Dear Prudence,
My roommate is driving me insane. He is a slob who leaves dirty clothes and dishes everywhere. He is also always bumming money off of me. I don’t work frequently because of my health, and when I am sick he still expects me to be his maid! Every time I ask him to do the smallest task, he drags his feet and whines about not having the time to do it. When I tell him I’m tired of seeing him leave a mess everywhere, he responds by saying I’m not his mother! I am so close to telling him, “No, I’m not your mother, but I damn sure feel like I am!”
Here’s the kicker: He’s my older brother. We both still live at home with our parents. I do so out of necessity; he does so because he’s a mooch who wants to be a kid forever. He thinks giving our parents 50 bucks a week exempts him from chores. Meanwhile, our parents, who work long hours, still find the time to clean and do laundry at night and on weekends while he gallivants off to spend all his money and have a good time. My parents are enabling him to never move out, get married, or get a real job. I am sick of feeling like I am mothering my nearly 30-year-old brother and then being told off as though it’s my fault he doesn’t clean up after himself. My blood pressure cannot take this much longer. Please help me deal with my jerk of a brother!
—Adult Toddler
Re: While LW has valid complaints, their letter annoys me.
Yeah, I'm with you, mrsconn. This letter is annoying.
This isn't LW's house and therefore not her/his problem. Nor is his spending habits and his relationship with the parents.
If this is THAT upsetting to LW, find a way to move out.
You're also a guest at this circus and that's not your monkey. If you don't like the terms of the agreed upon arrangement you need to find a new one. You don't have to clean up after your brother and your brother doesn't need you to parent him. I suggest looking into alternate arrangements or finding a hobby that gets you out of the home or at least away from interacting with him.
If the dirty clothes and dishes are bothering the LW, I'd just spend a few minutes per day gathering all of it up...including the dishes...and throwing it in a pile in his room. I suspect that will correct his behavior more quickly and, if not, at least it is no longer in my sight.
As for the mooching money, that's even easier. Said with a major side-eye, "GTFO, you have a job. I don't care about your sob story. Spend your next paycheck more wisely."
And yes, if LW is the only one dissatisfied with the arrangement, they need to find a different one. I can't imagine being in a stressful living situation is good for their health problems.
Maybe the *real* twist is that LW's parents are enabling two grown asshole adults and are working themselves entirely too hard.
*hard eye roll at LW*
I was initially thinking, "And? When is your lease up? Find another place and move on."
Oh, but never mind. "Free" is a great living expense to pay, even when it comes with a slobby brother.
Yikes those poor parents. Maybe they’re the ones writing to Prudie complaining that their grandkids are being named after their uncle’s neighbor and not them.
If you were a guest in someone else's home, would you take it upon yourself to correct another guest's behaviour? No. You would recognise that this is not your place and if you don't like the situation you can leave.
This is SO much more than just being untidy. This seems like a lifetime of resentment towards her brother and how her family treats him. They both seem entitled.