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Picking Groomsmen vs Ushers

knottiedf77c4b8f17bef03knottiedf77c4b8f17bef03 member
in Wedding Party
So my Fiance can not make up his mind on who he wants as an usher or groomsmen because he is way too nice and doesn't want to hurt feelings.  We have 7 groomsmen and bridesmaids and 4 ushers as of now and 350-400 guests.  He can't pick between 2 friends for the 7th groomsmen and we have our ushers filled.  Is 5 too many ushers for this size of wedding??  What other roles can a guy do where he isn't an usher or a groomsmen?? HELP! He is driving me crazy!!
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Re: Picking Groomsmen vs Ushers

  • missJeanLouisemissJeanLouise member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottiedf77c4b8f17bef03 said:
    So my Fiance can not make up his mind on who he wants as an usher or groomsmen because he is way too nice and doesn't want to hurt feelings.  We have 7 groomsmen and bridesmaids and 4 ushers as of now and 350-400 guests.  He can't pick between 2 friends for the 7th groomsmen and we have our ushers filled.  Is 5 too many ushers for this size of wedding??  What other roles can a guy do where he isn't an usher or a groomsmen?? HELP! He is driving me crazy!!
    I have no idea how many usher a wedding that size needs, it’s a lot of people. Can he just make them both groomsmen? Sides don’t have to be even, if that is your concern. 
    Another option would be to have one or both of them do a reading during the ceremony.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @missJeanLouise is right, sides don't have to be even. I had never heard of ushers until my own daughter got married so I don't know how many ushers are needed (all weddings I had been to, the groomsmen seated people). A reading is a good idea.
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  • knottie7d6129cc92a62680knottie7d6129cc92a62680 member
    First Comment
    my wedding only has 4 groomsmen from my husband's side and 4 bridesmaid from my side and most while 1 or 2 was busy helping us to get ready, the others helped the guest to find their seats. so i don't know if ushers are really needed
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    Why can't both of these guys be groomsmen?

    I come from an area where ushers are common, but when you really boil it down, you're basically telling your friends, "Hey I like you, but not as much as these other guys". Since they have already been asked to be ushers, I'd ask them all to be groomsmen. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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  • bubblylovebubblylove member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I don't understand the need for ushers. Groomsmen can walk people to their seats and you have plenty of them. 
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I thought ushers and groomsmen were the same thing? At least they used to be. The groomsmen would do the job of ushering the guests to their seats. There was no hierarchy, except that the best man was, well, the highest ranked groomsman. What on earth does a groomsman do that an usher doesn't, or vice versa?
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    knottie3a07c9dc00519677 said:
    I thought ushers and groomsmen were the same thing? At least they used to be. The groomsmen would do the job of ushering the guests to their seats. There was no hierarchy, except that the best man was, well, the highest ranked groomsman. What on earth does a groomsman do that an usher doesn't, or vice versa?
    From the weddings I've been to with ushers and groomsmen, the ushers seat the guests and the groomsmen escort the bridesmaids and stand at the front as witnesses with the couple. Ushers do not stand at the front with the couple. Until DD's wedding, I didn't understand the difference either. Personally, I don't think ushers are necessary.
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    ILoveBeachMusic said:
    knottie3a07c9dc00519677 said:
    I thought ushers and groomsmen were the same thing? At least they used to be. The groomsmen would do the job of ushering the guests to their seats. There was no hierarchy, except that the best man was, well, the highest ranked groomsman. What on earth does a groomsman do that an usher doesn't, or vice versa?
    From the weddings I've been to with ushers and groomsmen, the ushers seat the guests and the groomsmen escort the bridesmaids and stand at the front as witnesses with the couple. Ushers do not stand at the front with the couple. Until DD's wedding, I didn't understand the difference either. Personally, I don't think ushers are necessary.
    In addition to this, it is a nice way to include someone who's not necessarily appropriate as a groomsman. My sister's husband was our one usher. DH is an only child and his three groomspeople were his best friends. It would have been odd for my BIL to be a groomsman but as an usher he helped out pre-ceremony and he was included in all our wedding party portraits, and received a gift too.  
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I also find it odd to differentiate this role.  More often than not, groomsmen fulfilled the role as usher.  I have attended weddings where some men were ushers and others acted as groomsmen.  I personally thought it was pretty crummy to expect ushers to go to the time, trouble, and expense to rent a tux and yet sit as a "guest" at both the ceremony and reception.
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  • bubblylovebubblylove member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I think it's kind of crappy to have ushers honestly. They have to pay to rent the tux and do "work" by seating people but they don't get to stand up for the couple. 
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    We did have ushers. It was two more recent mutual friends of H and I and we had mostly family as our wedding party. We told them they didn't need to buy a special outfit, but they made the choice to go pick out matching suits together (not the same as the groomsmen) and we bought them the same tie as the groomsmen. They also participated in a few parts of the catholic mass as they were also catholic. We sat them at the head table with us as well. I can totally see how people would think it's a slight of some kind, but it worked for us. Also, maybe 1/25 weddings I've been to in the last 5 years did not have ushers!
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  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I thought this too, but then we ended up having "users" I guess? Basically, I asked the women in the processional who they would like to be escorted by (my mom and H's mom). The two people they chose weren't in the wedding party, so I asked them if they would be okay escorting our mom's, and they accepted. No special clothing required and they only escorted our moms, no one else. I guess technically, they were ushers, but I still disagree with asking users to rent something special/work the wedding. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited September 2018
    My brother did have ushers, who escorted in our and my SIL's then two living grandmothers.

    They did have even sides, but the two ushers were essentially extra groomsmen and my brother treated them as such. 

    Not to defend having ushers or even sides, it's just what I've observed.
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  • bubblylovebubblylove member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Jen4948 said:
    My brother did have ushers, who escorted in our and my SIL's then two living grandmothers.

    They did have even sides, but the two ushers were essentially extra groomsmen and my brother treated them as such. 

    Not to defend having ushers or even sides, it's just what I've observed.
    That's cool. Just call them groomsmen then.
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