Am I Pride worthy?

mrsconn23 · June 2019

Dear Prudence,

I am a white cis woman who enjoys being very feminine, and I am in a heterosexual relationship. I was in this relationship a year ago when I admitted to my boyfriend, and myself, that I had a crush on a female co-worker and I am bisexual. I’m now out to my friends and family, who have all been supportive, my mom’s “But are you sure?” notwithstanding.

The last time I went to a Pride parade was around 10 years ago, I was in middle school, and I was wearing a Straight Advocates for Equality shirt. Now Pride Month is rolling around again, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Do I go to a Pride event with my straight boyfriend? Do I go alone? I just moved to a new town a little over a year ago and don’t really have friends whom I could ask to go with me. And most of all, I don’t know if I would be welcome or enjoy being there, or if I would feel like I don’t belong. Am I wrong that Pride isn’t meant for people like me?

—Is Pride for Me?

OurWildKingdom · June 2019

Bisexual people belong at Pride regardless of whom they’re in a relationship with. Even allies can go if they don’t make the day all about them.

banana468 · June 2019

Isn't the idea that you can be who you are at Pride?

It sounds like she needs to reach out to be more comfortable with herself. Maybe before going to Pride she can dip a toe in the water of being more involved with the organizations rather than a major public one?

STARMOON44 · June 2019

I’m straight and go to pride events most years. No one has ever asked me to prove I belong. Be alert and respectful of the fact that not every space or experience may be about you and enjoy!

short+sassy · June 2019

OurWildKingdom said:

Bisexual people belong at Pride regardless of whom they’re in a relationship with. Even allies can go if they don’t make the day all about them.

Right? That's always been my impression. My own city of NOLA has historically been LGBTQ welcoming and there is a large community here. In fact, our Pride is this Sat. and we will have the largest parade in the Gulf Coast. There is also an enormous LGBTQ event over Labor Day weekend every year called Southern Decadence.

There are all kinds of LGBTQ events here and, even though both my H and I are hetero, we've hung out in the French Quarter during a number of them. I've never felt that someone was looking at me/us like we didn't belong or in an unwelcoming way. People are friendly. Having a good time.

And the LW as a bi-woman, that is literally what the "B" stands for. It wouldn't make any sense if the only time it was "appropriate" for her to go to Pride is when her relationship is with a woman, instead of a man.

charlotte989875 · June 2019

Hell I work for a bank (who is the largest employer in our city) and we had a spot in the parade. But like OWK said it’s about support and allyship, not centering yourself.

But also, you don’t have to prove you sexuality to anyone. Go and enjoy.

VarunaTT · June 2019

We don't have a punch card for bisexuals to prove your bisexuality. IOW, there's not a "you have to have slept with another gender besides your opposite so that we really know you're bisexual." You have made the journey and you know, so you are.

I had this same struggle, especially when I was with exH. I had a very lovely friend who made it so simple:

Does your current relationship fit into your sexual orientation?
Yes.
Is your sexual orientation a queer one?
Yes.
Congratulations, you are in a queer relationship! So like, let your gay flag fly free, young bisexual!

Maybe just make sure to have a convo with the BF about his behavior though, since LW didn't write anything about him. No looking for a threesome, no asking someone else to kiss you or anything like that.

Oh and just because: Passing privilege isn't a thing. Not being able to be seen for your true self is not a privilege, bisexual people, it's painful.

MyNameIsNot · June 2019

I'm going to go a little against the grain, because my experience has been a little different. Yes, LW should be accepted and no one should question whether she's bi enough or whatever that means. But I don't think it's fair to make a blanket statement that it won't happen. Bi-erasure is real, and some people are territorial and exclusionary and just assholes.

I've personally been told that I don't belong at an LGBTQ event because I'm a bi woman in a hetero marriage, and "it's just not the same." Yes, that person was wrong and yes they're in the minority. Still, it does exist. If I were LW, I would want to be prepared to respond to that asshole, rather than be caught flat footed and find myself feeling uncomfortable.

Am I Pride worthy?

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