Cultural sensitivities?

minealone · November 2017

hi all! Longtime lurker, first time poster here.

so our upcoming California wedding is a westernized Arabian nights theme. I’m Arab so I’m super excited to add a few traditions/decor from my home town. Think lanterns and golden pitchers

I have an idea for an arab styled background for our photobooth; something like this:

https://pin.it/agKJo5j

Im stumped when it comes to props though.. most of our guests are white American and there’s been a lot of controversy about cultural appropriation, especially in our part of the country. I want things that are fun and people wouldn’t be reluctant to have fun with. Am I overthinking this? Any thoughts?

CMGragain · November 2017

minealone said:

hi all! Longtime lurker, first time poster here.

so our upcoming California wedding is a westernized Arabian nights theme. I’m Arab so I’m super excited to add a few traditions/decor from my home town. Think lanterns and golden pitchers

I have an idea for an arab styled background for our photobooth; something like this:

https://pin.it/agKJo5j

Im stumped when it comes to props though.. most of our guests are white American and there’s been a lot of controversy about cultural appropriation, especially in our part of the country. I want things that are fun and people wouldn’t be reluctant to have fun with. Am I overthinking this? Any thoughts?

OK. Since you are from an Arab culture, you are not appropriating another culture. This would be a horrible idea if you were not connected with the culture. As it is, you are free to use elements of your own culture at your wedding.

"White" Americans (whatever that is) are usually accepting of other cultures. That is how this country grew and evolved. Enjoy your wedding.

missJeanLouise · November 2017

Don’t overthink it. Just give everyone some hats and oversized mustaches and they will be happy. If you want to throw in some props from you own culture that is fine too.

@CMGragain white people in the US are historically NOT accepting of other cultures. We bulldoze them into our ways, and are definitely not tolerant as a society. Native children were stolen from their families and put in schools stripping them of their culture, slaves were beaten for speaking their first language, European immigrants were harassed and ostracized for being different. America is a lot of good things but accepting is not one of them.

charlotte989875 · November 2017

I agree with @missJeanLouise, have the background and decor that reflects your culture, but use regular photo booth props (hats, mustaches, signs, etc) and don’t worry about it. Don’t be afraid to have traditions from your culture present in your wedding, they’re a part of you and this is an important part of your life. But if you are worried that something isn’t right or there’s a potential for a prop to look like someone is mocking culture or appropriating it, just skip it. I think the background with silly hats/signs/props would be fun.

southernbelle0915 · November 2017

Don't overthink this. It's a photobooth and your wedding is in California. The props don't have to match the background. Just go to Party City and Michael's and pick out some fun hats, glasses, faux frames, masks, etc.

I went a wedding a couple months ago for a white woman and her Mexican (4th gen) fiance. One of their props was a turban and their guests (none of whom were part of any cultures which wear turbans) were partying hard in it - tossing it around, dancing with it, trading it back and forth for photos. I side-eyed that pretty damn hard. I wouldn't have any props which you wouldn't want your guests (or anyone who might see photos on social media) to see people to partying in.

SP29 · November 2017

That's a good point Southernbelle.

OP- as it is part of YOUR culture, you may include an aspects that you wish. But a good point made by Southernbelle to think about how these elements may be used. Decor is one thing- and I like the photo back ground you are thinking of, but would you want certain elements of your culture being used in "silly" ways? The props do not have to match the background.

minealone · November 2017

I know that I’m not appropriating my own culture lol I’m not worried about that part.

I was more worried about my guests having fun and not second guessing what they can or cannot do I guess. Personally, I wouldn’t mind seeing people dancing around in a turban and having fun with it. I think its all innocent fun in this particular context, but I wonder if some guests might give others that side eye and be uncomfortable with it. I want people to enjoy my culture, but I definitely don’t want my wedding to turn into a judgy political/social discussion, especially since his family is mostly conservative and our friends are very liberal. And yeah, I was a bit concerned with the possible social media backlash. I’m probably just overthinking it.

It didn’t occur to me that the props don’t have to match the background, thanks everyone!

CMGragain · November 2017

missJeanLouise said:

Don’t overthink it. Just give everyone some hats and oversized mustaches and they will be happy. If you want to throw in some props from you own culture that is fine too.

@CMGragain white people in the US are historically NOT accepting of other cultures. We bulldoze them into our ways, and are definitely not tolerant as a society. Native children were stolen from their families and put in schools stripping them of their culture, slaves were beaten for speaking their first language, European immigrants were harassed and ostracized for being different. America is a lot of good things but accepting is not one of them.

I absolutely agree with your statement, the key word being "historically". Currently, things have changed, thank God. The immigrants usually struggle to fit in to our diverse culture, but their descendants do just fine. I gather that the OP is at least second generation or she would not be asking the question.

Unfortunately, there will always be racist, intolerant jerks who make the rest of us look bad. Thankfully, they are in the minority. This really has nothing to do with sharing cultural roots. I wish I had more contact with my Scandinavian roots, but Grandpa left most of his culture behind when he immigrated.

PS. One of the things I used to do when I lived in the Washington DC area was to represent the Daughters of the American Revolution and give a welcoming speech to the immigrants who were becoming new citizens. I was proud to tell them that my own grandfather had been one of them. (Grandpa married Grandma, whose ancestors arrived here on the Mayflower - also immigrants!)

CMGragain · November 2017

minealone said:

I know that I’m not appropriating my own culture lol I’m not worried about that part.

I was more worried about my guests having fun and not second guessing what they can or cannot do I guess. Personally, I wouldn’t mind seeing people dancing around in a turban and having fun with it. I think its all innocent fun in this particular context, but I wonder if some guests might give others that side eye and be uncomfortable with it. I want people to enjoy my culture, but I definitely don’t want my wedding to turn into a judgy political/social discussion, especially since his family is mostly conservative and our friends are very liberal. And yeah, I was a bit concerned with the possible social media backlash. I’m probably just overthinking it.

It didn’t occur to me that the props don’t have to match the background, thanks everyone!

When I am a guest at a wedding that is outside of my own cultural background, I appreciate it if there is some explanation given for things that might not be understood. If there is anything you are concerned about, have someone explain the tradition. This is no different than having the DJ announce the special dances.

Politics have nothing to do with weddings and cultural traditions. It is very rude to discuss politics or religion at the table. Anyone who does this is being a jerk. I am going on a long cruise soon, and If anyone mentions the name "Donald Trump" at the table, I plan to be very firm about shutting them down.

missJeanLouise · November 2017

CMGragain said:

missJeanLouise said:

Don’t overthink it. Just give everyone some hats and oversized mustaches and they will be happy. If you want to throw in some props from you own culture that is fine too.

@CMGragain white people in the US are historically NOT accepting of other cultures. We bulldoze them into our ways, and are definitely not tolerant as a society. Native children were stolen from their families and put in schools stripping them of their culture, slaves were beaten for speaking their first language, European immigrants were harassed and ostracized for being different. America is a lot of good things but accepting is not one of them.

I absolutely agree with your statement, the key word being "historically". Currently, things have changed, thank God. The immigrants usually struggle to fit in to our diverse culture, but their descendants do just fine. I gather that the OP is at least second generation or she would not be asking the question.

Unfortunately, there will always be racist, intolerant jerks who make the rest of us look bad. Thankfully, they are in the minority. This really has nothing to do with sharing cultural roots. I wish I had more contact with my Scandinavian roots, but Grandpa left most of his culture behind when he immigrated.

PS. One of the things I used to do when I lived in the Washington DC area was to represent the Daughters of the American Revolution and give a welcoming speech to the immigrants who were becoming new citizens. I was proud to tell them that my own grandfather had been one of them. (Grandpa married Grandma, whose ancestors arrived here on the Mayflower - also immigrants!)

I really don’t think they have. America still has the attitude of “our way is the best way and if you don’t do it like us then you are wrong/bad.” I didn’t truly appreciate this until I moved away. It is definitely not a tolerant, accepting society and if you think it is then you are clearly not paying attention.

CMGragain · November 2017

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

southernbelle0915 · November 2017

minealone said:

I know that I’m not appropriating my own culture lol I’m not worried about that part.

I was more worried about my guests having fun and not second guessing what they can or cannot do I guess. Personally, I wouldn’t mind seeing people dancing around in a turban and having fun with it. I think its all innocent fun in this particular context, but I wonder if some guests might give others that side eye and be uncomfortable with it. I want people to enjoy my culture, but I definitely don’t want my wedding to turn into a judgy political/social discussion, especially since his family is mostly conservative and our friends are very liberal. And yeah, I was a bit concerned with the possible social media backlash. I’m probably just overthinking it.

It didn’t occur to me that the props don’t have to match the background, thanks everyone!

I side-eyed it because, for many, the turban is a religious symbol.

For Christianity, this would be like a group that is majority some other religion (Islamic, Sikh, whatever) taking a crucifix and wearing it in silly ways, throwing it around for selfies, dancing with it, etc. Kind of offensive, right? Right.

If you want to avoid "judgy political/social discussions", I would avoid political, religious or sentimental cultural symbols. If you even question it, nix it.

missJeanLouise · November 2017

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

Social circles and general society are two different things. America, as a society, is not tolerant.

CMGragain · November 2017

missJeanLouise said:

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

Social circles and general society are two different things. America, as a society, is not tolerant.

But it isn't "white" , either!

missJeanLouise · November 2017

CMGragain said:

missJeanLouise said:

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

Social circles and general society are two different things. America, as a society, is not tolerant.

But it isn't "white" , either!

Wtf are you talking about?

thisismynickname2 · November 2017

I think you're good to go on incorporating your culture into the decor; and like others said, just do a regular photobooth prop thing.

I do enjoy when other cultural elements are incorporated into a wedding. I went to a wedding where the bride was Irish and the groom was Persian. All the women received... I have no idea what it's called, I'm sorry... a scarf with jangles on it. During several dances the Persian women were waving the scarves to the music and I took my cues from them. Fun times!

climbingsingle · November 2017

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

This country last year elected a racist piece of garbage that wants to keep immigrants out. Are you not paying attention to everything that's been going on for the last year?

charlotte989875 · November 2017

CMGragain said:

missJeanLouise said:

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

Social circles and general society are two different things. America, as a society, is not tolerant.

But it isn't "white" , either!

Yes, America is predominantly, majority, white. And the institutions we have in place perpetuate the benefits of being white.

ahoywedding · November 2017

climbingwife said:

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

This country last year elected a racist piece of garbage that wants to keep immigrants out. Are you not paying attention to everything that's been going on for the last year?

THIS. No one in my circle is a racist (sexist, homophobic, etc) piece of trash, but there are enough of them to elect AND CONTINUE TO SUPPORT Cheeto McTwitter.

southernbelle0915 · November 2017

climbingwife said:

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

This country last year elected a racist piece of garbage that wants to keep immigrants out. Are you not paying attention to everything that's been going on for the last year?

Right? You know someone is living with privilege when they see nothing wrong with America/American culture right now. I equate "No one I know is racist" (they are) and "my friends love multicultural events" (so entertaining, amirite?) to "I have black friends" and "I know someone in an interracial marriage". Oh ok! Well that solves that then! lmao

MandyMost · November 2017

minealone said:

I know that I’m not appropriating my own culture lol I’m not worried about that part.

I was more worried about my guests having fun and not second guessing what they can or cannot do I guess. Personally, I wouldn’t mind seeing people dancing around in a turban and having fun with it. I think its all innocent fun in this particular context, but I wonder if some guests might give others that side eye and be uncomfortable with it. I want people to enjoy my culture, but I definitely don’t want my wedding to turn into a judgy political/social discussion, especially since his family is mostly conservative and our friends are very liberal. And yeah, I was a bit concerned with the possible social media backlash. I’m probably just overthinking it.

It didn’t occur to me that the props don’t have to match the background, thanks everyone!

Experiencing someone else's culture is a beautiful thing. I've been to weddings that incorporated bagpipes and kilts for a bride with Scottish heritage, or that had a Korean mini-ceremony as part of the reception, or that had a full double-ceremony: one Indian and one American, etc. I loved seeing the different attire, music, dances, etc. and participating in these celebrations. You have nothing to worry about if you are sharing your culture with your guests.

Where you should be concerned, even though you are of the specific culture, is turning it into a stereotype and encouraging your guests to treat your culture like a game.

Therefore, decor, music, ceremonies, etc. celebrating the aspects of your culture that you want to share with your guests are great. Having props in a photobooth that are stereotypes of your culture are not a good idea.

downtondiva · November 2017

MandyMost said:

minealone said:

I know that I’m not appropriating my own culture lol I’m not worried about that part.

I was more worried about my guests having fun and not second guessing what they can or cannot do I guess. Personally, I wouldn’t mind seeing people dancing around in a turban and having fun with it. I think its all innocent fun in this particular context, but I wonder if some guests might give others that side eye and be uncomfortable with it. I want people to enjoy my culture, but I definitely don’t want my wedding to turn into a judgy political/social discussion, especially since his family is mostly conservative and our friends are very liberal. And yeah, I was a bit concerned with the possible social media backlash. I’m probably just overthinking it.

It didn’t occur to me that the props don’t have to match the background, thanks everyone!

Experiencing someone else's culture is a beautiful thing. I've been to weddings that incorporated bagpipes and kilts for a bride with Scottish heritage, or that had a Korean mini-ceremony as part of the reception, or that had a full double-ceremony: one Indian and one American, etc. I loved seeing the different attire, music, dances, etc. and participating in these celebrations. You have nothing to worry about if you are sharing your culture with your guests.

Where you should be concerned, even though you are of the specific culture, is turning it into a stereotype and encouraging your guests to treat your culture like a game.

Therefore, decor, music, ceremonies, etc. celebrating the aspects of your culture that you want to share with your guests are great. Having props in a photobooth that are stereotypes of your culture are not a good idea.

I agree with this completely. Sharing one's culture is a wonderful thing, and you certainly shouldn't be afraid to do that. But items that are sacred or otherwise special to a particular culture shouldn't be used as props or toys. I say have the background you want to have, but stick with the typical photo booth props.

STARMOON44 · November 2017

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

Do they love a mosque opening down the street? Do they love public schools closing for Diwali? Did they vote for a rabidly anti-immigrant President? Idk, maybe not your friend. But enough Americans did that Trump is our President so I still think we have a ways to go on welcoming immigrants.

STARMOON44 · November 2017

CMGragain said:

missJeanLouise said:

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

Social circles and general society are two different things. America, as a society, is not tolerant.

But it isn't "white" , either!

The white non-Hispanic population is over 60%. White including Hispanics is over 75%. White people control this country, idk what you are talking about.

CMGragain · November 2017

STARMOON44 said:

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

Do they love a mosque opening down the street? Do they love public schools closing for Diwali? Did they vote for a rabidly anti-immigrant President? Idk, maybe not your friend. But enough Americans did that Trump is our President so I still think we have a ways to go on welcoming immigrants.

I cannot speak for anyone but myself. It would be presumptive of me to do this. I personally do not know anyone who is racist, anti-immigration, or religiously prejudiced. Mr. Trump did not win a majority of American Votes, did he? He would not be welcome in my home. When he visited my town, I refused to attend, and so did every one I know.

In my last community we had three Islamic centers, and I visited two of them with interest. So did many other members of my church and community. Many of my neighbors were Muslims, and we enjoyed each other's company, as well as immigrant people from all over the world.

Ten years ago, I moved across the country to a very different community of mostly Anglo and Hispanic people. I do not tolerate racism in my life or in my home. Someone who openly expresses racism or cultural prejudice is not welcome.

So what are YOU doing to combat racism and prejudice in YOUR life? It is easy to rant on the internet. Any troll can do that. How about backing it up with action?

When a visitor in my own church asked me "How do you like having a black minister who is married to a white woman?", I made quite a scene, screaming "WHAT? He's black? Really?" Conversation stopped! Everyone stared at this woman in shock. My lovely minister was standing a few feet away, and he burst into laughter, as did his dear wife. We embraced, and when I turned around, the woman was gone, hopefully never to return. I hope she learned something.

This thread has gone way off topic. Some of you need to get off your high horses and realize that this is a wonderful accepting country, and then make sure that you are working, personally, in your own life, to make it so! There will always be ignorant fools. Make sure that you don't do anything to encourage them. Last year, when I was traveling in France, several people asked hesitantly if I was British. I replied, "No, I'm American!" Every time I was greeted with enthusiasm by Europeans of many countries. One couple wanted to take my husband and me home for dinner, and we had trouble excusing ourselves, as we had other plans.

God bless America. It isn't perfect and neither are we, but I hope Americans keep working for a better future for all people from all parts of the world. If some of you want to rant about our current politics. then go ahead. I won't be listening. I get enough of that from CNN. Instead, tell me about what YOU plan to do to make this a better country - and I hope that means voting in all of our elections.

STARMOON44 · November 2017

CMGragain said:

STARMOON44 said:

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

Do they love a mosque opening down the street? Do they love public schools closing for Diwali? Did they vote for a rabidly anti-immigrant President? Idk, maybe not your friend. But enough Americans did that Trump is our President so I still think we have a ways to go on welcoming immigrants.

I cannot speak for anyone but myself. It would be presumptive of me to do this. I personally do not know anyone who is racist, anti-immigration, or religiously prejudiced. Mr. Trump did not win a majority of American Votes, did he? He would not be welcome in my home. When he visited my town, I refused to attend, and so did every one I know.

In my last community we had three Islamic centers, and I visited two of them with interest. So did many other members of my church and community. Many of my neighbors were Muslims, and we enjoyed each other's company, as well as immigrant people from all over the world.

Ten years ago, I moved across the country to a very different community of mostly Anglo and Hispanic people. I do not tolerate racism in my life or in my home. Someone who openly expresses racism or cultural prejudice is not welcome.

So what are YOU doing to combat racism and prejudice in YOUR life? It is easy to rant on the internet. Any troll can do that. How about backing it up with action?

When a visitor in my own church asked me "How do you like having a black minister who is married to a white woman?", I made quite a scene, screaming "WHAT? He's black? Really?" Conversation stopped! Everyone stared at this woman in shock. My lovely minister was standing a few feet away, and he burst into laughter, as did his dear wife. We embraced, and when I turned around, the woman was gone, hopefully never to return. I hope she learned something.

This thread has gone way off topic. Some of you need to get off your high horses and realize that this is a wonderful accepting country, and then make sure that you are working, personally, in your own life, to make it so! There will always be ignorant fools. Make sure that you don't do anything to encourage them. Last year, when I was traveling in France, several people asked hesitantly if I was British. I replied, "No, I'm American!" Every time I was greeted with enthusiasm by Europeans of many countries. One couple wanted to take my husband and I home for dinner, and we had trouble excusing ourselves, as we had other plans.

God bless America. It isn't perfect and neither are we, but I hope Americans keep working for a better future for all people from all parts of the world. If some of you want to rant about our current politics. then go ahead. I won't be listening. I get enough of that from CNN. Instead, tell me about what YOU plan to do to make this a better country - and I hope that means voting in all of our elections.

What? You’re the one who claimed America, as a country, is good at this. You are wrong. You personally may be, your friends may be, but obviously the country is not. And now you’re saying you can only speak for yourself?!? If you only spoke for yourself in the first place this discussion wouldn’t have happened.

none of us owe you any explanation of what we personally are doing to fight back, we are just telling you that it isn’t all la di dah perfect now. But you obviously are a smart woman and know that, you’re just furiously backpedaling instead of admitting your initial statement was wrong.

CMGragain · November 2017

Oh, FFS!

charlotte989875 · November 2017

CMGragain said:

STARMOON44 said:

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

Do they love a mosque opening down the street? Do they love public schools closing for Diwali? Did they vote for a rabidly anti-immigrant President? Idk, maybe not your friend. But enough Americans did that Trump is our President so I still think we have a ways to go on welcoming immigrants.

I cannot speak for anyone but myself. It would be presumptive of me to do this. I personally do not know anyone who is racist, anti-immigration, or religiously prejudiced. Mr. Trump did not win a majority of American Votes, did he? He would not be welcome in my home. When he visited my town, I refused to attend, and so did every one I know.

In my last community we had three Islamic centers, and I visited two of them with interest. So did many other members of my church and community. Many of my neighbors were Muslims, and we enjoyed each other's company, as well as immigrant people from all over the world.

Ten years ago, I moved across the country to a very different community of mostly Anglo and Hispanic people. I do not tolerate racism in my life or in my home. Someone who openly expresses racism or cultural prejudice is not welcome.

So what are YOU doing to combat racism and prejudice in YOUR life? It is easy to rant on the internet. Any troll can do that. How about backing it up with action?

When a visitor in my own church asked me "How do you like having a black minister who is married to a white woman?", I made quite a scene, screaming "WHAT? He's black? Really?" Conversation stopped! Everyone stared at this woman in shock. My lovely minister was standing a few feet away, and he burst into laughter, as did his dear wife. We embraced, and when I turned around, the woman was gone, hopefully never to return. I hope she learned something.

This thread has gone way off topic. Some of you need to get off your high horses and realize that this is a wonderful accepting country, and then make sure that you are working, personally, in your own life, to make it so! There will always be ignorant fools. Make sure that you don't do anything to encourage them. Last year, when I was traveling in France, several people asked hesitantly if I was British. I replied, "No, I'm American!" Every time I was greeted with enthusiasm by Europeans of many countries. One couple wanted to take my husband and me home for dinner, and we had trouble excusing ourselves, as we had other plans.

God bless America. It isn't perfect and neither are we, but I hope Americans keep working for a better future for all people from all parts of the world. If some of you want to rant about our current politics. then go ahead. I won't be listening. I get enough of that from CNN. Instead, tell me about what YOU plan to do to make this a better country - and I hope that means voting in all of our elections.

What do I, personally, do? Glad you asked. I work for an organization whose mission statement includes working to eliminate racism and I am a research fellow implementing racial justice initiatives for our community and white privilege trainings for our staff & partners. I’m also a college professor who teaches classes that center discussions on institutionalized racism and structural inequalities. I’m currently teaching a course on civil liberties that focuses on unequal treatment before the law.

Don’t presume that we’re all just ranting on the internet. Not that I have to justify what I do, but before you imply we’re not doing anything to solve problems you might want to take a step back and realize that many of us are doing the work in our communities. So yes I have a lot to say when people make statements about how open and welcoming America is, and I have a whole lot of research and experience to back it up.

southernbelle0915 · November 2017

I am still loling at "I personally do not know anyone who is racist, anti-immigration, or religiously prejudiced." Everyone in this apple pie nation of systematic racism has grown up with it. It's part of our culture whether we like it or not. Someone doesn't have say overtly bigoted things to be racist/anti-immigrant/religiously intolerant. Even the most "woke" people still catch themselves having covert thoughts or assumptions, which they (should) check themselves on. To claim absolute immunity is ridiculous and part of the problem.

And trying to flip the conversation and make it into a pissing contest on "who does more" to combat racism is so stupid I can't even. My eyes don't roll back in my head far enough for that.

minealone · November 2017

downtondiva said:

MandyMost said:

minealone said:

I know that I’m not appropriating my own culture lol I’m not worried about that part.

I was more worried about my guests having fun and not second guessing what they can or cannot do I guess. Personally, I wouldn’t mind seeing people dancing around in a turban and having fun with it. I think its all innocent fun in this particular context, but I wonder if some guests might give others that side eye and be uncomfortable with it. I want people to enjoy my culture, but I definitely don’t want my wedding to turn into a judgy political/social discussion, especially since his family is mostly conservative and our friends are very liberal. And yeah, I was a bit concerned with the possible social media backlash. I’m probably just overthinking it.

It didn’t occur to me that the props don’t have to match the background, thanks everyone!

Experiencing someone else's culture is a beautiful thing. I've been to weddings that incorporated bagpipes and kilts for a bride with Scottish heritage, or that had a Korean mini-ceremony as part of the reception, or that had a full double-ceremony: one Indian and one American, etc. I loved seeing the different attire, music, dances, etc. and participating in these celebrations. You have nothing to worry about if you are sharing your culture with your guests.

Where you should be concerned, even though you are of the specific culture, is turning it into a stereotype and encouraging your guests to treat your culture like a game.

Therefore, decor, music, ceremonies, etc. celebrating the aspects of your culture that you want to share with your guests are great. Having props in a photobooth that are stereotypes of your culture are not a good idea.

I agree with this completely. Sharing one's culture is a wonderful thing, and you certainly shouldn't be afraid to do that. But items that are sacred or otherwise special to a particular culture shouldn't be used as props or toys. I say have the background you want to have, but stick with the typical photo booth props.

This was my concern exactly. For instance I was wondering if having a Saudi head dress was a good idea or not. Its not ceremonial, it’s not special in any way for us. It’s what men wear to work every day. Some are fancier for special occasions like weddings, but it’s definity not sacred in any way. That being said, I don’t like how it’s portrayed in movies and shows. The term “towel head” is still used by people in a very derogatory manner. It’s not special or sacred, but there is a certain stereotype associated with it, so I was torn. I would like to see FH sporting it for a bit, because that’s what grooms wear where I’m from. I thought it would be nice for people to take pictures in because that’s what everybody wears, and if an American were to visit my home town, that’s one of the first gifts they’d get from a neighbor or coworker, because that’s just what you wear over there. I’ve given them out as gifts to my foreign friends when I lived there and it’s always a fun, good hearted experience. People will take it off and twirl it around while they’re dancing because that’s just what they do. It’s an accessory so to speak. I think if more of my family were attending, knowing what they would wear, I wouldn’t think twice about it. But I’m on my own out here, first gen actually, and I’m struggling to figure out how people perceive what, to me, is normal.

I agree with with you guys though, if I’m second guessing something I’m just not going to do it. I do plan on incorporating some traditional Arabic things into our western ceremony with an explanation in the program. My brother (the only one in my family who supports our relationship) is teaching FH traditional Arab dancing, and they plan on doing the dance with their groomsmen at the reception. I also plan on hiring a belly dancer. Those things I’m not second guessing one bit and if anybody’s uncomfortable with it, well then too bad.

I asked FH if his family would think my ceremonial aspects are weird. We pour rose water—representing abundance—, sprinkle flowers for fertility, and gold coins for fortune over the newly weds feet. It’s done on the feet so that these blessings are laid at their feet, wherever they go. His response: “yeah, absolutely, but who cares?” That makes me feel better. And I think people would really enjoy the dancing, I know I do.

I’m just going to steer clear from those types of props and print out typical cut outs or something.

MandyMost · November 2017

CMGragain said:

STARMOON44 said:

CMGragain said:

Gee, maybe we run in different circles. No one I know would have that attitude. If they did, they would soon be frozen out of our social circles. My friends LOVE multicultural events. One of the reasons we love to travel is to experience other cultures.

Do they love a mosque opening down the street? Do they love public schools closing for Diwali? Did they vote for a rabidly anti-immigrant President? Idk, maybe not your friend. But enough Americans did that Trump is our President so I still think we have a ways to go on welcoming immigrants.

I cannot speak for anyone but myself. It would be presumptive of me to do this. I personally do not know anyone who is racist, anti-immigration, or religiously prejudiced. Mr. Trump did not win a majority of American Votes, did he? He would not be welcome in my home. When he visited my town, I refused to attend, and so did every one I know.

In my last community we had three Islamic centers, and I visited two of them with interest. So did many other members of my church and community. Many of my neighbors were Muslims, and we enjoyed each other's company, as well as immigrant people from all over the world.

Ten years ago, I moved across the country to a very different community of mostly Anglo and Hispanic people. I do not tolerate racism in my life or in my home. Someone who openly expresses racism or cultural prejudice is not welcome.

So what are YOU doing to combat racism and prejudice in YOUR life? It is easy to rant on the internet. Any troll can do that. How about backing it up with action?

When a visitor in my own church asked me "How do you like having a black minister who is married to a white woman?", I made quite a scene, screaming "WHAT? He's black? Really?" Conversation stopped! Everyone stared at this woman in shock. My lovely minister was standing a few feet away, and he burst into laughter, as did his dear wife. We embraced, and when I turned around, the woman was gone, hopefully never to return. I hope she learned something.

This thread has gone way off topic. Some of you need to get off your high horses and realize that this is a wonderful accepting country, and then make sure that you are working, personally, in your own life, to make it so! There will always be ignorant fools. Make sure that you don't do anything to encourage them. Last year, when I was traveling in France, several people asked hesitantly if I was British. I replied, "No, I'm American!" Every time I was greeted with enthusiasm by Europeans of many countries. One couple wanted to take my husband and me home for dinner, and we had trouble excusing ourselves, as we had other plans.

God bless America. It isn't perfect and neither are we, but I hope Americans keep working for a better future for all people from all parts of the world. If some of you want to rant about our current politics. then go ahead. I won't be listening. I get enough of that from CNN. Instead, tell me about what YOU plan to do to make this a better country - and I hope that means voting in all of our elections.

I'll be sure to tell all the black people who are being shot by cops or lynched and watching the KKK march in the streets, muslims spit on in the streets, jews reading nazi propaganda spray painted on walls, and hispanics being told to go back to mexico that this is a wonderfully accepting country, and that racism and bigotry doesn't exist here.

It's great that you are accepting, that doesn't mean that this is an accepting country as a whole.

Cultural sensitivities?

Re: Cultural sensitivities?

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