Unique Name Change Dilemma: Mother's Maiden Name as Middle Name

southernbelle0915 · November 2017

thisismynickname2 said:

A woman who doesn't give up her name is still keeping a name she was given by someone else, and often that's the father. Either way you slice it, you often have a man's name attached to you. So, there's that.

This is a straw man argument and I roll my eyes every time I see it. Infants must have a last name to leave the hospital and be registered human beings. Keeping your last name (as an adult with legal choices) isn't about rejecting men. So even if you were assigned "a man's name" at birth, that's not the point anyway. As an infant or a child, you can't change an identity that was chosen for you at birth (whether it's that of a father/mother/grandparents/adoptive family/etc.).

The point is, as an adult, choosing to follow a tradition that stems from women as property of men. Women are (thankfully in this century) free to choose to follow that tradition or not. Some choose to do so and some don't...whatever. But I get really sick of the straw man "well you were probably assigned a man's last name as an infant anyway" argument. And...? That has exactly zero weight on adult decision making.

STARMOON44 · November 2017

southernbelle0915 said:

thisismynickname2 said:

A woman who doesn't give up her name is still keeping a name she was given by someone else, and often that's the father. Either way you slice it, you often have a man's name attached to you. So, there's that.

This is a straw man argument and I roll my eyes every time I see it. Infants must have a last name to leave the hospital and be registered human beings. Keeping your last name (as an adult with legal choices) isn't about rejecting men. So even if you were assigned "a man's name" at birth, that's not the point anyway. As an infant or a child, you can't change an identity that was chosen for you at birth (whether it's that of a father/mother/grandparents/adoptive family/etc.).

The point is, as an adult, choosing to follow a tradition that stems from women as property of men. Women are (thankfully in this century) free to choose to follow that tradition or not. Some choose to do so and some don't...whatever. But I get really sick of the straw man "well you were probably assigned a man's last name as an infant anyway" argument. And...? That has exactly zero weight on adult decision making.

Yeah. It’s not a man’s name. It’s my name, the only one I have ever had.

short+sassy · November 2017

southernbelle0915 said:

thisismynickname2 said:

A woman who doesn't give up her name is still keeping a name she was given by someone else, and often that's the father. Either way you slice it, you often have a man's name attached to you. So, there's that.

This is a straw man argument and I roll my eyes every time I see it. Infants must have a last name to leave the hospital and be registered human beings. Keeping your last name (as an adult with legal choices) isn't about rejecting men. So even if you were assigned "a man's name" at birth, that's not the point anyway. As an infant or a child, you can't change an identity that was chosen for you at birth (whether it's that of a father/mother/grandparents/adoptive family/etc.).

The point is, as an adult, choosing to follow a tradition that stems from women as property of men. Women are (thankfully in this century) free to choose to follow that tradition or not. Some choose to do so and some don't...whatever. But I get really sick of the straw man "well you were probably assigned a man's last name as an infant anyway" argument. And...? That has exactly zero weight on adult decision making.

Plus, it isn't any different for male babies. I just don't see that aspect as a "genders being treated differently" thing.

However, I do agree that names are personal choices. Women have the freedom to keep their maiden name or take their husbands. Or hyphenate. And many reasons go into their choice. Neither choice is better/worse than the other.

I would like to see our society change to where a man taking his wife's name is a choice that is at least considered as often.

And as other PPs have pointed out, people can also change their name at any time to almost whatever they want.

MandyMost · November 2017

short+sassy said:

southernbelle0915 said:

thisismynickname2 said:

A woman who doesn't give up her name is still keeping a name she was given by someone else, and often that's the father. Either way you slice it, you often have a man's name attached to you. So, there's that.

This is a straw man argument and I roll my eyes every time I see it. Infants must have a last name to leave the hospital and be registered human beings. Keeping your last name (as an adult with legal choices) isn't about rejecting men. So even if you were assigned "a man's name" at birth, that's not the point anyway. As an infant or a child, you can't change an identity that was chosen for you at birth (whether it's that of a father/mother/grandparents/adoptive family/etc.).

The point is, as an adult, choosing to follow a tradition that stems from women as property of men. Women are (thankfully in this century) free to choose to follow that tradition or not. Some choose to do so and some don't...whatever. But I get really sick of the straw man "well you were probably assigned a man's last name as an infant anyway" argument. And...? That has exactly zero weight on adult decision making.

Plus, it isn't any different for male babies. I just don't see that aspect as a "genders being treated differently" thing.
However, I do agree that names are personal choices. Women have the freedom to keep their maiden name or take their husbands. Or hyphenate. And many reasons go into their choice. Neither choice is better/worse than the other.
I would like to see our society change to where a man taking his wife's name is a choice that is at least considered as often.
And as other PPs have pointed out, people can also change their name at any time to almost whatever they want.

I fixed your post above. It's not your maiden name, it's your name. Period. Same for men.

I agree with you that I'd like to see it be just as common for a man to take his wife's name when getting married.

When a married man asks me why I didn't change my name I like to say "probably the same reason you didn't change your name", or when a single man asks I say "No, are you going to change yours when you get married?". It usually catches people completely off-guard.

MissKittyDanger · November 2017

short+sassy said:

Since we're taking about names, this still cracks me up.
My mom LOVES my H's last name. His last name is also an actual word that is related to one of her lifelong passions/hobbies. Just to give an example, if she loved to garden, she'd love the last name "Gardener".
In a casual chit-chat the day before my wedding, she asked what my plans were for my name. I told her I was definitely taking my H's name socially, probably legally at some point, but not sure when. With a hint of anticipation, she asked to make sure, "But you are taking his name socially?" I verified, "Yes". And then she squee'd that my name was going to be Jenny Gardener (not the real name), lol. It was really cute.

That's adorable :P

MissKittyDanger · November 2017

short+sassy said:

southernbelle0915 said:

thisismynickname2 said:

A woman who doesn't give up her name is still keeping a name she was given by someone else, and often that's the father. Either way you slice it, you often have a man's name attached to you. So, there's that.

This is a straw man argument and I roll my eyes every time I see it. Infants must have a last name to leave the hospital and be registered human beings. Keeping your last name (as an adult with legal choices) isn't about rejecting men. So even if you were assigned "a man's name" at birth, that's not the point anyway. As an infant or a child, you can't change an identity that was chosen for you at birth (whether it's that of a father/mother/grandparents/adoptive family/etc.).

The point is, as an adult, choosing to follow a tradition that stems from women as property of men. Women are (thankfully in this century) free to choose to follow that tradition or not. Some choose to do so and some don't...whatever. But I get really sick of the straw man "well you were probably assigned a man's last name as an infant anyway" argument. And...? That has exactly zero weight on adult decision making.

Plus, it isn't any different for male babies. I just don't see that aspect as a "genders being treated differently" thing.
However, I do agree that names are personal choices. Women have the freedom to keep their maiden name or take their husbands. Or hyphenate. And many reasons go into their choice. Neither choice is better/worse than the other.
I would like to see our society change to where a man taking his wife's name is a choice that is at least considered as often.
And as other PPs have pointed out, people can also change their name at any time to almost whatever they want.

SIAB

My only argument is that the last name changes in genders in the Russian, Ukranian and many other countries {I'm not sure which others, but I know those aren't only 2}

Female - last part is aya
Male - ey/ie

For example {apologies for horrible spelling}
Boy: Millekey/Millekie
Girl: Millekaya

Not to pull at straws, just a different vantage point. Not just for born into that culture, also accurate for marrying into it.

MyNameIsNot · November 2017

I realize this post is getting kind of old, but OP, have you considered changing your middle name to a hyphenated or compounded version of your existing middle and last? e.g. Mary Smith Jones becomes Mary Smith-Jones Sanders or Mary SmithJones Sanders, or even Mary Smones Sanders.

It's your name and you are 100% free to do with it what you want, no matter what anyone thinks. But if your reluctance to keep all of your names is rooted in not wanting 4 names, you could shrink it down to 3. Middle names are so rarely used anyway, it might be worth the symbolism of keeping both.

Unique Name Change Dilemma: Mother's Maiden Name as Middle Name

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