Moms and Maids

Aruging with mom over her money/my budget

My parents are paying for my wedding and I am beyond grateful for that. But of course there is a budget. They are saying here's the money for your wedding. Spend how you'd like. So it's their money but if I want to spend half of the budget on a dress (I'm not/I didn't) then I can. I mapped out a budget for each item/group so that I would know how much to spend on each thing. If I find something over budget then I chip in my money to pay for it or take money from some other area. 

Issue is my mom keeps adding things that she likes/would be neat but then that money comes out of my budget. TBH I have loved her suggestions and the things have looked better. The main issue that came up now is favors. 
I FINALLY found favors I liked that are only slightly ($50) over favor budget. Minnie mouse chocolate covered pretzels matching our hint at Disney theme. She hates them. She likes favors that are $200-400 over budget. Customized M&Ms. 
I'm okay with both honestly but I'm okay taking $200-$400 away from another area when I like the pretzels slightly better. 

Advice of how to deal with my mother? haha  


Re: Aruging with mom over her money/my budget

  • Wedding favors are the most unimportant thing at a wedding.  They are NOT NECESSARY!  If the worst thing you are stressed about is wedding favors, then you have done a good job planning your wedding.
  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2018
    Do not mess up your wedding budget over favors. They are completely optional, and the reality is even if you do have them, few people will notice or care about the details on them. I didn't have favors at my wedding, and nobody has ever questioned it.

    While it's true that "they who pay have a say," I also think that once your parents said, "here's the money, spend it how you want," that meant you didn't necessarily have to run every little decision by them. Unless you believe your mom's input would truly be helpful with something, I suggest you stop sharing every single detail with her. 

  • Order the bulk M&M's and put them on the tables in a canning jar or <$1 container from Wally World - cut the budget back to where you were comfortable by changing the presentation and meeting in the middle.

    Here's the thing - Favors should be your "Hey, I've got $30-500 left in the budget and for some reason I feel compelled to spend it because I can (WHY?!?!?), what can I get for the money that MY GUESTS will enjoy..." Otherwise, they should not be impacting any aspect of your budget, go ahead and skip them because really, I'd rather have a larger slice of cake or a larger portion of protein for the meal instead of some piece of outdated food (smores bag), random candle, random whatever..  
  • Skip the favors and spend hundreds on a mother daughter spa outing.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited February 2018
    Favors are not important at weddings and you can skip them.

    You might say to your mother something like, "Mom, it's really important to me that you have a good time at our wedding. Please realize that FI and I are trying to stick to our budget and make the decisions that work the best for everyone. If we don't agree about something, I hope we can agree to disagree without it affecting our relationship. If FI and I aren't on board with something, we'd appreciate it if you wouldn't take our decisions as personal rejections."

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2018
    I only remember the favors from 2 weddings from all the weddings I've attended. One was a little bottle of wine that was custom labeled and nicely packaged and complemented the table decor so well. The other favors were from my daughter's wedding - nip bottles of a liqueor that is special to the groom's cultural traditions. The drink was also served as shots. If you take too many of those shots, you don't remember anything from the wedding. But I think it improves your dance moves, judging from the pics, but I digress.

    Did you tell your mom that you allotted $X for the favors and the m&ms are way over budget? Could you offer the m&ms at your rehearsal dinner and the pretzels at the wedding? 

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