Oh LW, you are the problem here.
Dear Prudence,
My ex remarried within a year of our divorce to a woman eight years younger. His new wife whelped out three babies within three years and likes to think she is an authority on my child, “Katy.” I tried to keep the peace since my ex and I share custody, but his wife keeps putting her nose into things. She will try to speak for my daughter: “Katy wants to go to the birthday party next door. Can she stay later?” “Katy told me she would like to go ice skating this weekend. Would it be OK if I bought her skates?” She texts me these inane questions all the time. Her excuse is that she doesn’t want to “overstep” and that my ex is often hard to reach at work, so it is simpler to just check in with me. I keep biting my tongue because I really can’t compete with cute little half-sisters, a private pool, and the gift-giving. My daughter loves going over to her dad’s.
Except now the woman is trying to replace my daughter with a dog. The wife’s brother got a dog named Katie and decided he couldn’t keep it. She took all the kids over to play with the dog and then told them Katie was going to be theirs. My daughter excitedly told me all this, and all I could do was ask if they were going to rename the dog. My daughter told me Katie was her name, and I corrected her: Katy was her name. I called my ex to tell him they needed to rename the dog. He told me the dog was trained to respond to Katie and didn’t see what the big deal was. I told him that his wife bringing a dog into the house with the same name as his daughter was disrespectful. He told me this wasn’t something I had a say in. I texted his wife, and she responded with “I respect you, but I stand with my husband here, and Katy was happy when she played with Katie.” I am steaming here, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford to go to court or counseling again. Help.
—Dog With Daughter’s Name
Re: Oh LW, you are the problem here.
**sarcasm**
LW is incapable of being pleased and a control freak to boot. I'm so surprised the marriage didn't work out.
She doesn't need counseling with anyone other than herself. These are her issues and the end result of acting this way is going to be alienating Katy.
As for the dog...to be honest, I do think it's a little weird to have a child and a dog with the same name in the same house. BUT...if it doesn't bother Katy, then LW needs to let it go. If Katy decides later on that she feels weird about it, then it can be addressed at that time. As things stand now, though, LW seems to be looking for problems.
I just called her Eve right now to see if I could get a reaction out of her, and she just kept sleeping.
Is it weird the dog dog has the same name? Sure it is. Can dogs learn new names? Of course they can. But if it doesn’t bother human-Katy to share the same name as dog-Katie LW needs to leave it alone. And stop being so damn difficult to co-parent with. And deal with some of this animosity toward the ex and his wife.
What the LW keeps calling "inane" questions, sounds to me like the SM is trying to be respectful and not step on toes. And I bet if the SM didn't text those "inane" questions, then the LW would be writing about how the SM crosses the line all the time, ie "Can you believe she just bought my daughter ice skates without asking me? The nerve!"
And, yes, I certainly noticed her first two sentences were all about how much younger her ex's wife is and the super rude, judgy comment about her having 3 children in 3 years.
I also think the father/SM should have given the dog another name. Their argument about it is completely ridiculous. They could have given the dog a similar sounding name and it wouldn't have known the difference. They also could have given their dog a completely new name and it would get to know that name in probably 1-2 weeks.
At the same time, I only think this issue should be something the LW is fighting on if the daughter was upset about the dog's name. Except the daughter isn't. I'm even getting a little bit of a vibe that the daughter thinks it's fun the dog has the same name as her.
My own dog will respond to multiple names, including her real name (Izzy), lol. Not because we tried. But there are certain words we use a lot when we are talking to her, including just our own nicknames that developed over time. For example, I say a lot when I'm petting her, "You're such a cutie-patootie!" And now, if I say the word "cutie"...even if I am not talking to her or about her...she'll look over and often come over to me. Because she thinks I'm calling her, lol.
I'm jokingly mad at my H. Because he sometimes calls her a "dingus". And goddamnit! Now she responds to dingus. I jokingly try to tell her, "Izzy, don't respond to that word! It's an insult, lol."
I do have to agree that the new wife should not have a whole lot of say in the stepdaughter. Idc when they got married, the relationship is new and tbh I wouldn't want a step-parent on either side to really make parenting decisions that soon. {especially if it's not 50/50}
The dog thing though .... it's not disrespectful. Odd, yes. LW could have asked if there was a chance ex could change the name to avoid confusion since daughter has same name. Ex says no? Okay, oh well.
Of course the SM has to step in if the dad's not there or at work. Is she hoping that the daughter goes to her dad's to visit and doesn't do anything special?
The insinuation that the LW makes that they are trying to replace the daughter only tells me that the LW is running a narrative that exists only in her head. The facts are being laid out here and the LW's interpretation of them is to interpret insults in all places.
Two stories quick: Growing up, a house down the street had a dog the same name as me. I went to their house a lot (House A) and the next one 2 doors down (House
My uncle got a puppy and named him Reggie. Less than a month after that my aunt (sister to uncle) was told they could adopt the biological brother of her previously adopted son. The brother's name? Reggie. But my aunt and her husband actually changed his name at the adoption, so there was never any confusion!
The dog name thing is completely stupid. LW gets no say in someone else's dog's name. Even still, you've never met a dog if you think Katy isn't going to end up with a bunch of nicknames anyway. No one is going to confuse the kid and the dog.
Also, I don't even see where the stepmom is even remotely overstepping or making decisions? She's running everything by LW. What a nutcase.
The key is on balance. You're asked if skates should be purchased, the answer is "Her feet will grow rapidly, may make more sense to rent since she's not in lessons, but your money, your choice!"
I agree with the PP though - I know a lot of people who would gladly give up all child support to have an amicable co-parenting relationship!