It's been 4 months...find a non-stoner if it's this hard.

mrsconn23 · August 2018

Dear Prudence,

I am in love with my boyfriend. He is communicative and loving. He is willing to put in the work to make me happy and make our relationship a success. He is a good person. The issue is that he smokes marijuana and consumes edibles every day, from sunup to sundown. Marijuana gives me panic attacks, so I never participate.

He has a history of childhood trauma and has a medical marijuana card (it’s legal in our state) to help him with PTSD. He is extremely sensitive and defensive about his use. Apparently, it was a big issue between him and his ex. While I’m not a doctor, I suspect his usage goes well beyond what is medically necessary or advised to deal with PTSD. It is starting to bother me that I haven’t spent much time with him sober—do I even know the “real” him? I’ve started to feel resentful and hurt by all this. Is it in my right to talk to him about this? How do I approach it? We’ve been dating for just four months.

—Stoner’s Girlfriend

STARMOON44 · August 2018

You don’t need permission to just not date someone because you don’t like how they spend their time!

banana468 · August 2018

I have to wonder how old this person is. You can love someone but also know that being with them is no good for you.

Being able to take a prescribed medicine does not equal needing it all day.

If this is impairing his ability to be a functional boyfriend then remove that from his title.

downtondiva · August 2018

You say your boyfriend is so "communicative and loving" and "willing to put in the work" on your relationship. So why do you need to ask Prudie if you should talk to him about this serious concern?

If he is that defensive about his marijuana use, I suspect that he does not medically need as much as he is using in a day, and he probably knows that. If you are this uncomfortable with what he is doing, just end the relationship before you get in too deep. Just because you are in love with someone now doesn't mean they're the right person for you to be with in the long run.

short+sassy · August 2018

OMG, it has only been 4 months. GTFO now, if the excessive marijuana use bothers you. He isn't going to change. At least not right now. Because he doesn't see a problem with it. And the fact that he gets offended even talking about it, is a red flag.

For my personal opinion, I think pot is ridiculously demonized by society and our government. But it is still an altering substance. Just like alcohol, it should be used in moderation and never while driving or working. At least the vast, vast majority of jobs.

Which brings my curiosity around to other things the LW didn't mention. Does he drive while high? If not, does that mean she is stuck doing all the driving? What does he do for a living that he can be high all day? And what if he loses that job? He'd be hard-pressed to find another one that doesn't drug test and/or is cool with him being high all day.

ernursej · August 2018

If this is an issue now, it will continue to be an issue. This is a big difference in values that I don't see a compromise on. I would recognize that you love him, but can't be with him.

In my ER, we see a ton of marijuana overuse and hyperemesis from overuse. I don't think there is anything wrong with recreational marijuana use, medicinal marijuana use but there is a limit.

charlotte989875 · August 2018

I think it’s possible that his dosage may, or may not, be medically appropriate (none of us know from the post) AND that it might not be something she’s willing/able to deal with.

Whether he’s using “too much” or or not I don’t think is the point; he’s making a choice to manage his disease this way, and she’s not comfortable with that. Sure, talk to him about it, but if you’re having doubts now, that’s not a good sign.

knottie7d6129cc92a62680 · August 2018

no offense, but i see no future in the current state of your relationship. he just won't just change and would only get defensive when you brought up the topic like you said. even the help of a doctor or therapist won't help him get any better soon if he himself doesn't want to change. as a matter of fact, i don't think that he considers you as his priority at this stage of the relationship.

short+sassy · August 2018

knottie7d6129cc92a62680 said:

no offense, but i see no future in the current state of your relationship. he just won't just change and would only get defensive when you brought up the topic like you said. even the help of a doctor or therapist won't help him get any better soon if he himself doesn't want to change. as a matter of fact, i don't think that he considers you as his priority at this stage of the relationship.

FYI, these are actually letters from the advice column Dear Prudence. Not a problem the poster @mrsconn23 is having.

It's a regular thing we do on this board on, Thursdays. Newcomers are always welcome!

No biggie, you're not the first to make that mistake and you won't be the last . I just wanted to give you a heads up.

MesmrEwe · September 2018

I wonder on what girlfriend he'll realize he needs to lay off the weed and edibles? This LW already sees the red flag, it's being smart enough to

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020756/uploads/editor/hm/7s1tj2tyqbte.jpg

VarunaTT · September 2018

If marijuana gives her panic attacks, I feel like maybe she's not the best judge of appropriate dosage. And if it was an issue between him and his ex (we don't know what the issue was, maybe ex was a teetoler or something) of course he would be defensive. Emotional baggage sucks.

Also, 4 months in, just let it, and him, go. Obviously y'all aren't lining up or MFEO, so find someone else.

It's been 4 months...find a non-stoner if it's this hard.

Re: It's been 4 months...find a non-stoner if it's this hard.

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