps party, weeks apart?
Ok, so let me explain our situation. We're eloping in Kauai, HI on 4/7. Second marriage for us both. FH is from Phoenix and still has many close friends and family there. My family hasn't communicated with me in years and are in NY, so they're not an issue (besides the obvious). So I, of course, want to mail out our wedding announcements from Kauai the day of our wedding. Very few people know our plans (maybe 3 people) and we want to surprise everyone. (Even though I'd love a huge party in Phoenix, our jobs are just too busy to organize and throw a huge wedding.)
On top of this, his family wants to host a small progressive cocktail/ apps (street tacos) celebration of marriage at his sister's restaurant 3 weeks after our ceremony. It'll be lounge style, come and go... we'll have a small cake for everyone and hopefully we'll have some raw wedding footage and photos to play for everyone. Casual and easy, but of course, not everyone who will receive a wedding announcement will receive an invite to the party in Phoenix (and of course, no NYers)... so I found a small invite card that would match.
Here's our dilemma... Since the party is so soon after the actual elopement (3 weeks), but it's casual... do I need to send them out earlier to give our friends more time to clear the schedule so they can attend?
Or do I need to give them much more advanced notice? And if so, do I make it a surprise and say it's an engagement party... then SURPRISE!!! WE ELOPED!!!
It's really confusing!!! HELP!!!
On top of this, his family wants to host a small progressive cocktail/ apps (street tacos) celebration of marriage at his sister's restaurant 3 weeks after our ceremony. It'll be lounge style, come and go... we'll have a small cake for everyone and hopefully we'll have some raw wedding footage and photos to play for everyone. Casual and easy, but of course, not everyone who will receive a wedding announcement will receive an invite to the party in Phoenix (and of course, no NYers)... so I found a small invite card that would match.
Here's our dilemma... Since the party is so soon after the actual elopement (3 weeks), but it's casual... do I need to send them out earlier to give our friends more time to clear the schedule so they can attend?
Or do I need to give them much more advanced notice? And if so, do I make it a surprise and say it's an engagement party... then SURPRISE!!! WE ELOPED!!!
It's really confusing!!! HELP!!!
Re: How do I pull off elopement announcements & invites for a casual cocktail/apps party, weeks apart?
I would include the invite to the party in the announcements to those that are invited. I am assuming, since it is an open house style, you won’t need exact numbers for caterers but I could be wrong. @lyndausvi can you help? If you do need to give numbers, I might send the announcement/ invite a day or two before the wedding (are you mailing them from Phoenix or HI?) and ask for an RSVP the week before the event, phone call/text message or email are fine.
Are the people invited to the Phoenix party mostly local? If so, I think 3 weeks' notice is OK. For those that are being invited, include the party invite with the announcement.
If his sister owns the restaurant, I would schedule the party for 6 weeks after and have two versions of wedding announcements: 1 where it's just "hey we're married now" and the other where it's "hey we're married now, come party with us."
Send out wedding announcements as planned, from Hawaii AFTER your ceremony. You can then send out invitations to your celebration of marriage party and hope the three week window is enough time for guests to attend. Your other option is to plan a slightly later date for the celebration party. Does the party HAVE to be held within three weeks? Is that a stipulation in order to hold it at SIL's restaurant?
Unless many of your guests are coming from a distance, a 3 week window to be invited to a local event seems sufficient to me.
I do think mailing the invites to a party 3 weeks before the party can make it pretty tight on people, since they may take a few days to arrive and not everyone checks their mail every day.
You basically have 2 choices: postpone the party by at least a couple weeks, or just own it and understand you may have both a lot of declines, and some hurt feeling from people who didn't get the invite and have a chance to realize that before the party happened.
Send the party invitation after, even if it's only a few days later. Can't invite guests to a celebration of marriage party when the marriage has happened yet.
3 weeks is a bit tight, not that there is anything wrong with giving 2-3 weeks notice to a party, but your guests may have already made other plans for that date.
I agree that personally, I would plan the party later (say 6 weeks out) from your wedding. If that doesn't work because it's the only day your SIL has/can offer the restaurant, then I think you go with it and realize some guests may be unable to attend.
Mostly everyone is local... that's what makes it convenient. I think since it's casual... including the private celebration invite with the elopement announcement (and drop them in the mail as soon as we get off the plane a couple days before the wedding) to give them a head start... that would make the most sense and they can RSVP our Knot webpage so we can give his sister a rough number.
It would make me sad to miss some people, but I understand springing this little surprise on people would mess up some people's plans.
I think that if you want to invite anyone to celebrate your marriage, at the very least you owe them the courtesy of explaining that in your invitation.
Beyond that, I personally would give a little more notice than 3 weeks, but that's me.
Since your MIL and 2 FSILs know about your upcoming elopement, could one of them send the announcements and invitations from Phoenix once you have married? Local mail should only take 2-3 days, so they could even send the announcements right away and the invitations a day or two later.