Dear Prudence,
My significant other died six months ago from a long-term illness. In our 25 years together, we had a 25-year-old daughter and a 21-year-old son. During that time, he had an illegitimate son who is also 21 years old, just a few months older than our son. I didn’t even meet this son until he was 15. After my significant other’s death, he began living with me and my son. About a month ago, I developed a sexual relationship with my significant other’s son. My children have now disowned me, calling the relationship disgusting, a poor decision, and inappropriate. The way I see it, other than the age gap of 25 years, we are both single, both adults, we are not related, I didn’t raise him, I didn’t even meet him until he was 15 years old, and I was never actually married to his dad, therefore I was never his actual stepmom. Do you think my children are correct in their perception of this relationship, and if so, for what reasons?
—Sexual Relationship With “Stepson”
Re: In what world...
just yes.
And her "qualifiers"? OMG. "I didn't meet him until he was 15"...okay, so still a child. "I was never married to my SO, so I'm not REALLY his stepmother", smh. Like a 25-year relationship, whether people are married or not, is something super casual and "doesn't count". Yeah, LW, you were his stepmother after you met him for TEN years.
There is a fantastic movie made in China called "Curse of the Golden Flower". The costuming is unbelievable and I think won an Academy Award for that. At any rate, this subject is exactly what the movie is about. The Empress is having an affair with her oldest stepson. The Emperor knows/finds out, pretends he doesn't, and exacts some interesting twists to get revenge.
Step away from the "step son" and seek therapy. You may realize the situation differently.
Also, her defenses sound an awful lot like the ones Woody Allen used when questioned about his relationship with Soon Yi Previn. I'm just saying.