Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Reception Forum
mrsjapan
member
Seating Charts are Hard
mrsjapan
member
So, how does everyone group their tables and decide placement?
Each table can have 10 people and I'm trying to group by family a bit. I just don't want to repeat my cousin's mistake of setting her only cousins (me and my siblings) at a table with the photographer. It sucked.
Each table can have 10 people and I'm trying to group by family a bit. I just don't want to repeat my cousin's mistake of setting her only cousins (me and my siblings) at a table with the photographer. It sucked.
"I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request.... It means no." -Alistair, Dragon Age Origins
Re: Seating Charts are Hard
A lot of times a table that CAN fit 10 is really more comfortable with 8 people, so when grouping your guests you can group them in groups of 7-10 people, instead of forcing exactly 10 per table. I found this to be much easier.
I used an Excel spreadsheet with each table as a column. Then I started adding guests to each table/column in non-negotiable small groups. People don't fall into neat little groups of 10 in real life, so then I looked at potential combinations-- like, DH's friends have some that are really outgoing and some less so, so I put the most outgoing with the odd-couples-out knowing that they'd be inclusive. I sat other friends with other odd-couples-out that could potentially mesh well but put the tables next to each other so at least all the friends were close. Nothing's worse than a full table of odd-couples-out (hello, Table 19), so at least I had two small groups together that might be okay mingling.
Once I had the tables with names assigned, I organized the order in the general order of the layout so you could see how people were adjacent to each other and features of the room. I also made sure to put the college friends closest to the dance floor and bar, and seated the quieter family members on the side of the room furthest away from the dance floor and bar.
It's ok if you don't have exactly 10 people at each table either- 9 here, 8 there still looks good!
If you do proceed, the main thing to think about is how well you know your guests. For example, your friend from work might be ultra-conservative and if you don't know this, you could seat her with your gay friend from college. Or there may be some drunkle on your list, and he gets seated with a recovering alcoholic. Or you do your best to make sure everyone feels important, but one of your friends somehow perceives you assigned her to a "lesser" table.
This is why I don't love the idea of seating charts.
It's really not that hard to do a seating chart. Group tables by how people know each other. My H and I completed ours pretty quickly.
There's no "burden of social interaction", the only thing they're doing is swapping the "burden" of taking an hour and setting up a table chart onto their guests and making it more difficult to sit with people they'd prefer to sit with.
It's not a pleasant experience, especially if the provisions are not plated meals. Guests should not have to carry heavy trays from table to table looking for "unsaved" seats.
If they DO opt to do this I hope that they have budgeted for a surplus of tables and chairs. To have vastly open seating you need at least a couple extra tables.
Instead, what I've found infinitely easier is to group people by those they know.
When we go to a college friend's wedding we're seated with college friends or at least peers in our generation. When it's a cousin's wedding we're with other cousins. It just isn't that hard.
Do you know what IS hard? Showing up to a wedding holding a cocktail, food, a purse and a wrap and then playing, "Is this seat taken?"
If you want to do one, do one, but you don't have to. It will be okay!
My personal experience with seating assignments has been negative, but I know they can work. You have to do what you think will be best for your guests.
We didn't do a seating chart. My mother was adamant that they are stuffy, and I decided not to die on that hill. We had plenty of extra seating so it wasn't a disaster, but it would have gone better if we'd just done the seating plan. We had a lot of smaller groups that I could have paired with other small groups that would have enjoyed meeting each other. e.g. My college friends would have enjoyed my co-workers, as we're all in the same industry and know some of the same people, or my cousins would have enjoyed sitting with DH's cousins. A seating chart would have also helped me to isolate my racist aunt from, well, everyone. (Luckily she was on her best behavior and kept her mouth shut.)
I don't think skipping the seating chart is a recipe for disaster, but if I could do it over again I would have done one. It would have made the experience that much better for the guests. That ship has sailed for OP, but for anyone else who may be on the fence, I would recommend doing one.
The only weddings I've attended without seating charts were super casual family events where you found a group of cousins and it was NBD and they were in someone's backyard.
I'm NAF of seating charts in most cases because I get burned more when couples have them than when I'm left on my own to find a place to sit. Especially family events the times that they've had them I usually end up seated next to my IL's who I see all the time instead of all of us getting a chance to talk with people we rarely get to see but love to connect with. OR, when my kids were small would get put in the middle of a huge room with a lack of room and try to take the kid in training who suddenly has to go NOW, or decides that moment during the toasts is a great time to melt down because they can't use their chair as a rocker or get mad because you won't let them put their finger into the candle right next to their seat, instead of being able to choose to sit near the exit to make a "quick escape"..
Professionally when I'm working the "Rubber Chicken Circuit" I'm not even a fan of them there as well because I've seen too many cases of I'd have loved to sit with (someone who I'd love to just have a relaxed conversation with) and get assigned to the table with people I have no interest in spending the next hour with while the other person's table is half-filled. Extra tables are not a hardship and arguably are a normal part of good planning for events (Just attended an event Saturday night that the room was set up for three people fewer than attended though the venue was given the correct numbers plus two extra "just in case")..
It really is possible that some people believe that doing what's best for their guests means not making seating charts. It's also possible that they know their friends and what will best meet their needs.
My D and her husband didn't think it was their place to tell people where to sit. They felt it honored their friends more to let them choose. (That is what they meant by "not wanting to assume the burden of others' social interaction. "Assume" in this case is more in the sense of "usurp." It's out of respect, not laziness.)
And everyone did have a place to sit because we intentionally had extra tables. That's how this works. If you're not able to do that, then by all means, assign seats.
If you are afraid of not assigning seats, do it. I only reported our experience because it seems contrary to what so many fear, and to offer an alternative to those who may not think seating charts are right for their event.
In either case, the seating chart or lack thereof won't be the thing you remember years from now.