"It just never worked out for me."

Re: "It just never worked out for me."

• short+sassy member

  

  July 2019

  VarunaTT said:

  MyNameIsNot said:

  And just to complete my tangent, H wants one of these. I just don't know what to say anymore. 
  
  

  Say yes?
  
  They're so adorable.  I have puppy fever something fierce.

  On this fantastic puppies pic tangent.  I have to admit that, while I certainly think human babies are cute and like pics of them and want to briefly hold them when I see them in person, I don't feel any "tug" for them like I do when I see puppies or kittens.
  

  

  Report3 Reply
• VarunaTT member

  

  July 2019 edited July 2019

  short+sassy said:

  VarunaTT said:

  MyNameIsNot said:

  And just to complete my tangent, H wants one of these. I just don't know what to say anymore. 
  
  

  Say yes?
  
  They're so adorable.  I have puppy fever something fierce.

  On this fantastic puppies pic tangent.  I have to admit that, while I certainly think human babies are cute and like pics of them and want to briefly hold them when I see them in person, I don't feel any "tug" for them like I do when I see puppies or kittens.
  

  You know how people talk about baby smell?  I think babies smell like rotten milk and plastic diapers.
  
  Puppies bellies smell practical.  ETA:  Um, magical.  What in the world was I multitasking that I typed out practical. 

  �

  Report5 Reply
• MyNameIsNot member

  

  July 2019

  Y'all are as bad as H is! I'm excited to go play with the puppies this weekend, but there are a million reasons that we do not need to adopt a puppy right now. 

  Report3 Reply
• charlotte989875 member

  

  July 2019

  MissKittyDanger said:

  cupcait927 said:

  MissKittyDanger said:

  Can I just ask others here a person tact question, because I'm always unsure of wording when/if I ask someone about future child plans.
  What's best way of asking without being rude/prying?
  I typically word it like "Oh, do you have current plans for a family?" {Keep it open ended for varying options}
  {Note: I would ONLY ask those friends I'm close to - not some random person}

  You don't. Plain and simple. You have no idea what someone is going through - infertility, miscarriage, adoption struggles, etc. You let your friends offer that information up themselves. H and I are finally pregnant, but it took a year of trying. I'm so grateful that very, very few people asked us during that time about our plans to have children because it was an incredibly hard time in our lives and I didn't need additional reminders of our struggle. I apologize if this is coming off somewhat harsh, but it's just something you don't need to ask. And like @charlotte989875, who's to say that H and I weren't a family already? I certainly thought of us as a family.

  I honestly only ask close friends - those who would have told me if they had miscarried, infertility, etc issues or those who I know would feel comfortable to tell me if there was a situation.
  It should be noted I already know of 2 situations, so I would not ask unless they brought it up in conversation.
  

  I really know that you mean well MKD, but honestly even close friends where you know their situation I still wouldn’t ask. 
  
  If people want to talk about it they will. Even with my close friends sometimes this is something I want to talk with other people about and a lot of times it isn’t. This is such a personal decision I really think it’s best in like most situations to just let people lead. Good friends will know you’re there for them if they want to talk about it. 

  Report9 Reply
• ei34 member

  

  July 2019

  Congrats @cupcait927 💕💕
  Agree there's no tactful way to ask people about their family plans...if you're close enough and if they feel like it, they'll tell you 

  Report1 Reply
• flantastic member

  

  July 2019 edited July 2019

  charlotte989875 said:

  MissKittyDanger said:

  cupcait927 said:

  MissKittyDanger said:

  Can I just ask others here a person tact question, because I'm always unsure of wording when/if I ask someone about future child plans.
  What's best way of asking without being rude/prying?
  I typically word it like "Oh, do you have current plans for a family?" {Keep it open ended for varying options}
  {Note: I would ONLY ask those friends I'm close to - not some random person}

  You don't. Plain and simple. You have no idea what someone is going through - infertility, miscarriage, adoption struggles, etc. You let your friends offer that information up themselves. H and I are finally pregnant, but it took a year of trying. I'm so grateful that very, very few people asked us during that time about our plans to have children because it was an incredibly hard time in our lives and I didn't need additional reminders of our struggle. I apologize if this is coming off somewhat harsh, but it's just something you don't need to ask. And like @charlotte989875, who's to say that H and I weren't a family already? I certainly thought of us as a family.

  I honestly only ask close friends - those who would have told me if they had miscarried, infertility, etc issues or those who I know would feel comfortable to tell me if there was a situation.
  It should be noted I already know of 2 situations, so I would not ask unless they brought it up in conversation.
  

  I really know that you mean well MKD, but honestly even close friends where you know their situation I still wouldn’t ask. 
  
  If people want to talk about it they will. Even with my close friends sometimes this is something I want to talk with other people about and a lot of times it isn’t. This is such a personal decision I really think it’s best in like most situations to just let people lead. Good friends will know you’re there for them if they want to talk about it. 

  Yep. A lot of times I just don't feel like going there emotionally. Sometimes I want to talk about it - and at those times I'll find a way to bring it up.
  
  ETA - so if you ask, it can come across as "I want to be privy to this 'close friend clearance level' info" instead of just wanting to be there for me, even if that's not what you intend.

  Report5 Reply
• holyguacamole79 member

  

  July 2019 edited July 2019

  cupcait927 !
  
  Another vote for there's not really a good way to ask.  DH and I tried for the first 3 or so years of marriage, including ovarian surgery for me.  In the meantime, my sister had a baby & my brother's girlfriend miscarried his.  DH and I started to look into adoption and I got laid off 2 weeks later and changed careers to become a teacher.  DH is 42 and I'll be 40 next month ( ), so we decided to just enjoy being a family of 2 humans & 2 dogs.  If I end up pregnant, we'll be excited and shocked.  But we're not actively TTC and I don't go crazy peeing on sticks in anticipation.  
  
  Our friends & family know not to ask.  If others ask, I usually just say "biology hasn't been our friend."  If they ask about adoption, I say, "I just adopted a few hundred high school students as a teacher ... 1 major life change at a time."  If people ask about IVF / IUI, etc, I usually just say, "that's not an option we're pursuing."  I've had to abruptly end conversations and I've had people say some randomly insensitive things (my favorites are about how I should pray hard and just relax).  DH and I are at peace (and especially after changing my niece's diapers, I'm finding the silver linings).  

  
  
  
  
  

  

  Report7 Reply
• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  July 2019

  @MyNameIsNot oh the puppy cuteness!

  Report0 Reply
• Casadena member

  

  July 2019

  holyguacamole79 said:

  cupcait927 !
  
  Another vote for there's not really a good way to ask.  DH and I tried for the first 3 or so years of marriage, including ovarian surgery for me.  In the meantime, my sister had a baby & my brother's girlfriend miscarried his.  DH and I started to look into adoption and I got laid off 2 weeks later and changed careers to become a teacher.  DH is 42 and I'll be 40 next month ( ), so we decided to just enjoy being a family of 2 humans & 2 dogs.  If I end up pregnant, we'll be excited and shocked.  But we're not actively TTC and I don't go crazy peeing on sticks in anticipation.  
  
  Our friends & family know not to ask.  If others ask, I usually just say "biology hasn't been our friend."  If they ask about adoption, I say, "I just adopted a few hundred high school students as a teacher ... 1 major life change at a time."  If people ask about IVF / IUI, etc, I usually just say, "that's not an option we're pursuing."  I've had to abruptly end conversations and I've had people say some randomly insensitive things (my favorites are about how I should pray hard and just relax).  DH and I are at peace (and especially after changing my niece's diapers, I'm finding the silver linings).  

  UGH, these are THE WORST.  Followed closely by "just stop thinking about it and it will happen". 
  

  Report2 Reply
• kerbohl member

  

  July 2019

  Casadena said:

  holyguacamole79 said:

  cupcait927 !
  
  Another vote for there's not really a good way to ask.  DH and I tried for the first 3 or so years of marriage, including ovarian surgery for me.  In the meantime, my sister had a baby & my brother's girlfriend miscarried his.  DH and I started to look into adoption and I got laid off 2 weeks later and changed careers to become a teacher.  DH is 42 and I'll be 40 next month ( ), so we decided to just enjoy being a family of 2 humans & 2 dogs.  If I end up pregnant, we'll be excited and shocked.  But we're not actively TTC and I don't go crazy peeing on sticks in anticipation.  
  
  Our friends & family know not to ask.  If others ask, I usually just say "biology hasn't been our friend."  If they ask about adoption, I say, "I just adopted a few hundred high school students as a teacher ... 1 major life change at a time."  If people ask about IVF / IUI, etc, I usually just say, "that's not an option we're pursuing."  I've had to abruptly end conversations and I've had people say some randomly insensitive things (my favorites are about how I should pray hard and just relax).  DH and I are at peace (and especially after changing my niece's diapers, I'm finding the silver linings).  

  UGH, these are THE WORST.  Followed closely by "just stop thinking about it and it will happen". 
  

  I second that - that's just an awful thing to say. Does anyone like being told to relax?
  
  I see my husband, myself, and my animals as a family.  But now that I think about it, I wonder if people think I'm trolling them when I announce that we are adding to our family.  Because I might be making an announcement soon on that end if we get a new chicken ...   And I definitely had a conversation last year with my parents about an unwanted pregnancy resulting in our family getting bigger, but judging by the subdued reactions they KNEW it was about rabbits, so I hope I'm not freaking them out.

  
  

  Report0 Reply