Pre-wedding Parties

Throwing own bridal shower

I am stuck, I am from Chicago but my fiancée is from Indianapolis . My family is throwing me a shower in Chicago but in Indy no one wants to be a part of throwing one for the family that lives in Indianapolis. His aunt offered but would not accommodate the amount of people that would be invited. My bridesmaids that live here do not seem interested in throwing me one either. Would it be strange for myself, as the bride to host one due to the distance being so far from one another? Please help!

Re: Throwing own bridal shower

  • My main concern is because he side of the family will not attend the one in Chicago 
  • My main concern is because he side of the family will not attend the one in Chicago 
    Who wouldn't be in attendance if his aunt threw one?

    I think you need to accept that you may either not have showers of yours may be very intimate.
    charlotte989875STARMOON44ernursej
  • It would be friends of mine. There would be about 30 people and his aunt said she couldn’t do that many. So there’s where I was stuck because I cannot choose to invite people
  • Also I have had complaints from my bridesmaids about driving to Chicago for the bridal shower 
  • It’s more of the fact that my fiancée feels like his family isn’t a part of the wedding because they don’t want to help out when he has asked them.
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My daughter lives in Chicago. We live in Indy. A family friend along with her MOH there her a shower her in Indy. None of her Chicago friends including bridesmaids attended - no big deal. I think you need to accept the aunt's offer graciously with her limit of guests or don't have a shower in Indy. 

    When I was a bride, my in-laws didn't attend any of my showers and my two SILs were bridesmaids. Again, no big deal.
    ahoyweddingcharlotte989875short+sassy
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I am stuck, I am from Chicago but my fiancée is from Indianapolis . My family is throwing me a shower in Chicago but in Indy no one wants to be a part of throwing one for the family that lives in Indianapolis. His aunt offered but would not accommodate the amount of people that would be invited. My bridesmaids that live here do not seem interested in throwing me one either. Would it be strange for myself, as the bride to host one due to the distance being so far from one another? Please help!
    My main concern is because he side of the family will not attend the one in Chicago 
    It would be friends of mine. There would be about 30 people and his aunt said she couldn’t do that many. So there’s where I was stuck because I cannot choose to invite people
    Also I have had complaints from my bridesmaids about driving to Chicago for the bridal shower 
    It’s more of the fact that my fiancée feels like his family isn’t a part of the wedding because they don’t want to help out when he has asked them.
    Think l got them all.
    If you feel funny about FI’s family not attending your Chicage shower, maybe take up the aunt’s offer to throw you an Indiana shower with the guests she can host?  (I’m assuming that’s FI’s family?). 
    Assure your friends/BM that they don’t have to go all the way to Chicago for your shower...attendance at pre-wedding parties isn’t a requirement.
    Assure FI that if they attend the wedding, his family will be a part of the wedding.  They shouldn’t be expected to help with anything. 
    InLoveInQueensahoyweddingcharlotte989875justsie
  • My main concern is because he side of the family will not attend the one in Chicago 
    Who wouldn't be in attendance if his aunt threw one?

    I think you need to accept that you may either not have showers of yours may be very intimate.


    ****stuck in the reply window of doom***

    I think you need to either accept that your Indy shower (should the aunt host one) may be very intimate.   It's a large expense to host a party so rather than try to increase the guest list I'd just focus on being appreciative of what's been offered. 


    ahoyweddingcharlotte989875
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its

    Uhh, yeah, no.

    That's all I got. Just no.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You are going about this all wrong. How it should work:

    Some kind person offers to throw you a shower. You accept. They tell you how many they can accommodate, and you make a guest list that fits. People who want to attend and are available on the chosen day will attend. Some people will decline.

    Under no circumstances is it ever ok for you to throw your own shower, ask anyone to throw you a shower, or make anyone feel that attendance is mandatory. It sounds like you're doing all of the above. 
    ahoyweddingjustsieInLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • Yep, PPs got it covered. It's super rude to host a party for yourself with the sole purpose of getting gifts, like a shower. That's the whole point of a shower. 

    Let your BMs know it's not required they attend the shower in Chicago if they're not able to. I was a BM in a wedding I didn't go to the shower for, and none of my BMs came to any pre-wedding stuff.

    You could take your FI's aunt up on her offer, if it still stands, and invite only the number of people she has said she's able to host. It's not unusual that the host of a party place limits on the number of people they can afford to invite; much like you're probably doing with your wedding guest list.
    InLoveInQueens
  • It is up to the host to determine the size of the guest list since they are the one footing the bill.  So if the offer of that shower still stands then you need to cut your guest list down to a number she is comfortable with.

    As for your BMs complaining about driving to Chicago for your other shower...they don't have to attend if they do not want to.  Nothing is a requirement when it comes to being a BM except for showing up on the actual wedding day.

    That sucks that your FI feels like his family isn't a part of the wedding because they won't help, but helping with the wedding isn't a requirement.  And they will be a part of the wedding when they attend.  Some people just don't find it fun or exciting to help with planning a party.  That doesn't mean that they aren't excited for you, they just don't want to or have time to help.
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassy
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