None of my co-workers showed up to my shower

Re: None of my co-workers showed up to my shower

• ShesSoCold mod

  

  July 2018

  knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

  So I have a weird situation. I invited 10 coworkers to my bridal shower. Only three declined, but on the day of my bridal shower none of them actually showed up. I'm a little annoyed because they kept me aware of the party and said they were all showing up, and they seemed really excited about it, but then to just not show up seems rude, and it is hurtful. Everybody has been quiet at work ever since I have been back to the office and I haven't talked about it. So now I'm not sure if I should bring it up at at all or let it go and ignore the awkwardness. They seem to be coming to the wedding, most already gave me their RSVPs or a verbal rsvp, I'm not sure how to proceed.
  
  the worst part is that my sister said to me that she knew that they wouldn't show up, because they are coworkers and not close friends, and I think she was trying to make me feel better because she said not to let it get to me, but really she shouldn't have even thrown the shower if she didn't wante to invite the people I know.
  
  It was a nice shower, but I'm hurt that soany people didn't show up.

  I wouldn't say or do anything. If they had an excuse they wanted to share with you, they would have come to you and talked to you. Asking them would just add to the awkwardness.

  
  

  Report5 Reply
• levioosa member

  

  July 2018

  knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

  So I have a weird situation. I invited 10 coworkers to my bridal shower. Only three declined, but on the day of my bridal shower none of them actually showed up. I'm a little annoyed because they kept me aware of the party and said they were all showing up, and they seemed really excited about it, but then to just not show up seems rude, and it is hurtful. Everybody has been quiet at work ever since I have been back to the office and I haven't talked about it. So now I'm not sure if I should bring it up at at all or let it go and ignore the awkwardness. They seem to be coming to the wedding, most already gave me their RSVPs or a verbal rsvp, I'm not sure how to proceed.
  
  the worst part is that my sister said to me that she knew that they wouldn't show up, because they are coworkers and not close friends, and I think she was trying to make me feel better because she said not to let it get to me, but really she shouldn't have even thrown the shower if she didn't wante to invite the people I know.
  
  It was a nice shower, but I'm hurt that soany people didn't show up.

  OMG, let it go and stop trying to be such a martyr. Nothing anyone says or does is good enough for you. Was it rude to RSVP and then no show? Sure. But that sentence is totally unnecessary. Don't say anything at work unless you want to destroy your work relationships like you're destroying your personal ones. 

  
  

  
  

  

  Report1 Reply
• banana468 member

  

  July 2018

  OP, if you're real then I think you have A LOT of growing up to do.
  
  And if you talk about your wedding and the plans and how you feel in your office the way you do here on TK I am wondering if your coworkers are rolling their eyes at your behavior.  
  
  So what I'd do: 
  -Move on.
  -Don't talk about your wedding in the office.   
  -Stick to being cordial and leaving business with business.
  
  And take the advice already presented by many people here because the way you seem to be behaving is going to leave you alienating people and that's going to hurt you in a big way in both your career and personal life. 

  Report4 Reply
• climbingsingle member

  

  July 2018

  I thought you were a laid back bride? Why let this bother you? 

  Report5 Reply
• ShesSoCold mod

  

  July 2018 edited July 2018

  Good eye, ladies!! 
  
  Shockingly, OP is focusing on things in other people's control and not her own. Who would have thunk?
  
  ETA - Perhaps your coworkers know you don't actually give a rat's ass about the guests so why show up?

  
  

  Report4 Reply
• MRDCle member

  

  July 2018

  Are they all invited to the wedding? Maybe they couldn't get a ride. 

  Report2 Reply
• MyNameIsNot member

  

  July 2018

  WhoTF invites 10 coworkers to their shower? Your shower is for your close friends and family, not every woman you know.
  
  Leave it alone. Bringing it up is just going to make it worse. And I get that generally that's your goal, but you need a job.  

  Report3 Reply
• ei34 member

  

  July 2018

  I think a no-show for no reason is obnoxious (and I imagine if any of them had an excuse they would’ve told you) but no, I wouldn’t follow up with any of them.  It’s in the past and not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things.
  

  Report5 Reply
• knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 member

  

  August 2018

  Thanks for the positive responses, I'm very surprised at the negativity and some of the other responses. I invited my co-workers because I get along with them really well, and I've been talking about the wedding, and I didn't know the correct thing to do. I was asked for the guest list so I gave it. All of the co-workers I've invited to the shower would absolutely be invited to the wedding, and they have already responded if they are coming. Sorry I asked, I'm not going to talk about it anymore with my coworkers. The people who matter were there and it was a nice day. It's just hurtful that I thought these were my friends. they seem so excited when they got the shower invitation and they kept asking me questions about the shower and my registry, so I just assumed they were excited about coming.th

  Report0 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  August 2018

  MyNameIsNot said:

  WhoTF invites 10 coworkers to their shower? Your shower is for your close friends and family, not every woman you know.
  
  Leave it alone. Bringing it up is just going to make it worse. And I get that generally that's your goal, but you need a job.  

  I wouldn't judge anyone TF for inviting coworkers to showers. Some people do have close enough relationships with coworkers to invite them TF to showers. And as PPs note, it's obnoxious for anyone to no-show after accepting an invitation to a hosted event.
  
  That said, OP, there's nothing for you to gain by approaching any of these coworkers about their no-showing except egg on your face. They clearly don't care about your feelings and it's highly unlikely that they're going to make up their absence to you in any way.
  
  There's also nothing for you to gain by acting like a martyr. It's alienating people rather than garnering any sympathy.

  Report5 Reply
• banana468 member

  

  August 2018

  knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

  Thanks for the positive responses, I'm very surprised at the negativity and some of the other responses. I invited my co-workers because I get along with them really well, and I've been talking about the wedding, and I didn't know the correct thing to do. I was asked for the guest list so I gave it. All of the co-workers I've invited to the shower would absolutely be invited to the wedding, and they have already responded if they are coming. Sorry I asked, I'm not going to talk about it anymore with my coworkers. The people who matter were there and it was a nice day. It's just hurtful that I thought these were my friends. they seem so excited when they got the shower invitation and they kept asking me questions about the shower and my registry, so I just assumed they were excited about coming.th

  You can't keep your story straight here.  You invited them because you get along with them well but they weren't the people who matter??   Who are the people that matter?? 
  
  Look - SO MUCH of what you post is talking about how others are wronging you and you have it under control and the more you talk it just sounds like you aren't getting it.
  
  I highly highly recommend reading up on how to host a party, some etiquette on business and best ways to conduct yourself as a host and also in the office.
  
  It may be me but a group of coworkers who said that they would show and now are not is telling me that there is either something really off in your office or off with the shower guest of honor.   
  
  I'm saying this because I hope you take some introspective looks to help you move forward.    It looks like you're trying here but you need to listen to the criticism and take it to heart.

  Report6 Reply
• short+sassy member

  

  August 2018

  OP, I understand your disappointment.  That is crappy that 7 of them RSVP'ed "yes" to the shower and then didn't come.  If they aren't people you socialize with outside of work maybe, on the day of, they had second thoughts and felt weird about going.  I'm just guessing and it's not an excuse, but I could see that.

  For me personally, I would feel weird about going to a coworker's shower...unless we were good friends outside of work...because that is usually a smaller, more intimate gathering.  But I wouldn't feel weird about going to their wedding.  So, hopefully and probably, the coworkers who have RSVP'ed to the wedding will show up.

  As for what to do now.  Swallow your hurt and just act naturally and pleasantly at work.  Keep it professional.  Like nothing happened.  To do anything else will just make things more unpleasant and awkward.  Your coworkers will take their cue from your attitude and I'm sure it will be back to normal quickly.

  I even have an example.  At a previous job, one of my coworkers threw a big Superbowl party.  Everyone in our 15-person office was invited, except for 3 people.  I was one of those people.  And it wasn't like people were hush-hush about it.  Oh no.  People were gabbing on and on about.  Looking forward to it.  After the party, it was more gabbing on and on about how fun it was.  Posting pics on their office door from the party.  I was extremely hurt and confused that I was excluded.  And all the "in your face" stuff REALLY didn't help, obviously.  But, what was I going to do?  That was where I worked.  I did my best to ignore it and just kept my professional face on.  I never mentioned it to her.  Admittedly, I'd previously been warm/friendly/smiling with her.  After that, my attitude toward her cooled.  But I still maintained the three work P's:  polite, pleasant, professional.

  

  Report5 Reply
• bubblylove member

  

  August 2018

  Do you do things with these coworkers outside work? If not and I got invited to a shower I would decline as well thinking it's a gift grab. Of course, they should have had the manners to do that. 

  Report4 Reply
• ahoywedding member

  

  August 2018

  It really sucks that 7 people no-showed; that's super rude and that's on them. Personally, I would feel a little awkward going to a coworker's shower unless we were close. In that case, I'd probably stop referring to them as coworker and call them a friend (maybe a small distinction, but in my mind those are different relationships). I would go to a wedding though, because that guest list is larger, and showers are supposed to be for the closest friends & family.
  
  Don't say or do anything at work that could damage you professionally. It's not worth possibly affecting your career over one day.
  
  But also, OP, looking at your posts as a whole it seems like you have some growing up to do. You want to be a martyr about this whole thing, everyone is wronging you, you say you want to be low-stress but you're sweating tiny details and blowing of major things. These are things your friends and family may not say to your face, and everyone here is trying to help. I know I posted on one of your threads about a horribly hosted wedding we went to last year that we STILL make fun of on a regular basis. But to that friend's face? It was a lovely day and everything was great. It would break her heart to know how we truly felt, and I'm not about to do that to a friend. Please, please take some of our previous advice into consideration. 

  Report4 Reply
• downtondiva member

  

  August 2018

  It is always rude to say you'll be attending an event and then not show up without explanation (barring a true emergency), and I think it's very weird that none of them showed up. If they didn't feel comfortable attending, they should've just declined. I do understand why you are unhappy about this.
  
  That being said, I don't think confronting any of them is a good idea; it will only cause tension in the office. If you want to continue working there and getting along okay with everyone, you're going to have to let this go, especially since it so many people were involved. It's not like one person didn't show and you can casually mention missing them at the shower (and even that can be a bit risky). 
  
  I also think you may need to accept that you aren't as close or friendly with these co-workers as you might have believed. Continue to be polite and pleasant at the office, but don't expect so much from them in the future.
  
  
  

  
  

  Report5 Reply
• MesmrEwe member

  

  August 2018

  At first I thought this was a work shower and thought WTF... but since it wasn't - don't get caught up in the drama - it's a waste of your time.  Your corporate culture is they don't attend things like showers, it is what it is.  You don't need to understand it, nor like that they didn't show up, you just need to accept it.  Just let that sleeping dog be and move on to the other things you've got to do yet...

  Report0 Reply
• maine7mob member

  

  August 2018

  This is why it's best not to mix work with your social life. If you have co-workers who are friends outside of work, great, but it doesn't sound like this was the case.
  
  I know it hurts to find out that people don't value something as much as you thought they did, but you can't change their minds by bringing it up. You can salvage your pride and hurt feelings by moving forward as if it didn't happen.
  
  Keep your talk at work professional. Don't mention the wedding. I know it's all consuming when you're planning it, but other people do get tired of hearing about whether you've picked a salsa band or a DJ, or whether your table runners should be stormy blue or ocean blue. If you've been talking about that stuff at work, they may have had enough.
  
  Your work relationships will have to go on long after you get back from your honeymoon (unless you get laid off, as I did many years ago!), so you need to find a way to move forward.

  Report1 Reply