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Wedding Woes
mrsconn23
member
Yeah, he needs to STFU.
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,
My husband has recently told me it bothers him I don’t have hobbies. He thinks I just watch stupid shows like Real Housewives (my guilty pleasure!) while he focuses on musical pursuits. I had to cut back on working out due to injury, plus I am pregnant, so my energy has been a lot lower. In my first trimester, reading was taxing and I couldn’t even handle watching The Crown. I feel like I’m being judged when I need stupid things to watch to relax. It isn’t like I’m lazy. I clean more that he does, I run our household, and I have a successful career. I also don’t understand how his video games are more mentally stimulating that my Bravo favorites. Is there a right answer for this? How should I handle this?
—Husband Has Issues With Lack of Hobbies
My husband has recently told me it bothers him I don’t have hobbies. He thinks I just watch stupid shows like Real Housewives (my guilty pleasure!) while he focuses on musical pursuits. I had to cut back on working out due to injury, plus I am pregnant, so my energy has been a lot lower. In my first trimester, reading was taxing and I couldn’t even handle watching The Crown. I feel like I’m being judged when I need stupid things to watch to relax. It isn’t like I’m lazy. I clean more that he does, I run our household, and I have a successful career. I also don’t understand how his video games are more mentally stimulating that my Bravo favorites. Is there a right answer for this? How should I handle this?
—Husband Has Issues With Lack of Hobbies
Re: Yeah, he needs to STFU.
Why does it bother him so much? Do they have only one TV so the housewives compete with Call of Duty? Is there something clingy in the wife?
If not, the husband needs to STFU.
I sometimes watch Teen Mom, and while M is vastly not a fan he knows it's not his place to 'control' what I watch. Which I also often tell him "don't like it? go away"
Like, he's concerned that she's not getting enough intellectual stimulation or meeting friends?
Or is he just an asshole?
Because I can see being a little worried, like, if she did a bunch of stuff before, and suddenly stopped. But pregnancy is exhausting, all the time, and makes you stupid, so it's not like you're going to be writing the great American novel in those 40 weeks. So...yeah, it's not like he's thinking she's sliding into a depression or something.
Asshole. Next letter. I have more people to judge.
She's keeping up with life in the ways that matter, so when it's time to blow off steam/relax, she's doing what she likes to do. Also, she's not saying they used to do X thing as a couple and now she won't (or can't, due to being pregnant) and she's rejecting any ideas of his to try something else. He does music and plays video games in his free time, and she enjoys Real Housewives (high five LW, those crazy ladies are also my entertainment).
If it were me, the next time he brings it up, I'd be pressing him for what he wants from me. Like is he concerned because she's pregnant and things are going to change? Does he want to do something as a couple? Is he going to give up the things he likes to do in his free time if she objects to how he spends his time?
If he has nothing, he needs to step the hell off and let her enjoy her time.
It doesn't bother me. In my free time I often clean {currently it is soothing. Nesting is weird.}
It doesn't bother M that I don't have a hobby, but we have discussed me finding a reason to leave the house or be away so I'm not with BabyKitten 24/7 and gives me 'me time'
I opted to look at yoga classes nearby, but I've also entertained the idea of just going to the basement and watching tv or playing a video game while he's with her. {if it's a bath & bedtime routine, so be it}
Yeah I don't have a whole lot of hobbies either. H has like 1,000 (and they're all expensive, that ass).
I cook and bake and go to bears and hawks games. That's about it. But I'm also the type of person that needs a lot of sleep and a significant about of "down time" to function. So working 9 hours a day, commuting for one, plus cooking probably 2 hours, working out, doesn't give me a ton of free time on a daily basis. Plus, like LW, I do a lot more of the cleaning and day-to-day household stuff.
If my H told me it bothered him, I'd probably try to show him how much I actually do do. Like, okay, dude. You get and sort the mail, pay the bills, make dinner and lunches, clean, walk the dog, make grocery lists and meal plan, meal prep on the weekends, budget, get the oil changed and do the laundry. I'll be working on my interpretive dance.
What's your H into?
Hunting, fishing, shooting. He plays bass, he has a motorcycle that's older than I am that constantly needs work and parts. Tattoos. I'm sure there's more.
@kvruns Fireworks displays? Like privately for his own amusement or he puts them on for people? I don't think I've ever heard of this as a hobby!
A friend of a friend puts on a huge display for their neighborhood that would rival a small town's display and I think my H wants to be him someday.
DH got really mad at me one night because I turned on the Housewives in our bedroom. He was asleep but woke up all "I can't stand these whiny womenblah blah blah" he started stopping around and grabbing stuff to sleep on the couch. That may have been the most pissed he's ever been at me.
I finally go him to settle down and now I know to flip the channel if he wakes up.
Our hobbies are sports. It's awful.
Tatts too, but idk if M has enough to consider it a hobby - we both have 5 lol
So many snarky comments...so little time.
For me personally, I'm finally proud to say that I love being a couch potato and watching tv. I know I'm "supposed to be" ashamed of that, but why? It's what I like to do. It's like little stories that are on all the time to entertain me. I should exercise more. Because that's just healthy. But, other than that, what difference does it make if that is how I like to spend my free time.
No offense to you/your H, my brain was just apparently deciding to not follow what you said lol
THIS has been a minor challenge in my marriage! H can't fall asleep unless the tv is on, but I don't fall into a good REM sleep if the tv is on. I can "doze", but that is about it.
Our compromise is he puts the tv on a 30-minute timer when he goes to bed. Usually he falls asleep fairly quickly, so it works out. He also usually goes to bed before I do, so then it isn't even a factor.
I consider the tattoos a hobby mostly because they cost a couple grand a year and he tries to go about once a month. His arms are both full sleeves and he's working on his legs now.