Wedding Woes

It's been 4 months...find a non-stoner if it's this hard.

Dear Prudence,

I am in love with my boyfriend. He is communicative and loving. He is willing to put in the work to make me happy and make our relationship a success. He is a good person. The issue is that he smokes marijuana and consumes edibles every day, from sunup to sundown. Marijuana gives me panic attacks, so I never participate.

He has a history of childhood trauma and has a medical marijuana card (it’s legal in our state) to help him with PTSD. He is extremely sensitive and defensive about his use. Apparently, it was a big issue between him and his ex. While I’m not a doctor, I suspect his usage goes well beyond what is medically necessary or advised to deal with PTSD. It is starting to bother me that I haven’t spent much time with him sober—do I even know the “real” him? I’ve started to feel resentful and hurt by all this. Is it in my right to talk to him about this? How do I approach it? We’ve been dating for just four months.

—Stoner’s Girlfriend

Re: It's been 4 months...find a non-stoner if it's this hard.

  • You don’t need permission to just not date someone because you don’t like how they spend their time!
    ei34InLoveInQueens
  • I have to wonder how old this person is.   You can love someone but also know that being with them is no good for you.

    Being able to take a prescribed medicine does not equal needing it all day.   

    If this is impairing his ability to be a functional boyfriend then remove that from his title. 
    short+sassyei34
  • If this is an issue now, it will continue to be an issue. This is a big difference in values that I don't see a compromise on. I would recognize that you love him, but can't be with him.

    In my ER, we see a ton of marijuana overuse and hyperemesis from overuse. I don't think there is anything wrong with recreational marijuana use, medicinal marijuana use but there is a limit.

    short+sassy
  • I think it’s possible that his dosage may, or may not, be medically appropriate (none of us know from the post) AND that it might not be something she’s willing/able to deal with. 

    Whether he’s using “too much” or or not I don’t think is the point; he’s making a choice to manage his disease this way, and she’s not comfortable with that. Sure, talk to him about it, but if you’re having doubts now, that’s not a good sign. 
  • no offense, but i see no future in the current state of your relationship. he just won't just change and would only get defensive when you brought up the topic like you said. even the help of a doctor or therapist won't help him get any better soon if he himself doesn't want to change. as a matter of fact, i don't think that he considers you as his priority at this stage of the relationship.
  • no offense, but i see no future in the current state of your relationship. he just won't just change and would only get defensive when you brought up the topic like you said. even the help of a doctor or therapist won't help him get any better soon if he himself doesn't want to change. as a matter of fact, i don't think that he considers you as his priority at this stage of the relationship.

    FYI, these are actually letters from the advice column Dear Prudence.  Not a problem the poster @mrsconn23 is having.

    It's a regular thing we do on this board on, Thursdays.  Newcomers are always welcome!

    No biggie, you're not the first to make that mistake and you won't be the last :).  I just wanted to give you a heads up.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I wonder on what girlfriend he'll realize he needs to lay off the weed and edibles?  This LW already sees the red flag, it's being smart enough to 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • If marijuana gives her panic attacks, I feel like maybe she's not the best judge of appropriate dosage.  And if it was an issue between him and his ex (we don't know what the issue was, maybe ex was a teetoler or something) of course he would be defensive.  Emotional baggage sucks.

    Also, 4 months in, just let it, and him, go.  Obviously y'all aren't lining up or MFEO, so find someone else.
    banana468
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards