Maid of Honor

climbingsingle · January 2019

I truly don't understand why you keep coming here for advice. Every helpful suggestion is met with "Yes, but..." and then a laundry list of excuses. You refuse to see how your actions and behavior are creating these situations. I've been posting on these boards for a long time, and I swear to you, I don't remember the last time a poster had this many issues.

knottieffd308519aec5b27 · January 2019

climbingwife said:

I truly don't understand why you keep coming here for advice. Every helpful suggestion is met with "Yes, but..." and then a laundry list of excuses. You refuse to see how your actions and behavior are creating these situations. I've been posting on these boards for a long time, and I swear to you, I don't remember the last time a poster had this many issues.

I guess I just found out my "best" friend really isn't my best friend. My mother and sister just told me that she went behind my back and was complaining about being in my wedding. On the exact same day, I asked her to be in my wedding she told my mother she hates my fiance. She also complained about having to go bridesmaids dress shopping which was way before anything about bachelorette parties or bridal showers came up, but my mother didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me because she knew I considered her my best friend. Whether you agree with me or not, just having found all this out is hard to process.

ShesSoCold · January 2019

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

climbingwife said:

I truly don't understand why you keep coming here for advice. Every helpful suggestion is met with "Yes, but..." and then a laundry list of excuses. You refuse to see how your actions and behavior are creating these situations. I've been posting on these boards for a long time, and I swear to you, I don't remember the last time a poster had this many issues.

I guess I just found out my "best" friend really isn't my best friend. My mother and sister just told me that she went behind my back and was complaining about being in my wedding. On the exact same day, I asked her to be in my wedding she told my mother she hates my fiance. She also complained about having to go bridesmaids dress shopping which was way before anything about bachelorette parties or bridal showers came up, but my mother didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me because she knew I considered her my best friend. Whether you agree with me or not, just having found all this out is hard to process.

And you truly can't see that these may have been because she feels bullied by you?

knottieffd308519aec5b27 · January 2019

ShesSoCold said:

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

climbingwife said:

I truly don't understand why you keep coming here for advice. Every helpful suggestion is met with "Yes, but..." and then a laundry list of excuses. You refuse to see how your actions and behavior are creating these situations. I've been posting on these boards for a long time, and I swear to you, I don't remember the last time a poster had this many issues.

I guess I just found out my "best" friend really isn't my best friend. My mother and sister just told me that she went behind my back and was complaining about being in my wedding. On the exact same day, I asked her to be in my wedding she told my mother she hates my fiance. She also complained about having to go bridesmaids dress shopping which was way before anything about bachelorette parties or bridal showers came up, but my mother didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me because she knew I considered her my best friend. Whether you agree with me or not, just having found all this out is hard to process.

And you truly can't see that these may have been because she feels bullied by you?

I guess I don't understand why because this was the things she was saying was right after I asked her to be in my wedding. I asked her at about 9 AM and at about 11 PM she told my mother and sister she hates my fiance. That say day, she told my mother she wasn't looking forward to going dress shopping. At that point, I had been engaged for about two-three weeks and I simply asked her to be in my wedding. It was the first time I even saw her since I got engaged and when I got engaged we had a very brief conversation where I basically just told her I got engaged.

flantastic · January 2019

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

ShesSoCold said:

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

climbingwife said:

I truly don't understand why you keep coming here for advice. Every helpful suggestion is met with "Yes, but..." and then a laundry list of excuses. You refuse to see how your actions and behavior are creating these situations. I've been posting on these boards for a long time, and I swear to you, I don't remember the last time a poster had this many issues.

I guess I just found out my "best" friend really isn't my best friend. My mother and sister just told me that she went behind my back and was complaining about being in my wedding. On the exact same day, I asked her to be in my wedding she told my mother she hates my fiance. She also complained about having to go bridesmaids dress shopping which was way before anything about bachelorette parties or bridal showers came up, but my mother didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me because she knew I considered her my best friend. Whether you agree with me or not, just having found all this out is hard to process.

And you truly can't see that these may have been because she feels bullied by you?

I guess I don't understand why because this was the things she was saying was right after I asked her to be in my wedding. I asked her at about 9 AM and at about 11 PM she told my mother and sister she hates my fiance. That say day, she told my mother she wasn't looking forward to going dress shopping. At that point, I had been engaged for about two-three weeks and I simply asked her to be in my wedding. It was the first time I even saw her since I got engaged and when I got engaged we had a very brief conversation where I basically just told her I got engaged.

Not wanting to shop with a person she knows to be opinionated =/= not being a true friend.

A true friend knows who you are, and loves you anyway, flaws and all. If you are the way you yourself describe, your friend can be a true friend to you and still not be psyched about doing something that probably won't be a great experience for her because of your personality and how you operate.

People can also love you and hate being a bridesmaid. It's a shitty gig. If you have a SO, you're away from them for much of the day. You have to buy a dress that you probably won't wear again. You say yes because you love someone, not because all that's a privilege. It's a chore. That's why it's best if the bride makes it as painless as possible. More fun for everyone.

knottieffd308519aec5b27 · January 2019

flantastic said:

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

ShesSoCold said:

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

climbingwife said:

I truly don't understand why you keep coming here for advice. Every helpful suggestion is met with "Yes, but..." and then a laundry list of excuses. You refuse to see how your actions and behavior are creating these situations. I've been posting on these boards for a long time, and I swear to you, I don't remember the last time a poster had this many issues.

I guess I just found out my "best" friend really isn't my best friend. My mother and sister just told me that she went behind my back and was complaining about being in my wedding. On the exact same day, I asked her to be in my wedding she told my mother she hates my fiance. She also complained about having to go bridesmaids dress shopping which was way before anything about bachelorette parties or bridal showers came up, but my mother didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me because she knew I considered her my best friend. Whether you agree with me or not, just having found all this out is hard to process.

And you truly can't see that these may have been because she feels bullied by you?

I guess I don't understand why because this was the things she was saying was right after I asked her to be in my wedding. I asked her at about 9 AM and at about 11 PM she told my mother and sister she hates my fiance. That say day, she told my mother she wasn't looking forward to going dress shopping. At that point, I had been engaged for about two-three weeks and I simply asked her to be in my wedding. It was the first time I even saw her since I got engaged and when I got engaged we had a very brief conversation where I basically just told her I got engaged.

Not wanting to shop with a person she knows to be opinionated =/= not being a true friend.

A true friend knows who you are, and loves you anyway, flaws and all. If you are the way you yourself describe, your friend can be a true friend to you and still not be psyched about doing something that probably won't be a great experience for her because of your personality and how you operate.

People can also love you and hate being a bridesmaid. It's a shitty gig. If you have a SO, you're away from them for much of the day. You have to buy a dress that you probably won't wear again. You say yes because you love someone, not because all that's a privilege. It's a chore. That's why it's best if the bride makes it as painless as possible. More fun for everyone.

The shopping I was referring to was for my wedding dress. Aside from my mother and grandmother, my MOH was the only person I invited to go with me because I wanted those closest to me with me because I trusted their opinions. She also said she loves bridesmaids dresses and plans on wearing it to her boyfriend's Christmas party.

ShesSoCold · January 2019

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

flantastic said:

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

ShesSoCold said:

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

climbingwife said:

I truly don't understand why you keep coming here for advice. Every helpful suggestion is met with "Yes, but..." and then a laundry list of excuses. You refuse to see how your actions and behavior are creating these situations. I've been posting on these boards for a long time, and I swear to you, I don't remember the last time a poster had this many issues.

I guess I just found out my "best" friend really isn't my best friend. My mother and sister just told me that she went behind my back and was complaining about being in my wedding. On the exact same day, I asked her to be in my wedding she told my mother she hates my fiance. She also complained about having to go bridesmaids dress shopping which was way before anything about bachelorette parties or bridal showers came up, but my mother didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me because she knew I considered her my best friend. Whether you agree with me or not, just having found all this out is hard to process.

And you truly can't see that these may have been because she feels bullied by you?

I guess I don't understand why because this was the things she was saying was right after I asked her to be in my wedding. I asked her at about 9 AM and at about 11 PM she told my mother and sister she hates my fiance. That say day, she told my mother she wasn't looking forward to going dress shopping. At that point, I had been engaged for about two-three weeks and I simply asked her to be in my wedding. It was the first time I even saw her since I got engaged and when I got engaged we had a very brief conversation where I basically just told her I got engaged.

Not wanting to shop with a person she knows to be opinionated =/= not being a true friend.

A true friend knows who you are, and loves you anyway, flaws and all. If you are the way you yourself describe, your friend can be a true friend to you and still not be psyched about doing something that probably won't be a great experience for her because of your personality and how you operate.

People can also love you and hate being a bridesmaid. It's a shitty gig. If you have a SO, you're away from them for much of the day. You have to buy a dress that you probably won't wear again. You say yes because you love someone, not because all that's a privilege. It's a chore. That's why it's best if the bride makes it as painless as possible. More fun for everyone.

flantastic said:

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

ShesSoCold said:

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

climbingwife said:

I truly don't understand why you keep coming here for advice. Every helpful suggestion is met with "Yes, but..." and then a laundry list of excuses. You refuse to see how your actions and behavior are creating these situations. I've been posting on these boards for a long time, and I swear to you, I don't remember the last time a poster had this many issues.

I guess I just found out my "best" friend really isn't my best friend. My mother and sister just told me that she went behind my back and was complaining about being in my wedding. On the exact same day, I asked her to be in my wedding she told my mother she hates my fiance. She also complained about having to go bridesmaids dress shopping which was way before anything about bachelorette parties or bridal showers came up, but my mother didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me because she knew I considered her my best friend. Whether you agree with me or not, just having found all this out is hard to process.

And you truly can't see that these may have been because she feels bullied by you?

I guess I don't understand why because this was the things she was saying was right after I asked her to be in my wedding. I asked her at about 9 AM and at about 11 PM she told my mother and sister she hates my fiance. That say day, she told my mother she wasn't looking forward to going dress shopping. At that point, I had been engaged for about two-three weeks and I simply asked her to be in my wedding. It was the first time I even saw her since I got engaged and when I got engaged we had a very brief conversation where I basically just told her I got engaged.

Not wanting to shop with a person she knows to be opinionated =/= not being a true friend.

A true friend knows who you are, and loves you anyway, flaws and all. If you are the way you yourself describe, your friend can be a true friend to you and still not be psyched about doing something that probably won't be a great experience for her because of your personality and how you operate.

People can also love you and hate being a bridesmaid. It's a shitty gig. If you have a SO, you're away from them for much of the day. You have to buy a dress that you probably won't wear again. You say yes because you love someone, not because all that's a privilege. It's a chore. That's why it's best if the bride makes it as painless as possible. More fun for everyone.

The shopping I was referring to was for my wedding dress. Aside from my mother and grandmother, my MOH was the only person I invited to go with me because I wanted those closest to me with me because I trusted their opinions. She also said she loves bridesmaids dresses and plans on wearing it to her boyfriend's Christmas party.

I'm laughing at the bolded because it seems that none of these people are comfortable telling you their opinions so I'm sure they're just telling you what you want to hear.

Casadena · January 2019

I love my friends and family dearly but would do just about anything possible to keep from having to wedding or bridesmaids dress shop with them.

Although I do think it's crappy to bitch about your FI to your own mom behind your back, the fact that she doesn't love him doesn't mean she's a bad person or not your friend. I have a few friends whose SO's are definitely not people I would choose to spend time with, but I love my friends and my friends love these people, so you deal with it like an adult.

I can understand being slightly frustrated about some of the things you've posted about, but seriously - try to take a step back and chill TF out.

knottieffd308519aec5b27 · January 2019

Casadena said:

I love my friends and family dearly but would do just about anything possible to keep from having to wedding or bridesmaids dress shop with them.
Although I do think it's crappy to bitch about your FI to your own mom behind your back, the fact that she doesn't love him doesn't mean she's a bad person or not your friend. I have a few friends whose SO's are definitely not people I would choose to spend time with, but I love my friends and my friends love these people, so you deal with it like an adult.
I can understand being slightly frustrated about some of the things you've posted about, but seriously - try to take a step back and chill TF out.

She told my mother my fiance raped me because prior to dating him I had been a virgin and I told my MOH that when him and I first had sex I was nervous/scared because I didn't know what I was doing since it was my first time. I also told her he was very understanding and said he would wait as long as I wanted. On the first night we had sex, we had been making out and things were getting very heated and he said we should stop because he didn't want to do anything I would regret. My MOH took that to mean he raped me because I was nervous, but that is not what happened. After he said we should stop I told him I was nervous, but I wanted to which I exactly what I told my MOH. She took that to mean he pressured me so when I was trying on wedding dresses she pulled my mother to the side and said he raped me. Mind you, I have told her numerous times that did not happen and that I was just nervous because it was my first time.

debbeau · January 2019

This just keeps on getting more involved.

ShesSoCold · January 2019

debbeau said:

This just keeps on getting more involved.

Yeah. Nearly every post from OP has been this -

OP - "Help! How do I micromanage X situation?"
Us - "You should back off and let them do what they want."
OP - "But they won't let me back off."
Us - "Rinse and repeat."
OP - "Here's 47 irrelevant reasons why this person sucks."

knottieffd308519aec5b27 · January 2019

ShesSoCold said:

debbeau said:

This just keeps on getting more involved.

Yeah. Nearly every post from OP has been this -

OP - "Help! How do I micromanage X situation?"
Us - "You should back off and let them do what they want."
OP - "But they won't let me back off."
Us - "Rinse and repeat."
OP - "Here's 47 irrelevant reasons why this person sucks."

I don't think her back stabbing me is not irrelevant which is exactly what she has done.

climbingsingle · January 2019

I'm starting to feel like this is all made up drama.

OP, how old are you?

If your MOH did this horrible thing - telling your mother that your FI raped you while you were trying on wedding dresses, why are you only concerned she now wants to drop out of your wedding? This doesn't make any sense.

ETA: Your original post says she called you wanted to drop out, and that you want to know if you should replace her.

levioosa · January 2019

climbingwife said:

I'm starting to feel like this is all made up drama.

OP, how old are you?

If your MOH did this horrible thing - telling your mother that your FI raped you while you were trying on wedding dresses, why are you only concerned she now wants to drop out of your wedding? This doesn't make any sense.

ETA: Your original post says she called you wanted to drop out, and that you want to know if you should replace her.

The fact that one of her other posts is about a Disney themed bridal shower for a friend who isn’t old enough to drink makes me think OP is very young.

I’m on board with previous PPs. This all sounds ridiculous.

knottieffd308519aec5b27 · January 2019

climbingwife said:

I'm starting to feel like this is all made up drama.

OP, how old are you?

If your MOH did this horrible thing - telling your mother that your FI raped you while you were trying on wedding dresses, why are you only concerned she now wants to drop out of your wedding? This doesn't make any sense.

ETA: Your original post says she called you wanted to drop out, and that you want to know if you should replace her.

I am 25. I didn't know when I originally posted all of this that she told my mother he raped me. I found out Monday night because I was asking my mother questions to find out if my MOH had said anything to her to indicate that she didn't want to be my MOH. At that point, my mother told me that she has been very upset since it happened, but that my MOH told her my fiance raped me. My mother did not tell me when I was trying on wedding dresses months ago what my MOH had said because she didn't know how to bring it up. She thought by telling me it would also cause a huge fight between my MOH and I. I wish she had told me then, but she didn't. I am not replacing her in my wedding. If anything I would have my brother be my man of honor because right after I told my family about her dropping out my brother told me he would love to be my man of honor. He was already in the wedding as a bridesman and he thought it would be super cool to be my man of honor. It was 100% his idea. My sister's ex-fiance who she now considers to be one of her best friends also said he would love to be a bridesman since I was now done one person. Both my brother and sister ex-fiance offered on their own. They happen to be really close and my sister's ex-fiance actually lives with my parents and brother. After they broke up he had no where to go and my sister recommended moving in with my parents because they had been living with my parents about a month before they broke up. The ex-fiance is also in my brother's wedding and I am the maid of honor in that wedding. My brother also was super exciting about the idea of writing a speech for me. He had asked me months ago if he could give a speech at the wedding, but at the time only the best man and MOH were giving speeches. My brother loves this type of stuff so if anything he would step up and be my man of honor since it was his idea.

levioosa · January 2019

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

climbingwife said:

I'm starting to feel like this is all made up drama.

OP, how old are you?

If your MOH did this horrible thing - telling your mother that your FI raped you while you were trying on wedding dresses, why are you only concerned she now wants to drop out of your wedding? This doesn't make any sense.

ETA: Your original post says she called you wanted to drop out, and that you want to know if you should replace her.

I am 25. I didn't know when I originally posted all of this that she told my mother he raped me. I found out Monday night because I was asking my mother questions to find out if my MOH had said anything to her to indicate that she didn't want to be my MOH. At that point, my mother told me that she has been very upset since it happened, but that my MOH told her my fiance raped me. My mother did not tell me when I was trying on wedding dresses months ago what my MOH had said because she didn't know how to bring it up. She thought by telling me it would also cause a huge fight between my MOH and I. I wish she had told me then, but she didn't. I am not replacing her in my wedding. If anything I would have my brother be my man of honor because right after I told my family about her dropping out my brother told me he would love to be my man of honor. He was already in the wedding as a bridesman and he thought it would be super cool to be my man of honor. It was 100% his idea. My sister's ex-fiance who she now considers to be one of her best friends also said he would love to be a bridesman since I was now done one person. Both my brother and sister ex-fiance offered on their own. They happen to be really close and my sister's ex-fiance actually lives with my parents and brother. After they broke up he had no where to go and my sister recommended moving in with my parents because they had been living with my parents about a month before they broke up. The ex-fiance is also in my brother's wedding and I am the maid of honor in that wedding. My brother also was super exciting about the idea of writing a speech for me. He had asked me months ago if he could give a speech at the wedding, but at the time only the best man and MOH were giving speeches. My brother loves this type of stuff so if anything he would step up and be my man of honor since it was his idea.

Oh my gosh. This is all so juvenile. And yes, if you have someone else become the “of honor” you are in fact replacing her.

There are are also no speeches at weddings. There are toasts and they should not be longer than 1-2 minutes.

knottieffd308519aec5b27 · January 2019

levioosa said:

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

climbingwife said:

I'm starting to feel like this is all made up drama.

OP, how old are you?

If your MOH did this horrible thing - telling your mother that your FI raped you while you were trying on wedding dresses, why are you only concerned she now wants to drop out of your wedding? This doesn't make any sense.

ETA: Your original post says she called you wanted to drop out, and that you want to know if you should replace her.

I am 25. I didn't know when I originally posted all of this that she told my mother he raped me. I found out Monday night because I was asking my mother questions to find out if my MOH had said anything to her to indicate that she didn't want to be my MOH. At that point, my mother told me that she has been very upset since it happened, but that my MOH told her my fiance raped me. My mother did not tell me when I was trying on wedding dresses months ago what my MOH had said because she didn't know how to bring it up. She thought by telling me it would also cause a huge fight between my MOH and I. I wish she had told me then, but she didn't. I am not replacing her in my wedding. If anything I would have my brother be my man of honor because right after I told my family about her dropping out my brother told me he would love to be my man of honor. He was already in the wedding as a bridesman and he thought it would be super cool to be my man of honor. It was 100% his idea. My sister's ex-fiance who she now considers to be one of her best friends also said he would love to be a bridesman since I was now done one person. Both my brother and sister ex-fiance offered on their own. They happen to be really close and my sister's ex-fiance actually lives with my parents and brother. After they broke up he had no where to go and my sister recommended moving in with my parents because they had been living with my parents about a month before they broke up. The ex-fiance is also in my brother's wedding and I am the maid of honor in that wedding. My brother also was super exciting about the idea of writing a speech for me. He had asked me months ago if he could give a speech at the wedding, but at the time only the best man and MOH were giving speeches. My brother loves this type of stuff so if anything he would step up and be my man of honor since it was his idea.

Oh my gosh. This is all so juvenile. And yes, if you have someone else become the “of honor” you are in fact replacing her.

There are are also no speeches at weddings. There are toasts and they should not be longer than 1-2 minutes.

The Disney bridal shower is for my brother's fiance who is 19. My brother is 18 and I am 25. I am the maid of honor in my brother's wedding. I meant toast not speech and okay fine I would be replacing her if I have my brother as my man of honor, but it would not hurt my brother's feeling whatsoever since it was 100% his idea. Frankly, I don't necessary even want my MOH at my wedding anymore after she accused my fiance of rape. If that makes a terrible person, I'm fine with that. She ruined our relationship when she told my mother he raped me.

Casadena · January 2019

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

ShesSoCold said:

debbeau said:

This just keeps on getting more involved.

Yeah. Nearly every post from OP has been this -

OP - "Help! How do I micromanage X situation?"
Us - "You should back off and let them do what they want."
OP - "But they won't let me back off."
Us - "Rinse and repeat."
OP - "Here's 47 irrelevant reasons why this person sucks."

I don't think her back stabbing me is not irrelevant which is exactly what she has done.

Then just don't be friends with this person. Wedding aside, if what she did is cause for a friendship breakup then just do it because your issue with her really has nothing to do with your wedding.

Edit: my original post got stuck in approval land

knottieffd308519aec5b27 · January 2019

Casadena said:

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

ShesSoCold said:

debbeau said:

This just keeps on getting more involved.

Yeah. Nearly every post from OP has been this -

OP - "Help! How do I micromanage X situation?"
Us - "You should back off and let them do what they want."
OP - "But they won't let me back off."
Us - "Rinse and repeat."
OP - "Here's 47 irrelevant reasons why this person sucks."

I don't think her back stabbing me is not irrelevant which is exactly what she has done.

Then just don't be friends with this person. Wedding aside, if what she did is cause for a friendship breakup then just do it because your issue with her really has nothing to do with your wedding.
Edit: my original post got stuck in approval land

You are correct. Wedding aside, I don't think I could ever trust her again. It would be one thing if she was complaining about wedding stuff, but this goes beyond wedding stuff.

MobKaz · January 2019

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

climbingwife said:

I'm starting to feel like this is all made up drama.

OP, how old are you?

If your MOH did this horrible thing - telling your mother that your FI raped you while you were trying on wedding dresses, why are you only concerned she now wants to drop out of your wedding? This doesn't make any sense.

ETA: Your original post says she called you wanted to drop out, and that you want to know if you should replace her.

I am 25. I didn't know when I originally posted all of this that she told my mother he raped me. I found out Monday night because I was asking my mother questions to find out if my MOH had said anything to her to indicate that she didn't want to be my MOH. At that point, my mother told me that she has been very upset since it happened, but that my MOH told her my fiance raped me. My mother did not tell me when I was trying on wedding dresses months ago what my MOH had said because she didn't know how to bring it up. She thought by telling me it would also cause a huge fight between my MOH and I. I wish she had told me then, but she didn't. I am not replacing her in my wedding. If anything I would have my brother be my man of honor because right after I told my family about her dropping out my brother told me he would love to be my man of honor. He was already in the wedding as a bridesman and he thought it would be super cool to be my man of honor. It was 100% his idea. My sister's ex-fiance who she now considers to be one of her best friends also said he would love to be a bridesman since I was now done one person. Both my brother and sister ex-fiance offered on their own. They happen to be really close and my sister's ex-fiance actually lives with my parents and brother. After they broke up he had no where to go and my sister recommended moving in with my parents because they had been living with my parents about a month before they broke up. The ex-fiance is also in my brother's wedding and I am the maid of honor in that wedding. My brother also was super exciting about the idea of writing a speech for me. He had asked me months ago if he could give a speech at the wedding, but at the time only the best man and MOH were giving speeches. My brother loves this type of stuff so if anything he would step up and be my man of honor since it was his idea.

DO I UNDERSTAND THIS CORRECTLY?? Your dearest friend told your MOTHER that you were RAPED and your mother said NOTHING???

knottieffd308519aec5b27 · January 2019

MobKaz said:

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

climbingwife said:

I'm starting to feel like this is all made up drama.

OP, how old are you?

If your MOH did this horrible thing - telling your mother that your FI raped you while you were trying on wedding dresses, why are you only concerned she now wants to drop out of your wedding? This doesn't make any sense.

ETA: Your original post says she called you wanted to drop out, and that you want to know if you should replace her.

I am 25. I didn't know when I originally posted all of this that she told my mother he raped me. I found out Monday night because I was asking my mother questions to find out if my MOH had said anything to her to indicate that she didn't want to be my MOH. At that point, my mother told me that she has been very upset since it happened, but that my MOH told her my fiance raped me. My mother did not tell me when I was trying on wedding dresses months ago what my MOH had said because she didn't know how to bring it up. She thought by telling me it would also cause a huge fight between my MOH and I. I wish she had told me then, but she didn't. I am not replacing her in my wedding. If anything I would have my brother be my man of honor because right after I told my family about her dropping out my brother told me he would love to be my man of honor. He was already in the wedding as a bridesman and he thought it would be super cool to be my man of honor. It was 100% his idea. My sister's ex-fiance who she now considers to be one of her best friends also said he would love to be a bridesman since I was now done one person. Both my brother and sister ex-fiance offered on their own. They happen to be really close and my sister's ex-fiance actually lives with my parents and brother. After they broke up he had no where to go and my sister recommended moving in with my parents because they had been living with my parents about a month before they broke up. The ex-fiance is also in my brother's wedding and I am the maid of honor in that wedding. My brother also was super exciting about the idea of writing a speech for me. He had asked me months ago if he could give a speech at the wedding, but at the time only the best man and MOH were giving speeches. My brother loves this type of stuff so if anything he would step up and be my man of honor since it was his idea.

DO I UNDERSTAND THIS CORRECTLY?? Your dearest friend told your MOTHER that you were RAPED and your mother said NOTHING???

I spoke with my MOH. She tried playing dumb at first, but then admitted everything when I told her my mother told me what she said. Yes, you are understanding correctly. My mother apparently told my grandmother who was also there at the time, but was looking at wedding dresses when my MOH told my mom. My grandmother told my mother not to say anything because it would upset me. My mother thought she was protecting me by not telling me. My MOH gave no real reason for why she told my mother since. I asked why if she felt he raped me would she wait to say something until 3 years later and she couldn't explain that. I also asked why she was talking badly to my family and her response was that's because that's how she felt. I told her I wouldn't be able to trust her ever again and she said oh well and hung up on me.

MesmrEwe · January 2019

I'm going to offer an even simpler solution... Let the others do the party/event planning, let them know MOH feels guilty about not being able to fulfill the role of MOH as she envisions it (so they don't pile on more to her in a BM role).. Let MOH think she's "just" (wtf) a bridesmaid as she requested... And, she shows up the day of your wedding in the attire, to find out - btw - you're STILL my MOH - OMG - I couldn't imagine anyone else and wanted you to not be stressed about any detail pertaining to the day than showing up so YAY!"

It's "wedding blinders" that sometimes also applies to BM/MOH too... The important thing is she's there for you the day of the wedding and honor her as such, take any elephants in the room out if necessary immediately, and get back to the fun of planning the wedding without her knowing the "twist" that is going to happen the day-of with her still being your MOH...

MesmrEwe · January 2019

As for the frame of mind post, time to take that friend of yours out on a "girl's day out" to unwind whatever that is to you two! Sounds like she just needs a friend to take her mind off things for a few hours and relax. NO/ZERO/ZILCH/NADA wedding talk, just be present as a friend!

MyNameIsNot · January 2019

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

MobKaz said:

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

climbingwife said:

I'm starting to feel like this is all made up drama.

OP, how old are you?

If your MOH did this horrible thing - telling your mother that your FI raped you while you were trying on wedding dresses, why are you only concerned she now wants to drop out of your wedding? This doesn't make any sense.

ETA: Your original post says she called you wanted to drop out, and that you want to know if you should replace her.

I am 25. I didn't know when I originally posted all of this that she told my mother he raped me. I found out Monday night because I was asking my mother questions to find out if my MOH had said anything to her to indicate that she didn't want to be my MOH. At that point, my mother told me that she has been very upset since it happened, but that my MOH told her my fiance raped me. My mother did not tell me when I was trying on wedding dresses months ago what my MOH had said because she didn't know how to bring it up. She thought by telling me it would also cause a huge fight between my MOH and I. I wish she had told me then, but she didn't. I am not replacing her in my wedding. If anything I would have my brother be my man of honor because right after I told my family about her dropping out my brother told me he would love to be my man of honor. He was already in the wedding as a bridesman and he thought it would be super cool to be my man of honor. It was 100% his idea. My sister's ex-fiance who she now considers to be one of her best friends also said he would love to be a bridesman since I was now done one person. Both my brother and sister ex-fiance offered on their own. They happen to be really close and my sister's ex-fiance actually lives with my parents and brother. After they broke up he had no where to go and my sister recommended moving in with my parents because they had been living with my parents about a month before they broke up. The ex-fiance is also in my brother's wedding and I am the maid of honor in that wedding. My brother also was super exciting about the idea of writing a speech for me. He had asked me months ago if he could give a speech at the wedding, but at the time only the best man and MOH were giving speeches. My brother loves this type of stuff so if anything he would step up and be my man of honor since it was his idea.

DO I UNDERSTAND THIS CORRECTLY?? Your dearest friend told your MOTHER that you were RAPED and your mother said NOTHING???

I spoke with my MOH. She tried playing dumb at first, but then admitted everything when I told her my mother told me what she said. Yes, you are understanding correctly. My mother apparently told my grandmother who was also there at the time, but was looking at wedding dresses when my MOH told my mom. My grandmother told my mother not to say anything because it would upset me. My mother thought she was protecting me by not telling me. My MOH gave no real reason for why she told my mother since. I asked why if she felt he raped me would she wait to say something until 3 years later and she couldn't explain that. I also asked why she was talking badly to my family and her response was that's because that's how she felt. I told her I wouldn't be able to trust her ever again and she said oh well and hung up on me.

Someone told your mother that you were raped, and she didn't talk to you because she didn't want to upset you? WTF is wrong with your mother? She just assumes that any rape outcry is a lie and isn't even concerned a little with your well-being? I know you're full of BS, but this takes the cake.

Also, how did this happen while wedding dress shopping if you're upset at the MOH for not going wedding dress shopping? Good try Donald, but your lies are catching up to you.

climbingsingle · January 2019

Again, I think this is all made up drama. I don't believe any of it. Your mom's reaction to hearing her daughter was raped is to just not say anything? She didn't want to upset you?? You had no idea your MOH felt this way until she JUST told your mom? I thought she couldn't go dress shopping, and this was one of the reasons you were angry with her?

ShesSoCold · January 2019

climbingwife said:

Again, I think this is all made up drama. I don't believe any of it. Your mom's reaction to hearing her daughter was raped is to just not say anything? She didn't want to upset you?? You had no idea your MOH felt this way until she JUST told your mom? I thought she couldn't go dress shopping, and this was one of the reasons you were angry with her?

Thank you for saying this because I was thinking the same thing.

Either OP just has so much drama in her life (again, what's the common denominator here?) or she's just making shit up to make a point.

And, from PPs, isn't Mom a drama stirrer too? Doesn't she have a routine falling out with her own family? Perhaps this apple hasn't fallen far from it's tree..

But yes, OP, if your best friend is telling people that your fiance raped you, that's unacceptable and to me, a friendship ending move. GTFOOOO. Which is handy because this woman already said she didn't want to be MOH.

knottieffd308519aec5b27 · January 2019

climbingwife said:

Again, I think this is all made up drama. I don't believe any of it. Your mom's reaction to hearing her daughter was raped is to just not say anything? She didn't want to upset you?? You had no idea your MOH felt this way until she JUST told your mom? I thought she couldn't go dress shopping, and this was one of the reasons you were angry with her?

No, I was not upset with her about wedding dress shopping. She went wedding dress shopping with me months ago. We also went bridesmaids dress shopping as well. The "rape" my MOH thinks occurred was 3 years ago. If she thought I was raped, she should have told my mother then not 3 years later. She is also saying before he raped that he physically attacked me. My mother and I are very close so if I had been raped and physically attacked I would have told my mother or she would have been able to notice the difference in my attitude. Like I said, I don't know why my mother didn't tell me. When I asked my MOH why she told my mother he raped me, why she told my mother she hates my fiance, and why she said we make her uncomfortable when she hangs out with us her answer was because that's how she feels. I asked her why she didn't tell me since we are best friends she said she just didn't. When I asked her if the stuff her brother said to me was true, she didn't deny it even though she previously denied it and insisted none of it was true. I told her I felt like I couldn't trust her and she oh well and hung up on me. She then blocked me and my entire family except my sister on Facebook. My sister hates her because of what she has done to me and so does the rest of my family. Also, during the phone call yesterday she told me she never even wanted to be in the wedding so why she agreed to be I don't know. Another note most of her friendships only last a few years for some reason. We used to have a group of friends in common, but she had a fall out with them and because I stayed friends with her they wouldn't talk to me. I had known these girls for years and was not even a part of the fall out, but they just stopped talking to me because I was still friends with her. She also me she thinks my sister is bipolar and that my brother's fiance has split personality disorder and she's never met my brother's fiance. I would never make this up because my sister was raped about two months ago and it has had a great impact on her. After I expressed concern to my MOH about this, she went and told my sister I was concerned about after I specifically told her not to.

The routine falling out that you are referring to is my mother's relationship with her father. My grandmother doesn't talk to anyone in our family. He is one of 12 children and he doesn't talk to any of them and his mother is still alive and he doesn't talk to her either and she is in her 90s. His aunt died last year and her son contacted my mother to let us know and she told my grandfather and he said he didn't care. My grandfather is unfortunately the one that is the problem in this relationship. He called my mother one day screaming at her for stuff she did when she was 7. My mother is 42 so he has been holding onto stuff for a very long time.

charlotte989875 · January 2019

I literally cannot follow any of this.

But from what I did get: OP sounds like your friendship with her is over. So she’s taken herself out of the wedding. Don’t replace her, don’t keep calling her or anything, just let it be.

knottieffd308519aec5b27 · January 2019

charlotte989875 said:

I literally cannot follow any of this.

But from what I did get: OP sounds like your friendship with her is over. So she’s taken herself out of the wedding. Don’t replace her, don’t keep calling her or anything, just let it be.

I am not going to. Our friendship is over and I have no desire to ever speak with her again.

Casadena · March 2019

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

ShesSoCold said:

debbeau said:

This just keeps on getting more involved.

Yeah. Nearly every post from OP has been this -

OP - "Help! How do I micromanage X situation?"
Us - "You should back off and let them do what they want."
OP - "But they won't let me back off."
Us - "Rinse and repeat."
OP - "Here's 47 irrelevant reasons why this person sucks."

I don't think her back stabbing me is not irrelevant which is exactly what she has done.

Then just don't be friends with this person. Wedding aside, if what she did is cause for a friendship breakup - just do it. If it's something you can work through and get over - do it. We can't make those decisions for you.

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