Dear Prudence,
My husband and I have had an open marriage for five years now. I occasionally date others and currently have a boyfriend, while my husband has yet to take advantage of the opportunity. I don’t mind people knowing that we are nonmonogamous, but I don’t feel the need to make an announcement. My husband is more private than I am and would prefer to keep it to ourselves. When it comes to his family, he is adamant that we not tell them.
My question concerns how to handle the inevitable: Someone we know sees me out holding hands with my boyfriend (or worse—kissing). My fear is that they will see me as a homewrecker and judge me. They may feel that they have witnessed something they shouldn’t have and feel embarrassed. If I know they’ve seen me, I can address it directly. But what if someone sees me without me noticing? How can I avoid making people feel uncomfortable and potentially ruining a relationship with a friend/acquaintance/co-worker without making a big “coming out” announcement?
—Nonmonogamous Anxiety