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Etiquette

Guest RSVPed for two when he wasn't given a plus one...

Hey everyone,
My fiance and I are getting married in 43 days (wow) and the RSVPs have started rolling in. We wanted a semi small wedding, just our families and close friends in attendance. We both have fairly large families so with just families and a few close friends we are hovering around 115. Our goal was under 100, but it's not too much over, so no big deal. We are trying to keep it as intimate as possible with that many people, so we even didn't invite a few distant family members that we don't talk to much. We did not allow anyone plus ones either for budget and the same intimacy reason. Several people have asked us if they could have a plus one, but we politely told them that due to budget, size, etc. we unfortunately couldn't allow any plus ones. Some people we know who the plus one would have been, and would have been ok with that person in attendance, but we wanted to stay consistent and not make any exceptions, chancing something going wrong, people getting upset, whatever the case would be. 

So, yesterday we got an RSVP in the mail that was from my fiance's cousin. The envelope was just addressed to him. His name only, no "and guest" or "plus one." On the RSVP he put 2 for number attending. So what do we do? Do we mention it to him and make things awkward or do we just have to suck it up and allow the plus one? It is his girlfriend who we have met briefly twice, never have really had a conversation with her, so we don't really know her at all.

Thanks.

Re: Guest RSVPed for two when he wasn't given a plus one...

  • We looked up the etiquette many different places, including these forums, and made our decision per our findings. We cannot afford to give everyone that has a significant other a plus one (and I'm sure many others cannot either), so a line had to be drawn somewhere and we invited all fiances, live-in significant others, etc based on what we read. 

    I was not invited to my fiance's cousin's wedding and I was not offended in the least, nor did I consider it rude. I understand budget, space, and whatever other restrictions. 
  • 100-115 guests isn't an intimate wedding.  I get the big family thing, H and I have them too.  If you'd posted a guest list/budgeting/keeping it small question when you were starting to plan, I would've said don't invite guests you aren't close to.  (And if you're willing to split couples, you aren't that close to guests like your cousin in question.)  Totally ditto PP advice to scale back in other areas if it's budget stopping you from allowing couples to be together at a celebration of love.
    InLoveInQueensOurWildKingdomcharlotte989875STARMOON44
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would revisit your guest list and count how many invited guests you insulted by not including their significant other.  See how many guests you would have to include to correct this BIG etiquette faux pas.  Find a way to accommodate these people.

    The good news is that if you do not, you may find yourself having a truly intimate wedding with the amount of decline responses you receive as a result of this error.
    MairePoppyOurWildKingdom
  • 6-25 is an intimate wedding, not 100.  If they are single and are not dating anyone is gray area for allowing a "plus one" but if they're dating, whether you consider it important or not, the bf/gf/fi gets invited and is not a "plus one" as they are a committed relationship.  You chose to be rude, that was your choice.  Now you can continue to be rude and call your cousin to say your potential future cousin is not invited or you can take a breath, eat a cupcake, and move on which is the lesser impacting of your options.  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    MairePoppyOurWildKingdomdowntondiva
  • Unfortunately, you do need to be prepared for plus ones. I only want 100 people at my wedding so I invited people accordingly, taking into account that some are in relationships and will want to bring their significant others. 
    I also have a budget which is why I didn't go crazy. You want your attendees to feel comfortable and have someone to dance with and hangout not feeling uncomfortable or bored at a party. 
    STARMOON44
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    angiiieee said:
    Unfortunately, you do need to be prepared for plus ones. I only want 100 people at my wedding so I invited people accordingly, taking into account that some are in relationships and will want to bring their significant others. 
    I also have a budget which is why I didn't go crazy. You want your attendees to feel comfortable and have someone to dance with and hangout not feeling uncomfortable or bored at a party. 
    You're totally missing the point. A SO is NOT a plus one. A plus one is when someone is single and you allow them to bring a guest. If someone is in a relationship, you need to invite their partner, and it's not so they're not "bored". 

    InLoveInQueensOurWildKingdom
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You are in the wrong. A “plus one” is for truly single guests. Your cousin is not single. He has a girlfriend. And you rudely did not invite her. You need to extend invites to all significant others you so rudely excluded. And you don’t get to put parameters on their relationship. If they consider themselves to be in a relationship, they are a couple and should be invited together, regardless of marital status or length of time. Also in no world is 100 people “small and intimate.”


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    MairePoppyInLoveInQueensOurWildKingdom
  • We looked up the etiquette many different places, including these forums, and made our decision per our findings. We cannot afford to give everyone that has a significant other a plus one (and I'm sure many others cannot either), so a line had to be drawn somewhere and we invited all fiances, live-in significant others, etc based on what we read. 

    I was not invited to my fiance's cousin's wedding and I was not offended in the least, nor did I consider it rude. I understand budget, space, and whatever other restrictions. 
    Welp, you’re wrong. So your choice is be even more rude now, or be less rude. 
    InLoveInQueensOurWildKingdom
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    We looked up the etiquette many different places, including these forums, and made our decision per our findings. We cannot afford to give everyone that has a significant other a plus one (and I'm sure many others cannot either), so a line had to be drawn somewhere and we invited all fiances, live-in significant others, etc based on what we read. 

    I was not invited to my fiance's cousin's wedding and I was not offended in the least, nor did I consider it rude. I understand budget, space, and whatever other restrictions. 
     

    You're 100% wrong here. It's a real shame that your FI's family treated you that way and that he allowed it. (Frankly, I think your FI was incredibly disrespectful of you to go to that wedding without you. Most people wouldn't have gone in that situation.)

    Still, this treatment doesn't give you license to be so disrespectful to your guests' relationships. You need to make room for ALL the significant others. Truly single guests don't need a plus one, but all significant others need to be included. The issue of trying to make adjustments to the headcount now will be so much less than trying to clean up the insult and hurt feelings. 

    short+sassyILoveBeachMusicInLoveInQueensOurWildKingdom
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