Open a new account and have a sit down with your parents ASAP.
Dear Prudence,
When I was a kid, my dad opened my checking account for me. Recently I discovered $500 had been transferred to an unfamiliar account. I found out from my dad that he needed to borrow money to give to my mom so she could go to the grocery store and that he would put the money back that afternoon.
I don’t know what is worse—realizing that for all these years, my dad has had access to my bank account, seeing how much I make and what I spend, or the fact that my parents need money to buy groceries. While letting them use $500 for a single day won’t destroy me financially, I am concerned they needed it in the first place. They are in their 70s, semiretired, and have lived in the same house for 25 years. It’s too big for them, but they refuse to move to something smaller. Should I change my account, like my brother did when he got married? Should he and I see if our parents need to change their spending habits? And why $500 for the grocery store?
—My Parents’ Financial Trouble
Re: Open a new account and have a sit down with your parents ASAP.
Definite conversation needed. Is there bigger issues? Do they not know how to budget?
LW could offer help about figuring out the situation - maybe assume easiest of lack of budget skills - and go from there.
So LW is going to need to close the account, make a new one and talk to his parents.
Also, $500 for GROCERIES? Maybe it's time to cut back on the Veuve and the foie gras?
This is going to be where there's going to need to be an uncomfortable conversation:
-What was done was completely unacceptable. I am assuming that this is a guy in his 30's or 40s. This was theft even if it was legal.
-If this is what's needed to get through an alleged routine purchase then it's time to sit down with a financial adviser, look into their complete retirement plan and examine what the next steps need to be including downsizing their home.
If income is only going to go down soon then he's going to have to tell them that he isn't there to bail the parents out.
Bolded 2 - lol I'm wondering if they only buy once a month, have a bigger family than what LW has mentioned or they shop at expensive stores. For us, $150 at one store could easily cost us $200+ at another
I have access to my mum's accounts but unless I talk to her first, I don't touch it {ie; when I've asked her to buy me something, I request she uses the acct I can easily access so I can transfer money or when she offers to buy large item for us and I just pay her back every pay}
Normally you don't get to question how others spend their money but once they start to steal from you I think all pleasantries go out the window.
No doubt they should close this one and get another account! I can't speak for all banks. But I worked at Bank of America in another lifetime, lol, and there was no way to take someone off of an account. It just needed to be closed. Though the LW seems upset their dad could "see what they make and what they spend money on". Just because the dad could, doesn't mean he did.
On the good side, unless the LW doesn't usually pay much attention to their bank account, it sounds like this was a one-off thing. But that doesn't make it okay and then it begs the question of, "What changed?", "Why now?" I think the LW and their brother should definitely have a talk with their parents about what is going on financially. There isn't much they can do if the parents don't want to discuss it. But at least they can try.
We also have a joint account - but it's just one he never closed and never needed to.
I was also side-eyeing the $500 for groceries, but I am one of those people who buys all their beef at once and it is usually a big bill ...
What amazes me is that the Dad still has access to the account! A family member had an account set up with/for my nephew and even though he was still in high school his parent was no longer was able to access it the day he turned 18 even to do a transfer IN to the account without special paperwork being signed. Either way time for a trip to the bank AND talk with the parents about finances and such!
And I'm back to this not adding up. Dad is not sharing the whole story.
Nope. It's not adding up here. You put off buying that half a cow, warehouse club run or whatever. So not only is dad stealing he's using groceries as a catch-all cover-up term because you don't buy $500 to get you through to your next paycheck unless you're Jim Bob Duggar.