Our honeymoon is all paid for, we can't not go at this point or we'd lose the $. Otherwise I'd just skip it so we could move.
Yes, it was a bad idea to share with her. I don't know what I was expecting, but I'm not going to share with her ever again. I didn't think she would agree with me, I think I was just hoping to share how I felt since we are family now and my mom thought it might help in that she would see I trying to communicate with her. My mom said that's what she would want from her daughter in law - but clearly that was stupid on my part. Never again. DH agreed to go to counseling with me.
Again, I still don't understand why you even planned this HM. All you've said for the last few weeks is that you're stuck in your in-law's house and can't afford to move out! Adults that are living (rent free?) in a relative's house and can't afford their own place have no business taking a vacation. Where are your priorities?! I'm not trying to be mean, but how old are you and your H?
Your mom is not the same person as your MIL, so I don't know why you'd proceed like that. My mom and my MIL are different people. Just because my mom would react a certain way doesn't mean my MIL will react that same exact way.
I certainly hope your H is sticking up for you, but honestly, it sounds like he's pretty absent in all of this, and that's not a good sign.
It's been a while but I wanted to update this.
For everyone questioning the honeymoon, you guys were all acting like I booked an expensive vacation at the last minute with money we didn't have. I don't know how you guys booked your honeymoon, but we booked ours many many months beforehand when our living and financial situation were completely different. Many of our expenses were covered with travel points that we could not have gotten refunded, and my relatives contributed even more points so we had free airfare and free hotel, etc. We took advantage of early booking specials and got a really great deal out of the whole thing. We had a lovely honeymoon and lots of fun by the way. After all the stress that was really wonderful to leave all that crap behind. We both needed the escape plus it got me out of that house.
We found a new place to live that had an available apartment right after we got back from our honeymoon. I also got hired for a good paying job so it all worked out. Things are strained with the in-laws but I've only seen them twice for the holidays since then and I got into therapy as well. I've since learned that some of DH's upsetting comments to me were because his mom was pressuring/threatening him and he did not know how to properly handle it, and was worried that we would get kicked out if he put his foot down to them and defended me. Now that we've had some therapy it's all been much better and he has been very supportive of me and not afraid to set boundaries regarding his parents, and we are moving forward as a couple. Thanks everyone for all your advice and support while I struggled through this.
I'm glad it worked out. I read this whole thread and I disagree that everyone was acting like you "booked an expensive vacation at the last minute with money we didn't have". Plus you flat out gave all sorts of reasons - long term - why you couldn't afford to move out. I doubt you planned this honeymoon before you moved in with your H's family and were working part time, correct? Nor is this behavior new to your FIL, so I don't really think your "living and financial situation were completely different".
Regardless though, boundaries are important and I'm glad your H is on the same page.
My MIL isn't nearly as obnoxious (wow, that's something I never thought I'd say) but she used to make all sorts of shitty "jokes" and H didn't realize they were shitty until I pointed them out to him. Now, it would be a cold day in hell when I would ever live with her, but he shut that shit down quick.
ETA: IDK why but I was thinking about this last night. Totally beside the point now, but I'm kind of surprised that your FIL was the BM and is THAT close to his son if he's as big of a dick as he sounds.
@penguinpop, I didn't read back through the thread, but remember your username. I just wanted to wish you a congrats that the HM and wedding went well and that, overall, things are going much better for you and your H.
Re: FIL (who is also best man) hates having picture taken
I'm glad it worked out. I read this whole thread and I disagree that everyone was acting like you "booked an expensive vacation at the last minute with money we didn't have". Plus you flat out gave all sorts of reasons - long term - why you couldn't afford to move out. I doubt you planned this honeymoon before you moved in with your H's family and were working part time, correct? Nor is this behavior new to your FIL, so I don't really think your "living and financial situation were completely different".
Regardless though, boundaries are important and I'm glad your H is on the same page.
My MIL isn't nearly as obnoxious (wow, that's something I never thought I'd say) but she used to make all sorts of shitty "jokes" and H didn't realize they were shitty until I pointed them out to him. Now, it would be a cold day in hell when I would ever live with her, but he shut that shit down quick.
ETA: IDK why but I was thinking about this last night. Totally beside the point now, but I'm kind of surprised that your FIL was the BM and is THAT close to his son if he's as big of a dick as he sounds.
Edited: Oops, duplicate.