Received This Gem in The Mail...

ShesSoCold · July 2018

It's super handy that they don't flat out ask for cash with this nasty thing and "wishing well" can be open for interpretation. So I suggest a card with your own little poem!

Congratulations on your wedding day,
There's not much more that we can say.
To support your wishing well,
Here's a quarter to make it swell.
Be sure not to tell others your wish,
to ensure that it may flourish.
Congrats again to the two of you,
And we hope you have lots of babies too!

kwiksilver · July 2018

Bwahahahahaha that’s perfect @ShesSoCold

I should add, the little ditty was printed directly on the back of the invitation itself *sigh*

holyguacamole79 · July 2018

Why do the font sizes change?

Does a wishing well wedding mean it's gonna take place at a wishing well like ""Goonies"?

downtondiva · July 2018

holyguacamole79 said:

Why do the font sizes change?

Does a wishing well wedding mean it's gonna take place at a wishing well like ""Goonies"?

Is it me or is the font size larger on the lines that specifically reference gifts/money? I'm just sayin'.

MobKaz · July 2018

Apparently this is now a popular trend, spiraling at approximately 60%. Barf! Why the need to reinvent the card box wheel?

"There is really nothing wrong with requesting cash as your wedding present since it is traditionally a gift-giving occasion. Instead of registering for a bunch of flatware and dishes why not just request what you need, which is cash. Indeed, it is not the requesting of a specific gift that falls into question, that has been going on at weddings forever. The etiquette question is specific to asking for a gift in the form of cash."

https://www.easyweddings.com.au/articles/wedding-wishing-wells-how-to-ask-for-money-instead-of-gifts/

missJeanLouise · July 2018

I thought a wishing well was a spot for little things. Like I see them for cans of soup at a food drive, dish towels or spatula at a shower; it would never occur to me to put money in it. It is so much less confusing to just not have a registry.

short+sassy · July 2018

I wonder if "3 Coins in a Fountain" will be their first dance, lol.

Because that's the kind of thing I think of when I hear the phrase "wishing well". And like @ShesSoCold, would want to give them a wedding card with a quarter in it. For them to throw into the fountain of their choice and make a wish.

Everyone, repeat after me, "Requesting cash with a cutesy poem, doesn't make it okay."

I actually created something like that. It's longer and isn't on fancy paper. But it's my list of household belongings that I keep in my safe for insurance purposes. In case of fire or some other tragedy.

banana468 · July 2018

Is this honestly requesting wishes? Is this a save the date or saying that you're not invited?

"Household thoughts"?

For fucks sake people lose the poems and gt w/ real words.

lovesclimbing · July 2018

My inner editor is cringing. That top line is not centered. The palm leaves look a little off. What's with the capitalization in the top line? I also do not like the grammar of the top line. It's just ... odd. It looks like they're punctuating it like multiple sentences, sort of, so I want a semicolon at the end of line 3.

frances_l · July 2018

Yuck... so as a matter of personal taste, I find these poems just plain corny to me. Receiving this “nursery rhyme” is like getting a card for a little kid’s party instead of a wedding.

I don't think its exactly "poor taste" to ask for cash gifts. Some cultures have money dances. There's a way to request cash that has a bit more finesse than this poem. It'd be nicer to have it worded something like: "En lieu of box gifts, we kindly request contributions to our newlywed fund. Please visit <link to fund> or send flat gifts to <add address>"

I have a newlywed fund and I'll also have a bird cage sitting on my guest table with spare envelopes for cash gifts.

banana468 · July 2018

frances_l said:

Yuck... so as a matter of personal taste, I find these poems just plain corny to me. Receiving this “nursery rhyme” is like getting a card for a little kid’s party instead of a wedding.

I don't think its exactly "poor taste" to ask for cash gifts. Some cultures have money dances. There's a way to request cash that has a bit more finesse than this poem. It'd be nicer to have it worded something like: "En lieu of box gifts, we kindly request contributions to our newlywed fund. Please visit <link to fund> or send flat gifts to <add address>"

I have a newlywed fund and I'll also have a bird cage sitting on my guest table with spare envelopes for cash gifts.

Nope. There's no way to word it nicely at all. It *IS* in poor taste to outright ask for cash gifts - no ifs ands or buts.

It's generally agreed that dollar / money dances are ALSO in poor taste. If it's part of your culture and all your guests are in that culture and it's expected then there's no need to word it. It's stated and understood and part of the deal. That said, so many marriages and families are such a mix of cultures that you run the risk of offending those for whom this isn't the norm. And if that's the case, don't do it.

frances_l · July 2018

Whether it is offensive or not is completely subjective.

I'd never advise anyone to leave out a custom at their wedding just because the crowd is mixed and may not "get it." The first time I was introduced to the money dance, I was a guest at a wedding where I didn't share a lot of their customs. I observed how people participated and then I went with the flow. That's the more likely response than clutching pearls and clucking tongues. And it was a mixed crowd.

Pointing guests to your newlywed fund isn't bad form especially in the case that it's the only thing in your registry.

banana468 · July 2018

frances_l said:

Whether it is offensive or not is completely subjective.

I'd never advise anyone to leave out a custom at their wedding just because the crowd is mixed and may not "get it." The first time I was introduced to the money dance, I was a guest at a wedding where I didn't share a lot of their customs. I observed how people participated and then I went with the flow. That's the more likely response than clutching pearls and clucking tongues. And it was a mixed crowd.

Pointing guests to your newlywed fund isn't bad form especially in the case that it's the only thing in your registry.

It isn't entirely subjective. It's about understanding the protocol of the culture. When in doubt, don't offend.

Telling guests that you have a newlywed fund can work ONLY if you're asked. Writing it is always going to be in bad taste but if asked you can say, "Oh, we're not registered but are saving for (insert 'our future', 'a car', 'a house', etc.). If you go in that direction, it shouldn't be on a website either and that then comes with the understanding that if anyone offers you a shower and you accept, you accept 'stuff' and do not request money.

frances_l · July 2018

Hmmm... it's guaranteed that people are going to ask about where you're registered anyway so not including your newlywed fund on your website registry is just creating an in unnecessary inconvenience to you and your guests.

ShesSoCold · July 2018

frances_l said:

Whether it is offensive or not is completely subjective.

I'd never advise anyone to leave out a custom at their wedding just because the crowd is mixed and may not "get it." The first time I was introduced to the money dance, I was a guest at a wedding where I didn't share a lot of their customs. I observed how people participated and then I went with the flow. That's the more likely response than clutching pearls and clucking tongues. And it was a mixed crowd.

Pointing guests to your newlywed fund isn't bad form especially in the case that it's the only thing in your registry.

Uhhh, yeah, no. That's tacky as shit. Pretty sure there's no cultures where directing people to a website to give you money is traditional. You're just trying to justify a bad idea.

And what even is a "newlywed fund"? Some website that takes 7% of your cash gifts?

MyNameIsNot · July 2018

frances_l said:

Hmmm... it's guaranteed that people are going to ask about where you're registered anyway so not including your newlywed fund on your website registry is just creating an in unnecessary inconvenience to you and your guests.

No. Putting a cash grab on your website is extremely rude and crass.

LondonLisa · July 2018

frances_l said:

Hmmm... it's guaranteed that people are going to ask about where you're registered anyway so not including your newlywed fund on your website registry is just creating an in unnecessary inconvenience to you and your guests.

Begging for money with a 7-10% service charge is vulgar and tacky AF. Everyone knows cash is a good gift.

banana468 · July 2018

ShesSoCold said:

frances_l said:

Whether it is offensive or not is completely subjective.

I'd never advise anyone to leave out a custom at their wedding just because the crowd is mixed and may not "get it." The first time I was introduced to the money dance, I was a guest at a wedding where I didn't share a lot of their customs. I observed how people participated and then I went with the flow. That's the more likely response than clutching pearls and clucking tongues. And it was a mixed crowd.

Pointing guests to your newlywed fund isn't bad form especially in the case that it's the only thing in your registry.

Uhhh, yeah, no. That's tacky as shit. Pretty sure there's no cultures where directing people to a website to give you money is traditional. You're just trying to justify a bad idea.

And what even is a "newlywed fund"? Some website that takes 7% of your cash gifts?

Yup.

1) You wouldn't have a "newlywed fund" as something on a registry because you know that it's rude to register for cash or anything resembling it so you can't point out guests to something that you wouldn't do because it was so rude to do it in the first place.

2) If you opt to have NO registry then you can filter questions as I indicated above. Registries aren't new. Calling the newly engaged couple or their families to inquire about what they want as a gift isn't an inconvenience. If personal phone calls or emails asking this are so inconvenient that both the giver and recipient call them huge inconveniences, it's a sign that we're just in a downward spiral.

ernursej · July 2018

I didn't have a registry and only received a few boxed gifts. People got it and I didn't need to have a website to take a cut of their generosity. No registry = majority of people will call and ask if you want something specific or will cut you a cheque/give you cash. The last wedding I went to has a money registry and I made a point to give cash. I did not want to give a company money for 'organizing' money. It was interesting how many guests that I talked to did the same once they realized that the couple wouldn't receive all the money and the company was taking a cut. Most thought the registry was tacky and would have given money anyway.

MobKaz · July 2018

The only thing tackier than asking for cash is literally providing EMPTY envelopes for guests at your wedding with the expectation that they should fill them with cash. Will they be made up to look like cute bank deposit slips?

Jen4948 · July 2018

No, it isn't guaranteed that someone will ask about your registry.

No, it IS *extremely* tacky as well as rude to ask for cash gifts in any way whatsoever, including honeyfunds -- regardless of what is normal in anyone's culture. Doing it in a poem compounds the tackiness.

No, whether it is offensive is NOT "completely subjective." Violating etiquette is offensive.

No, registering for gifts is not required.

missJeanLouise · July 2018

We made an amazon registry but only shared it with those who asked. We received a handful of small gifts and a bunch of cards, with checks.

everyone knows money is a good gift, no need to remind them with a tacky poem/ fund/ line on a website.

ShesSoCold · July 2018

I had a shower so I did have a small registry. Like, we tried to only register for as many items as we'd receive at the shower. We received one boxed gift at the wedding. One. And it was something that my aunt gets for everyone's weddings.

knottie6fe2cc5434160aa2 · July 2018

MobKaz said:

The only thing tackier than asking for cash is literally providing EMPTY envelopes for guests at your wedding with the expectation that they should fill them with cash. Will they be made up to look like cute bank deposit slips?

Perhaps you should look up traditional Chinese wedding traditions before you shit all over other peoples' culture just because you don't understand them. Red envelopes are a major and expected part of so many traditional holidays and celebrations and have been for generations. It's unfortunate that you have so little respect for cultures outside your own.

In general, the level of cultural homogeneity expected on this website is so bizarre. It's like it's expected that if someone is having an intercultural wedding, they should default to Western Miss Manners wedding etiquette in order to not offend anyone, without any consideration of the cultural norms of the other culture involved in the wedding.

Enjoy your weird cultural imperialism, I guess.

MobKaz · July 2018

knottie6fe2cc5434160aa2 said:

MobKaz said:

The only thing tackier than asking for cash is literally providing EMPTY envelopes for guests at your wedding with the expectation that they should fill them with cash. Will they be made up to look like cute bank deposit slips?

Perhaps you should look up traditional Chinese wedding traditions before you shit all over other peoples' culture just because you don't understand them. Red envelopes are a major and expected part of so many traditional holidays and celebrations and have been for generations. It's unfortunate that you have so little respect for cultures outside your own.

In general, the level of cultural homogeneity expected on this website is so bizarre. It's like it's expected that if someone is having an intercultural wedding, they should default to Western Miss Manners wedding etiquette in order to not offend anyone, without any consideration of the cultural norms of the other culture involved in the wedding.

Enjoy your weird cultural imperialism, I guess.

This was a general post about general etiquette. Overreact much?

The OP did not discuss a cultural tradition. She opted for a cheesy way to ask for cash. The poster who referenced laying out envelopes also did not, and I dare say, is not, doing so out of any cultural tradition.

Asking for cash is NEVER appropriate.

ernursej · July 2018

knottie6fe2cc5434160aa2 said:

MobKaz said:

The only thing tackier than asking for cash is literally providing EMPTY envelopes for guests at your wedding with the expectation that they should fill them with cash. Will they be made up to look like cute bank deposit slips?

Perhaps you should look up traditional Chinese wedding traditions before you shit all over other peoples' culture just because you don't understand them. Red envelopes are a major and expected part of so many traditional holidays and celebrations and have been for generations. It's unfortunate that you have so little respect for cultures outside your own.

In general, the level of cultural homogeneity expected on this website is so bizarre. It's like it's expected that if someone is having an intercultural wedding, they should default to Western Miss Manners wedding etiquette in order to not offend anyone, without any consideration of the cultural norms of the other culture involved in the wedding.

Enjoy your weird cultural imperialism, I guess.

Generally, Western traditions are represented by those that respond to the Boards. For a Chinese wedding, I would expect to see those red envelopes and wouldn't bat an eye, even if it was a mixed wedding. A money registry isn't tied to any culture and I think that was the original issue that was being discussed.

Cookie Pusher · July 2018

Funny. I'm Chinese, had my culture well represented at my wedding, and yet did not ask for cash. As red envelopes are a cultural tradition, I didn't have to ask for money - it was given as the cultural norm. And even our non-Chinese guests didn't need a registry to figure out giving us cash was a great idea.

banana468 · July 2018

Guys, I'm pretty sure that this #s likes to chime in any time that posts stick to a Western cultural norm just so she can find that Swiss Cheese hole and insert dynamite into it.

ShesSoCold · July 2018

knottie6fe2cc5434160aa2 said:

MobKaz said:

The only thing tackier than asking for cash is literally providing EMPTY envelopes for guests at your wedding with the expectation that they should fill them with cash. Will they be made up to look like cute bank deposit slips?

Perhaps you should look up traditional Chinese wedding traditions before you shit all over other peoples' culture just because you don't understand them. Red envelopes are a major and expected part of so many traditional holidays and celebrations and have been for generations. It's unfortunate that you have so little respect for cultures outside your own.

In general, the level of cultural homogeneity expected on this website is so bizarre. It's like it's expected that if someone is having an intercultural wedding, they should default to Western Miss Manners wedding etiquette in order to not offend anyone, without any consideration of the cultural norms of the other culture involved in the wedding.

Enjoy your weird cultural imperialism, I guess.

Oh thank GOD! The "you're all racist and homophobic" knight in shining armor has arrived!!!

How will we all know how terrible we are for following etiquette without you?! You're opening my eyes more and more with every post.

frances_l · July 2018

My envelopes do not come with "tiny deposit slips." lmao

They do, however come with little cards with blank spaces for leaving us happy messages and well wishes. We don't explicitly ask for cash anywhere at our reception. We are hoping that this will be a way for anyone so inclined to use the envelopes and cards instead of slipping us money during the reception. Since we will likely be in a whirlwind that day, it'll help us keep track of who gifted us with it so we know who to write thank you's to.

And it is subjective. Not everyone's wedding customs are the same. What is offensive to you may not be offensive to others.

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