Wedding 911

Reception Introductions and Walking Down the Aisle

edited February 2019 in Wedding 911
We would like to have our mothers walk down the aisle at our wedding together, but my MIL disagrees with that. We also thought a close family member or friend could walk in with her at the reception. She wants her "grandson" to walk her down the aisle and she wants her "step-son" to walk into the reception with her. The biggest issue with that is my FIL. He is the father of the step-son and grandfather of the grandson. MIL and FIL are divorce and FIL is estranged from his son and grandson. So we are afraid it would cause a lot of anger and hurt if we were to do this. Who normally makes these decisions? 
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Re: Reception Introductions and Walking Down the Aisle

  • We would like to have our mothers walk down the aisle at our wedding together, but my MIL disagrees with that. We also thought a close family member or friend could walk in with her at the reception. She wants her "grandson" to walk her down the aisle and she wants her "step-son" to walk into the reception with her. The biggest issue with that is my FIL. He is the father of the step-son and grandfather of the grandson. MIL and FIL are divorce and FIL is estranged from his son and grandson. So we are afraid it would cause a lot of anger and hurt if we were to do this. Who normally makes these decisions? 
    I let my mom and MIL decide. 

    Why not just let your MIL walk alone? Or with another close family friend? 

    For the ceremony, my MIL walked in with my H, and my mom walked down with my brother. And for the reception, my mom walked in with my dad, and my MIL walked in with my brother. 
  • We would like to have our mothers walk down the aisle at our wedding together, but my MIL disagrees with that. We also thought a close family member or friend could walk in with her at the reception. She wants her "grandson" to walk her down the aisle and she wants her "step-son" to walk into the reception with her. The biggest issue with that is my FIL. He is the father of the step-son and grandfather of the grandson. MIL and FIL are divorce and FIL is estranged from his son and grandson. So we are afraid it would cause a lot of anger and hurt if we were to do this. Who normally makes these decisions? 
    I let my mom and MIL decide. 

    Why not just let your MIL walk alone? Or with another close family friend? 

    For the ceremony, my MIL walked in with my H, and my mom walked down with my brother. And for the reception, my mom walked in with my dad, and my MIL walked in with my brother. 
    We told her would like her to walk with my mother since my mother also wouldn't have anyone to walk down the aisle or she could walk down the aisle alone or with another close family member. She told me her ex-husband aka my fiance's father can kiss her ass because she is going to walk down the aisle with her grandson whether anyone likes it or not. 
  • We would like to have our mothers walk down the aisle at our wedding together, but my MIL disagrees with that. We also thought a close family member or friend could walk in with her at the reception. She wants her "grandson" to walk her down the aisle and she wants her "step-son" to walk into the reception with her. The biggest issue with that is my FIL. He is the father of the step-son and grandfather of the grandson. MIL and FIL are divorce and FIL is estranged from his son and grandson. So we are afraid it would cause a lot of anger and hurt if we were to do this. Who normally makes these decisions? 
    I let my mom and MIL decide. 

    Why not just let your MIL walk alone? Or with another close family friend? 

    For the ceremony, my MIL walked in with my H, and my mom walked down with my brother. And for the reception, my mom walked in with my dad, and my MIL walked in with my brother. 
    We told her would like her to walk with my mother since my mother also wouldn't have anyone to walk down the aisle or she could walk down the aisle alone or with another close family member. She told me her ex-husband aka my fiance's father can kiss her ass because she is going to walk down the aisle with her grandson whether anyone likes it or not. 
    Sounds like you're not in charge of this one and should let it go. Again, skip the moms' procession entirely and you avoid any such issue, especially if your mom would be self conscious walking alone or with another family member escorting her.

    MIL does not have to enter with your mom. She can be escorted to her seat by her grandson before any official wedding processional music.
  • edited February 2019
    You should let her decide. The person who she wants to walk her in can also say no if they don't want to or think it will cause them trouble. Saying no is easier if it is MIL asking and not you.

    Alternately, you can skip all of this, particularly the reception introductions. I merely intend to be blunt when I say this - no one cares. Most people are there to celebrate the couple, and while they're happy to give a cheer for you two as you enter, they are half-clapping or whatever during introductions of family/bridal party/etc. beyond that. Half the bridal party usually hates being introduced, too, with the exception of those three people who get really into their introduction gimmick. Skip skip skip. They aren't visiting dignitaries.
    We told her the options are either for her to walk alone, with my mother, or with a close friend or family member except for the grandson or son because it could cause a lot of problems. Her response was I am walking down the aisle with my grandson and if people have a problem with it they can kiss my ass. I told my fiance and he plans on talking to her about it.

    As for the introductions, I wasn't planning on having the parents introduction, but she has also made it very clear that she expects to be introduced. 

    She has also stated she does not want my FIL in any family photos. 
  • You should let her decide. The person who she wants to walk her in can also say no if they don't want to or think it will cause them trouble. Saying no is easier if it is MIL asking and not you.

    Alternately, you can skip all of this, particularly the reception introductions. I merely intend to be blunt when I say this - no one cares. Most people are there to celebrate the couple, and while they're happy to give a cheer for you two as you enter, they are half-clapping or whatever during introductions of family/bridal party/etc. beyond that. Half the bridal party usually hates being introduced, too, with the exception of those three people who get really into their introduction gimmick. Skip skip skip. They aren't visiting dignitaries.
    We told her the options are either for her to walk alone, with my mother, or with a close friend or family member except for the grandson or son because it could cause a lot of problems. Her response was I am walking down the aisle with my grandson and if people have a problem with it they can kiss my ass. I told my fiance and he plans on talking to her about it.

    As for the introductions, I wasn't planning on having the parents introduction, but she has also made it very clear that she expects to be introduced. 
    So say no. The DJ won't be doing it. If you're paying him, that should be easy. "MIL, we decided it would be simpler not to do those introductions. Thanks for your opinion."
  • edited February 2019

    She has also stated she does not want my FIL in any family photos. 
    "Thanks for your opinion." You're paying the photographer. You and your FI get to decide who you want to invite to be in your photos. If she chooses to step out of a photo that FIL is in, that's her prerogative.
    I had also thought maybe my fiance could escort his mother down the aisle, but he vetoed that idea. I know my mother has no clue who will walk her down the aisle. 
  • I agree with @flantastic, don't introduce parents. Parents weren't introduced at my daughter's wedding. It certainly wasn't missed. Tell your FMIL that has been decided end of discussion. I also agree with the verbage for photos. If she doesn't want to be in them with the FIL she can remove herself.

     Why has your FI vetoed the idea of escorting his mother down the aisle? Also, I am a bit confused. Is she really the grandson's grandmother? You put grandson in quotes so I'm not sure. I don't see a problem with him escorting her down the aisle even if she and the grandfather are divorced. Adults should be able to be adults - I know it doesn't always happen. 
  • I agree with @flantastic, don't introduce parents. Parents weren't introduced at my daughter's wedding. It certainly wasn't missed. Tell your FMIL that has been decided end of discussion. I also agree with the verbage for photos. If she doesn't want to be in them with the FIL she can remove herself.

     Why has your FI vetoed the idea of escorting his mother down the aisle? Also, I am a bit confused. Is she really the grandson's grandmother? You put grandson in quotes so I'm not sure. I don't see a problem with him escorting her down the aisle even if she and the grandfather are divorced. Adults should be able to be adults - I know it doesn't always happen. 
    Not sure why my fiance vetoed the idea of escorting his mother down the aisle. His response was then who would escort your mother?

    Technically, she has no relation to the son or grandson. She was married to the son's father, but they have since divorce. The son is my fiance's half brother. The son is estranged from his father which is my FIL. We don't want to hurt my FIL by having his ex-wife escorted by his son or grandson because we feel it would be like a slap in the face that the son still talks to his former stepmother but not his own father. 
  • I agree with @flantastic, don't introduce parents. Parents weren't introduced at my daughter's wedding. It certainly wasn't missed. Tell your FMIL that has been decided end of discussion. I also agree with the verbage for photos. If she doesn't want to be in them with the FIL she can remove herself.

     Why has your FI vetoed the idea of escorting his mother down the aisle? Also, I am a bit confused. Is she really the grandson's grandmother? You put grandson in quotes so I'm not sure. I don't see a problem with him escorting her down the aisle even if she and the grandfather are divorced. Adults should be able to be adults - I know it doesn't always happen. 
    Not sure why my fiance vetoed the idea of escorting his mother down the aisle. His response was then who would escort your mother?

    Technically, she has no relation to the son or grandson. She was married to the son's father, but they have since divorce. The son is my fiance's half brother. The son is estranged from his father which is my FIL. We don't want to hurt my FIL by having his ex-wife escorted by his son or grandson because we feel it would be like a slap in the face that the son still talks to his former stepmother but not his own father. 
    Does your future FIL, BIL or nephew feel this way, or just you? 

    I'm trying to figure out how I'd feel here and if I was estranged from my father, I wouldn't care if he was upset that I was escorting my stepmother. And if your FFIL is a somewhat reasonable person, he knows his son doesn't talk to him, you know? It shouldn't be a surprise to him. Plus, fathers don't usually get escorted anyway, so it's not like your FBIL is escorting his stepmom instead of his dad. 

    I personally think you're thinking too much about this. Regardless of the divorce and other family dynamics, these people are her family. I don't see how that is a problem.
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  • You should let her decide. The person who she wants to walk her in can also say no if they don't want to or think it will cause them trouble. Saying no is easier if it is MIL asking and not you.

    Alternately, you can skip all of this, particularly the reception introductions. I merely intend to be blunt when I say this - no one cares. Most people are there to celebrate the couple, and while they're happy to give a cheer for you two as you enter, they are half-clapping or whatever during introductions of family/bridal party/etc. beyond that. Half the bridal party usually hates being introduced, too, with the exception of those three people who get really into their introduction gimmick. Skip skip skip. They aren't visiting dignitaries.
    thank you, thank you, thank you.  this is THE WORST. 
  • I agree with @flantastic, don't introduce parents. Parents weren't introduced at my daughter's wedding. It certainly wasn't missed. Tell your FMIL that has been decided end of discussion. I also agree with the verbage for photos. If she doesn't want to be in them with the FIL she can remove herself.

     Why has your FI vetoed the idea of escorting his mother down the aisle? Also, I am a bit confused. Is she really the grandson's grandmother? You put grandson in quotes so I'm not sure. I don't see a problem with him escorting her down the aisle even if she and the grandfather are divorced. Adults should be able to be adults - I know it doesn't always happen. 
    Not sure why my fiance vetoed the idea of escorting his mother down the aisle. His response was then who would escort your mother?

    Technically, she has no relation to the son or grandson. She was married to the son's father, but they have since divorce. The son is my fiance's half brother. The son is estranged from his father which is my FIL. We don't want to hurt my FIL by having his ex-wife escorted by his son or grandson because we feel it would be like a slap in the face that the son still talks to his former stepmother but not his own father. 
    Does your future FIL, BIL or nephew feel this way, or just you? 

    I'm trying to figure out how I'd feel here and if I was estranged from my father, I wouldn't care if he was upset that I was escorting my stepmother. And if your FFIL is a somewhat reasonable person, he knows his son doesn't talk to him, you know? It shouldn't be a surprise to him. Plus, fathers don't usually get escorted anyway, so it's not like your FBIL is escorting his stepmom instead of his dad. 

    I personally think you're thinking too much about this. Regardless of the divorce and other family dynamics, these people are her family. I don't see how that is a problem.
    Exactly! If they BIL or nephew are ok with it, why should it bother you? I'd start by asking them how they feel about it. If they say no then you need to figure something else out but start with them.
  • I agree with @flantastic, don't introduce parents. Parents weren't introduced at my daughter's wedding. It certainly wasn't missed. Tell your FMIL that has been decided end of discussion. I also agree with the verbage for photos. If she doesn't want to be in them with the FIL she can remove herself.

     Why has your FI vetoed the idea of escorting his mother down the aisle? Also, I am a bit confused. Is she really the grandson's grandmother? You put grandson in quotes so I'm not sure. I don't see a problem with him escorting her down the aisle even if she and the grandfather are divorced. Adults should be able to be adults - I know it doesn't always happen. 
    Not sure why my fiance vetoed the idea of escorting his mother down the aisle. His response was then who would escort your mother?

    Technically, she has no relation to the son or grandson. She was married to the son's father, but they have since divorce. The son is my fiance's half brother. The son is estranged from his father which is my FIL. We don't want to hurt my FIL by having his ex-wife escorted by his son or grandson because we feel it would be like a slap in the face that the son still talks to his former stepmother but not his own father. 
    Does your future FIL, BIL or nephew feel this way, or just you? 

    I'm trying to figure out how I'd feel here and if I was estranged from my father, I wouldn't care if he was upset that I was escorting my stepmother. And if your FFIL is a somewhat reasonable person, he knows his son doesn't talk to him, you know? It shouldn't be a surprise to him. Plus, fathers don't usually get escorted anyway, so it's not like your FBIL is escorting his stepmom instead of his dad. 

    I personally think you're thinking too much about this. Regardless of the divorce and other family dynamics, these people are her family. I don't see how that is a problem.
    My FIL does not discuss my BIL because it is a very touchy subject which she knows. My FIL would love to have a relationship with his son, but his past actions have led to his son deciding to have nothing to do with him. I don't know how my BIL or nephew feel about it. My nephew is rather shy so he might not want any attention. 
  • edited February 2019
    I guess my fiance knows this wedding is going to be difficult enough on his father because his son and daughter who have nothing to do with him are going to be at the wedding along with 2 grandchild he has never met. The last thing wants to do is throw his mother's close relationship with both the son and daughter in his father's face considering his mother is not the parent of either one. I saw more upset that she was trying to tell us that he can't be in family photos when we are the ones paying for the photos. 
  • Honestly, you and your FI should elope. Cancel the wedding. With all you've posted about, I don't know why you'd want to do this. 
  • I guess my fiance knows this wedding is going to be difficult enough on his father because his son and daughter who have nothing to do with him are going to be at the wedding along with 2 grandchild he has never met. The last thing wants to do is throw his mother's close relationship with both the son and daughter in his father's face considering his mother is not the parent of either one. I saw more upset that she was trying to tell us that he can't be in family photos when we are the ones paying for the photos. 
    So, I can see where your FI is coming from. But (big BUT), there's really nothing that can be done here. All of these people are going to be at the wedding. It's going to be hard on your FFIL. But trying to hide their relationship with their stepmom or anything like that isn't going to help anyone, and could cause additional problems with other family members.

    I don't know your FI's family dynamics or what your FFIL has done that would cause two of his children not to talk to him, but FFIL does. He knows what happened and what caused his kids to make the decision they made. It shouldn't be up to you to slap a band aid and pretty bow on their familial issues for your wedding.
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  • OP,  you can't be responsible for everyone's feelings over something you had no control over and that happened in the past. If the FMIL wants the son or grandson to escort her and one of them is ok with that, I would go with that. As for the pictures, tell her your FFIL will be in family photos, end of discussion. Don't get caught up in family drama. Yes it will be difficult for FFIL to see his child and grandchildren but the only other option is for him not to be at the wedding. The choice is his, not yours.

    At my own wedding, many years ago, my mother saw my step mother (the woman who broke my parents up) for the first time. Did they make a scene? No. They behaved for my sake - thank God! Hopefully the same will happen at your wedding with your FFIL and FMIL.
  • Honestly, you and your FI should elope. Cancel the wedding. With all you've posted about, I don't know why you'd want to do this. 
    Oh for fucks sake, you got me again, OP! UGHHH.

    I was reading this, Climbing, and in my head I'm going, "Oh HELL NO this isn't....." and then I clicked on her profile and GOD DAMMIT IT IS.
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  • Honestly, you and your FI should elope. Cancel the wedding. With all you've posted about, I don't know why you'd want to do this. 
    With everything that has been going on, I asked my fiance if we could elope instead and he said no. 
  • Honestly, you and your FI should elope. Cancel the wedding. With all you've posted about, I don't know why you'd want to do this. 
    Oh for fucks sake, you got me again, OP! UGHHH.

    I was reading this, Climbing, and in my head I'm going, "Oh HELL NO this isn't....." and then I clicked on her profile and GOD DAMMIT IT IS.
    Yup. I was almost fooled too, girl. 
  • Honestly, you and your FI should elope. Cancel the wedding. With all you've posted about, I don't know why you'd want to do this. 
    With everything that has been going on, I asked my fiance if we could elope instead and he said no. 
    Your FI seems to have taken a back seat. Your first posts here were about how he didn't even want to talk to his mother about invites on their side. So why is he even so set on having this? 
  • So, a week ago your only problem with having a SPOTLIGHT FUCKING DANCE for stepmom and her stepson was that his wife wouldn't be dancing. No mention at all about how FFIL might feel about it. And now this guy can't even walk her down the aisle because it would make him sad?

    Your drama is getting less and less believable. 
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  • edited February 2019
    I think my fiance plans on expressing his concerns to his mother and seeing what she says. She said told me she didn't care, but my fiance was not around when she told me this. Coming from him, she might care. I know at my other BIL's upcoming wedding they just told her who she will be walking with and gave her no choice. 
  • So, a week ago your only problem with having a SPOTLIGHT FUCKING DANCE for stepmom and her stepson was that his wife wouldn't be dancing. No mention at all about how FFIL might feel about it. And now this guy can't even walk her down the aisle because it would make him sad?

    Your drama is getting less and less believable. 
    She announced her plans to have her former stepson walk her down the aisle on Saturday so I did not know when I posted about the spotlight dance that this is what she was thinking. 
  • Honestly, you and your FI should elope. Cancel the wedding. With all you've posted about, I don't know why you'd want to do this. 
    With everything that has been going on, I asked my fiance if we could elope instead and he said no. 
    Your FI seems to have taken a back seat. Your first posts here were about how he didn't even want to talk to his mother about invites on their side. So why is he even so set on having this? 
    He takes a back set on things he doesn't care about, but on things he does care about he has no problem voicing his opinion. Apparently he didn't care about the invitations, but he cares about actually having a wedding. It could be because we have already made a lot of payments for the wedding. 
  • So, a week ago your only problem with having a SPOTLIGHT FUCKING DANCE for stepmom and her stepson was that his wife wouldn't be dancing. No mention at all about how FFIL might feel about it. And now this guy can't even walk her down the aisle because it would make him sad?

    Your drama is getting less and less believable. 
    She announced her plans to have her former stepson walk her down the aisle on Saturday so I did not know when I posted about the spotlight dance that this is what she was thinking. 
    But your issue with the aisle is that everyone - including FFIL - would see her with him, correct? The problem is that FFIL will be upset seeing his ex-wife and his son, all on display for all to see, right? How is a spotlight dance any different from this?

    You need to start writing shit down if you're going to keep coming here with this drama because you're not making and damn sense anymore. Hell, even if it's true, with the amount of "this person hates X person and Y person won't speak to Z's brother", I'd need notes to keep it all straight. 
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  • Ugh! I need to pay attention to posting history because knottie #s are too hard to remember! 
  • edited February 2019
    So, a week ago your only problem with having a SPOTLIGHT FUCKING DANCE for stepmom and her stepson was that his wife wouldn't be dancing. No mention at all about how FFIL might feel about it. And now this guy can't even walk her down the aisle because it would make him sad?

    Your drama is getting less and less believable. 
    She announced her plans to have her former stepson walk her down the aisle on Saturday so I did not know when I posted about the spotlight dance that this is what she was thinking. 
    But your issue with the aisle is that everyone - including FFIL - would see her with him, correct? The problem is that FFIL will be upset seeing his ex-wife and his son, all on display for all to see, right? How is a spotlight dance any different from this?

    You need to start writing shit down if you're going to keep coming here with this drama because you're not making and damn sense anymore. Hell, even if it's true, with the amount of "this person hates X person and Y person won't speak to Z's brother", I'd need notes to keep it all straight. 
    The spotlight dance is not any different. We don't think she needs to show off her relationship with her former stepson whether it is by having a spotlight dance, having him walk her down the aisle, or having him walk into the reception with him. Frankly, the wedding isn't about her or the son. It is about my fiance and I. She had made a lot of this about her. Even after she bought her dress for our wedding, she made a Facebook post about how she needs to look good for her special day. My fiance kindly reminded her that our wedding isn't her special day. 

    Hell, I don't care if either of our families are introduced during the reception. Personally, I feel if we do acknowledge them it should be a simple announcement from the DJ where briefly mentions our parents. It does not have to be some big grand entrance like my MIL wants. She didn't even bother to ask us if we were having the parents introduced at the representation she just told us that's what she wants. 
  • So, a week ago your only problem with having a SPOTLIGHT FUCKING DANCE for stepmom and her stepson was that his wife wouldn't be dancing. No mention at all about how FFIL might feel about it. And now this guy can't even walk her down the aisle because it would make him sad?

    Your drama is getting less and less believable. 
    She announced her plans to have her former stepson walk her down the aisle on Saturday so I did not know when I posted about the spotlight dance that this is what she was thinking. 
    But your issue with the aisle is that everyone - including FFIL - would see her with him, correct? The problem is that FFIL will be upset seeing his ex-wife and his son, all on display for all to see, right? How is a spotlight dance any different from this?

    You need to start writing shit down if you're going to keep coming here with this drama because you're not making and damn sense anymore. Hell, even if it's true, with the amount of "this person hates X person and Y person won't speak to Z's brother", I'd need notes to keep it all straight. 
    The spotlight dance is not any different. We don't think she needs to show off her relationship with her former stepson whether it is by having a spotlight dance, having him walk her down the aisle, or having him walk into the reception with him. Frankly, the wedding isn't about her or the son. It is about my fiance and I. She had made a lot of this about her. Even after she bought her dress for our wedding, she made a Facebook post about how she needs to look good for her special day. My fiance kindly reminded her that our wedding isn't her special day. 

    Hell, I don't care if either of our families are introduced during the reception. Personally, I feel if we do acknowledge them it should be a simple announcement from the DJ where briefly mentions our parents. It does not have to be some big grand entrance like my MIL wants. She didn't even bother to ask us if we were having the parents introduced at the representation she just told us that's what she wants. 
    Since like half of each of your families either hate everyone or aren't even invited, I'd say the bolded is the best way to go. 

    And that was exactly my point; that the dance isn't any different. I just found it odd that you didn't seem to care that FFIL would see them dancing but you do care that he will see them walking. Try to keep up with your own nonsense. 
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