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Destination Weddings Discussions
Disney cruise wedding?
So! After a lot of postponing and shuffling and messing around with dates and what-ifs and stuff, we've decided that what we really want is an intimate wedding at sea with just us, our parents, and our two closest friends and their spouses which basically means we're having an 8-person total headcount. So we wanted to do something special and have our wedding on a Disney cruise. I've taken their cruises before and their service is unparalleled, so I assumed their wedding planning services would be the same. And so far they have! Except there's one tiny problem.
Apparently if you have a Disney cruise wedding, they won't marry you at sea. Well, they WILL, but they insist on doing two ceremonies: the legal ceremony while docked on embarkation day, and then the "real" ceremony at sea. I'm obviously not thrilled about this. Right now we haven't booked anything yet and I haven't had the date confirmed, but it's possible the way Disney sets up times and dates for ceremonies that our legal ceremony would happen in port, and then the full-blown wedding would happen up to a week later. Our other option is to do a courthouse ceremony before leaving, but that just FURTHER separates the dates and I don't want to do that.
Now I looked around on the site a little but so far it seems everyone here has done Princess/Celebrity/Carnival etc. and they've all done the ones where you're in port and then leave for the cruise after the ceremony. Has anyone here done a Disney cruise wedding? Did you have any luck getting them to do the legal and personal ceremonies on the same day (i.e. were you able to have your actual wedding be on embarkation day)? If not, how did you deal with having separate ceremonies? Help please! I want my Disney cruise wedding but I'm having such a hard time reconciling my wedding-at-sea dream with the idea of having separate legal and personal ceremonies!!!
Apparently if you have a Disney cruise wedding, they won't marry you at sea. Well, they WILL, but they insist on doing two ceremonies: the legal ceremony while docked on embarkation day, and then the "real" ceremony at sea. I'm obviously not thrilled about this. Right now we haven't booked anything yet and I haven't had the date confirmed, but it's possible the way Disney sets up times and dates for ceremonies that our legal ceremony would happen in port, and then the full-blown wedding would happen up to a week later. Our other option is to do a courthouse ceremony before leaving, but that just FURTHER separates the dates and I don't want to do that.
Now I looked around on the site a little but so far it seems everyone here has done Princess/Celebrity/Carnival etc. and they've all done the ones where you're in port and then leave for the cruise after the ceremony. Has anyone here done a Disney cruise wedding? Did you have any luck getting them to do the legal and personal ceremonies on the same day (i.e. were you able to have your actual wedding be on embarkation day)? If not, how did you deal with having separate ceremonies? Help please! I want my Disney cruise wedding but I'm having such a hard time reconciling my wedding-at-sea dream with the idea of having separate legal and personal ceremonies!!!
Re: Disney cruise wedding?
Just get married at port, legally and then cruise. Maybe take some "at sea" pictures but another ceremony would be fake and pointless.
Instead, focus on what you CAN do within their parameters rather than look at other cruise lines.
Also, please keep in mind that this is an expensive trip. And if you're wanting to have these people on the cruise w/ you vs. just at the dock you technically should be footing the bill for them to be on that cruise. It's food for thought too.
But I feel like I've heard that they're pretty rigid and it's not easy (if impossible) to get them to bend rules.
Would you consider having your wedding the night before the cruise leaves at a nice restaurant or something in the city where the port is?
So what it comes down to is this: 1) I will have 2 ceremonies if I do the Disney cruise, and 2) 99.9999% chance they'll be at least one or two days apart. No getting around that. *sigh*
I did consider just doing the whole thing in a courthouse at home and then just going on the cruise for a honeymoon but that idea wasn't half as popular with fiance/mom/everyone else, and honestly I still love my idea of a cruise wedding...I'm just going to have to be flexible about the date and time, I guess. lucky for me too, Disney rep also said that since our party is so small, all of our witnesses can be at both ceremonies so that's something.
That would be like setting up a stage and hiring an actor (or asking a friend) to hand you a fake diploma because you didn't attend your high school graduation.
And I see a lot of "but can't you get them to just do the one?" so lemme reiterate if I COULD just have the one ceremony and still have my cruise wedding, I would. But the rep I talked to made it very clear, there's just too much going on during embarkation day to have both ceremonies in port. If I want a cruise wedding, I have to deal with that, so deal with that I shall. Not my favorite aspect of it for sure, but I've come to terms with it...both ceremonies are equally important and will be "real" to us, so that's all that really matters.
So it's not ideal to have separate civil and formal ceremonies, but it's not the worst thing in the world. Everyone's on board with it, fiance thinks it'll be fun, family is excited (my dad is REALLY excited about "getting to walk me down the aisle twice"...I didn't really have the heart to tell him it probably won't be much of an aisle at the civil ceremony lol) and I don't see anything super "wrongwrongwrong" about it, just a little offbeat. so...I think this is about where we're at. Sorry to bother everyone, I'd hoped there'd be at least one person here who had "been there done that" and done a DCL wedding but thanks anyway
So what *is* the formal ceremony? Is it a religious ceremony? It can't be legal so what's the actual difference?
If the second is more of a the theatrical part then you're not having two wedding ceremonies. You're having one wedding and another that's.....wedding adjacent. If everyone is on board and understands that you're being totally honest with what's happening then that's fantastic. But the second ceremony isn't your wedding.
I found it super helpful to join the resort’s bridal Facebook page set up by another bride. The other brides had so many tips about how to get married. I’m sure they can help you with specifics. If you don’t have a Facebook, make one for this reason. I’m not in your shoes about the wedding legalities, but what if you did the symbolic ceremony at sea and then just waited to come home and have a justice of the peace marry you after? It would depend on if your area would require witnesses or not, but it would strictly be for legal purposes so anyone could be a witness. That way you wouldn’t have to have 2 ceremonies. Another option would be to have a small ceremony and dinner at home, provided that everyone lived in the same city, and then just do a Disney cruise vacation together. Your vows are not make believe or pretend. Please don’t feel hurt by people saying this. It’s their views and in their area it’s the norm so they are trying to give you info based on how the majority would feel.
I had a friend who was married before it was legal for gay people to be and they encountered people telling them their vows were pretend if it’s not legal. Several Vietnamese people I know who went to the courthouse for their legal wedding and then did their traditional wedding were told by Caucasian co-workers invited to their reception “the dead can’t marry you” and it’s all “pretend” completely ignoring the fact that asking family and ancestor permission is older than their countries laws. Harsh and hateful words like “pretty princess dress party” were used about their Ao Dai. Simply because their culture/religion did not fit into the the laws of the land. And key word, they felt ENTITLED to have been invited to a ceremony reserved for family. A former roommate’s parents didn’t have a legal wedding for years where they lived in South Africa because they weren’t the same race and in the early 80’s it wasn’t allowed. So they had their ceremony and then had a legal wedding later at the courthouse. People have different religions and to some their religion is state law. I know your issue isn’t a case of culture, religion or persecution, but one of whether or not your vows mean something. And I’m sure they do. The people commenting are sharing western views of state law being 1st. Before anything else. They are commenting about what the majority would feel is most important, which is that the legal ceremony IS the ceremony. Nothing else trumps that. Do you, your groom, your parents, and your guests feel that way? Or are your vows and commitment to each other enough? I think if all of you are in agreement then the laws of the land can wait until you’re actually on land.
Side note: Having a family/friends vacation was so appreciated by everyone. My guest list almost doubled because people wanted to go so much! Especially since we all vacation together anyways and our families live all over the world. Plus it’s way easier/cheaper to get people into Mexico right now than the US. Visitor visas are super cheap in Mexico. I’ve had several comments of how great it’s going to be to spend days getting to know each other instead of a few hours. I think if you’re looking for an intimate wedding you are going to have an amazing one with the cruise idea.
Also, when it comes to payment don’t worry. Lots of people vacation in small groups and they don’t expect the person who invited them to pay. No one forces people to go on vacation with them. Just like no one forces people to go to weddings. You go if you want to and have the means to. The only people we paid for their stay was parents and siblings. Everyone else wanted to vacation with us. And some even invited themselves because they were so excited. We were thrilled to have so many people want to join. What most people don’t know about destination weddings is that you still pay for the ceremony, cocktail hour and reception (just like they do). Plus, you pay more on favors because we do gift bags. I think some people assume it’s free. Also, I’ve asked 15 brides from my area who have had home weddings and invited people from out of town if they paid for their hotel rooms and all 15 said they did not pay for out of town guests. I also read a blog where the groom’s family was from New York and the bride’s family was from California and none of the California guests had their hotels paid for by the bride and groom. They simply blocked rooms for them at a discounted rate. So there’s no reason that rule of paying for accommodations should change for a destination wedding. If you don’t pay for hotel rooms here, then you don’t pay for hotel rooms someplace else. One destination bride in my Facebook group said that her parents and cousins hated traveling to weddings that were 5hrs long and it was such a waste to pay for a flight and hotel. So that’s why her family decided to do a destination wedding. She didn’t even want it, but her family thought it was rude not to. To each their own.
The opinions of the people attending your wedding is more important than strangers online. Keep in mind that some people may have the means to pay for everyone to go on vacation together or maybe they don’t travel with family/friends. So their views may be stemming from that. Destination weddings put a bad taste in some people’s mouths so realize it’s coming from their experiences. In the end whoever pays gets to decide and no one has to go if they don’t want to or don’t feel comfortable. Remember that it is your guests who matter. These are the people who will be in your lives forever and it is their feelings you don’t want alienated.
I hope you have a beautiful wedding and everything works out perfectly. Good luck finding the Facebook page!
To MobKaz - yes everyone is aware of the 2-ceremony setup. Believe me it was discussed at length, best friend and mom in particular have borne the brunt of my "but is it a REAL wedding if we have to do it twice?" angsting. EVERYONE knows what'll go down on the cruise.
To banana468 - they're both our wedding, there's just a part-1, part-2 aspect to it. totally understand it's not everyone's cup of tea (like I said before I had a certain amount of do-we-really-want-to-bother with the whole thing) but we've gotten to a point where we're okay with that.
to megs_tx - yes! I found the disboards and. dude. SO HELPFUL. you know what though? I found the posts of another friend of mine who had her wedding at Epcot. she wanted to be married in France but didn't want to do the two-ceremonies thing and DEFINITELY didn't want to live in France for 40 days prior to the wedding, so the France pavilion was her compromise. So...I didn't know this before...but even with cruise fare for 10 AND the wedding package? my wedding is STILL going to cost less than hers. Disney DOES NOT mess around when it comes to prices, lemme tell you...buuut off-topic.
I know it doesn't really "matter" in the long run what strangers on the 'net think of my wedding plans but I'd still like to thank everyone for their input again anyway. Wedding planning can be a pain in the rear and it always helps to hear from people who have been in my shoes. so I totally appreciate everyone taking time from their busy day to answer my questions
Have you thought of doing your ceremony/ reception on one of those harbour cruises? That way you can still be legally married on the water. Then you can go on your cruise honeymoon.
Considering everyone will be at the real ceremony and knows what's going on, it's not a lie or etiquette issue. It's just silly to have a pretend ceremony for what? Photos?
I'm glad everyone is on the same page in this situation, but I'm going to say it's still odd and lurkers, don't use this situation as justification for your own PPD.
I also agree with Kaz and want to thank you, OP for your openness and not getting defensive. That's unfortunately rare and refreshing here. Good luck to you.
So I tried, guys. I tried really hard--I'm sure it came across in my posts how hard I was trying--to be okay with and justify the two ceremonies thing, but in the end I just never quite reconciled it. I know that in plenty of countries it's a THING to do a legal ceremony and then have a fun/symbolic/formal/whatever you wanna call it ceremony the next day but, well, we're American and that's not really done here. I said a couple of posts ago that "both would feel equally real to us"--the more I thought about it, the more I felt like in the end, NEITHER would feel real. The real ceremony wouldn't feel official because it wouldn't have everything we wanted; the reenactment ceremony wouldn't feel real because it wouldn't be legal. I really wanted my Disney wedding and I tried very hard to get them to do the ceremony on the same day as the reception, and then I tried harder to justify having multiple ceremonies...but in the end it's just not worth it to me.
So we've changed plans AGAIN (if y'all only knew...this is like the fourth time we've gotten 3/4 of the way through planning a thing and then discarded it "because reasons") and we're going to instead have our ceremony at my church, then treat our parents and best friends to lunch, drinks, and a game at our favorite baseball stadium...then we'll save the cruise for our honeymoon. Still quirky, still fun, still very much "us," but this way we only have to get married once. Fiance and dad are SLIGHTLY disappointed about the loss of a ship captain-officiated wedding (fiance thought it was romantic; Dad thought it was "just really f'ing cool!") but they can't argue that this is definitely more cost-effective and WAY more chill.
Sorry for the rollercoaster ride! :P But thanks again for any and all advice even though in the end I didn't go through with the original plan. Still very much appreciated
And now you can relax on your cruise and not worry about planning the ceremony. I hope you have a fab time.