Theres a couple I know who smoke fairly regularly (and to be fair their kids are now over a year old) and they never smoke at the same time, or if they do it’s when the kids are with a sitter. Someone is always sober at night when the kids are sleeping. He didn’t smoke when she was pregnant and they’ve set safe boundaries on how they use it now. That is a lot different from their pre-kid life but they have both changed how they’ve used in a way that is safe and fair for everyone
Overall, I don't see the bolded as a problem at all GIVEN THAT THEY ARE IN A STATE WHERE IT'S LEGAL. I think it should absolutely be legalized/decriminalized in all states, even though I'm not a user. But until it is, I just can't get over parents buying/keeping/using illegal drugs on their person, or in their home - that's not ok under any circumstances in my opinion. H and I have had quite a few discussions about this. I don't care if he or anyone uses occasionally. I don't want it in my house until it's legally allowed to be there.
I mean I get that, but in my state it’s decriminalized but not legal; meaning for the average person it’s a ticket/fine but not a crime with jail time (for people with under a certain amount, higher amounts/selling/distributing is a crime).
But it also I mean legally even I states where it’s legal at the state level it’s still illegal at the federal level so yeah everyone in those states are breaking the law.
I just fell like this part is a little judgy, IMO because (at least in my state) it’s the same penalty as a traffic violation.
It definitely is judgy but I'm pretty ok with that. And I get the distinction between decriminalized vs illegal and think that's kind of a gray area and I would not be comfortable with that risk for me or H.
My point is, it's still illegal in most states and I think that's pretty irresponsible around children, period. Would we be having this same discussion if it were cocaine? I don't think we would. Yeah, it's a different drug, but it's still an illegal drug. Would you want that in your house?
I know that's a very black and white view on it, but I personally don't understand why people would take the risk when children are involved. Not even going to touch the white privilege and disproportionate enforcement of drug laws that @starmoon44 mentioned.
Because it’s a different drug and the legal risks are substantially different, so yeah I wouldn’t have cocaine in my house but do have pot because the risks are very clearly not the same.
But cool way to call a bunch of people here irresponsible.
I feel like I made it very clear that my issue is not with the actual usage of pot (or any drug) but with the illegality of the action in the majority of instances - especially around children. I didn't call anyone here personally irresponsible.
If everyone is comfortable with their choices, then my personal opinion on the issue shouldn't matter to them.
So you want to be able to say that people are irresponsible if they have pot in the house with kids but you also want people to acknowledge that they're free to ignore what you're saying?
I'm honestly not understanding.
I personally think it's irresponsible if people have illegal drugs in the house with kids regardless of what the drug is - full stop.
Of course people are free to ignore what I'm saying, that's true of any conversation or discussion on any topic. No one has to agree with me.
So your opinion is formed based on the item's legality only.
Curious: Do you ever exceed the speed limit? Would you do it with kids in the car? Do you think it's OK for others to do that with kids in the car? Do you think there's a difference between 1-5 mph over the limit and 20 mph over the limit?
Not intentionally and absolutely not when other people are in my car.
Wow! On many of the roads I’m on driving the speed limit is unheard of. You must live in a dramatically more civilized part of the country than me! You’d be getting rear ended here.
Word. On the Merritt Pkwy in Southwestern CT good luck if you don't go over the speed limit. Tons of entrances force you to get to highway speed at a stop sign, drivers are often in the left lane knowing of the areas that are a pain and if you're going 55 mph you're definitely the slow one.
But @Casadena, my point of questioning was if you would do this on a road, on a highway and if you see a difference between say 1-10 mph over the limit and in excess of 20 mph over the limit?
I get what you're trying to say, but it's a totally different argument. In the situations you two are describing there can be a huge danger in interrupting the flow of traffic. So yes, of course, speeding in those situation (even though illegal) may be the better choice.
Sure, there's probably a difference in going 1-10 over and going 20 over. I tend not to do either but might if I was driving alone and there weren't other cars around (this happens more frequently in IL/IA/NE than you might think). Yes, it's illegal but I'm not endangering anyone but myself and that's a risk I can decide if I want to take. If other ppl are in the car or on the road, nope.
Theres a couple I know who smoke fairly regularly (and to be fair their kids are now over a year old) and they never smoke at the same time, or if they do it’s when the kids are with a sitter. Someone is always sober at night when the kids are sleeping. He didn’t smoke when she was pregnant and they’ve set safe boundaries on how they use it now. That is a lot different from their pre-kid life but they have both changed how they’ve used in a way that is safe and fair for everyone
Overall, I don't see the bolded as a problem at all GIVEN THAT THEY ARE IN A STATE WHERE IT'S LEGAL. I think it should absolutely be legalized/decriminalized in all states, even though I'm not a user. But until it is, I just can't get over parents buying/keeping/using illegal drugs on their person, or in their home - that's not ok under any circumstances in my opinion. H and I have had quite a few discussions about this. I don't care if he or anyone uses occasionally. I don't want it in my house until it's legally allowed to be there.
I mean I get that, but in my state it’s decriminalized but not legal; meaning for the average person it’s a ticket/fine but not a crime with jail time (for people with under a certain amount, higher amounts/selling/distributing is a crime).
But it also I mean legally even I states where it’s legal at the state level it’s still illegal at the federal level so yeah everyone in those states are breaking the law.
I just fell like this part is a little judgy, IMO because (at least in my state) it’s the same penalty as a traffic violation.
It definitely is judgy but I'm pretty ok with that. And I get the distinction between decriminalized vs illegal and think that's kind of a gray area and I would not be comfortable with that risk for me or H.
My point is, it's still illegal in most states and I think that's pretty irresponsible around children, period. Would we be having this same discussion if it were cocaine? I don't think we would. Yeah, it's a different drug, but it's still an illegal drug. Would you want that in your house?
I know that's a very black and white view on it, but I personally don't understand why people would take the risk when children are involved. Not even going to touch the white privilege and disproportionate enforcement of drug laws that @starmoon44 mentioned.
Because it’s a different drug and the legal risks are substantially different, so yeah I wouldn’t have cocaine in my house but do have pot because the risks are very clearly not the same.
But cool way to call a bunch of people here irresponsible.
I feel like I made it very clear that my issue is not with the actual usage of pot (or any drug) but with the illegality of the action in the majority of instances - especially around children. I didn't call anyone here personally irresponsible.
If everyone is comfortable with their choices, then my personal opinion on the issue shouldn't matter to them.
So you want to be able to say that people are irresponsible if they have pot in the house with kids but you also want people to acknowledge that they're free to ignore what you're saying?
I'm honestly not understanding.
I personally think it's irresponsible if people have illegal drugs in the house with kids regardless of what the drug is - full stop.
Of course people are free to ignore what I'm saying, that's true of any conversation or discussion on any topic. No one has to agree with me.
So your opinion is formed based on the item's legality only.
Curious: Do you ever exceed the speed limit? Would you do it with kids in the car? Do you think it's OK for others to do that with kids in the car? Do you think there's a difference between 1-5 mph over the limit and 20 mph over the limit?
Not intentionally and absolutely not when other people are in my car.
Wow! On many of the roads I’m on driving the speed limit is unheard of. You must live in a dramatically more civilized part of the country than me! You’d be getting rear ended here.
Word. On the Merritt Pkwy in Southwestern CT good luck if you don't go over the speed limit. Tons of entrances force you to get to highway speed at a stop sign, drivers are often in the left lane knowing of the areas that are a pain and if you're going 55 mph you're definitely the slow one.
But @Casadena, my point of questioning was if you would do this on a road, on a highway and if you see a difference between say 1-10 mph over the limit and in excess of 20 mph over the limit?
I get what you're trying to say, but it's a totally different argument. In the situations you two are describing there can be a huge danger in interrupting the flow of traffic. So yes, of course, speeding in those situation (even though illegal) may be the better choice.
Sure, there's probably a difference in going 1-10 over and going 20 over. I tend not to do either but might if I was driving alone and there weren't other cars around (this happens more frequently in IL/IA/NE than you might think). Yes, it's illegal but I'm not endangering anyone but myself and that's a risk I can decide if I want to take. If other ppl are in the car or on the road, nope.
Is it a totally different argument? There are different types of exceeding the speed limit (different types of drugs and amounts) and some people will do this out of necessity due to the overall traffic in the area. And also, there's no confirmation that speed is the primary factor in safety - just look at the Autobahn in Germany. But we legislate our roads and ticket based on the speed of a driver only. And if your opinion is that anything illegal is bad and even worse if kids are involved then do you drive on a highway in a highly populated area with kids if you know you'll most likely need to exceed the speed limit or do you not and then roll your eyes at every minivan or SUV in the greater NYC area?
Similarly plenty of people use pot knowing it's illegal not like the jerk LW but because it can help increase appetite due to chemotherapy or other medical issue, treat muscle spasms, or assist with seizure disorders, PTSD or glaucoma. However in your black and white opinion, those people should not use it or have it in the house if they have kids because it's illegal even if its use is medically beneficial, and the penalties for having that amount in the home are considered to be a misdemeanor?
When my wife and I first got together over four years ago, one of the things that we bonded over was our mutual enjoyment of pot. We were daily smokers, and I always thought of this shared interest as being a foundational part of our relationship. She began having some mental health issues and decided to stop smoking altogether. I had no interest in stopping, so I continued, but would just do it in the backyard at the end of the day. She was fine with this. When we started talking about having kids, she told me she did not think that pot had a place in the parenting of young children and that she would like me to cut back significantly when we became parents. Her ideal was none at all, but she agreed that it could be more like drinking alcohol—occasionally, not to excess, and not around the kids when they’re very small.
Now my wife is pregnant, and she wants me to quit smoking pot yesterday. She constantly brings up that I agreed to stop smoking when we became parents and that I’d better start cutting back now that she’s pregnant so that I won’t have to go cold turkey once the baby is born. I still don’t want to quit. It enriches my life, it makes me more even-keeled and laid-back (I used to be quite anxious and prone to anger before I started smoking), and I don’t see how these qualities could be bad for raising a child. I wouldn’t ever smoke around the kid, but she’s acting like taking pot every day is equivalent to parenting as an active alcoholic. I just don’t see it this way. Can I parent while also smoking pot?
Honestly, your feelings about pot aside, she's continuously changing the requirements on him. As long as he takes the precaution of not smoking around her pregnancy, I don't really see why what he agreed to post kids talk/pre pregnancy (not to excess and occasionally), isn't still okay with her.
I feel like she's quit for whatever reason and now wants him to as well and that's just not okay. Her pregnancy is just an excuse. And I can't tell if they talked about kids before or after marrying here, so that's another tidbit I'd like to have.
I don't really have an issue with pot. I can't do it, even if it's legal, b/c it would put K's license at risk until they change requirements for their profession. I don't think it's fair to do it around them (b/c they used to enjoy it) when they can't partake. But I know I've used it to chill myself out before with great success and I enjoy it.
Truth be told, I feel like LW and his wife had an agreement and he just ignored it and is now acting like this is coming out of the blue. I want to hear the wife's side. I'm pretty sure it goes "my husband agreed to stop smoking pot when we had kids, but now he's saying that he agreed to only cut back and hasn't starting to slow down now that I am pregnant".
Tbh, the periods in my life where I have felt the most stable, happy, and productive are when I was smoking on a semi regular basis. Obviously, I have not been able to smoke in several years based on where I live now and I miss it. I drink less when I can smoke, I actually enjoy cleaning (or at least hate it less), my stress is lower, and my depression is less severe. I don’t know how I would feel about it now that I have a child but I completely understand how it is comparable to having a glass of wine at the end of the day.
I don’t really understand why he can’t partake after baby goes to bed. It makes me think that maybe there are other issues or he is downplaying his level of use because there is a huge difference between a couple puffs and a couple bowls/joints/dabs.
Theres a couple I know who smoke fairly regularly (and to be fair their kids are now over a year old) and they never smoke at the same time, or if they do it’s when the kids are with a sitter. Someone is always sober at night when the kids are sleeping. He didn’t smoke when she was pregnant and they’ve set safe boundaries on how they use it now. That is a lot different from their pre-kid life but they have both changed how they’ve used in a way that is safe and fair for everyone
Overall, I don't see the bolded as a problem at all GIVEN THAT THEY ARE IN A STATE WHERE IT'S LEGAL. I think it should absolutely be legalized/decriminalized in all states, even though I'm not a user. But until it is, I just can't get over parents buying/keeping/using illegal drugs on their person, or in their home - that's not ok under any circumstances in my opinion. H and I have had quite a few discussions about this. I don't care if he or anyone uses occasionally. I don't want it in my house until it's legally allowed to be there.
I mean I get that, but in my state it’s decriminalized but not legal; meaning for the average person it’s a ticket/fine but not a crime with jail time (for people with under a certain amount, higher amounts/selling/distributing is a crime).
But it also I mean legally even I states where it’s legal at the state level it’s still illegal at the federal level so yeah everyone in those states are breaking the law.
I just fell like this part is a little judgy, IMO because (at least in my state) it’s the same penalty as a traffic violation.
It definitely is judgy but I'm pretty ok with that. And I get the distinction between decriminalized vs illegal and think that's kind of a gray area and I would not be comfortable with that risk for me or H.
My point is, it's still illegal in most states and I think that's pretty irresponsible around children, period. Would we be having this same discussion if it were cocaine? I don't think we would. Yeah, it's a different drug, but it's still an illegal drug. Would you want that in your house?
I know that's a very black and white view on it, but I personally don't understand why people would take the risk when children are involved. Not even going to touch the white privilege and disproportionate enforcement of drug laws that @starmoon44 mentioned.
Because it’s a different drug and the legal risks are substantially different, so yeah I wouldn’t have cocaine in my house but do have pot because the risks are very clearly not the same.
But cool way to call a bunch of people here irresponsible.
I feel like I made it very clear that my issue is not with the actual usage of pot (or any drug) but with the illegality of the action in the majority of instances - especially around children. I didn't call anyone here personally irresponsible.
If everyone is comfortable with their choices, then my personal opinion on the issue shouldn't matter to them.
So you want to be able to say that people are irresponsible if they have pot in the house with kids but you also want people to acknowledge that they're free to ignore what you're saying?
I'm honestly not understanding.
I personally think it's irresponsible if people have illegal drugs in the house with kids regardless of what the drug is - full stop.
Of course people are free to ignore what I'm saying, that's true of any conversation or discussion on any topic. No one has to agree with me.
Agree with the bolded, I ignore things all the time I see here I disagree with. Don't fully understand why this topic is so different, and everyone has to be on the same page. I don't want to comment on the pot-while-parenting, makes me too sad on a deep, private level. But I will say on the side convo that I do drive 1-5mph over the speed limit a few times a month, but more than that...like 10mph over? Maybe a handful over times, ever?
Oh! Something I didn't think of...although more on the wife while she is pregnant side...he should start vaping instead of smoking. That way, he won't be potentially exposing her to smoke when he comes back inside.
But I still think she has a point that it will be easier for him to cut back if he does it gradually than going from "a lot of pot every day" to "occasionally", all of a sudden.
Oh! Something I didn't think of...although more on the wife while she is pregnant side...he should start vaping instead of smoking. That way, he won't be potentially exposing her to smoke when he comes back inside.
But I still think she has a point that it will be easier for him to cut back if he does it gradually than going from "a lot of pot every day" to "occasionally", all of a sudden.
But the letter says he already has cut back, to “in the backyard at the end of the day”.
Eta.... though plenty of people get blackout drunk in the backyard at the end of the day so maybe he is doing the pot equivalent of that, idk.
Theres a couple I know who smoke fairly regularly (and to be fair their kids are now over a year old) and they never smoke at the same time, or if they do it’s when the kids are with a sitter. Someone is always sober at night when the kids are sleeping. He didn’t smoke when she was pregnant and they’ve set safe boundaries on how they use it now. That is a lot different from their pre-kid life but they have both changed how they’ve used in a way that is safe and fair for everyone
Overall, I don't see the bolded as a problem at all GIVEN THAT THEY ARE IN A STATE WHERE IT'S LEGAL. I think it should absolutely be legalized/decriminalized in all states, even though I'm not a user. But until it is, I just can't get over parents buying/keeping/using illegal drugs on their person, or in their home - that's not ok under any circumstances in my opinion. H and I have had quite a few discussions about this. I don't care if he or anyone uses occasionally. I don't want it in my house until it's legally allowed to be there.
I mean I get that, but in my state it’s decriminalized but not legal; meaning for the average person it’s a ticket/fine but not a crime with jail time (for people with under a certain amount, higher amounts/selling/distributing is a crime).
But it also I mean legally even I states where it’s legal at the state level it’s still illegal at the federal level so yeah everyone in those states are breaking the law.
I just fell like this part is a little judgy, IMO because (at least in my state) it’s the same penalty as a traffic violation.
It definitely is judgy but I'm pretty ok with that. And I get the distinction between decriminalized vs illegal and think that's kind of a gray area and I would not be comfortable with that risk for me or H.
My point is, it's still illegal in most states and I think that's pretty irresponsible around children, period. Would we be having this same discussion if it were cocaine? I don't think we would. Yeah, it's a different drug, but it's still an illegal drug. Would you want that in your house?
I know that's a very black and white view on it, but I personally don't understand why people would take the risk when children are involved. Not even going to touch the white privilege and disproportionate enforcement of drug laws that @starmoon44 mentioned.
Because it’s a different drug and the legal risks are substantially different, so yeah I wouldn’t have cocaine in my house but do have pot because the risks are very clearly not the same.
But cool way to call a bunch of people here irresponsible.
I feel like I made it very clear that my issue is not with the actual usage of pot (or any drug) but with the illegality of the action in the majority of instances - especially around children. I didn't call anyone here personally irresponsible.
If everyone is comfortable with their choices, then my personal opinion on the issue shouldn't matter to them.
So you want to be able to say that people are irresponsible if they have pot in the house with kids but you also want people to acknowledge that they're free to ignore what you're saying?
I'm honestly not understanding.
I personally think it's irresponsible if people have illegal drugs in the house with kids regardless of what the drug is - full stop.
Of course people are free to ignore what I'm saying, that's true of any conversation or discussion on any topic. No one has to agree with me.
Agree with the bolded, I ignore things all the time I see here I disagree with. Don't fully understand why this topic is so different, and everyone has to be on the same page. I don't want to comment on the pot-while-parenting, makes me too sad on a deep, private level. But I will say on the side convo that I do drive 1-5mph over the speed limit a few times a month, but more than that...like 10mph over? Maybe a handful over times, ever?
I think it’s more of the “people who don’t agree with me are irresponsible” that people take issue with; not that there is disagreement.
Theres a couple I know who smoke fairly regularly (and to be fair their kids are now over a year old) and they never smoke at the same time, or if they do it’s when the kids are with a sitter. Someone is always sober at night when the kids are sleeping. He didn’t smoke when she was pregnant and they’ve set safe boundaries on how they use it now. That is a lot different from their pre-kid life but they have both changed how they’ve used in a way that is safe and fair for everyone
Overall, I don't see the bolded as a problem at all GIVEN THAT THEY ARE IN A STATE WHERE IT'S LEGAL. I think it should absolutely be legalized/decriminalized in all states, even though I'm not a user. But until it is, I just can't get over parents buying/keeping/using illegal drugs on their person, or in their home - that's not ok under any circumstances in my opinion. H and I have had quite a few discussions about this. I don't care if he or anyone uses occasionally. I don't want it in my house until it's legally allowed to be there.
I mean I get that, but in my state it’s decriminalized but not legal; meaning for the average person it’s a ticket/fine but not a crime with jail time (for people with under a certain amount, higher amounts/selling/distributing is a crime).
But it also I mean legally even I states where it’s legal at the state level it’s still illegal at the federal level so yeah everyone in those states are breaking the law.
I just fell like this part is a little judgy, IMO because (at least in my state) it’s the same penalty as a traffic violation.
It definitely is judgy but I'm pretty ok with that. And I get the distinction between decriminalized vs illegal and think that's kind of a gray area and I would not be comfortable with that risk for me or H.
My point is, it's still illegal in most states and I think that's pretty irresponsible around children, period. Would we be having this same discussion if it were cocaine? I don't think we would. Yeah, it's a different drug, but it's still an illegal drug. Would you want that in your house?
I know that's a very black and white view on it, but I personally don't understand why people would take the risk when children are involved. Not even going to touch the white privilege and disproportionate enforcement of drug laws that @starmoon44 mentioned.
Because it’s a different drug and the legal risks are substantially different, so yeah I wouldn’t have cocaine in my house but do have pot because the risks are very clearly not the same.
But cool way to call a bunch of people here irresponsible.
I feel like I made it very clear that my issue is not with the actual usage of pot (or any drug) but with the illegality of the action in the majority of instances - especially around children. I didn't call anyone here personally irresponsible.
If everyone is comfortable with their choices, then my personal opinion on the issue shouldn't matter to them.
So you want to be able to say that people are irresponsible if they have pot in the house with kids but you also want people to acknowledge that they're free to ignore what you're saying?
I'm honestly not understanding.
I personally think it's irresponsible if people have illegal drugs in the house with kids regardless of what the drug is - full stop.
Of course people are free to ignore what I'm saying, that's true of any conversation or discussion on any topic. No one has to agree with me.
Agree with the bolded, I ignore things all the time I see here I disagree with. Don't fully understand why this topic is so different, and everyone has to be on the same page. I don't want to comment on the pot-while-parenting, makes me too sad on a deep, private level. But I will say on the side convo that I do drive 1-5mph over the speed limit a few times a month, but more than that...like 10mph over? Maybe a handful over times, ever?
I think it’s more of the “people who don’t agree with me are irresponsible” that people take issue with; not that there is disagreement.
ETA:spelling.
Shorter answer: but even that's subjective. ABC thinks I'm irresponsible, I disagree with that, I know I'm not Longer answer: I do hear you. Judgement and parenting go hand in hand, unfortunately. H and I are going to throw treats and tablets at the kids at my sister's wedding tomorrow if it buys us 15 minutes to eat a nice meal in semi-peace...will at least one random guest judge the s**t out of us? Of course. Not saying it's okay, it just is what it is. I see both sides- it is irresponsible on some level, in my world. But what works for one family/couple is different for the next. Marijuana is a gray area on so many levels.
Re: Pot or parenting?
I get what you're trying to say, but it's a totally different argument. In the situations you two are describing there can be a huge danger in interrupting the flow of traffic. So yes, of course, speeding in those situation (even though illegal) may be the better choice.
Sure, there's probably a difference in going 1-10 over and going 20 over. I tend not to do either but might if I was driving alone and there weren't other cars around (this happens more frequently in IL/IA/NE than you might think). Yes, it's illegal but I'm not endangering anyone but myself and that's a risk I can decide if I want to take. If other ppl are in the car or on the road, nope.
Similarly plenty of people use pot knowing it's illegal not like the jerk LW but because it can help increase appetite due to chemotherapy or other medical issue, treat muscle spasms, or assist with seizure disorders, PTSD or glaucoma. However in your black and white opinion, those people should not use it or have it in the house if they have kids because it's illegal even if its use is medically beneficial, and the penalties for having that amount in the home are considered to be a misdemeanor?
I feel like she's quit for whatever reason and now wants him to as well and that's just not okay. Her pregnancy is just an excuse. And I can't tell if they talked about kids before or after marrying here, so that's another tidbit I'd like to have.
I don't really have an issue with pot. I can't do it, even if it's legal, b/c it would put K's license at risk until they change requirements for their profession. I don't think it's fair to do it around them (b/c they used to enjoy it) when they can't partake. But I know I've used it to chill myself out before with great success and I enjoy it.
I don’t really understand why he can’t partake after baby goes to bed. It makes me think that maybe there are other issues or he is downplaying his level of use because there is a huge difference between a couple puffs and a couple bowls/joints/dabs.
I don't want to comment on the pot-while-parenting, makes me too sad on a deep, private level. But I will say on the side convo that I do drive 1-5mph over the speed limit a few times a month, but more than that...like 10mph over? Maybe a handful over times, ever?
But I still think she has a point that it will be easier for him to cut back if he does it gradually than going from "a lot of pot every day" to "occasionally", all of a sudden.
Eta.... though plenty of people get blackout drunk in the backyard at the end of the day so maybe he is doing the pot equivalent of that, idk.
ETA:spelling.
Longer answer: I do hear you. Judgement and parenting go hand in hand, unfortunately. H and I are going to throw treats and tablets at the kids at my sister's wedding tomorrow if it buys us 15 minutes to eat a nice meal in semi-peace...will at least one random guest judge the s**t out of us? Of course. Not saying it's okay, it just is what it is. I see both sides- it is irresponsible on some level, in my world. But what works for one family/couple is different for the next. Marijuana is a gray area on so many levels.