Aruging with mom over her money/my budget

augustgirl21 · February 2018

My parents are paying for my wedding and I am beyond grateful for that. But of course there is a budget. They are saying here's the money for your wedding. Spend how you'd like. So it's their money but if I want to spend half of the budget on a dress (I'm not/I didn't) then I can. I mapped out a budget for each item/group so that I would know how much to spend on each thing. If I find something over budget then I chip in my money to pay for it or take money from some other area.

Issue is my mom keeps adding things that she likes/would be neat but then that money comes out of my budget. TBH I have loved her suggestions and the things have looked better. The main issue that came up now is favors.
I FINALLY found favors I liked that are only slightly ($50) over favor budget. Minnie mouse chocolate covered pretzels matching our hint at Disney theme. She hates them. She likes favors that are $200-400 over budget. Customized M&Ms.
I'm okay with both honestly but I'm okay taking $200-$400 away from another area when I like the pretzels slightly better.

Advice of how to deal with my mother? haha

flantastic · February 2018

augustgirl21 said:

My parents are paying for my wedding and I am beyond grateful for that. But of course there is a budget. They are saying here's the money for your wedding. Spend how you'd like. So it's their money but if I want to spend half of the budget on a dress (I'm not/I didn't) then I can. I mapped out a budget for each item/group so that I would know how much to spend on each thing. If I find something over budget then I chip in my money to pay for it or take money from some other area.

Issue is my mom keeps adding things that she likes/would be neat but then that money comes out of my budget. TBH I have loved her suggestions and the things have looked better. The main issue that came up now is favors.
I FINALLY found favors I liked that are only slightly ($50) over favor budget. Minnie mouse chocolate covered pretzels matching our hint at Disney theme. She hates them. She likes favors that are $200-400 over budget. Customized M&Ms.
I'm okay with both honestly but I'm okay taking $200-$400 away from another area when I like the pretzels slightly better.

Advice of how to deal with my mother? haha

a) Skip favors, no one needs them. It can be a nice "extra" if there's extra money, but clearly in your case there isn't. Very low priority overall.

b) Show her your budget, and also ask if there's any category that she sees as a major priority. If she can see that customized M&Ms are going to mean $200 less to spend on something else that she also considers important, she may not see them as that crucial. If the budget is finite, not everything can be vitally important or of the highest quality, and maybe she needs a visual of that.

If she doesn't have further input at that point, say that you appreciate her ideas but unless she has a better and comprehensive idea of how the money should be distributed across all areas, you'd like to stick to the budget you planned.

ETA - Also, unless she insists, don't show her every decision you've made, if you think she's going to try to "upgrade" it.

MobKaz · February 2018

M & M's are M & M's. No one will care they are customized. It will be noticed for a second or two and then eaten. Half the time, because the image is so small to begin with, the image is blurred, smudged, or hard to distinguish. Suggest that if she wants M & M's as the favor, to save TONS of money and just buy in bulk, and bag yourselves. Add a "custom" and inexpensive tag to the favor.

CMGragain · February 2018

Wedding favors are the most unimportant thing at a wedding. They are NOT NECESSARY! If the worst thing you are stressed about is wedding favors, then you have done a good job planning your wedding.

downtondiva · February 2018

Do not mess up your wedding budget over favors. They are completely optional, and the reality is even if you do have them, few people will notice or care about the details on them. I didn't have favors at my wedding, and nobody has ever questioned it.

While it's true that "they who pay have a say," I also think that once your parents said, "here's the money, spend it how you want," that meant you didn't necessarily have to run every little decision by them. Unless you believe your mom's input would truly be helpful with something, I suggest you stop sharing every single detail with her.

MesmrEwe · February 2018

Order the bulk M&M's and put them on the tables in a canning jar or <$1 container from Wally World - cut the budget back to where you were comfortable by changing the presentation and meeting in the middle.

Here's the thing - Favors should be your "Hey, I've got $30-500 left in the budget and for some reason I feel compelled to spend it because I can (WHY?!?!?), what can I get for the money that MY GUESTS will enjoy..." Otherwise, they should not be impacting any aspect of your budget, go ahead and skip them because really, I'd rather have a larger slice of cake or a larger portion of protein for the meal instead of some piece of outdated food (smores bag), random candle, random whatever..

southernbelle0915 · February 2018

Skip the favors and spend hundreds on a mother daughter spa outing.

Jen4948 · February 2018

Favors are not important at weddings and you can skip them.

You might say to your mother something like, "Mom, it's really important to me that you have a good time at our wedding. Please realize that FI and I are trying to stick to our budget and make the decisions that work the best for everyone. If we don't agree about something, I hope we can agree to disagree without it affecting our relationship. If FI and I aren't on board with something, we'd appreciate it if you wouldn't take our decisions as personal rejections."

MairePoppy · February 2018

I only remember the favors from 2 weddings from all the weddings I've attended. One was a little bottle of wine that was custom labeled and nicely packaged and complemented the table decor so well. The other favors were from my daughter's wedding - nip bottles of a liqueor that is special to the groom's cultural traditions. The drink was also served as shots. If you take too many of those shots, you don't remember anything from the wedding. But I think it improves your dance moves, judging from the pics, but I digress.

Did you tell your mom that you allotted $X for the favors and the m&ms are way over budget? Could you offer the m&ms at your rehearsal dinner and the pretzels at the wedding?

Aruging with mom over her money/my budget

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