Mean bridesmaid

Re: Mean bridesmaid

• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  September 2018

  If you aren't that close to someone, you shouldn't ask them to be a bridesmaid so you shouldn't have asked her to begin with. That ship has sailed. However, asking someone to step down would be a friendship ending move. Do you still want to be friends with this person? I get that you are hurt but think you should give yourself some time and not do anything rash. Just because someone isn't a good enough friend to be in the wedding party doesn't mean you don't want to be friends with them (from your bridesmaid's POV). Take a deep breath, get a cupcake and a glass of wine. Also, don't talk about this with your other two maids. That will only make the situation worse.

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  September 2018 edited September 2018

  lizfolger said:

  I have 7 bridesmaids. 3 are my childhood friends. One I am not that close with but included in the Bridal party because I thought it would be hurtful if the other two were included and she was not. She got engaged 4 months after me, is getting married a year after me, and told me today that I will not be included in her wedding party (our other two friends will be)
  
  Now I’m very hurt and regret including her since she obviously doesn’t feel the same way. 
  Is it wrong to ask her to step down? 

  You shouldn't have asked her to be a BM in the first place. You said yourself that you aren't that close. Since you aren't, it's odd that you would have expected to be in her WP at all. Not asking someone she isn't close to doesn't make her mean.
  
  While you shouldn't have asked her in the first place, what's done is done. Kicking her out would be extremely mean and wholly unwarranted. It will likely lead to losing any relationship with her, and make you look petty and like the bad guy to the other two friends. Just leave it alone. 
  
  I could see why you would be hurt if you felt that you two were still close, but that's not the case. You asked her out of some misguided obligation, and she doesn't have that same misguided obligation. No reason to be hurt. 

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• downtondiva member

  

  September 2018 edited September 2018

  I don't think she needed to make such a point of telling you that you won't be in her wedding party; it would've been enough to just pick her bridesmaids and let you figure out on your own that you weren't being asked. However, I also don't think you should have expected her to ask you. You yourself said that you aren't that close to her and included her out of obligation. If she, in turn, doesn't feel all that close to you, why would she ask you to be her bridesmaid? I'm sorry you're feeling bad, but she wasn't being mean just by not including you in her wedding party. Like I said, the only thing she did wrong was telling you directly like she did.
  
  Whatever you are feeling right now, don't ask her to step down. It will end whatever friendship you do have left with her and cause awkwardness for the other bridesmaids. 

  
  

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• MobKaz member

  

  September 2018

  lizfolger said:

  I have 7 bridesmaids. 3 are my childhood friends. One I am not that close with but included in the Bridal party because I thought it would be hurtful if the other two were included and she was not. She got engaged 4 months after me, is getting married a year after me, and told me today that I will not be included in her wedding party (our other two friends will be)
  
  Now I’m very hurt and regret including her since she obviously doesn’t feel the same way. 
  Is it wrong to ask her to step down? 

  It IS wrong to ask her to step down.  There is no such thing as tit-for-tat when it comes to bridal parties.  Out of curiosity, did you have a 7 member bridal party because your FI asked 7 friends? 
  
  

  I do wonder why she accepted your offer, but you asked and she accepted. 
  

  
  

  Please make sure you treat this friend with the same decency and cordiality as you will the rest of your bridal party.  Remember that YOU asked her  to be a part of your day, regardless of intention or reasoning.
  

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• maine7mob member

  

  September 2018

  Ouch! I get why you are hurt, but there's really nothing you can do at this point. You have 6 other bridesmaids that presumably are your friends, so try to remember that, and be kind to all 7. 
  
  I do get how a person could end up with bridesmaids they aren't close to for "political" reasons (sisters of the groom, cousins, etc.) 
  
  
  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  September 2018

  You're kind of stuck because your only way out would have been quickly thinking on your feet at her inappropriate moment to say "I included you because of the awkwardness factor, do you want out of mine?"..  The PP have covered it..  
  
  Both of you messed this one up (you shouldn't have asked her and she shouldn't have announced to you..), it'll create drama to drop her, OTOH, is she toxic energy, and only you can answer that.  As the PP have mentioned BP aren't tit for tat, so take that factor out of the decision.  OTOH, consider it "Bullet Dodged" that you don't have to be in her wedding if the relationship is like that!

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• ei34 member

  

  October 2018

  lizfolger said:

  I have 7 bridesmaids. 3 are my childhood friends. One I am not that close with but included in the Bridal party because I thought it would be hurtful if the other two were included and she was not. She got engaged 4 months after me, is getting married a year after me, and told me today that I will not be included in her wedding party (our other two friends will be)
  
  Now I’m very hurt and regret including her since she obviously doesn’t feel the same way. 
  Is it wrong to ask her to step down? 

  Well, I think she does feel the same way you feel- not particularly close. She followed that BM rule of thumb (pick the people you’re closest to) and you didn’t.  Although I think it was unnecessary for her to go out of her way to tell you you’re not her BM, I wouldn’t really call it “mean”.  Definitely don’t kick her out, or treat her differently than the other BMs.

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